The Juggling Act

by Carol Maloney Scott

  Deal me the cards, it’s time to play.

  There’s a storm coming for us tonight

  I think I can handle one more fight

  Come on baby, it’s time to settle the score

  Rain it down on me, it better pour

  I’m not here to play your game

  I’m here for love; you’re just here for fame

  This is our last dance my dear

  I can’t say that I’m sorry,

  I have no fear

  We gotta stand and fight for our dreams

  We can’t let it fall apart at the seams

  It’s time to fight for my dreams

  My fantasy is bursting at the seams

  Come on baby, it’s time to settle the score

  Rain it down on me baby, I want it to pour

  I’m not here to play your silly game

  I’m here for love, you just want fame

  Bring on the thunder, make me scream

  Bring on the lightening, burst my dream

  Bring on the thunder, hear me cry

  Bring on the lightning, look me in the eye

  It’s about time.

  Come on baby, it’s time to settle the score

  Rain it down on me baby, I want it to pour

  I’m not here to play your silly game

  Come on baby, it’s time to settle the score

  Rain it down on me baby, I want it to pour

  I’m not here to play your silly game

  I’m here for love, you just wanted my fame

  “So what do you think?” Zoe puts the mic back in the stand. “I’m not sure if I want this to be my song. Why don’t you sing it now?”

  Hearing her sing those lyrics causes me to miss Claire even more. Before I can answer, Jon appears.

  “Hey, guys, sorry.” Jon takes his place and grabs his bass. Apparently Cassie and her pregnancy hormones have gone home.

  “Well, it’s about fucking time. Oh wait, that’s what time it was upstairs.” Max holds his drum sticks in one hand and holds up the other in self-defense. Not that Jon, the lean but small insurance adjuster, would be a match for Max.

  “Not all of us live with a built-in babysitter. Some of us actually have our own homes.” Jon adjusts the strap of his instrument and starts strumming.

  “Bianca’s mother works, man.”

  “Oh my God, if I wanted to join an all-girl band…” Zoe huffs and marches over to the bar looking for another drink to distract her from her bickering bandmates.

  “Guys, can we please try to focus. Claire will be home tomorrow night, and then it will be easier to practice.” I approach the stage and adjust the mic stand to my height.

  “There’s one problem with that?” Max is more serious now. Rob is sitting on the couch with his feet up, as if he has given up on any real work tonight.

  “What’s that, Max?” I sigh and narrow my eyes.

  “Have you told Claire that we’re going to start doing out of town shows on the weekends?”

  “And that the first one is her birthday and Valentine’s Day weekend?” Zoe pops off her beer cap and joins Rob on the couch.

  Jon stares at me in the way only a fellow husband can. “It’s her birthday, too? Wow, you are so screwed. Cassie was okay with the Valentine’s Day thing, but of course she’ll be so pregnant by then, she isn’t going to care.”

  “And Bianca is totally supportive of the band. She will travel with us. Her mother will watch Mick,” Max adds.

  Zoe bolts up and looks at Jon. “You’re going to leave your pregnant wife overnight?”

  Jon sighs. “Zoe, we’re only going a little over an hour away. She’ll be with her mom or her sister. I highly doubt she’s going to go into labor two months early.”

  “I should have joined a band with people who don’t have so many entanglements.” Zoe looks at Rob, who looks ready to start in on his opinion of the entanglements.

  “Okay, that’s enough! I will deal with my own wife, and everyone else can just worry about themselves. Claire can handle one night away, and I think she will come with us to celebrate all of the occasions.”

  Zoe and Rob eagerly get up and take their places on the stage.

  “Are you singing this time?” Zoe points to the lead mic.

  “Yes, but first I need something to warm up with. Let’s do Evil Angel. Okay?”

  There’s no way Justin can sing this song, but I think I will get it back in our lineup for our next show, just to steer my wife back to reality.

  A few hours later we are wrapping up a successful rehearsal.

  “Thanks, guys. A few of the new songs will definitely be ready to debut next month.”

  They all file out, and Zoe promises to stop by tomorrow afternoon to watch Aidan while I try to get the house back in order for my wife’s homecoming.

  I sigh and turn out the porch light, as the last band member drives off. Then I get a sick feeling.

  “So, your son is sleeping soundly. I guess I’ll be heading home then.” Diamond walks over to the couch and reaches down to grab her purse. As she slings the leopard print satchel over her tiny shoulder, she says. “Oh, wait. You said you wanted to talk, right? After everyone left?”

  She puts her purse down and I attempt to mask my disappointment. I was so close to freedom and solitude, but of course a woman isn’t going to forget a promise to talk. Especially one as persistent as Diamond.

  I run my fingers through my hair. “Sure. Did you want a drink?”

  She approaches me, and slowly backs me up to the front door, where I have now run out of room to escape. I glance side to side, trying to figure out if the neighbors can see us through the side windows. Getting curtains for those needs to be a top priority. Claire wanted them, but I said they were stupid. Clearly the only stupid thing in this house is me. “Let’s talk later, Diamond.” Moron.

  Now she is within inches of my face, and with her high-heeled shoes, she is almost my height. Has she been teetering around on those shoes all night while taking care of a baby? Or did she just slip them back on for the seduc…?

  “Brandon, let’s stop pretending. It’s the last night before Claire comes home. The nanny is gone. Your friends left. Aidan is asleep. This is our chance.” Her lips are about a centimeter from mine, and I can smell her sweet smelling body lotion mixed with her…

  Her lips hit mine just as my brain decides to make the right decision. I turn my head and she almost falls into the door.

  “Jesus, Brandon. What is wrong with you? Don’t tell me you’re not attracted to me.” She touches her pouty lips and looks around, probably expecting a wiener dog attack. Where are those two when I need them? Probably guarding the baby.

  I sit on the couch, as far from her as I can get. “Obviously I’m attracted to you. But not in any way that I will ever act on. This needs to stop.” I look at her with pleading eyes. Surely as a mother she must have some sense of right and wrong when it comes to breaking up a family.

  “You’ll see how supportive your boring, old wife is when you tell her the truth about your plans with the band. I’m not stupid. If things were so good between you two, you wouldn’t be keeping that from her.”

  Now I stand up. “Claire is not old or boring, and even if we have some problems, the solution isn’t you!” I wince as I raise my voice, remembering all of the sleeping little creatures under my roof.

  “You’ll see. She has no interest in Chain. I, on the other hand, believe in your dream. In your talent. She thinks her stupid co-worker can sing Breaking Benjamin as good as you? She’s totally clueless.”

  Did Claire say Justin was as good as me? No, I don’t think so. Diamond is just messing with my tired, stressed-out mind.

  “You need to go home.”

  “I would love to go on tour with you. Take care of you, the kids, and the whole band. Whatever anyone needs.” She licks her lips. Does she mean what I think she means?

  “Wow, while the offer of a girlfriend/babysitter/groupie i
s very tempting, I think I’ll pass.” I grab her purse and hand it to her. “I have a wife. A family.”

  She reluctantly takes her bag and stands up straighter. “I could be a better wife.” As she reaches for the doorknob, she turns around and says, “And I could give you your own children.”

  My rage builds instantly and I scream, “Get the fuck out of my house!”

  She jumps and quickly leaves, but not before giving me a full ‘sad eyes and pouty lips’ gaze.

  I lock the door behind her and I don’t turn on the porch light. Let her trip and fall on her little ass. Everyone was right about her. But it isn’t so easy to eliminate her from our lives, especially without telling Claire everything. We need the rent money from that house, and her lease isn’t up until September. I don’t think coming on to the owner’s husband is a legal reason to throw someone out of their home. And then there’s Ruby to take into consideration.

  My head pounds and I’m off in search of headache pills, which brings me back to the Ambien episode again. Is Claire resisting advances as well as I am? Are there even any advances to worry about?

  I do need to tell Claire the truth about my plans for the band. Marriage is about teamwork and shared goals. And we probably should have gone ahead with the adoption. My priorities are all screwed up. I promised Claire a family and I am not living up to my vows. If she wasn’t so emotional about every damn thing, making good on my promises would be easier.

  I take the last two Advil with the rest of my beer, and toss the container in the recycling bin. Tomorrow I am going to pick Claire up and give her all the attention she deserves. She would never crush my dreams.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Claire

  “This was a pretty good honeymoon overall.” Justin smirks as we finally share a breakfast together outside on the patio. Our flight is leaving early so I was forced to get moving at a decent hour.

  I butter my bagel and shake my head at his nonsense.

  He puts down his coffee mug and leans in across the table, glancing over at the couple eating in silence at the next table. “But the sex wasn’t very good.”

  I drop my knife with a clatter, smiling and blushing, as the other guests jump from the clanking noise. “Justin, you’re ridiculous.”

  He stabs a piece of fruit with his fork. “Ridiculously funny.”

  Our morning continues in this light-hearted vein. From a business perspective the conference was a success. Justin signed a software contract, and I made a number of connections with agents regarding promising manuscripts. I also met some indie authors looking for a break in traditional publishing, and I have a few of their cards in my bag as well.

  And of course, Greta and I have more talking to do. I hope Brandon is receptive to the potential job offer. Maybe he wouldn’t want me home all day, or doing more traveling. I would also like to talk more about the adoption, although we likely have missed our chance with this one. I pray that the new parents will be just as loving as we would have been.

  We get to the airport on time, answering the cab driver’s questions about our trip. When he asks if we did anything interesting, we just smile at each other, suppressing our laughter as we review the week’s events in our own heads.

  No, it was really boring. I roll my eyes at my own sarcastic thoughts.

  While we wait at the gate in the compact airport, Justin takes a business call outside, so I ring Jane to pass the time. And find out what I’m coming home to.

  “Hey, I’m at the airport. Just thought I’d give you a call to see what’s up in the cul-de-sac.”

  “So you’re heading home today. I can’t wait to hear all about your trip. I know it was for work, but I would be happy to go anywhere. I just got the kids on the bus. So what’s up?”

  I tell her a little about our adventures, and she finally decides to give me the scoop I’ve been waiting for.

  “I’m so sorry I haven’t gotten over there, but the week has just flown by. And honestly the few times I had a minute, there was always someone else there. I saw Brandon outside a couple of times and waved, but I swear I don’t think he left the house, except to get the mail, all week. He didn’t look happy. I bet he’ll be thrilled when you get home tonight.”

  “Jane, cut the crap.” I glance outside and see Justin still pacing and talking animatedly to the software vendor. “Just tell me how often you saw her over there.”

  “Who?”

  “You know who. Your next door neighbor, Miss Pouty Lips.” I wish she wouldn’t try to protect me by pretending she’s clueless.

  Jane sighs and replies, “Claire, yes, I have seen her walking that way a couple of times. But isn’t that normal? And besides, Tatiana is there. Well, at least she was…”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, she was there and then yesterday your mother came over—”

  “Oh God. Did my mother scare away the nanny?”

  “I’m not sure what happened. All I know is that I saw your mom pull up with a big bag of stuff, and then she was standing on the porch a long time. I thought maybe Brandon was in the shower, or downstairs in his studio, and didn’t hear the bell. But then of course Tatiana isn’t deaf…anyway, so Brandon finally let her in and she looked pissed. But it was hard to see from across the street. I didn’t have binoculars.”

  “Wow, that’s actually a great idea!”

  “I am not spying on your husband with binoculars. Why don’t you get one of those teddy bears with the nanny cam in it?”

  “That’s even better! I need to write these things down.” I fumble in my purse for a pen.

  “Stop it! If you are that distrustful of your husband, you need to address your concerns directly with him. I’ve been married a long time. I know what I’m talking about.”

  I was married a long time, too. The first time. But that doesn’t mean Brandon isn’t…

  “Anyway, so your mother was in the house for quite a while, and then I saw Diamond at the doorstep with her daughter, and then very shortly after a car came peeling down the cul-de-sac, way too fast I might add, and Tatiana ran out of the house and jumped inside.”

  “I can’t believe I know nothing about any of this. I wonder what happened. I can’t see a connection between all those women there at once and Tatiana leaving. Have you seen her today?”

  “Nope. All quiet over there this morning.”

  “Good work, Detective.” I smirk but then sigh dejectedly. “You just gave me a very detailed account of what happened, but I still know nothing.”

  “That’s why I hesitate to tell you these things. I hate to see you jump to conclusions. Why don’t you just call your mom?”

  “Oh no, I would rather get Brandon’s side of the story first. Plus if he did anything wrong, she will go on and on, and flying is stressful enough for me. And besides if anything major happened, she would have called me right away.”

  We agree on the tenacity of my mother, and I promise to catch up with Jane more this weekend, after I settle back into my crazy household and get some good quality time with my babies.

  “Everything okay?” Justin appears as I hang up with Jane. I wonder if that was coincidental timing, or he was watching to see that I was off the phone, to give me some privacy.

  “Yeah, I was just talking to my friend, Jane.” I look up towards the gate. “It looks like we’re starting to board. Hopefully our connection will be on time. I can’t wait to get home.”

  We gather our carry-on luggage and proceed to the back of the line.

  “Justin?”

  “Yeah?” His green eyes look down at me and I feel my face warm.

  “Thanks for everything. This was the best business trip ever. And sorry I was such high maintenance.”

  “I’m glad you had fun.”

  The line moves ahead and we pick up our bags to follow the passengers in front of us.

  “You helped me with a few fears, too. Most people don’t take the time to do that because I’m such a ball of
anxiety.” I look down at the ground and smile. “But of course I will probably revert back.”

  “No, no, no. You are going to join the pool with Rebecca and Gina, and you are going to sing with your husband.” He hands the airline attendant his boarding pass and turns back to me. “And you are going to find better ways to fall asleep.”

  Again I blush. There is one thing that helps me sleep, and I am hoping to get a good enough dose of it tonight to put me out for many hours.

  Of course, I should take over on morning baby duty since Brandon has been on his own. I can’t wait to find out what happened with Tatiana. But maybe it was nothing, and everyone just descended on Brandon at once. He must be so tired of crazy women. I can’t pounce on him with accusations, or else I will just be another in the line of whack-jobs.

  As we find our seats and begin stowing our luggage, I spot an insanely cute baby girl. About six months old. She’s playing peek-a-boo with an elderly man in the seat behind her. Well, really he’s playing and she’s laughing and jumping on her mother’s lap.

  I sink down in my seat. I long to hold my own little guy. Emptiness washes over me as I think of the adoption opportunity we turned down. Does Brandon feel the same? Greta wants me to come to Philadelphia for an onsite interview with a bunch of her colleagues. Working from home would be awesome for our future plans. Who are we to turn down the gift of life? And why? Because we’re too busy? Some people have a whole bunch of kids and still have full lives. We can do it. We need to work together better.

  I settle into my seat, and chat with Justin about our trip, and also the conference. His light- hearted banter is the perfect relaxer as I wait to start a new chapter with my husband. This time away has given me a new perspective on our marriage. I hope he feels the same.

  Brandon

  “I feel your pain. I’ve got my own ballbuster at home.” Ron carries the last of Tatiana’s stuff out to his truck.

  It’s mid-morning and I am trying to get a few things off my plate so I can clean this place up before I pick up Claire at the airport later. She’s not due until after five, and Zoe promised to stop by in the afternoon to entertain Aidan.