Gun Shy

by Lori L. Lake

  “But Sara,” Jaylynn said earnestly, “she’s not cranky at all. Fascinating, yes. Mysterious, yes. Sexy, oh my God! But not cranky. She’s just shy until you get to know her.”

  “What did you and Miss Fascinating do this evening to set the night on fire?”

  “It wasn’t like that. We watched a video. Ate popcorn. She fell asleep. I came home.”

  Sara stifled a laugh. “Some date that turned out to be! Unless something more intimate happened between the popcorn and the sleep, then I’d have to say BOR-ring!” The timer went off, and Sara took the cookies out. “Mm-mmm. These are perfect, Jay.” By then Jaylynn was looking over her friend’s shoulder hungrily. “But you’ll have to wait a minute or two ’til they set up a bit.” She waved her friend away, and Jaylynn made a big show of sighing and rolling her eyes before she sat again at the table. Sara crossed her arms over her U of M sweatshirt and leaned back against the counter.

  Thoughtfully, Jaylynn said, “She’s not a very trusting person, Sara. The fact that she fell asleep, well, that means she let her guard down around me. She hasn’t done that before. I take it as a good sign.”

  Sara shook her head and smiled. “You got it bad, girlie. I am sure I would never stick with a guy I dated who fell asleep on me right in the middle of the damn date.” She picked up the spatula, scraped the cookies off the sheet, and placed them carefully on a brown paper bag already laid out on the cutting board.

  “But, Sara,” she protested, “it wasn’t a date. Actually, it was more of a get-together between two friends. I’m not exactly sure how she feels.” Jaylynn frowned. “I know she likes me. She doesn’t let anyone else joke around with her, and when we’re alone on patrol, she loosens up a lot. But she is a tough nut to crack. I’ll admit that. I think she’s coming out of an awful time. When her old partner died, she was really cut deep.”

  “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “That’s not happening! You worry too much.”

  Sara scooped up the last cookie and walked to the table to drop it into Jaylynn’s hands. Jaylynn promptly broke it and devoured half in one bite. “Yum yum,” she said with a full mouth. “You do make the best cookies.” She popped the other half into her mouth and mumbled, “As Seven of Nine would say, ‘I require more sustenance immediately.’ ”

  “You and your fantasy women!”

  Jaylynn swallowed, then paused. “I’d rather have a real one.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Wednesday afternoon when they met at roll call, and Dez gave Jaylynn a sheepish smile. Jaylynn chuckled and found a chair nearby. One by one, other cops shuffled into the room and sat down until the duty sergeant gave out assignments. All the way to the lot Jaylynn kept looking at Dez through narrowed eyes and making tsk-tsk noises.

  Once they got settled in the police car, Dez blushed. “I know, I know, I owe you for the other night.”

  Jaylynn laughed and punched her in the arm. “No, you don’t.”

  “Yeah, I do. I’m sorry.”

  “Maybe I should feel complimented that you felt comfortable enough to zonk out and snore like crazy.”

  “Oh, pulleeze! I didn’t snore.”

  Jaylynn punched her again. “No, actually you didn’t. I’m just kidding. You are fun to tease, girl. You take everything so seriously.”

  Dez hit the gas and hauled out of the parking lot. “No, I don’t.”

  “Yes, you do. Think of your movie collection. Do you have a single comedy?”

  “What’s your point?”

  “That’s my point. You’re an awfully serious person.”

  “Not always.”

  “Most of the time,” Jaylynn said.

  “What? And you’re not a serious person?” She looked over at the warm, smiling hazel eyes, and it occurred to her she was definitely losing this argument. “All right, fine. Let’s try it again. This time you bring over something funny to watch. Something that’ll keep me awake.”

  “When?”

  “Whenever. After shift on Sunday if you want.”

  Jaylynn paused thoughtfully. “Won’t work. I can’t borrow Tim’s car.”

  “I’ll take you home later—how’s that?”

  Jaylynn nodded. “Okay, then you can come to the video store and help me pick out something funny.”

  “All right, rookie, you got a deal.” Keeping her eyes on the road, Dez held out her hand palm up expecting Jaylynn to give her five. Instead, she was surprised to feel a warm squeeze. She let her hand drop, but Jaylynn didn’t relinquish her grip until their hands hit the seat.

  Dez said, “I’m not so sure I like Woody Allen.”

  “Oh, shut up.” Jaylynn smiled as she inserted the video into the VCR. “This is a thinking person’s funny movie. I don’t think you’re the slapstick type, are you?” She put her hands on her hips. “Did you want to get Police Academy or one of those Airplane shows?”

  “Not so much.”

  “You’ll like this one. It’s quite entertaining.”

  “But you’ve already seen it.”

  “It’s worth a second watch.”

  “OK, but if you fall asleep, don’t blame it on me.”

  Jaylynn laughed heartily. “I won’t fall asleep, don’t worry.” She plopped down on the couch next to Dez and the popcorn bowl and waited for the credits to roll.

  Dez groused, “Do you have any idea why movie makers these days feel the need to include twelve or thirteen minutes of previews before the movie starts?”

  “Sells more videos that way.”

  “It’s irritating.”

  Jaylynn plucked the remote out of Dez’s hand. “I’ll fast forward through them.” She got to the beginning of the movie and leaned forward to set the remote on the coffee table, then settled back next to Dez, their shoulders barely touching. Dez picked at the popcorn bowl, which she held in her lap, while Jaylynn munched away on regular handfuls.

  Dez discovered Jaylynn was right about Manhattan Murder Mystery. The movie was very funny and entertaining, and never once did she feel sleepy. She sat cross-legged on the couch and laughed her head off during a couple of scenes. By the time the movie ended at half past two, though, Jaylynn was obviously fatigued.

  “Looks like you’re running out of gas.” Dez flicked the power off on the VCR remote.

  Jaylynn yawned. “Guess so. I’ll perk right up if you give me something with caffeine in it.”

  “Uh oh. Don’t think I have anything.”

  “Nothing? What’s with you?” Jaylynn teased as she looked up at her. “No caffeine, you don’t eat donuts, I don’t think you drink. Don’t you have any vices at all?”

  Dez shrugged.

  Jaylynn put her hand on Dez’s knee. In a conspiratorial voice, she said, “Surely at least you eat chocolate? I’ll bet you have one whole cupboard loaded full of it, right?”

  “Nope.” Dez cursed her telltale face. She felt the blush rising, a warmth beginning where the hand was touching her leg and generating heat from her knee all the way up to her face. Nonchalantly she said, “I should probably get you home, huh? Won’t Tim be wondering why you’re so late?”

  “Tim? Not a chance. He’s on a date with some guy he met at the restaurant. I’ll be surprised if he even comes home tonight.”

  Now Dez was thoroughly confused and her face showed it. “Tim’s gay?”

  “Sure. I thought you knew that.”

  “But—but—he’s always hugging you—you kiss him goodbye when he drops you off.”

  “It’s a peck on the lips. That’s to keep those oversexed male cops from pawing all over me. If you’re not with someone, some won’t take no for an answer. Some sort of proprietary thing.” She patted Dez’s thigh. “If a woman says no, it doesn’t mean no, but if she says her boyfriend says no, that’s a whole ’nother thing.” With her hand still on Dez’s knee, Jaylynn curled her feet up underneath her and shifted close enough to lean in. “You, on the other hand, aren’t the pawing type, are you?”

&nb
sp; Dez’s face blushed crimson, but their eyes met, and once again Jaylynn felt the strange rush of energy flowing back and forth between them. She sat riveted, her heart beating in her chest like someone was pounding on her breastbone with a sledgehammer. With great effort, she choked out, “You feel that, too, don’t you?”

  Dez didn’t reply, but she continued to fix her gaze on Jaylynn, her steely blue eyes reaching into Jaylynn’s soul. Jaylynn gently stroked the pale cheek above her. Dez met her eyes with an open directness that almost caused Jaylynn’s heart to stop. It’s now or never, she thought and lifted her face to meet Dez’s lips.

  Dez surrendered to the kiss. For a few brief moments she completely lost track of anything but soft lips and the scent of the woman next to her. She took Jaylynn’s hands into her own, and Jaylynn slipped her arms around her neck. Dez leaned back, breathless, Jaylynn’s warm breath on her neck. As she shifted away, kind hazel eyes drilled into her.

  Dez looked away. “I can’t do this, Jay.”

  Now Jaylynn’s was confused, and then she felt a moment of fear. Maybe I’ve judged totally wrong. Maybe Dez isn’t, but hey, what about this response? Dez burned with desire, and Jaylynn could feel it. “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t date cops.”

  “No problem. We don’t have to do any dating at all.”

  Dez held her own hands in her lap, balled up in fists. The blue eyes sharpened and peered into Jaylynn’s eyes. “I’m serious. I mean it. I don’t date cops.”

  “Fine. I’ll quit then.”

  Alarmed, Dez said, “You can’t quit the force.”

  “Why not?”

  “Why would you want to go and do that?”

  “It’s just a job. There’s a million things out there I could do. But there’s only one you.”

  “Look, you don’t have to quit the force—”

  “Stop.” With a half-smile on her face, Jaylynn said, “Did I not hear you deliver an ultimatum?”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Sure it was.”

  “No,” Dez said firmly. She paused as she struggled for her next words. “I’m your FTO, for chrissake. It would cause so many problems, so much talk, too many questions.” She looked down into her lap as her face went crimson again.

  “Oh, and driving around every night pretending I’m not absolutely smitten with you doesn’t cause problems?”

  Dez shook her head and hesitated. “Jay, how can you be sure about this?”

  Jaylynn smiled and shrugged. “Don’t worry one bit. I never start anything I don’t want to finish.”

  Dez let herself relax into the next kiss, feeling a hundred different sensations exploding inside her. Without breaking contact, Jaylynn shifted to her knees on the couch and swung her leg over Dez’s lap so she was straddling her legs. She sat back on Dez’s thighs and put her hands on broad shoulders. Jaylynn gently cradled the dark head in her hands until Dez hugged her tighter.

  Without warning, apprehension arose and Dez caught her breath. How could she explain the sense of endangerment coursing through her, the alarm bells sounding in her head? She had too much to lose here. She hadn’t even been romantically involved with Ryan, yet the pain she felt at his death still bit into her like a poisonous snake. And then there were the two relationships she’d had in college. Both ended badly. Worst of all: Karin. The pain she felt from each woman’s departure had made her gun shy and wary. To be in love again—she realized, the thought was absolutely terrifying. She couldn’t even maintain a cordial relationship with her own mother; what made her think she could satisfy Jaylynn?

  Dez backed away, bit her lip, and looked down, giving Jaylynn the opportunity to slide her hand between the buttons of her shirt. She slipped her arm behind Dez’s neck and leaned into her, unbuttoning the blouse the rest of the way. She pressed her lips against the pale white skin at Dez’s collarbone. “You’re frowning, Dez. You don’t seem to be enjoying this much.”

  Breathless, Dez said, “You’re wrong.”

  “No, I’m not. You’re awfully tense.”

  “I can’t help it. I’m sorry.” She clenched her jaw in frustration.

  “Stretch out. Go on, turn over.” She moved aside and guided Dez into a facedown position on the couch, then pulled Dez’s shirt up and slid it down her arms. After unsnapping the hooks on Dez’s bra, she ran her hands over the broad back and straddled the lean hips. Considering how wide and muscular she was, Dez’s shoulders and back were surprisingly soft, the muscles warm and pliable. At her neck and along the shoulders was where all the tension lay. Jaylynn kneaded and pressed mercilessly until her hands and arms grew tired. She lowered herself and spread out on Dez, her hands reaching around Dez’s rib cage. Dez rolled to her side, and Jaylynn slid down next to her on the cramped couch, teetering on the edge for a moment until Dez shifted and held her close.

  “Thank you,” Dez said. “Felt good.” Her hands stroked Jaylynn’s back through her shirt. “I can’t do this. Not tonight.”

  Jaylynn nuzzled against her neck. “I know.”

  “I need time to think about this more.”

  “I know. It’s okay.” She lay with her head near Dez’s chest, listening to the slow and steady beating of her heart. “Just hold me a little while, okay?”

  “Mm hmm.” In moments Dez was asleep. Jaylynn shifted to get more comfortable, and Dez’s arms tightened around her. Jaylynn felt as tired as she’d ever been. She took the quilt off the back of the sofa and spread it over them, closed her eyes, and fell into deep slumber.

  She didn’t awaken again until sometime just before dawn when Dez cried out. In a hoarse voice Dez whimpered and shouted, “No!” She jerked her head from side to side, tensed her fists and shook.

  Jaylynn sat partway up and brushed the dark hair out of her partner’s face. “Shhh. It’s okay, Dez. You’re safe. It’s just a nightmare. Shhh . . .”

  She shivered and rearranged the quilt over the two of them, stroking the white shoulder and then letting her hand rest against the pale neck. Dez didn’t wake up. Jaylynn watched her settle and relax. She moved closer and wrapped an arm around her middle. Lying back, she arranged the quilt, and Dez nestled her head into her neck. Jaylynn’s left arm was pinned. With her right hand she softly caressed her partner’s back through the quilt. By the even breathing, she could tell Dez had slipped into a more comfortable sleep.

  A feeble light shone in upon them from the porthole across the room over the bed. Jaylynn wondered for a moment what time it was, then drowsed, content. I could get used to this. Despite our differences in height, we fit together well. The last thing she remembered before falling asleep was the scent of Dez’s hair, a citrus smell, like lemonade on a hot summer’s day.

  Dez awoke, startled, to find herself shirtless and cradled in Jaylynn’s arms. Her head rested on Jaylynn’s chest and one leg was thrown across her thighs. She craned her neck to see the VCR clock. Close to ten already. She was completely amazed she’d slept so long, and for once she actually felt rested. Carefully she extricated herself from Jaylynn’s grip, slid off the sofa, and padded into the bathroom.

  She stood in the shower, her favorite place to think, and let the water run over her. She used to like the metaphor of washing away troubles, but lately no amount of water washed away her worries. What to do about Jaylynn? A relationship is the last thing I want. She’s so young and full of life. She deserves more than me. Why in the world would she even want me? It’s that older woman/mentor thing. She’s mistaken about her feelings, confused. This could only be a huge mistake.

  She ignored the rising feeling of panic, stopping to stretch her arms under the hot water. I’m just tense from the heavy chest and triceps workout yesterday. She turned off the water and resolutely stepped out of the shower to towel off. Her muscles were sore in all sorts of places. Her stomach clenched. She shook her head and tried to ignore the aches and pains.

  When Jaylynn awoke, she lay on her side, covered by the quilt, facing t
he closed bathroom door. She heard the shower running. She couldn’t explain why, but a feeling of foreboding spread through her. Though she felt rested, she remembered little wisps of dark and troubling dreams. She lay still, snuggled in the warm blue quilt, and waited for her partner to appear. When Dez emerged, she wore a red terry robe and held a white towel, which she was using to dry her long, jet-black hair.

  Jaylynn lay motionless and watched Dez glide slowly past her toward the bed, her head tipped to the side as she toweled dampness out of dark hair that looked so lovely in stark contrast to the red robe. She has no idea how beautiful she is, Jaylynn thought. She spends all her waking hours guarding her emotions, staying tough, and keeping her feelings bottled up far too tightly. Even now she doesn’t look relaxed. She’s a shuttered and locked house, no admittance. For confirmation, she watched as Dez’s eyes came to rest on her and the look of surprise when she noticed Jaylynn was awake and studying her. She also saw the grim look on Dez’s face as she came to stand next to the couch. Jaylynn sat up, still hugging the quilt.

  Dez was direct. “This isn’t going to work.”

  Jaylynn didn’t speak. She looked Dez in the eye and waited patiently.

  “Jay, think about this. I’m the first uniform you’ve spent any amount of time with.”

  Jaylynn shook her head slightly. “You’re not a uniform, Dez.”

  Dez ignored that comment and went on. “We all tend to fall into—into—well, into all sorts of feelings for cops we partner with. I mean, I loved Ryan like he was a brother—like more than a brother.”

  “But you didn’t want to sleep with him, right?”

  Dez ran her hand through her wet hair and brushed it off her shoulder. “I didn’t need to sleep with the guy,” she said in an angry voice. “I felt closer to him than I have to anyone.” She half-turned so Jaylynn could no longer see her face. “Let’s forget about this and go back to the way things were. We’ll chalk this up as a—we’ll forget it happened, okay? It’s a period of adjustment you’re going through, you know, admiration for me and all that stuff left over from the attack on Sara.”