Gun Shy

by Lori L. Lake

  Hands on top of the steering wheel she sunk down a bit and said, “Uh, Jay?”

  Jaylynn glanced over at her with a questioning look on her face, her eyebrows raised as she waited.

  “Do you think I could come in, ah, to ah, use your bathroom?”

  Jaylynn shrugged. “Sure. Come on.” For a moment Dez thought Jaylynn was going to ask why she couldn’t make it one measly mile and use the facilities at her own house, but she didn’t. Instead, Jaylynn opened the door and hopped out, smacking the door shut. Dez followed with what she was sure was the reddest face on the planet, partly from having to make the embarrassing request and partly because there were a dozen or more people waiting behind the shuttered windows of the stucco house, all of whom would be looking at her and Jaylynn as they entered. She didn’t want to face the crowd, but at the same time she didn’t want to miss the expression on Jaylynn’s face.

  Jaylynn made her way up the front walk, inserted her key in the door and stepped inside with Dez hot on her heels. A split-second pause came before Jaylynn realized something was amiss. Then a resounding “SURPRISE!” rang through the front hall. Jaylynn jerked back so fast that, without thinking, Dez automatically brought her hands up and grasped Jaylynn’s shoulders to steady her.

  “Oh my God,” Jaylynn said. She looked at Dez over her shoulder with her mouth open and the most stunned look on her face that Dez had ever seen. “You—you—you sneak!”

  She looked back at the group standing in front of her: her mom and stepdad, Amanda and Erin, Crystal and Shayna, Tim and Kevin, Sara, Luella and Vanita, and Mitch Oster and his fiancée, Donna. Jaylynn rushed forward and began hugging people right and left while Dez hovered in the foyer, her hands in her shorts pockets.

  A big banner hung over the entertainment center, obviously penned by her sisters. It read Happy Birthday Jaylynn! Pink and purple, green and blue crepe paper was strung from one corner of the room to the other and tacked indiscriminately all over the furniture in the living room, again appearing to be the work of either the girls or an adult with no sense whatsoever of balance or design. A large sheet cake sat on the coffee table. Happy Big 25 it said in multi-colored frosting. On one half, a running woman was drawn in blue shorts and top. On the other half was a picture of a lake and trees.

  After being hugged by her big sister, Erin sidled over and looked up at Dez. “Hi, Desiree,” she said shyly.

  “Hi, Erin. How’ve you been?”

  “Fine.”

  Dez didn’t know what in the world possessed her, but she opened her arms wide, and the little girl wriggled with delight. Dez bent and picked Erin up under the arms, lifted her high in the air, and twirled the giggling girl around.

  Like a shot, Amanda was at her side. “Me, too! Me, too!”

  Dez put Erin down and lifted Amanda up in the air and spun her energetically. As she set her down, she peeked up to find everyone in the room looking her way.

  The room felt warm before, but now she found it stifling. She knew she was blushing and cleared her throat. Before she could get more embarrassed, a sandy-haired man with broad shoulders stepped forward. His twinkling brown eyes met hers and he stuck out his hand. “Hi,” he said. “You haven’t met me yet. I’m Dave Lindstrom, Lynnie—Jaylynn’s—stepdad.”

  She shook his warm hand and sized him up. He was handsome, about six feet tall, with a dark blond mustache. “Glad to meet you.”

  “Thanks for keeping the birthday girl occupied,” he said. “Gave us time to get here and settled.”

  Sara chose that moment to hasten over to the piano and open the lid covering the keys. She sat down and played a familiar intro. In a clear, true voice, she launched into the happy birthday song. Everyone else joined in and clapped at the end as Sara added some final piano grandstanding.

  “A quarter century, Jaylynn,” Mitch teashed. “How’s it feel?”

  “Hey, watch it, buddy,” she retorted. “You’re next, you know.”

  “Ah, but you’ll always be older than me.”

  Jaylynn advanced and grabbed his arm to give him a mock slug. “How do you put up with his teasing, Donna?”

  Shyly Donna said, “I just threaten not to feed him.”

  Everyone laughed, and then both of Jaylynn’s sisters were standing in front of her. “Presents first,” begged Erin. “Please?”

  “Yeah,” Amanda said. “We got you something real good, Lynnie.” She scurried over to the coffee table and hauled out a square package. With a goofy smile on her face, she waved it in the air.

  “Oh, no,” her mother said. “Vanita and Luella went to a lot of trouble with the lunch so we’re eating first.”

  To Shayna and Crystal, Jaylynn accusingly said, “How the heck could you two let me eat so much brunch?”

  Shayna smirked. “We had to keep you busy some way.”

  “Yeah,” Crystal said, “and everyone who knows you is aware that food’ll always do that.”

  Luella said, “What all did you have?”

  Jaylynn squinched up her nose. “About a hundred blueberry pancakes,” she wailed, “and I’m still stuffed.”

  Luella said, “Let’s open presents first then,” a statement that was met by cheers from the two little girls.

  Dez took that moment to duck outside to the truck so she could retrieve her gifts from where they were hidden behind her seat. She was glad to have a few moments to compose herself and she took her time walking back to the house. When she came back in, she found the whole crew crowded in the living room around the cake and presents, with Luella, Vanita, and Jaylynn’s parents on the couch, and everyone else on the chairs or sitting cross-legged on the floor. Erin and Amanda knelt next to the table near their big sister and jabbered at her excitedly.

  From the doorway, Dez looked at the kneeling woman and her sisters. Jaylynn was laughing, her face alight with pleasure and her hazel eyes sparkling. She encircled Amanda’s waist with one hand and pulled the girl close for a hug. Her mother whispered something to her daughters, which Dez didn’t catch. Jaylynn nodded and gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. Dez stood uncertainly as a feeling of bittersweet regret washed over her. She knew what her life was like before Jaylynn came into it, and she could imagine the emptiness she’d feel once she moved on. Dez felt stunned to understand that she didn’t feel complete without Jaylynn, but that Jaylynn was already whole without her.

  Understanding hit like a hammer blow to her heart, and she was filled with an odd wistfulness she couldn’t explain. Before she could slip further into remorse, a pair of shiny hazel eyes met hers and beckoned her forward. Shyly she handed the two packages over the top of the couch to Erin and slipped around to the side to sit on the floor between Mitch and Crystal. She knew Jaylynn’s friends went in together to buy her a simple thirty-five-millimeter camera starter kit, and Luella and Vanita bought film to go with it.

  “This is great!” Jaylynn said. “I’ve been wanting to learn more about photography for ages.” She opened the camera bag and removed out the various boxes. “Let’s put it together now so I can take pictures this very moment.”

  “Dontcha need film?” Amanda asked.

  Jaylynn said, “I will.”

  Luella leaned forward from her perch on the couch. “I think you’ll want to open that one next.” She pointed at a classy package wrapped in gold paper and expertly wound with colorful string and topped with a tangle of curled ribbon. Dez decided Luella should have wrapped her gifts. Jaylynn gave Luella a mischievous look, tore into the gift, and revealed four rolls of twenty-four-exposure film.

  “Thank you, Vanita and Luella!”

  Mitch said, “Hey, rookie, you want me to assemble that thing for you?”

  Dez said, “You actually know anything about cameras, Oster?”

  “I’ll have you know I was the lead audio-visual aide for my high school,” he said in a huffy voice. “You’re not the only one with many skills.” He gave her a devilish grin and snagged the camera bag as Jaylynn slid it to him. H
e opened one of the boxes.

  Jaylynn picked up the bigger package from Dez, who felt herself start to blush. She watched as Jaylynn ripped away the paper and opened the cardboard flap on the plain box. Out slid a leather duty belt. Jaylynn looked over, surprise etched on her face. “Dez! Is this the kind you were telling me about—made especially for women?” When Dez nodded, Jaylynn said, “But these things are expensive!”

  Dez shrugged. “It’ll help your lower back a lot.”

  Jaylynn turned to her parents. “My regular work belt doesn’t fit exactly right and hurts my back.”

  Dez said, “I got the size I thought would fit ya, but if it doesn’t feel right, you can exchange it.”

  Jaylynn wrapped it around her middle. “I think it’s just right.” She set it down on the floor next to her, and picked up the smaller present, obviously a CD. “Is this from you, too?”

  Oster chose that opportunity to say, “You can tell it is by the incredibly masterful wrap job.”

  Dez, embarrassed that the eyes of everyone in the room were on her, gave him the evil eye and said, “Watch it, Oster, you’re still on probation.” But she couldn’t help but smile at the young man’s enthusiasm. She looked over at Luella to find her gazing at her with love in her eyes. Then she made a face at Dez who made a mental note to give Luella a big hug later—and a pinch for sticking her tongue out at her.

  Jaylynn unwrapped the CD. “Gloria Estefan. I love Gloria!” She beamed over at Dez, who decided it was worth all the soul-searching and worry she’d been through trying to decide what to give Jaylynn for a birthday present. Now that the two presents were open, she could sit back and relax.

  Jaylynn moved on to the present Erin was patiently holding on her lap. She removed the gold bow and tore off blue and green paper to uncover a journal with a gold spine and gold trim with trees and forest scenes all over the back and front. “Wow!” she said. “This is really beautiful.”

  “We bought it at the museum,” Erin said. “Look! See, we got your initials put in.” Turning it over, she practically wrenched it out of Jaylynn’s hands to flip the front cover open. Sure enough, Jaylynn’s initials, J M S, were on the first page in two-inch tall gold lettering.

  “This is neat,” Jaylynn said. “I’ll have fun writing in it.” She picked up the gold bow and stuck it to Erin’s head. “You should have just put bows on your heads ’cause you guys are all the present I would ever need.”

  Her mother said, “That’s sweet, Jaylynn. We’re glad you feel that way since we are your major present.”

  “Mom, how long are you here?” she said with excitement in her voice.

  “We fly out Tuesday. Have to get the girls ready for school to start the next week.”

  Jaylynn glanced at her watch and looked up in disappointment. “Darn, it’s already after one, and I have to be at work at three.”

  Dez cleared her throat. “Actually, you don’t. I hope you don’t mind, but I cleared today and tomorrow off for you with Lieutenant Malcolm. You don’t have to go back until Wednesday.”

  If she didn’t know better, Dez would swear Jaylynn would have liked to launch herself across the room and hug her. She’d never seen Jaylynn look so thrilled. “Thank you! Dez, thanks so much for doing that!”

  Crystal said, “I, on the other hand, have to show up.”

  “Me, too,” Mitch said. He snapped the back of the camera shut, and handed it to Jaylynn. “Here you go. It’s all set.”

  Jaylynn put the camera strap around her neck and stood up. “Everybody, this has been the best—and most surprising—birthday party I’ve ever had. Thanks! You all get on the couch and let me take a picture.”

  After Jaylynn took the picture of the group piled on and around the sofa, Mitch insisted on taking several other pictures so Jaylynn could be in them. Once they’d shot nearly a whole roll, Luella hoisted herself up. “Come on, Vanita,” she said. “Time for the goodies. We better get eatin’ so these working fools can have cake before they go.” She and her sister, plus Tim and Kevin, made a beeline for the kitchen.

  One by one, the pile of people on the couch extricated themselves and headed out to the kitchen. Jaylynn peered down at Dez who was sitting cross-legged on the floor jammed between the coffee table and the front of the couch. She said, “Do you go in at three?”

  Solemnly, Dez shook her head. “Day off.”

  A wisp of a smile planted itself on Jaylynn’s lips, and she tiptoed over to take a picture of Crystal and Shayna as they stood by the kitchen door and Shayna complained about how warm the house was getting.

  Jaylynn’s sisters came and each took one of her hands and led her out to the backyard where streamers and balloons decorated the trees and fence and table. Luella and Vanita supervised the laying out of the food, which Dez was amused to see was mostly done by Kevin and Tim. In quick order, barbecued chicken, three kinds of salad, bowls of fruit, corn chips and potato chips, and a platter of cheese and crackers, pickles and olives were set out. Dez loaded up on the chicken and green salad. She took her plate over to sit under the canopy of the black walnut in the middle of the yard.

  She watched Jaylynn talking and laughing as she helped load up a paper plate Amanda was holding. A plump strawberry slid from one side of the plate to the other, and Dez observed its descent over the side almost as though it were in slow motion. In a smooth movement, Jaylynn swept her hand under Amanda’s arm and plucked the berry out of mid-air. She looked at the red fruit and bit into it as Amanda watched.

  Dez’s view was obstructed as Sara walked the few steps over and lowered herself next to her.

  “You don’t mind if I sit here, do you?” Sara asked.

  “Nope. Make yourself comfy.”

  They sat eating in silence, both watching the antics of the rest of the party. Tim and Kevin were telling some complicated story complete with exaggerated gestures, while Dave and Janet, Luella and Vanita listened intently. The girls sat at the picnic table near Shayna, Crystal, Mitch, and Donna. And Jaylynn flitted around, always laughing, hugging, teasing.

  Sara said, “We’re surrounded by flaming extroverts.”

  “You can say that again.”

  “They’ll all run out of energy in the hot sun.”

  “Meanwhile we’re keeping so cool in the eighty-five degree shade,” Dez said, in a dry voice.

  Sara gave her a sidelong glance. “It is a bit too warm, isn’t it? I’m glad we kept the cake in the house.”

  “Hey, Sara,” Dez said. “I didn’t know you played piano.”

  “Actually, I’m a music major. I play piano, violin, clarinet, even a little guitar. I hear you’re a guitarist. What do you like to play?”

  Dez set her empty paper plate in front of her and cleared her throat. “Pop, folk, some bluesy stuff, a bit of country. Nothing too complicated.”

  Sara finished chewing a bite of chicken. “I like to hear stuff on the radio and see if I can duplicate it on the piano.”

  “Me, too,” Dez said.

  “Have you heard that good song, “Baby Don’t You Break My Heart Slow,” by Vonda Sheppard and Emily from the Indigo Girls?”

  “I think so. You figure it out already?”

  Sara looked down at her near-empty plate. With a toss of her head she gestured toward the back stairs. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

  They went into the house, leaving the rest of the crew out in the yard, and both settled in on the piano bench, backs to the living room. “You play?” Sara asked.

  “No, not really.”

  “What do you mean—not really?”

  “I can pick some things out, you know, play chords and such, but I don’t sight read well or anything.”

  Sara nodded. She put her hands on the keys and began an introduction, and in an instant, Dez recognized it. “Hey, I like this song a lot.”

  “Know the words to it?”

  Dez winced and shook her head. “Some, but not well enough to sing.”

  Sara stopped playing an
d fished around in the papers and books stacked on top of the console piano until she found what she was looking for. “Here it is. I wrote the words down. I think you can read my writing—yeah, for once it’s pretty legible. Let’s run through it. Which part do you want?”

  Dez was taken aback, but Sara was already playing the intro again. “You lead off,” she said, “and I’ll try the second verse and sing choruses with ya.” She glanced around, but no one was in the house, so she relaxed and closed her eyes.

  Sara started to sing and immediately her voice soothed Dez. Her tone was clear and rich, a strong voice well-suited to a variety of musical styles. She had a hunch Sara could sing jazz or blues or rock. Her touch on the piano was deft and true, the rhythm reliable. After the first verse, Dez hummed a background harmony to the chorus. She let her voice curl around Sara’s. In her mind, she felt the tones she sang surrounding and supporting Sara’s, helping to keep the song aloft. When she lost track of the words, she opened her eyes and checked the lyrics, and closed them again to let the reverberation of the piano thrum through her.

  She started the second verse and Sara’s strong voice joined in. Dez felt elation flow through her. She loved music. It had such power over her, the power to relax, excite, or soothe—or to make her cry. Music was a refuge, a home, a path to her soul. When she sang or played her guitar, she felt whole in a way she didn’t usually in the rest of her day-to-day life. Sometimes when a song ended, she felt bereft, as though she’d lost something she desperately needed. They finished the verses and sang the final repeated chorus three times. Dez reveled in the experience, that they were hitting all the harmonies together with no planning, without a word or a glance.

  When the song came to an end and the piano faded to silence, Dez opened her eyes. “Nice piano work,” she said.