When You Are With Me

by E. L. Todd

  “So, you want to book it?” she asked, slightly surprised. “Because you’ll need to put down the deposit to reserve the date, and it’s twenty percent.”

  “That’s fine.” He pulled out his credit card and left it on the table.

  She clearly had no other objections after she saw his fancy credit card. “Great. Now you just need to decide on the date.”

  “We want to get married in the fall,” I said. “The harvest will be beautiful.”

  “This fall?” She gave me a look that said, “Is that a joke?”

  “Yeah…” That was still a long ways away.

  “Honey, we book about two years in advance,” she said. “We won’t be able to host the wedding until the following fall.”

  The following fall? That was two years away. I couldn’t wait that long. “Oh…” Sadness filled me. This was my dream place. I’d always wanted to get married here.

  “Would a extremely generous donation change anything?” Dad asked.

  She smiled but it was forced. “No. I’m sorry, sir.”

  I turned to Slade, feeling distressed.

  “I can wait that long,” he said. “If this is really what you want.”

  “But I don’t want to wait that long.”

  “Then let’s get married somewhere else,” he said. “Whatever you want, baby.”

  I couldn’t believe this was happening.

  The host watched my reaction. “Well, we do have one opening but it’s extremely short notice.”

  That caught my attention. “What do you mean?”

  “This couple paid for half their wedding and unexpectantly called it quits. It was such short notice we couldn’t find anyone to take it.”

  “How short of notice?” I asked.

  “Two months from now,” she said, slightly cringing.

  Two months? That wasn’t enough time to throw a wedding together. But two years was too long. I turned to Skye to see her reaction.

  She shrugged. “I know how much you love this place. We could make it work.”

  I wasn’t so sure. “It’s awfully close…”

  “We can manage,” Skye said. “We can hire help if we need to.”

  I was worried about Slade. That was a lot to throw at him at once. I turned to him to see his reaction.

  He seemed calm. “Whatever you want,” he said. “I’ll be waiting at the end of the aisle no matter where we get married, when we get married, or if there are tigers.”

  His words made me smile. “Are you sure?”

  Everyone watched our conversation.

  He grabbed my hand. “The sooner we get married, the happier I’ll be.”

  I loved Slade’s sweet side. I didn’t see it very often, but when it came out, it was beautiful. “This is the place I’ve dreamed about since I was a little girl.”

  “Since she put a pillow case over her head and pretended she was marrying her brother,” Dad said with a smile.

  “Then let’s do it,” Slade said immediately. “Besides, the sooner we get married the sooner we can go on that honeymoon.”

  “So, you’re sure?” I asked. “You can take some time to think about it.”

  He sighed and turned to the host. “We’ll take it.

  My heart quickened and I felt excitement course through me.

  Skye clapped her hands in excitement. “Girl, you’re getting married in two months.”

  “I know!” I jumped up and hugged her.

  Cayson clapped Slade’s shoulder. “You need some valium?”

  He smirked, his eyes on me. “No.”

  “You sure?” he asked.

  “Yeah.” He kept staring at me. “Look how happy she is. That’s all I care about.”

  ***

  “Oh my god, there’s so much to do and so little time.” I paced around the apartment while Slade drank a beer on the couch.

  “I’m at your service when you need me.” He watched the TV.

  “I got to get the flowers, the caterers…” I kept pacing. “I need to start my diet. I need to find the right shoes…”

  “Whoa…hold on.” He sat up and abandoned his beer. “What did you say?”

  “I need to find the right shoes,” I repeated. “They’ll be under my dress but when we’re dancing people will still see them.”

  “No.” He held up his hand. “What diet?”

  “I need to lose a few pounds for the wedding. I want to look perfect.”

  His jaw dropped. “Lose a few pounds?” His voice was full of shock. “What pounds? Trinity, you’re fucking tiny. The only fat you got left is in your tits.”

  “I have a little over my stomach and my thighs…”

  He stood up then turned off the TV. “No. I’m not letting you do that.”

  “Excuse me?” I put one hand on my hip.

  “You’re too skinny as it is,” he argued. “I don’t want you to get any skinnier. If anything, I think you should gain weight.”

  “What?” I asked. “Gain weight?”

  “Yes,” he said firmly. “Trinity, you’re like a supermodel. You’re so tiny that girls take one look at you and hate you. You got curves girls vow to copy every year on New Year’s. If you lose any weight, you’ll be borderline anorexic.”

  “I will not,” I argued. I lifted up my shirt and grabbed the skin of my stomach. “Look at this.”

  “It’s called skin. It’s elastic.”

  “I just want to lose a few pounds.”

  “You hardly eat as it is,” he argued. “No. You are perfect. Don’t change. Please don’t change.” Slade was particularly passionate about this subject. “I’m not lying to you, Trinity. If I said you needed to lose weight, I would tell you. You don’t. Not at all.”

  “Well, I want to tone up.”

  “Tone what?” he asked. “You have nothing.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “What you should be doing is sitting on the couch eating junk food.”

  I didn’t want to argue with him anymore. I had a million other things to do. “Fine. Whatever.”

  “So, you believe me?”

  “Yes.” Not really.

  “Okay.” He relaxed and sat on the couch again.

  I sat down at the kitchen table and started planning.

  Chapter Four

  Arsen

  Just when I thought the drama of my life had ended, it came rushing back and bit me hard in the ass. Just when I had Silke and Abby in my life, disaster struck and they were snatched away.

  I got them back. But how long would I have them for?

  I was paranoid, constantly waiting for Lydia to flip out on me and change her mind about me visiting Abby. She seemed sincere when she cried and said she didn’t want to keep us apart anymore.

  But the fact she did it to begin with made her fucking crazy.

  I was still mad about it. Abby cried when she thought I wouldn’t come back. She kept wondering where I was and why I wasn’t there for her. She needed me and I couldn’t get to her. She was just a helpless girl who wanted her father.

  I couldn’t let that happen again.

  But I couldn’t figure out a solution without using the money Mike offered. It was a route I refused to take. I appreciated the generosity of Silke’s family…my family…but I couldn’t do it. I was in this situation because I hastily rolled a condom on and pierced the tip. Why should a good man have to pay for that?

  Silke knew what was on my mind and she was patient with me. When we were together, I wasn’t really there. I was thinking about my daughter and how I could get her out of this situation. It would make my life a lot easier if Lydia just died. It was a horrible thing to think, but after what Lydia did I didn’t have much sympathy.

  I was lying in bed when Silke straddled my hips and moved on top of me. She wore a black lacey bra and her breasts were pushed together, making an enticing view. Her brown hair framed her shoulders, and she looked sexy as hell.

  But I just wasn’t in the mood.

  Sh
e ran her hands up and down my chest. “Beast, come back to me.”

  I gripped her hips then pulled her down to me, giving her a gentle kiss. “I’m sorry. I’m just stressed out.”

  “I know. But everything is okay. Abby is coming over this weekend.”

  “Everything is okay…for now.” I sighed then caressed the skin of her hips with my thumbs.

  “You have a horny woman sitting on your lap with no panties on. I’m starting to worry.” She gave me a knowing look but it was full of playfulness.

  I grinned slightly. “How can this woman be horny when I make love to her all day, every day?”

  “Maybe that isn’t enough.”

  “Ouch,” I said. “I must be doing something wrong.”

  She chuckled then leaned over me, her hair tickling my chest. “Come on. I want you to stop worrying.”

  “When it comes to my daughter, I’ll never stop worrying. What if Lydia hurts her when I’m not around?”

  “Don’t say that,” she said immediately. “You would know if she was. I think Lydia is psycho for what she did, but I don’t necessarily think she’s psycho in other aspects of her life.”

  “What about when Abby starts dating?” I asked. “Will Lydia lock her in a room so she can’t meet boys?”

  “Actually, that sounds like something you would do,” she teased.

  I didn’t think her comment was funny. “When Abby becomes a teenager she’ll be difficult to handle. Will Lydia do something crazy to control her then?” I loved my daughter more than anything and this insatiable need to protect her coursed through me at all times. It consumed me.

  “Arsen.” Silke’s voice was serious. “If that ever happened, Abby would be old enough to understand that wasn’t okay. She could go to social services and demand to permanently live in your care.”

  “She can?” I asked.

  Silke nodded. “Lydia has a lot of power now but once Abby gets older it won’t work. So, don’t worry about it.”

  “I would love it if she lived with me permanently.”

  She laughed. “A teenage girl…I don’t know.”

  “And she would have you as a stepmom so you would keep her in line.”

  Silke shook her head vigorously. “I can barely take care of myself, let alone someone else.”

  “You take care of me,” I said seriously.

  “But you’re easy,” she said. “All you need is food and sex.”

  “And love.” My cock hardened now that she made me feel better. I wanted her, like usual. It pulsed underneath her and told her what I wanted.

  She grinded against me. “Someone is feeling better…”

  “I am. Much better.” I grabbed the base of my cock then inserted it into her wetness. She slid on it like a pro.

  Silke moaned loudly then gripped my shoulders. “God, he feels so good.”

  She made me want to come then and there. “You feel good.” I rocked into her from below.

  Silke was a lot more adventurous than ever before. She did things she wouldn’t normally do, and she was more verbal. She told me exactly what she liked and said the dirtiest things. I liked it. I knew it meant she trusted me.

  “Beast.” Her head rolled back as she took me in all the way.

  “Beauty.” I sat up then brought her close to my chest. I moved her up and down with a single arm because she was so light. “I can’t wait until I make a baby with you. You’ll give me such beautiful babies, Silke.”

  She dug her nails into my shoulders while she moaned for me. “I want to have so many babies with you.”

  “Yeah?” That turned me on more.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Then let’s start practicing.”

  ***

  I went to Lydia’s with my guard up. I would never look at her the same again. Even now, I still wanted to strangle her.

  She opened the door and smiled at me. Her face was reserved, and I could tell she feared I still loathed her as much as I did before. The anger she felt toward herself reflected back at me. “Hey…”

  “Hey.” I didn’t have anything else to say.

  “Come in,” she said. “Dinner is almost ready.”

  “Sounds good,” I said politely. “Thank you.” I stepped inside and searched for Abby. She wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen. Panic moved through me immediately. “Abby?” I stormed down the hall and entered her room. She wasn’t there either. Now I was terrified. “Abby!” I headed back down the hall and grabbed Lydia by the arm. “Where is she?”

  She stared at me with pure fright. “She’s in—”

  “Daddy, I’m right here.” She came into the kitchen with her hair pulled into pigtails. “I was in the bathroom, silly.”

  “Oh.” I released Lydia and felt relaxed. “Sorry.” I wasn’t sure whom I was apologizing to. I kneeled down and hugged her. “Missed you, sweetheart.”

  “I missed you too.” She hugged me back then pulled away. “I got a new pair of binoculars.”

  “Yeah?” I asked. “What are you using them for?”

  “To look at birds. I thought we could go to the park this weekend and try them out.”

  “That sounds like a great idea.” My heart melted at the thought of spending Saturday with her. For just a moment, I thought she was gone. I thought Lydia hid her from me, lured me into a trap. I was glad I was wrong.

  “Let me show you.”

  I followed her to the living room and began to play with her.

  ***

  After we had dinner together, Abby settled on the couch in front of the TV. She was watching her favorite cartoon. I watched her from the table, noting her pigtail braids. When she stayed with me I never knew how to do her hair. I usually didn’t do anything at all. I would have to learn. Maybe Silke would teach me.

  Lydia watched me from across the table but didn’t speak.

  “Thank you for dinner,” I said politely. Honestly, I didn’t have much of an appetite when I was around her.

  “You’re welcome,” she said in return.

  I knew I should apologize for the savage way I grabbed her. “I’m sorry…about before.”

  “It’s okay,” she whispered. “I know you don’t trust me, Arsen.”

  At least she understood that.

  “You still hate me.” It wasn’t a question. More of a fact.

  I didn’t deny it.

  “I really hope we can try again,” she said. “I don’t want it to be like this.”

  She didn’t mind breaking my heart. I didn’t have much pity for her. “I’d like that too.”

  “So, can we start over?”

  Her words gave me an idea. “We can.”

  She breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Only under one condition.”

  Her eyes turned back to me.

  “I want joint custody of Abby, signed by a judge. We can keep the same schedule but I want an assurance that you won’t take her away from me again.”

  She looked down at her food even though she didn’t eat anymore.

  “I know you like to hold it over my head because it gives you power. I was fine with that because our arrangement was working. But then you…pulled that stunt. And now I just don’t trust you. If you give that to me, then we can repair the relationship we had. It will certainly give me more of an incentive to trust you.”

  She picked up her fork and held it between her fingers. But she didn’t take a bite.

  “You won’t give it to me.” It wasn’t a question.

  “No.” There was no internal struggle in her eyes. The answer was clear.

  “No?”

  “I’m sorry, Arsen.”

  “May I ask why?” I tried to keep the anger out of my voice.

  “Because I’m not stupid.” This time her voice came out cold. “I know what you’ll do. You’ll start with joint custody because I gave it to you freely. Then you’ll sue for full custody because you’ll have a much better chance.”

  “No, the thought had
n’t struck my mind,” I said honestly. “I may not like you or respect you, but I would never try to take Abby away from her mother. You and I are different in that way.” That last sentence was a subtle jab. I hoped she picked up on it.

  She looked down. “The answer is still no, Arsen.”

  “How is that fair?” I demanded. “I’ve been a great parent to Abby. I deserve joint custody of her.”

  “How do you figure?” she asked, giving me a cold look. “Because you abandoned her for six years?”

  She would always throw that in my face. “Again, I won’t deny what I did was wrong. But that’s the past, Lydia. Clearly, I’m not the same person anymore. I’m here and I do the best I can to take care of Abby. I’ve proven she’s the single most important thing in my life—even more important than Silke.”

  “I would hope so.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

  I sighed. “I’ll make a deal with you.”

  “You’re in no position to make a deal.”

  “Give me joint custody now,” I said. “And when Abby gets older I won’t let her ask to stay with me permanently.”

  She raised an eyebrow while she looked at me.

  “Let’s not beat around the bush,” I said. “It’s clear Abby prefers me to you and it’s no wonder why. If you pulled that stunt, I can only imagine the other ridiculous things you’ve done. Children may not remember the incident but they remember the feelings. Abby will always remember the way you made her feel. So, give this to me and I will ask her to continue the arrangement even as she gets older. And I won’t tell her what you did to Silke and I. That’s a very generous offer.”

  “You’re threatening me?”

  “Not if you give me the joint agreement.”

  She was about to explode. “She’s my daughter and I—”

  “Our daughter,” I said. “I had to fuck you to make her. She’s half mine. Just because you carried her in your uterus doesn’t make you own more of her. You should be grateful I’m here and I’m working this hard to be a figure in her life. Most guys would relish the lack of responsibility. I don’t. I just want to be a good father. Why won’t you give that to me? Why won’t you give that to your daughter?”

  She looked away and watched the TV for a moment. “She’s all I have. And I won’t let you take her away from me.”