When You Are With Me

by E. L. Todd

  Now I really wanted to break his neck.

  Skye remained between us. “Maybe it’s good if we talk about this. Cayson, sit down—over there.”

  I only did as I was told because it was Skye. I took a seat but my hands were balled into fists.

  “Ward, you sit here.” She pointed at a chair on the opposite side of the room.

  He sat down and glared at me.

  “Okay.” She sat in a chair in the center. “You obviously have beef with each other and I see both sides. We’re going to settle this once and for all. Alright?”

  We just stared at each other.

  “Cayson, you apologize first.”

  My head snapped in her direction. “What? I didn’t even do anything.”

  Skye remained calm. “You’ve been nothing but rude to Ward since the beginning. He had every right to pursue me because I was single. If I remember correctly, you were the one who couldn’t make up your mind if you wanted me. That was your decision, Cayson.”

  I couldn’t believe she was throwing that in my face.

  “The physical stuff that happened between Ward and I was initiated by me. Ward never tried to touch me or kiss me. So you can’t get mad at him for that. I would have slept with him if he hadn’t stopped it.”

  That made me sick.

  “Whether Ward was in love with me, which he wasn’t, is beside the point. It’s in the past and he moved on. He respects my relationship with you even if he doesn’t respect you. Ward is never going to go away. He’s not only my colleague. He’s also my friend and I really care about him. You acting like this isn’t going to make him disappear.” She stared me straight in the eye. “Now you need to apologize to him.”

  I looked away and refused to do it.

  “Cayson,” she pressed. “You’re the one making yourself look like an idiot.”

  She would get an earful from me when we were alone.

  “Cayson, apologize.”

  “No,” I said. “I’m not going to apologize if I don’t mean it. You’re wasting your time.”

  Skye sighed then turned to Ward. “I’m sorry about Cayson’s childish behavior. But you owe him an apology too.”

  “For what, exactly?” Ward asked.

  “For purposely provoking him,” Skye said. “And for all the rude remarks you’ve made.”

  “I only said them because of the way he’s treated me,” Ward said.

  “I know,” she said. “But you still shouldn’t have said them.”

  Ward sighed then ran his fingers through his hair. Then he looked at me. “I apologize.”

  “Do you mean it?” Skye asked.

  “Yes,” he said. “My comments only made the situation worse, not better. You’re right. I want us to get along. I’m not sure how to make that happen because you’re so set on hating me. I’ve never done anything to you, to Skye, and I certainly didn’t do anything to Clementine other than love her with everything I had. If there’s anything I can do to make this better, I will. But you need to tell me what that is.”

  “Quit.”

  “Cayson.” Skye gave me the stink-eye. Now she was getting mad. “I’m getting really fed up with your shit.” Her eyes were burning in flames. “I love you because you’re respectful, generous, and understanding. But you’re none of those things around Ward. You’re a jackass. I’m tired of making excuses for you. You’re being petty and childish. Ward is trying to make this work but you refuse to cooperate. I never thought I would say this, but I’m ashamed of you.”

  That stung. I looked into her eyes and saw her sincerity.

  I cleared my throat. “I can let go of what he did to you—”

  “He didn’t do anything to me,” she interrupted.

  I kept going. “But I can’t forgive him for what he did to Clementine.”

  “And what did I do to her?” Ward asked quietly. “Because there’s a lot of things that happened in that relationship you have no knowledge of. And let’s just say, that I helped her in ways you will never understand.” His eyes turned gray while he looked at me.

  “You rebounded on her,” I said. “That’s unacceptable.”

  “I definitely didn’t rebound on her,” Ward said. “I fell desperately in love with her. She’s the first woman I’ve ever fallen for. You have no idea how rare that is. I’m thirty years old and I just finally met the right girl. I took her to London and introduced her to my entire family. I wanted to marry her. I wanted her forever. And now that’s gone…” He lost his voice for a moment and looked away. “And knocked up by some guy, I don’t know who I am anymore…” He let the silence hang in the air. “You chased her away by telling her I was in love with Skye, which was a total falsehood. The relationship I had with Skye lasted weeks. What I had with Clementine lasted for a year. You took her away from me. The only person who should be upset right now is me.” His nostrils flared as he stared me down.

  Skye stayed silent, just in case he had more to stay.

  I watched him silently, unsure how to respond.

  Skye cut the silence. “Ward is a good guy, Cayson. If you opened your eyes a little wider, you would see that. Clementine wasn’t just someone to pass the time. She was the one to him. So, you really shouldn’t dislike him because of that.”

  “But he kept their relationship a secret.”

  “Because of her,” Ward said. “I wanted to be honest about it from the beginning but she wanted it to be a secret. Now I completely understand why.” He gave me a meaningful look. “I wish we still were a fucking secret.” He looked away and stared at a plant in the corner.

  Skye turned back to me. “Cayson, you need to let this go.”

  I rested one ankle on my knee and stared at my shoe.

  “There’s no reason to be threatened by him,” Skye continued. “He doesn’t want me. And I don’t want him. After all this time, you really think I’m going to run off with him? If I were going to, I would have done it already. Putting up with you hasn’t exactly been enjoyable.”

  I continued to stare at the sole of my shoe.

  “Will you be a man and let this go? Or will you continue to act like a child?”

  I’d hated Ward for a long time and it didn’t seem to be getting me anywhere. He wasn’t dating my sister anymore, and if he wanted Skye he would have tried something by now. Perhaps my hatred was misplaced. When he spoke about Clementine, it seemed like he really cared about her. I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry.”

  Skye’s eyes widened.

  Even Ward seemed surprised.

  I finally looked at Ward instead of my shoe. “I’ve been unfair to you and I admit that. I just hope you understand that I already lost Skye once and…I’m afraid to lose her again. She’s the single thing that gives me most joy and I’m easily threatened by anyone who could intervene with that. I hated the fact you were dating Clementine because I felt like my sister was second best. She was just the next girl you moved on to. I didn’t realize you actually loved her. You’ve been broken up for a long time and it seems like you still care about her. So…I don’t think I will ever really like you but I don’t hate you either.” I looked at Skye when I finished.

  She was smiling.

  Ward nodded. “I appreciate that. I think we can get along if we try.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed.

  Skye sighed. “God, I’m so happy right now. My two best men are finally working it out.”

  “Best men?” I snapped.

  “You know what I mean,” she hissed. “So, you guys will be civil to one another?”

  “Yes,” Ward said. “On my part.”

  “Yes,” I agreed.

  “Then shake hands.” Skye waited for us to do it.

  I sighed then rose to a stand.

  Then Ward did the same.

  “Now shake,” Skye said.

  We extended our hands at the same time then had a firm and friendly handshake.

  Skye sighed. “This is such a great day.”

  Chapter E
leven

  Clementine

  I went to Target after work and found the cutest crib. It was made of mahogany wood and it looked sleek and shiny. It was on sale and I couldn’t resist the opportunity to buy it. I would prefer to wait until I had my new home, but judging the way things were going, I would never be able to afford anything except the apartment I already had.

  It came in a box so I put my back seats down and managed to fit the large box inside the car. My chair was scooted up all the way and my chest was practically against the steering wheel but I managed to drive the car back to my apartment. Once I was in the parking garage, I pulled it out then leaned against the car and took a break.

  Damn, this thing was heavy.

  After I caught my breath I pushed the box toward the elevator then got it inside.

  Thank god my apartment building has an elevator. Some of my friends living in older buildings didn’t have any, if you could believe it.

  Once I got to my apartment I pushed it in the middle of the living room and set it down. I was covered in sweat so I got a glass of water and tried to cool down. I wasn’t that far along in my pregnancy but I didn’t want to push my body too hard. I rested my hand on my stomach and wondered if my baby would be a boy or a girl. Would they have the same features as Ward? I hoped so. Even if Ward hated me, I still wanted to see his face every time I looked at my child. The relationship we once had was beautiful. I still remembered that even if he’d forgotten.

  After I finished my water, I opened the box and took everything out. There were various pieces of wood, screws, and a small, flimsy screwdriver. I stared at it and didn’t even know where to begin.

  Thankfully, there was an instructions manual, but after examining that for an hour I still couldn’t make anything out. I assembled the pieces together and tried to figure out how they would configure. When I thought I had it figured out, I got a screw in then looked at the picture again. But then I realized it was totally wrong. After a loud growl, I started over.

  I spent another hour trying to piece it together but I made no progress. All I did was waste time. My eyes burned with tears but I didn’t let them fall. I wasn’t sad that I couldn’t get the crib together. I was upset that I couldn’t figure out something so basic. I was going to be a mother and I couldn’t even put together a crib? That was how pathetic I was? How could I take care of another human being if I couldn’t do something a teenager could figure out?

  Self-loathing started to emerge. Doubt came second. And then the tears fell. “Aghhh!” I grabbed the screwdriver then threw it at the wall so hard it made a dent. I definitely wouldn’t be getting my security deposit back but I couldn’t care less. My life was falling apart just like the walls of my apartment. I’d never been handy but surely I could put together a crib? But no, I couldn’t.

  There was a knock on the door. “Clementine, is everything alright?” Ward’s voice came into my ears.

  I stilled on the floor, unable to believe he heard my rant. I quickly wiped my tears away and stopped crying. I didn’t want him to hear me. He already hated me and I didn’t want him to hate me more. “I’m fine.” My voice came out choked and weak.

  He opened the door and stepped inside.

  Damn, why didn’t I lock it?

  He stopped then stared at me on the floor. He examined the scattered pieces of the crib, the screws that were slightly dented because I’d been hammering them for so long, and then looked at the dent on the wall. “Having some trouble…?”

  I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him. I hoped he couldn’t tell I was crying. “I’m just fine. Please leave.” I grabbed a piece of the crib and pretended to be working. It was just an excuse to avert my face so he couldn’t see the stains from my tears.

  He stood there for a long time, just watching me. Then he grabbed the screwdriver from the other side of the room and handed it to me. “I think you’ll need this.”

  I grabbed it and kept my face down.

  “I could help.”

  “Just go.” My voice came out angry. “What the hell do you want? A private strip show? Yes, I was a whore. But now I’m not a whore anymore. So you can stop trying to stomp on me and just go.”

  He continued to stand over me.

  Why wouldn’t he just leave?

  Ward lowered himself to the ground then sat beside me. “I can help you, Clementine. I want to help you.” His voice possessed a gentle side, a side I hadn’t heard from him in a long time.

  “I can manage,” I said quietly.

  He picked up a few screws and then examined the wood. “You put it on backwards.”

  How did he know that?

  “Let me show you.” He took the screwdriver from me.

  I yanked it back. “I asked you to leave.” This time I looked at him in the face, letting him see how much of a mess I was.

  There was no triumph in his eyes, only sadness. “Talk to me.”

  I looked away and felt my heart ache. “I can’t even put a crib together.” I covered my face with my hands so he wouldn’t see me sob. “I’m going to be a terrible mother. I can’t even do this…” I felt so small and pathetic.

  “You can do this, darling.”

  The use of my nickname made my heart stop for three full seconds.

  “I know you can do it. Let me help you.”

  “Why would you want to help me?” I wiped my tears away and lowered my hands.

  “Because I do.” His voice came out as a whisper. “Just because you can’t do something the first time doesn’t mean someone can’t teach you. Don’t let this discourage you. Raising a child is nothing like building a crib. And it doesn’t come with an instruction manual.”

  A few strands of hair got wet from my tears so I pulled them back and sniffed.

  “Come on.” He grabbed a piece of the crib and connected it to another section. “You see how the grooves match up?” He pointed to the area.

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  “That means these pieces belong together. After they’re connected, you won’t be able to tell.” He held them together then turned to me. “Could you hold these please?”

  “Yeah.” I moved to my knees and kept the pieces upright.

  He used the screwdriver to get the nails in. “Okay. Now the next piece.” He hooked the next corner together. “Now you screw them in.” He handed me the tool.

  I took it from him then inserted the screwdriver in the groove. “Which way do I turn it?”

  “Lefty loosy, righty tighty.”

  I moved it clockwise and the pieces tightened together.

  “Excellent,” he said. “Now the other.”

  I tightened that then pulled away.

  “We’re almost done.” He gave me an encouraging smile before he moved to the next corner.

  I could figure out what to do from there and finished the rest of the screws. We did the legs last, and after that was done, I had a completed crib. Ward stood it up then stepped back as he examined it. “It’s pretty nice. Where did you get it?”

  “Target,” I said. “It was on sale.”

  He felt the wood under his hands. “It’s a sturdy piece of furniture. It will outlast however long your child needs it.”

  “I sure hope so.” I felt a little better now that the crib was complete. I didn’t figure it out on my own but at least I did most of the work.

  Ward walked around it and put his hands in his pockets. Then he came back to my side. “Have any names picked out?”

  I hadn’t thought about it. “No.”

  “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

  “No. I think I want to be surprised.”

  He nodded. “That’s always fun.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

  I stared at the crib then wondered why Ward was there at all. Last time we spoke, he was vicious to me. He made me cry without any guilt. Perhaps he came to apologize. I really didn’t want to hear his apology. He would just yell at me again some other time.

  “
You know, I really admire what you’re doing,” he said quietly. “Raising a baby alone isn’t easy. But you didn’t take the easy way out like some people would. That takes real courage, Clementine.”

  He hadn’t said anything so nice to me since…we were together. “Thanks.”

  “So, don’t judge your character based on the fact you couldn’t build this crib alone. That doesn’t mean anything.”

  It wasn’t a good sign either.

  An awkward silence filled the air between us.

  “Something interesting happened at work,” he said, his hands still in his pockets.

  “What?” My hand immediately went to my round stomach, like usual.

  “Cayson and I…worked out our differences.”

  That caught my attention. I turned to him with a look of surprise in my eyes. “What?”

  “Yeah. Skye made us talk it out. He doesn’t adore me or anything but he doesn’t hate me. And that’s a start.”

  I didn’t think Cayson would ever accept Ward—not in a million years. “Well, that’s good.”

  “I think he finally accepts the fact that I’m not in love with Skye and I never was.”

  “Oh.” I looked away at the mention of her name.

  “You know, if Cayson believes me then there’s no reason why you can’t.” His eyes drilled into my face. The look burned.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat, not wanting to talk about our dead relationship. “Why are you here?”

  He faced forward again. “To apologize…for the way I behaved the other day. I guess I’m just not good at handling the fact we work together.”

  “I wouldn’t have taken the job unless I had another option,” I said. “Honestly.”

  “I know,” he said quietly.

  “I try to limit contact with you as much as possible. If it will make it easier on you, maybe I can just work directly with your assistant. It will take longer but at least you won’t scream at me anymore.”

  He flinched slightly, like my words were painful. “I think I can handle it now. You don’t have to worry about me yelling at you.”

  “Does that mean you’ll still call me a whore?” I snapped.

  He cringed again. “No.”