The Winter Baby

by Rhonda McKnight

  Stephen chuckled. “Lies, man. I’ve been in the gym with you. You haven’t worked out that hard since I got out of college.”

  “Well, he was in good enough shape when it mattered,” Dell interjected. She looked at me. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

  “Tired, but better.”

  “Warm,” Kim added. “We’re warm and staying that way for the rest of our lives.”

  Stephen cocked his head in Kim’s direction. “You’re moving to Jersey. I think you’re going to have to get used to a little cold.”

  “I’m having second thoughts. In fact, I might need to go back to Louisiana.”

  Clyde looked over his shoulder. “Oh, come on now. The only reason I saved you was because you said you were moving.”

  Kim and his eyes locked for a moment. Kim bit her lip before saying, “The move isn’t set in stone.”

  Clyde’s eyebrows wrinkled. His disappointment was obvious.

  I saved them both from the awkward silence that filled the room. “What’s going on with the wedding plans?”

  “We’re going to postpone it until after the holidays,” my father replied.

  Dell added. “Our church family is cooking and decorating everything. It’s easy to push it back.”

  “No! You will not. Get married. You’ve been waiting for years and planning for months.”

  My father shook his head. “Baby girl, this has been a rough week. You need to rest.”

  “Daddy, I want you and Dell to get married. I’ll be out of here in three days. If I have to come in a wheelchair, I’ll come, but please do not let Christmas pass without you being married. I will not take no for an answer.”

  Dell and my father looked at each other. “Christmas Eve,” Daddy said. Dell smiled and I knew it was settled.

  The baby squirmed and wiggled in my arms. Her little mouth opened, and she let out a healthy wail.

  “I know that cry,” Kim said. “Somebody is hungry.”

  I pulled her higher on my chest.

  “We’ll go to the waiting room and give you some privacy,” Dell said. That was everyone’s clue to leave the room.

  Once alone, I opened the flap on my hospital gown and pulled the baby to my breast. Stephen removed my phone from his pocket, pulled a chair up to my bed and began to watch the video of the delivery.

  “We have to name her.”

  Stephen rotated his head from left to right like he was working out kinks. “Yeah, I know, babe.”

  “All the names I had on my list went out the window when I looked at her.” I cupped my hand behind her head and repositioned her.

  Stephen smiled. “My list disappeared too.”

  She latched on beautifully. “You, my little miracle, are worthy of a name that reminds us all of your birth.” She sucked, and her big brown eyes agreed.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Kim

  Five days later...

  The wedding of Pastor David Johnson to Dell Wilson was simple, yet elegant. A small country church had its appeal. It was unpretentious and there was more love in this place than all the megachurches I’d attended put together. These people adored Tamar’s father.

  “Better Days” by Dianne Reeves played through the speakers while we watched the reception line move. Still recovering, Tamar sat while Stephen stood with them and greeted guest like they hadn’t had the worst scare of their lives.

  Clyde was at my side. His feet tapped to the rhythm of the music. “I haven’t heard this in years.”

  “My mother used to listen to it,” I added. “It’s like her theme song.”

  He folded his hands in front of him on the table. “Seems like it could have been the soundtrack for us a few days ago.”

  “We made it through the night,” I said. “Because you really are a hero.”

  Clyde shook his head. “Y’all gonna stop with this hero stuff. I did what anyone would have done.”

  “You almost froze to death. You taped that note to your coat. Anyone wouldn’t have thought of that.”

  Clyde shrugged. “I told you I was a Boy Scout.” He paused and looked at Tamar and Stephen and then returned his attention to me. “You know Pastor Jack told me the reason he was out that night was because one of his members passed away. He would have been home.”

  That revelation was sad, but it was just like God to orchestrate the timing of events. “God showed up for us in miraculous ways.”

  “I know.” Clyde picked up his water glass and took a sip. I almost didn’t hear him whisper, “He really did.”

  Isaiah rushed our table and squeezed his body between us. “Auntie Kim, my mama asked me to ask you to call the nurse and check on the baby.”

  I removed my phone from my clutch and called the nurse Tamar and Stephen hired for the fourth time. She reported the baby was fine and did a video chat to prove it. “Hold on, let me show this to the anxious mother.”

  I stood and walked to Tamar. She and Stephen stole a few moments to look at my phone, and I ended the call. I turned and Clyde was staring at me again. The same way he’d been staring every chance he got. Instead of returning to the table, I went to the restroom and hid for as long as I could. I didn’t know what to do with Clyde. I came out and he was standing there.

  “I want to share something with you,” he said.

  I waited for him to speak.

  “I made God a promise. I promised if he saved us – you and Tamar that I would serve him.”

  I couldn’t hide my surprise. I felt my eyebrows hike before I could stop them.

  Clyde continued. “When I was out in that cold, I thought about all the words we exchanged in anger. I had nothing but regrets over how things ended between us.”

  “Clyde...” I tried to interrupt him.

  “Let me finish. I’m a different man. I’ll be different in our relationship.”

  I hesitated before speaking. I knew he’d been trying to have this conversation with me for days. Busying myself with Tamar and then Dell’s wedding, I’d avoided him. Now that he had me cornered, I had to be careful with my words. “We survived a horrible ordeal. You more so than me, but deathbed confessions of faith...” I shook my head. “Everyone calls on God when they’re scared.”

  Clyde flinched like I’d kicked him. The joy left his face. I hadn’t been careful with my words at all. “So, are you telling me, my experience with God wasn’t real?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying.” I didn’t quite know what I was saying.

  “Yeah, it is. You’re saying, my repentance is not good enough.”

  “That’s not at all what I mean. We just, we had an emotional experience. I don’t want to get swept up and lose touch with reality. We had a reality before the storm.”

  “Our reality can change, Kim. Isn’t that what being tested is about?”

  “Being tested is about enduring, keeping the faith.”

  “People find faith in trials too.” His annoyance made the hairs stand on the back of my neck. “Look, I’m good with being on milk until I can eat solid food. But I’m here, and I’m willing to work hard at building my spiritual relationship.” He frowned and released a sigh that matched his expression. “And do I need to remind you that you met God when you were lonely, hungry, and homeless? I repented when I was fearful and possibly dying. I don’t see much difference between the two. We were both desperate.”

  His words hit me like a brick, and I felt guilty, but not guilty enough to give him what he wanted. How long before he’d be back to his old self? The shock of the events was fresh. What about when they wore off? I’d been here before with men who made promises they couldn’t keep. “I need time to think. I’ve been mourning the end of our relationship for almost a month.”

  “The only problem we had in our relationship was my faith. I’ve changed, so that’s not a problem anymore. What is there to think about?”

  I shook my head and rolled my bottom lip in between my teeth.

  “Wow. It must have been
nice to meet God without an audience. No one to doubt you.” Clyde turned to leave and then he turned back around. “While you’re taking your time, make sure you’re not running scared of what we could be, and you’re not using this rejection as an excuse.” He looked away and then looked back at me. “I’m not perfect, but I’m not Tony. Maybe that tattoo isn’t the only residue he left behind.”

  He walked away.

  LATER THAT EVENING, Tamar and I were in her master bedroom. Stephen, Clyde, and Isaiah were playing a video game while we waited for dinner. Tamar was nursing.

  “That is such a beautiful thing,” I said, observing the natural rhythm Tamar and the baby had fallen into. “And real milk now.”

  Tamar smiled. “I didn’t nurse Isaiah. I gave him up, so I didn’t want to get attached to him.”

  I sensed a little sadness, but it was fleeting for her. “That makes sense.”

  “So, what’s wrong with you?”

  I frowned and shook my head. “Overwhelm from everything.”

  Tamar smirked. “Girl, you know I know better than that. I also see the wind has left Clyde’s sail.”

  I told her about our conversation. She shook her head. “Oooh, Kim. I know you didn’t reject the man’s experience.”

  I was guilty as charged and had nothing to say for myself.

  “Repentance is a core doctrine of our faith. Is there a reason you don’t think Clyde can be restored? I’m confused. He’s not the antichrist. He’s still God’s child.” Tamar stretched toward a receiving blanket that was just out of her reach. I handed it to her.

  “It’s the whole death bed confession thing.”

  “He wasn’t on his death bed.”

  “He had a note taped to his chest.”

  Tamar scrunched up her nose. “Exactly. That note was about us. If that’s not an example of the love of Christ, I don’t know what is.” She sighed. “You said you needed a man who was saved.”

  “He’s barely a Christian. I want a man who leads spiritually in our relationship.”

  Tamar rolled her eyes. “You can’t give him your standard and then move the finish line when he crosses it.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing. Look, I might be wrong, but I feel like I need to see the walk, not listen to the talk.”

  “He’s changed, Kim. He’s been changing since before you two started dating. Stephen told me so. And contrary to what you think, you’ve helped him. He was changing right before your eyes, but you were too close to see it. You were too busy looking at what he wasn’t to see all that he was. And now you won’t meet him where he’s at. How unfair is that to him?”

  I fell back on the bed and closed my eyes. “I don’t know if I’m ready. Clyde scares me.”

  “Not so much that you aren’t willing to take Tony off your shoulder.”

  I sat up, and we shared a laugh. Tamar took the baby off her breast and patted her back.

  “Take a chance on love. Trust him with your heart. Surrender to not knowing.” Tamar twisted her lips. “You know – do all the stuff you told me I needed to do to be with Stephen.”

  I threw up my hands. “You and Stephen are different.”

  “You always say that, but we’re not. Either you love someone enough to try with them or you don’t. So the question is do you love him?”

  There was a knock at the door and then it swung open. Tamar’s mother-in-law, Donna Pierce, breezed in. “Oooh, give that precious little girl to Glam-Ma.” Tamar snapped her nursing bra closed. Mrs. Pierce snatched her head back. “Are you breastfeeding, Tamar? Why would you put both of you through that? There’s nothing wrong with formula. I didn’t nurse and Stephen couldn’t be more perfect.” She reached for the baby’s foot and wiggled it. “Your daddy is a formula-fed titan.”

  I knew Tamar wanted to snatch her, but she kept her tone even. “There are many studies that prove breastmilk is—”

  Donna cut Tamar off with a wave of her hand. “Those studies are done to control our minds. Experience is the best teacher and I’m telling you, don’t stretch your breasts out nursing.” She reached for a receiving blanket and took the baby. A burp as loud as a grown man’s came out of the baby and she vomited on Donna’s blouse. “Little Baby No-Name, I’m going to have to teach you the value of a Jason Wu blouse.”

  Tamar rolled her eyes. “She’s not no-name. Stephen and I have named her.”

  “Then let’s go downstairs for this name reveal situation. I’m dying to know what it is.”

  “Mrs. Pierce, you might want to wash that milk vomit off your blouse. Jason is about to be ruined.” I extended my hands and she handed me the baby before making her exit.

  It was me who was rolling my eyes now. “Girl, she is very extra. How did she produce Stephen?”

  Tamar laughed and stood. “She didn’t. His dad did.”

  A few minutes later, Tamar and I went down the stairs. We met Tamar’s father and Dell as they were coming through the front door. We all entered the dining room. I was pleasantly surprised to see Pastor Jack and a woman who had to be his wife. Tamar’s father greeted them. I remembered Tamar mentioning their church doing youth activities together in the past, so they knew each other.

  After a few minutes of talking and admiring the baby, everyone sat. Stephen and Tamar stood at the head of the table. I handed his daughter to him.

  “I want to thank you all for coming. Everyone in this room is important to us. Most of you are family, but some are friends that have felt like family for a long time. Kim and Clyde – Tamar and I would be lost without you.”

  “Well, Tamar was technically lost with us,” Clyde interjected.

  Everyone laughed. It was good that God had given us the grace to be able to joke about it.

  “Pastor Jack and First Lady Nan, you have known my father-in-law for a long time, but now I look forward to getting to know you and your community. God used you and your church in a powerful way. For that, we are bonded eternally.”

  Stephen went on to say other kind words about Isaiah and their parents and Dell. By the time he finished testifying to the goodness of God, there wasn’t a dry eye at the table.

  Tamar took their daughter from his arms. “Stephen and I chose to wait to find out the sex of our baby. I think I knew from the moment she kicked the first time that she was a she, but that was my mother’s instinct or maybe hopeful thinking since we’ve already been blessed with a son.” She raised a hand to Isaiah’s chin and then rested it on his shoulder. “I had many names swirling around in my head for months and I’m sure Stephen did too, but the circumstances of her birth were significant. We wanted her to have a name that would remind her of the love that was in the room when she was born. So, we have decided to name her Kimberly Wynter Anne Pierce.”

  The wind left my lungs. I couldn’t believe it. “I don’t know what to say.” My moist eyes shed tears.

  Isaiah jumped up and started clapping. Everyone stood to their feet and joined in.

  Tamar walked over to me and gave me a hug and kiss. “I love you. If she grows up to be half the woman and friend you are, the world will be a better place.”

  Then she walked to her father’s open arms. Anne was her mother’s name.

  After the clapping stopped, Stephen’s mother cleared her throat. “I thought there would be a Donna in there somewhere, but I guess the name is appropriate for our little winter storm baby.”

  Stephen smiled. “I’m sure she’ll love her Glam-Ma even if she isn’t named after her.”

  Clyde cleared his throat. “I was kind of expecting Clydella.”

  Everyone laughed. Isaiah shook his head hard. “That would be an ugly name for my sister.”

  “I’m pretty sure you didn’t expect us to name our daughter Clydella,” Tamar said. “But we would be honored if you would be her godfather. You’ve already shown you would give your life for this family.” Tamar walked over to him and gave him a hug. “Thank you. It’s because of you that I’ll be able to raise my daughter.�
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  It was obvious that Clyde was overtaken by emotion. When he spoke, he could barely get the words out. “You know me. Just tell me what godfathers do.”

  “You showed us that you already know what to do all the way down to taping notes on jackets,” Stephen said. “I’m still in awe of you.”

  Clyde raised his hands and stood. “Look, I appreciate all of you giving me accolades, but I can’t take credit for anything that happened that night.” He released a heavy sigh. “I prayed and asked God to save us. I knew before I left the church that there was nothing around. I knew God was going to have to make a miracle. He was all I had to hang on to out there, so it was prayer – yours and Kim’s and Tamar’s that reached heaven and brought Pastor Jack to our rescue.”

  “If I can interject,” Tamar’s father said, “You may feel insignificant in the move of God, but, Clyde, God is strategic, and he only ever uses a willing heart. Your prayers mattered. You’ve known the Lord your entire life. You knew who to call when you had more on you than you could bear. That’s significant. Don’t downplay your role.”

  Clyde nodded and took a seat. He glanced at me and my heart filled with regret over the words I’d said to him. Had I done this to him? Had I stolen his confidence?

  Pastor Jack stood. “I’m a new friend here, but I’d like to say something.” He paused and then continued, “Clyde, we’ve talked, but I want to reiterate what my good friend Pastor Johnson is saying because I feel something heavy on your soul, son.”

  Clyde looked around and the emotion in his eyes was shared with everyone in the room.

  “The act of repentance does not have to include a long walk down the church aisle with the choir singing to usher you back. Often, the path back to a relationship with God is a winding one that includes little prayers and conversations and even disagreements with him – over time. God knows when a heart is turned toward him, even when we don’t know it ourselves.” Pastor Jack looked at Nan and she smiled. “You weren’t the only one God ministered to during that storm. You weren’t the only ones who needed a miracle.”