Delphi Complete Works of Lucian

by Lucian Samosata

  PAMPHILUS

  I know all that; and one of them died, they say, recently — one of the two Peripatetics, I think.

  LYCINUS

  That, Pamphilus, is the Helen for whom they were meeting each other in single combat. And up to this point there was nothing to laugh at except perhaps that men claiming to be philosophers and to despise luere should fight for it as if for imperilled fatherland, ancestral fanes, and graves of forefathers.

  PAMPHILUS

  Yes, but that is the doctrine of the Peripatetics, not to despise wealth vehemently but to think it a third “supreme good.”

  LYCINUS

  Right you are; they do say that, and the war that they were waging was on traditional lines. But listen now to the sequel.

  Many competitors took part in the funeral games of the deceased, but two of them in particular were the most favoured to win, the aged Diodes (you know the man I mean, the dialectician) and Bagoas, the one who is reputed to be a eunuch. The matter of doctrines had been thrashed out between them already, and each had displayed his familiarity with their tenets and his adherence to Aristotle and his placita; and by Zeus neither of them had the better of it. The close of the trial, however, took a new turn; Diodes, discontinuing the advertisement of his own merits, passed over to Bagoas and made a great effort to show up his private life, and Bagoas met this attack by exploring the history of Diodes in like manner.

  PAMPHILUS

  Naturally, Lycinus; and the greater part, certainly, of their discussion ought rather to have centred upon that. For my own part, if I had chanced to be a judge, I should have dwelt most, I think, upon that sort of thing, trying to ascertain which led the better life rather than which was the better prepared in the tenets themselves, and deeming him more suitable to win.

  LYCINUS

  Well said, and you have me voting with you in this. But when they had their fill of hard words, and their fill of caustic observations, Diodes at length said in conclusion that it was not at all permissible for Bagoas to lay claim to philosophy and the rewards of merit in it, since he was a eunuch; such people ought to be excluded, he thought, not simply from all that but even from temples and holy-water bowls and all the places of public assembly, and he declared it an ill-omened, ill-met sight if on first leaving home in the morning, one should set eyes on any such person. He had a great deal to say, too, on that score, observing that a eunuch was neither man nor woman but something composite, hybrid, and monstrous, alien to human nature.

  PAMPHILUS

  The charge you tell of, Lycinus, is novel, anyhow, and now I too, my friend, am moved to laughter, hearing of this incredible accusation. Well, what of the other? Held his peace, did he not? Or did he venture to say something himself in reply to this?

  LYCINUS

  At first, through shame and cowardice — for that sort of behaviour is natural to them — he remained silent a long while and blushed and was plainly in a sweat, but finally in a weak, effeminate voice he said that Diodes was acting unjustly in trying to exclude a eunuch from philosophy, in which even women had a part; and he brought in Aspasia, Diotima, and Thargelia to support him; also a certain Academic eunuch hailing from among the Pelasgians, who shortly before our time achieved a high reputation among the Greeks. But if that person himself were alive and advanced similar claims, Diodes would (he said) have excluded him too, undismayed by his reputation among the common sort; and he repeated a number of humorous remarks made to the man by Stoics and Cynics regarding his physical imperfection.

  That was what the judges dwelt upon, and the point thenceforward at issue was whether the seal of approval should be set upon a eunuch who was proposing himself for a career in philosophy and requesting that the governance of boys be committed to him. One said that presence and a fine physical endowment should be among the attributes of a philosopher, and that above all else he should have a long beard that would inspire confidence in those who visited him and sought to become his pupils, one that would befit the ten thousand drachmas which he was to receive from the Emperor, whereas a eunuch was in worse case than a cut priest, for the latter had at least known manhood once, but the former had been marred from the very first and was an ambiguous sort of creature like a crow, which cannot be reckoned either with doves or with ravens. The other pleaded that this was not a physical examination; that there should be an investigation of soul and mind and knowledge of doctrines. Then Aristotle was cited as a witness to support his case, since he tremendously admired the eunuch Hermias, the tyrant of Atarneus, to the point of celebrating sacrifices to him in the same way as to the gods. Moreover, Bagoas ventured to add an observation to the effect that a eunuch was a far more suitable teacher for the young, since he could not incur any blame as regards them and would not incur that charge against Socrates of leading the youngsters astray. And as he had been ridiculed especially for his beardlessness, he despatched this shaft to good effect — he thought so, anyhow:

  “If it is by length of beard that philosophers are to be judged, a lie-goat would with greater justice be given preference to all of them!”

  At this juncture a third person who was present — his name may remain in obscurity — said: “As a matter of fact, gentlemen, if this fellow, so smooth of jowl, effeminate in voice, and otherwise similar to a eunuch, should strip, you would find him very masculine. Unless those who talk about him are lying, he was once taken in adultery, commissis membris, as the table of the law says. At that time he secured his acquittal by resorting to the name of eunuch and finding sanctuary in it, since the judges on that occasion discredited the accusation from the very look of him. Now, however, he may recant, I suppose, for the sake of the pelf that is in view.”

  Upon those remarks everyone began to laugh, as was natural, while Bagoas fell into greater confusion and was beside himself, turning all colours of the rainbow and dripping with cold sweat. On the one hand, he did not think it seemly to plead guilty to the charge of adultery; yet, on the other, he thought that this accusation would not be without its usefulness for the case then in progress.

  PAMPHILUS

  This is truly laughable, Lycinus, and must have given you uncommon diversion. But what was the outcome, and how did the judges decide about them?

  LYCINUS

  They were not all of the same opinion. Some thought they ought to strip him, as is done with slaves, and determine by inspection whether he had the parts to practise philosophy. Others made the suggestion, even more ridiculous, that they should send for some women out of bawdy-houses and bid him consort with them and cohabit; and that one of the judges, the eldest and most trustworthy, should stand by and see whether he could practise philosophy! Then, as all were overcome by laughter and every man of them had a sore belly from shaking with it, they decided to refer the case to the highest court and send it to Italy.

  Now, one of the pair is training, they say, for a demonstration of his eloquence, making his preparations, and composing an accusation. Morever, he is delicately putting forward the charge of adultery again, thereby acting in direct contradiction to himself, like a bad lawyer, and enrolling his opponent among fully enfranchised males through his accusation. As to Bagoas, he, they say, has different concerns, assiduously demonstrating his powers, keeping his case in hand, and, in sum, hoping to win if he can show that he is not a bit inferior to a jack at service. This, my friend, is apparently the best criterion of devotion to wisdom, and an irrefutable demonstration. Consequently, I may well pray that my son (who is still quite young) may be suitably endowed for the practise of philosophy with other tools than brain or tongue.

  ASTROLOGY — Περὶ τῆς Ἀστρολογίας

  Translated by A. M. Harmon

  A MOCK eulogy of judicial astrology, put into the mouth of some ancient worthy who used the Ionic dialect, almost certainly Democritus, the peer of Herodotus in Ionic prose style and the author, according to Cicero (de Divin., I, 42), of a treatise on extispicy. The thing is so clever that it has dup
ed almost everyone, including myself (I, ix), into taking it in earnest and proclaiming it spurious. Its Lucianic origin, however, is apparent if one looks closely enough. Orpheus, elsewhere in Lucian given a leading part in the introduction of philosophy (p. 65) and of dancing (p. 229) into Greece, is here the promulgator of astrology — but not “unto elucidation.” Odysseus in the lower world is so eager to hear what Tiresias may have to say that he “endures to see his mother’s shadow athirst,” no doubt like to die of it, even as Tantalus (Funerals, 8: IV, 116). The novel assumption that different peoples of Egypt worship different signs of the Zodiac serves to explain not only the animal shapes of their gods — a topic to which Lucian mischievously keeps recurring (cf pp. 431 f., and III, 168), but the taboo upon fish to which, with Herodotean reticence as to its reason, he alludes in the Goddesse of Surrye, 14 (IV, 356). The same fondness for rationalizing myths with a twinkle in his eye, which elsewhere turns not only Proteus but Empusa into pantomimic dancers (pp. 231 f.), here asserts itself with complete abandon, in an astrological sense, even to the point of including Pasiphae among the adepts. And when sheer love of story-telling seduces him into repeating a favourite tale, that of Phaethon, his style betrays him utterly (cf. Amber, and Dialogues of the Gods, 25).

  It is only mock eulogy, but still, in spite of the fun in it, not quite meant as satire or parody. It is primarily a sophistical literary exercise of the same nature as the first and second Phalaris, in which the fun is incidental — a Lucianic “parergy.” To get something of the effect, the translation is intended to carry a suggestion of Sir Thomas Browne as he appears in the Vulgar Errors.

  ASTROLOGY

  THIS treatise concerneth heaven and the stars, yet not the stars themselves nor heaven itself, but the auspiciall verity that from them assuredly entereth into the life of man. My discourse containeth not counsell, nor proffereth instruction how to ply this auspiciall art, but my aim is to chide those learned men who cultivate and expose unto their disciples all other studies, but neither esteem nor cultivate astrology. Although the science is ancient, not come to us newly, but the creation of divinely favoured kings of antiquity, yet men of these daies, through ignorance, supinity, and mislike of labour, hold opinions repugnant unto theirs, and when they encounter men that make false prognostickes, they impeach the stars and contemne astrology itself, which they consider neither sound nor veridicall but a vain and idle fiction; wherein, as I think, they judge unjustly. For a wright’s unskillfullness argueth not the wright’s art in error, nor a piper’s untunefullness the art of musick devoid of sense. Rather are they ignorant of their arts, and each of these in itself rationall.

  It was the Aethiopians that first delivered this doctrine unto men. The ground thereof was in part the wisdom of that nation, the Aethiopians being in all else wiser than all men; but in part also the benignity of their clime, since clear skyes and calm weather ever invest them, and they are not subjected to the vicissitudes of the yeere, but live in onely one season. Therefore when they discerned, first of all, that the moon hath not perpetually the same appearance, but carrieth a various aspect and changeth into divers figures, they accounted the thing good reason for wonder and empuzzlement. In consequence they sought and found the cause thereof, that the lustre of the moon is not her own but cometh to her from the sun. And they determined also the course of the other stars, which we call planets or wanderers because they alone of all the stars do move; also their nature and potency, and the works that are brought to pass by each of them. Also, they ascribed names unto them, that yet were not names, as they seemed, but symboles.

  All which the Aethiopians observed in the skye, and afterwards they transmitted their doctrine incompleat to the Aegyptians their neighbours. And the Aegyptians, deriving from them the auspiciall art but half consummated, advanced it; and they indicated the measure of each planet’s motion, and determined the numericall extension of yeares and moneths and hours. The moneths they measured by the moon and her cycle, the year by the sun and his revolution. And they devised other inventions much greater than these. For they divided the entire skye and the other stars that are inerrant and fixed, and do never move, into twelve segments for such as move: which they styled “houses,” although they resemble living creatures, each patterned after the figure of a different kind, whereof some are sea-monsters, some humans, some wild beasts, some volatiles, some juments.

  For this reason, indeed, the Aegyptian deities are portrayed in various aspects. For it is not to be supposed that all Aegyptians were wont to draw prognosticks from all the twelve signs; but some had one sign in use, others another. The ram is reverenced by those who looked up unto Aries, fish is not eaten by those who attached signality unto Pisces, the goat is not slain by those who had knowledge of Capricorn, and the other creatures are severally venerated by other folk. Assuredly the bull too is adored in honour of the celestial Taurus, and Apis, esteemed by them an object of the uttermost sanctity, depastureth their land, and they that inhabit it vouchsafe him an oracle in token of the auspiciality of Taurus.

  Not long after, the Libyans also espoused the science; for the Libyan oracle of Ammon was founded in regard of the heavens and his knowledge thereof; whence they represent Ammon with a ram’s head. And the Babylonians came to know all these things, even before the others, as they themselves say; but I think that the science reached them long afterward.

  As for the Greeks, they learned not a whit of astrology either from the Aethiopians or from the Aegyptians. It was Orpheus, the son of Oeagrus and Calliope, that first declared these matters unto them, but not at all plainly, nor did he bring the science forth unto illucidation but unto ingannation and pious fraude, such being the humour of the man. For he made a harp and exposed his mystick rites in poesy and his theology in song; and the harp, that had seven chords, discoursed the harmony of the errant spheres. It was by investigating and ventilating these matters that he enchanted and enthralled all creatures; for he regarded not that harp of his nor yet concerned himselfe with other musick, but this was the mightie harp of Orpheus, and to honour these things, the Greeks set apart a station in the heavens and numerous stars are denominated Orpheus his harp.

  If ever you see Orpheus pictured in mosaick stones or in pigment, he sitteth in the centre, in the similitude of one that sings, holding in his hands the harp, and about him stand numberless creatures, among which a bull, a man, a lion, and others after their kind. When you see these, bethink you, pray, what his song was, what his harp, and what the bull or the lion that giveth ear to him. And if you would know the originalls that I speak of, you may behold each of them in the heavens.

  They say, moreover, that Tiresias, a Boeotian man, whose fame as touching prophecie is greatly cried up, declared unto the Greeks that of the errant stars some are masle, some female, and that they do not engender like effects; wherefore they fable that Tiresias himself was bisexous and amphibious, now masle, now female.

  When Atreus and Thyestes contended for the throne of their fathers, even then, it is plain, the Greeks set great store by astrologie and celestial lore; and the commonwealth of Argos determined that which ever of them was more excellent than the other in this lore should bear rule. Thereupon Thyestes indicated and made manifest unto them the Ram in the heavens, in consequence whereof they fable that Thyestes had a golden lamb. But Atreus declared the doctrine of the sun and its risings, that the sun and the First Movable do not course in the same direction, but rowle contrariwise to one another and that which now seemeth his setting, being a setting of the First Movable, is a rising of the sun. At his saying this, the men of Argos made him their king, and great renown for learning became his.

  Concerning Bellerophon also I am of this opinion: that he had a volatile as horse I do not at all believe, but conceive that he pursued this wisdom and raised his thoughts on high and held conversation with the stars, and thus ascended unto heaven by means not of his horse but of his wit.

  The same may be said of Phrixus, the son of Ath
amas, that is fabled to have ridden through the ayr upon a golden ram. And certainly of Daedalus the Athenian; although his story be strange, yet methinks it is not without relation unto astrology, but rather he practised it constantly himself and taught it unto his son. But because Icarus was governed by youth and audacity, and sought not the attainable but let his minde carry him into the zenith, he came short of truth and defected from reason and was precipitated into a sea of unfathomable perplexities. But the Greeks tell an idle myth of him and loosely call a golfe of their sea Icarian after his name.

  Doubtless Pasiphae also, hearing from Daedalus of the Bull that appeareth amongst the constellations and of Astrology itself, fell in love with the doctrine; whence they derive the belief that Daedalus conjoined her in wedlock with the bull.

  Again, there be those who, dissecting the science into parts, have made different discoveries, some collecting the particulars of the moon, some those of Jupiter, and some those of the sun, concerning their course and motion and potency. So Endymion established the motions of the moon, so Phaeton inferred the course of the sun; yet not strictly, but left the theory incompleat at his death. Ignorant of this, men believe that Phaeton was Helius his son, and they relate a story of him that is not at all credible. Going, say they, unto Helius, his father, he asked to drive the car of light; whiche he suffered him to do, and also instructed him in the manner of its governance. But when Phaeton mounted the car, because of youth and inexpertness he drove now close to earth, now at a vast remove; and men were being destroyed both by cold and by heat that passed endurance. Thereupon, Jupiter in wrath smote Phaeton with a great bolt of lightning. After his fall his sisters surrounding him made great dole until they transmuted themselves, and now they are trees of black poplar and distil amber over him in place of tears. These things were not so, and it consisteth not with piety to believe in them; Helius begat no son, and no son of his perished.