Shelter: A Heroes Of Big Sky Novel

by Kristen Proby

  “It’s okay,” Kim continues, “my dad is an attorney. We can do a background check.”

  “What did you do?” I hear Seth ask his dad.

  Zack leans back in his chair and smiles proudly. “My dirty work.”

  This family is just…hilarious. And welcoming. Warm. Kind. They laugh together, and they genuinely like being together. They clearly protect one another.

  It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I’m not nervous about being here anymore. They have done nothing but make me feel included, even with this interrogation by the teens.

  But now there’s a new little seed of doubt planted in the center of my belly.

  I don’t belong here.

  “Okay, there will be no background check,” Seth says as he walks into the room and sits next to me. “Did you guys know that Remi was on TV?”

  “Of course,” Sarah replies, almost insulted that Seth would think otherwise. “We’ve watched her. It’s so cool.”

  “Dad won’t let me ride my bike downhill,” Troy mutters.

  “You ride it downhill all the time,” Seth says.

  “Not down the mountains, with jumps and obstacles,” Troy insists.

  “You’ll break your neck,” Jillian calls from the kitchen. “I like keeping you around.”

  “I won’t break my neck,” Troy says with a stubborn frown.

  “Personally, I think that some of the things you do here on the ranch are way cooler than downhill biking,” I inform him.

  “Like what?”

  “Riding horses, fly-fishing, riding snowmobiles, ATVs, hiking. Just to name a few.”

  “Those are fun, but not thrill-seeking,” he insists.

  “I don’t know,” Josh puts in. “It was pretty thrilling when I ran into that mountain lion when I was fishing last week.”

  “Remi and I ran smack dab into a grizzly when we were stuck up in the park,” Seth adds. “I don’t recommend that you guys go out and find wildlife, though. Please don’t do that.”

  The conversation ebbs and flows from my own experiences to the different animals the kids have seen, and after everyone has helped clean up, and it’s time to go, I’m folded in for hugs.

  “Please come back again soon,” Jillian says.

  “Thank you,” I reply, not committing to another family dinner quite yet.

  Troy and Nancy leave together, hand in hand. I see the others share a glance when the door closes behind them.

  “Soon,” Zack mutters. “I’ll talk with him soon.”

  “Thanks again for inviting me,” I say with a wave. “Have a good night.”

  Seth and I walk out into the cold Montana night and hop into his truck. He fires up the engine, and I turn to look out the window.

  I feel…lonely. How could I just spend three hours with so many people and leave feeling lonely?

  Because I don’t belong here. I don’t know how to act or what to say. I don’t know what it is to be around people who show so much love. Who want to be together and actually look sad when the night is over.

  I’ve never had that.

  Maybe it’s too much, too fast. Maybe I just need a little time away from Seth to sort through my feelings and put some distance between us.

  When Seth comes to a stop in front of his house, I hop out of the truck and walk inside behind him.

  He’s whistling.

  He’s happy.

  “You know what? I think I’ll gather my things and head back to the campsite tonight.”

  He stops and turns with a frown. “Why?”

  “Well, you know, I’ve been here for a while now, and I don’t want to impose. I really should just get out of your hair for a few days.”

  “You’re not in my hair.” He props his hands on his hips. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” I swallow hard and shake my head. “Nothing’s wrong.”

  “Did someone say something mean to you at my parents’ place when I was outside?”

  “No, not at all. Everyone was really nice. You’re right, they’re good people, Seth. And the food was fantastic.”

  “So, no one was mean, and you had a good time, but you’re going to leave?”

  I lick my lips, frustrated. “I know it might be hard for someone like you to understand the words I need time alone, what with you always having fifty-eight people around at any given time. But I want to go.”

  I grab my purse and turn to the door. I can get my other things later. Right now, I just want to go.

  “Stop. If you leave right now, I swear to God, I’ll spank your ass.”

  I turn slowly and stare at him as if he’s lost his mind. “I beg your pardon?”

  “I didn’t stutter.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “We’re going to have this out, and then, if you’re pissed and can’t stand the sight of me, you can go.”

  “You can’t just keep me here.”

  He sighs in frustration and pushes his hands through his hair, paces away, and then holds those hands out at his sides.

  “Why are you so frustrating? Just talk to me, goddamn it! Tell me why, after a nice evening with my family, you’re ready to run away.”

  “I’m not running away.”

  “Then what exactly are you doing, Remi? Because it looks to me like you’re running.”

  “I don’t belong here!” His face loses all emotion at my outburst. “You have this amazing family, with so many great people in it who love you so much, Seth. There was so much love in that house, I expected to see little cartoon hearts floating in the air.”

  His jaw clenches.

  “I can’t tell you the last time my mother told me she loved me. I don’t remember. She called me a few days ago to wish me happy birthday. Only, it wasn’t my damn birthday. I know we’ve already discussed my family and how different it is from yours, so you should understand that I don’t have any kind of compass or roadmap for dealing with this.”

  “You’re telling me that you’ve never been around anyone who showed you affection?”

  “Not without an ulterior motive.” I shake my head vigorously when he takes a step toward me. “No, I don’t need pity. I’m not hurt or whatever. I’m saying that I don’t know how to be around people like that. I don’t know how to trust it. And it overwhelms me.”

  “Baby—”

  “Don’t placate me.”

  “Okay, that’s enough.” His face is mutinous now, his hands balled into fists at his sides. “Don’t fucking tell me how to feel or react to you, Remi. I thought you were having a good time. You laughed, you talked, and you seemed comfortable.”

  “It’s not that I was uncomfortable.”

  “Then I don’t know what to say or do to make it any better for you,” he says at last. “You have a shitty family. A shit mom. And I know what that’s like, so let me assure you, I didn’t trust the love that those people so freely showed me at first, either. But I can tell you this. They don’t want squat from you, except maybe that you aren’t an asshole or something. But I know you’re not, so that’s covered.”

  “I feel like an asshole.”

  “I refuse to let you run away from me every time things get hard, or heavy, or uncomfortable.”

  “I do things alone,” I inform him. “That’s who I am.”

  “I don’t buy it.”

  “You don’t have to. I’m telling you, this is who I am. Take it or leave it. I’m going back to the campsite.”

  I turn to leave, but Seth suddenly spins me to him and pins me to the door with my face in his hands and his lips hot on mine. He’s pissed off, but he’s not hurting me. He’s intense.

  Being with Seth is always intense, no matter what we’re doing. My feelings for him are all-consuming. As if they’ve permeated the very essence of who I am.

  My hands dive into his thick, dark hair, and he boosts me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist.

  “Don’t you even think of fucking leaving me,” he growls against my neck before biting
and then sucking my skin.

  “That’s not creepy at all.”

  He braces one hand against the wall and tips his forehead against mine as he chuckles.

  “Not in a creepy way.”

  He carries me through the house as if it’s effortless, straight to his bed. He gently lays me down and crawls over me to nibble my lips.

  “Don’t you get it?” His mouth is against mine as he speaks. “You’re everything, Remi. You’re fucking everything.”

  And then there are no words as he unzips my jeans and slides his hand inside, under my panties, and presses a finger inside of me.

  I arch my back and tear at his shirt, needing to feel his skin against mine.

  He pulls his hand away long enough to strip us both bare, and then I’m swamped by desire. By the absolute fierceness in him as he takes what he needs and gives back more than I ever thought possible.

  My God, I love him. I love him so much that it paralyzes me with fear. I don’t know how to love. Not really. And Seth deserves so much of it.

  I feel my eyes fill with tears as he rolls to the side, gasping for breath, and then kisses the hand he’s had pinned above my head. When his eyes find mine, they widen in horror.

  “Oh, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, or make you stay, or do anything—”

  “No.” I cup his face in my hands and hurry to reassure him. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I promise.”

  “Then what are the tears for?”

  I swallow, and I know that I have to tell him the truth because anything else would be a lie. It would be a game.

  “I’m so scared,” I whisper.

  “I’ve got you. You’re safe here.”

  “I know.” He’s done nothing but show me that he’ll protect me at all costs since the day he saved me in those mountains. “I’m scared because what I feel for you is so big, so deep, that I’m terrified I’ll screw it all up.”

  “I’m in love with you,” he admits without hesitation. As if the words flow as freely as the river on his land. “I think I have been since I first saw you. If I’d have let you walk out of here tonight, full of doubt and uncertainty, I would have lost you, Remi, and that’s just not possible.”

  My eyes fill again. Have I ever felt so important, so vital to another person?

  No.

  And that’s what scares me and also fills me with joy.

  “Wow.”

  His lips tip up into a smile. “Yeah. Wow.”

  “The thing is, I—” I lick my lips. “I love you, too.”

  “I know.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

  “I figure that’s the only thing that would make you want to run for the hills.”

  I chuckle. “Just because you kept me here with your sexy ways doesn’t mean I’m not still scared, you know.”

  “Oh, I’m terrified,” he says casually and pulls me against him for a snuggle. “But the way I like to think of it, we’ll just figure it out as we go. You don’t have a roadmap because there isn’t one, Rem.”

  “So, we just wing it?”

  “I guess so.”

  “Well, that’s just stupid. I’m a planner, Seth.”

  “Says the woman who’s been living by the seat of her pants in a van for several months.”

  I narrow my eyes. “But I planned it.”

  “You planned the spontaneity?”

  “Yes. Sort of. Stop confusing me.”

  He laughs and rolls me onto my back, then kisses me long and slow in the way I’ve come to love so much.

  Chapter 14

  ~Seth~

  “I’ll make you something to eat.” Mom smiles and ruffles my hair. I’ve gotten used to letting her touch me whenever she wants without flinching or moving away. I’m safe here at our ranch in Montana, and Mom makes me stuff to eat anytime I want. I can ask for food and actually get it.

  And I’m hungry now.

  “Can I have a sandwich?”

  “Sure, do you want some chips, too?”

  I grin at her. “Yeah. And maybe you can cut it in that cool way that you do.”

  The best thing my dad ever did was marry Jillian. And now that he’s home, and we’re a family, things aren’t bad. My other mom lied to me and made me believe that my dad doesn’t love me.

  But that’s not true.

  I turn to watch the TV, but suddenly, everything is different. I’m not in the ranch house. This is the gross old apartment in Texas.

  “You think you can just be lazy?”

  I spin and freeze in fear when Kensie, my other mom, sneers at me.

  “I’m just hungry.”

  “You’re always hungry. You’re nothing but a pain in my ass. No wonder your dad left and didn’t look back. Just look at you. You’re worthless.”

  No, I’m not.

  I want to yell at her that I’m not worthless, but if I talk back, it’ll only get worse.

  “Yes, ma’am.” I lower my head and look at the floor. Why am I here? Where’s the ranch? Where’s Jillian?

  “You can go hungry, you little shit. I’m not wasting my hard-earned money on food for you.”

  She has sex with men in exchange for money. Sometimes, she even forgets I’m here in the room with her when she does it. It makes my tummy hurt, and I want to run away so I don’t have to see it anymore.

  And, sometimes, it’s worse than that. Sometimes, she lets the men do things to me. That’s when it’s worst of all. But it’s over. I’m at the ranch.

  Where is the ranch?

  “Why don’t you let me have a go at him?”

  No. Oh God, no.

  I shake my head vigorously as beefy, mean hands grab at me.

  “Don’t you tell me no,” Kensie says. Her breath stinks. It smells like cigarettes and beer. “You be nice, you hear me?”

  “I don’t want to.” I whimper. “Please, I don’t want to.”

  “Seth.”

  I jump out of the bed and run for the bathroom, splash cold water on my face, and will the nightmare to dissipate.

  Jesus. Jesus Christ, this hasn’t happened in years. My stomach roils, and I’m dizzy.

  And suddenly so damn hungry.

  I know it’s all in my head, but I always wake from these dreams feeling hungrier than ever.

  “Seth.”

  I lift my gaze and meet Remi’s in the mirror.

  “I’m okay.”

  “No, you’re not.” She steps to me and tentatively lays her hand on my arm. “Honey, you’re not okay.”

  Without thinking, I pull her against me and bury my nose in her hair, breathing her in. Her sweet smell, her warmth, her goodness. I soak her in and cling to her as she pushes the sickness out of me.

  “Come on,” she urges and leads me back to the bed. “Let’s just breathe for a minute.”

  “I’m fine. I’ll be okay.”

  “I know you will, but that was a hell of a nightmare. You were thrashing and fighting.”

  I look down at her for the first time and see a bruise on her shoulder. “Jesus, what did I do to you?”

  “You just pushed me aside when I tried to touch you. It’s my own fault. I know better than to do that.”

  “Oh my God.” I back away from her, not touching her at all. “I hurt you.”

  “Hey, look at me, Seth. Damn it, look at me.”

  My eyes meet hers.

  “I’m fine. I just bruise easily, that’s all. You didn’t hurt me.”

  “Bullshit. I put a mark on you, Remi. That’s not acceptable. Not ever. I don’t care if I am living through hell. That can’t happen.”

  She narrows her eyes. “Tell me about the nightmare.”

  “No.” My voice is flat. “I don’t remember it.”

  “Now I call bullshit.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Oh, it matters. I can see all over your face that it matters. You’re white as a ghost, and if you grasp that blanket any tighter, you’ll rip it.” She
rubs her hand up and down my thigh. “It’s okay.”

  I close my eyes. I wish this part of me didn’t exist. That my dad had left her years before, and that the only memories I have are of this ranch.

  But it’s here. And if I want to have any kind of future with this amazing woman, I need to tell her so she can decide for herself if my baggage is something she wants to deal with.

  “Kensie, my biological mother, was pretty awful. You already know that.”

  She nods but doesn’t say anything.

  “She liked it when I was hungry. When I begged for food. For anything, really. Because it made her feel in control, and she enjoyed withholding stuff from me.”

  Remi blinks, and I see the rage in her eyes, but she stays quiet.

  “So, in the dream, I was a kid. Around the age I was when I came here. Maybe a little younger. And it started in the kitchen of the big house, the way it was when I was little, and Jillian offered to make me a sandwich. I remember thinking that the best thing my dad ever did was marry her.” My eyes meet Remi’s. “And I was right. Anyway, I turned away, and then I was in Texas with Kensie, and she was taunting me with food. Saying mean things, the way she used to. And that’s all.”

  Remi tilts her head to the side. “I don’t think that’s all. Just tell me, Seth. I can handle it.”

  I chew my lip and then let the words tumble out of my mouth.

  “She liked to let her men have a go at me.”

  Remi gasps, but I keep talking.

  “They’d pay her more if they could touch me. Sometimes, that’s all it was, some touching. Other times, it was rape.”

  “Oh, babe.”

  Remi climbs into my lap and wraps her arms around my shoulders, then buries her face in my neck.

  “Before I was eleven, I’d seen more than any kid ever should. I’d seen drugs and way, way too much sex. Mostly, she just forgot about me, you know? Forgot to feed me, forgot that I was in the room when she let a guy go at her. But when the dude took an interest in me, she didn’t say no. Ever.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Remi presses a kiss to my cheek. “Seth, did your dad want to kill her when he found out?”

  “I’ve never told him. I’ve never told anyone.”

  She pulls back and stares at me in surprise. “What? Why?”