by A. K. Evans
When I took too long to give Cash a response, Killian said, “Roscoe, you know I love you, man. But I can’t understand why you’d ever do this.”
“I didn’t intend to get her pregnant.”
“We get that,” he insisted. “But she is pregnant now, and you’re not stepping up to handle your business.”
I didn’t get a chance to respond to that when Raid shared, “I feel it’s my job as your friend to warn you now that Holland is really upset by this. I don’t know what she’ll say to you when she sees you, but I’m begging you to think about what she went through before she became part of the band before you respond to her justifiable disappointment in how you’re handling this.”
Christ.
Holland was disappointed with me.
There were a handful of women in my life that mattered to me, and Holland was one of them. If she was disappointed with me, I couldn’t even begin to imagine how my mom and my sister were going to feel.
“She doesn’t want my help,” I finally shared.
Doubt washed over them.
“Are you sure about that?” Beck asked.
“Yes.”
“Hm.”
That was his response. No explanation. No clarification about why he didn’t believe I was telling the truth.
“What are you not telling me?” I questioned him. “Did she make up some big lie about me so you’d all feel bad for her?”
I didn’t know why I was getting defensive. The guys were disappointed when they believed that I wasn’t attempting to do what I had to do. I could understand that. But now that I’d made it clear that Sienna was refusing my help, I would have imagined that I wouldn’t be feeling so much tension.
“She didn’t make up any lies, Roscoe,” Beck insisted. “But she’s scared. Legitimately terrified.”
“What makes you say that?” I pressed.
“When she was at my place, she must have asked a million questions. Everything from what the best brand car seat is and what type of stroller we recommended to how she would know she was in labor and what the delivery would be like. And I know I’ll never be able to do it justice, but I watched Chasey deliver Rosie, and I’m telling you, I’ve never felt so helpless in all my life. Seeing her in so much pain… Roscoe, Sienna shouldn’t go through that alone,” he told me.
Though he’d been sharing that information to inform me of what went down at his house, there was also a bit of a pleading tone to his voice.
“Why are you saying that she doesn’t want your help?” Raid asked.
“Because I offered, and she turned me down,” I answered.
“Offered?” he repeated. “Offered what exactly?”
“Financial support,” I replied. “I told her that I want to provide financial support for the baby.”
Five sets of eyes narrowed on me, but it was Killian who asked, “And she refused to take your money?”
“Yep.”
“So, she wants you,” he guessed.
I shrugged. “She wants me to help raise this baby,” I shared.
“And you don’t want to,” Walker declared.
A long silence settled over the table. I had a feeling the disappointment that Raid had mentioned Holland feeling wasn’t only with her. It was with all of them, too. And for that reason, I decided to share something I never imagined I’d share.
“I never thought I’d want to,” I started. “But now I’m not so sure.”
The whole vibe at the table changed in an instant.
“Roscoe, that’s a big fucking deal,” Cash stated. “I’m really happy to hear you say that.”
“Yeah, man. I’m proud of you,” Killian added.
I held my hand up to get them to stop with the praise. “Listen, I haven’t done anything good just yet, so calm yourselves down. The biggest problem right now is that Sienna can barely look at me. And I understand why, but I need to figure this out for myself first. If I jump into this and make her believe that she’s going to have me by her side as we raise this little girl, only for me to back out because I can’t handle the pressure or demands of it, that’s not going to be a good thing.”
“She’s having a girl?” Beck asked.
“Oh, um, we don’t know. That’s just a feeling she had about the sex of the baby,” I clarified.
After reaching out to grab a bunch of chips, Walker spoke. “So, you’re thinking about stepping up to do the right thing, and she has no idea?”
Shaking my head, I replied, “Well, she knows I wanted to support the baby financially, but that’s all.”
“What’s stopping you from deciding to go all in with her?” Raid asked. “I mean, she’s cute, the girls all like her, and you obviously have a connection with her more than all the other women you’ve been with. I don’t understand what’s stopping you.”
I took another swig of my beer. I put the bottle back down on the table and absentmindedly spun it around in my hand.
“The connection I have with Sienna is just being familiar with one another,” I started. “She’s Addy’s best friend, but the wedding was the first time I saw Sienna in years. I’m talking ten or fifteen years. Other than that, I don’t know anything about her.”
I hated admitting that, but considering where the conversation was heading, I didn’t think they’d give me shit about it.
“So what you’re saying is,” Killian began. “You need to know how to date her.”
I cocked an eyebrow, silently questioning him.
“Don’t give me that look, Roscoe. That’s what this is. You want to try to be the guy you should be in this situation, but you don’t know how to be a boyfriend. And I think you’re a little scared.”
“I’m not afraid,” I assured him.
“Sure, you are. Because while we can all see that you’ve already hit the jackpot with Sienna, I think you’re worried that she might get to know you and not like what she learns,” he offered.
Was that it?
No. I was who I was. I didn’t make apologies for being exactly who I’d been all these years. Maybe that was my problem. Because I’d heard Sienna say it enough. She’d made it clear that she believed I thought I was better than her.
Now that I knew what I did about her financial situation, I could see why she’d be down on herself.
But the simple fact remained that Sienna was a far better person than I could ever hope to be.
“Maybe,” I admitted.
“I think you’re overthinking it, Roscoe,” Walker said. “Sienna already decided she liked you. I think if you can show her that you’re serious about her and the baby and you treat her the way she deserves to be treated, there’s no chance of things going awry.”
He had a point.
And Sienna had shown me that she wanted more. She’d shared that very clearly when she indicated that I’d given her hope that there’d be more when I dropped her off at home the morning after the wedding.
At this point, I wasn’t sure what else to say. I’d gotten all the advice I could handle for the night.
“Alright, listen, we need to change the subject. Can’t we talk about Cash’s wedding or something like that?”
“Absolutely not,” Cash declared. “I promised myself there’d be no talk of my wedding tonight because Demi has been talking about it ever since we got back from tour. But we can drop the discussion about you finally falling in love with a girl.”
“Nobody has fallen in love,” I argued.
“Keep telling yourself that,” he teased.
I shook it off, not wanting to think about what he was insinuating, and asked, “Anybody else need another beer?”
“I’ll take one,” Killian said.
“I’ll have another,” Cash answered.
“I’m good,” Walker stated.
Raid held his hand up in refusal.
“Not me,” Beck said. “If there’s any hope of me being able to help Chasey with Rosie tonight, I’m sticking to the one that I’ve already ha
d.”
At that, I stood. “Be right back.”
“I’ve got to take a piss,” Beck announced. “I’m coming in right behind you.”
I walked inside, left the door open, and heard it close when Beck came in after I did. Instead of heading to the bathroom, he made his way to the kitchen and tossed his plate in the trash.
“Listen, man, I didn’t want to say anything in front of anyone and embarrass her,” he said. “But I wanted to tell you about something that happened.”
“With Sienna?” I asked, feeling my gut clench.
He nodded. “Earlier today, Chasey went out with her to register for gifts for a baby shower,” he began. “I guess her mom wants to throw her a party, but Sienna didn’t know what things were best. So, Chasey offered to go.”
“Okay. That’s good. Did something happen?”
He shrugged and looked a little uncomfortable. “I don’t know. It’s just… when Chasey got home, she was telling me how horrible she feels for Sienna.”
“What do you mean?” I pressed, wondering what could have happened.
“Chasey’s been where Sienna is now,” he explained. “She’s been a single mom, and she knows how hard it is. Sienna never came out and complained about anything, but Chasey could read between the lines.”
“And?”
Beck sighed. “As they were walking through the store picking out items to add to the registry, they got to talking about things related to just being pregnant. And I guess Sienna brought up how she’d gone to buy herself some maternity clothes because she’d been so uncomfortable. Anyway, it was really casual how it came up, but Chasey shared that in addition to whatever we decide to get Sienna from the registry, she’s going to be going to the mall to return to the department store. Apparently, there were some very specific maternity pants that Sienna had tried on but never got. She’d already spent more than she intended with the more practical clothes, so things for wearing around the house just weren’t an option.”
My throat got tight, and my chest constricted.
Sienna’s body was changing because I’d gotten her pregnant. And now she was uncomfortable when she was home because she couldn’t afford to get herself the things she needed.
I looked away from Beck, feeling embarrassed. How could I allow that to happen? Even if nothing more than just friendship came from this with Sienna, she was still the mother of my child. What kind of a man was I to allow her to be in such a precarious position?
“Chasey’s already planning to run out tomorrow to get the pants,” Beck spoke again. “I’m not telling you this for that reason. I’m telling you because I know that deep down, you’re not a dick. I know that you’d never stand for this if you knew it was happening.
“I just figured it out yesterday,” I told him, not recognizing the sound of my own voice. I cleared my throat and went on to explain what happened at the grocery store. Then, I ended, “I’ve got five packs of diapers upstairs in one of the spare bedrooms and three cartons of ice cream in my freezer.”
He smiled at me. “Planning to invite her over so she can sit down and eat ice cream while you turn the guest bedroom into a nursery?” he asked.
“I’m not quite sure yet how I’m going to make that happen,” I mumbled.
“I think you should do what you’ve got to do to figure it out soon,” he warned.
“Why is that?”
“Chasey told me there were a lot of things that would be very beneficial for Sienna to have, but she didn’t add them to the registry.”
“Why not?”
“She said her apartment wasn’t big enough for all of it.”
I nodded my understanding. Not more than a few seconds later, I demanded, “Have Chasey put together a list of everything Sienna didn’t add to the registry and give it to me. I’ll take care of the rest.”
Beck’s smile turned into a grin. “I’m really proud of you, Roscoe.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Trust me, you’ll be surprised at how much better your life is about to become,” he said.
“I guess we’ll have to see about that,” I muttered.
“Hey, what happened to the beers?” Cash shouted from outside.
Beck laughed.
I laughed.
And while he took off to the bathroom, I snatched up some beers.
The rest of the night continued without much discussion of pregnancy and babies, even if Sienna was in the back of my mind. I was going to enjoy the rest of the night with the guys tonight, and then I was going to start making moves to do the right thing. I only hoped Sienna was going to give me the chance.
Twelve
Sienna
Two weeks later
“Can I call her yet?”
“No, Mom. Not yet. I’m leaving now to go see her. When I get back later, you can call her. Actually, to be on the safe side, why don’t you just wait until tomorrow to reach out? This is going to be a lot for her to digest.”
“Okay. I’ll wait until then, but I’m not waiting another day beyond that, Sienna,” she insisted. “And don’t forget that you have to work out telling Roscoe’s parents. I have to invite them to the shower, and it would be horrible to just send them an invite without them even knowing what’s going on.”
I took in a deep breath to keep myself calm. “I know I have to work that out,” I assured her. “I’m going to talk to Addy first. Then I’ll come up with a plan.”
“Alright. I’ll let you go then.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I disconnected the call with my mom and had to smile. If I didn’t, I’d go crazy. The truth was that my mom had gone a bit overboard with planning this baby shower. She wanted everything to be perfect. I’d never seen her so excited about anything in all my life.
I wasn’t mad about it. I realized the alternative would have been far worse, and in all honesty, I was beyond grateful that she was being so supportive. There was no doubt in my mind that this baby was going to be spoiled rotten by my parents.
And everyone else.
The visit to Beck and Chasey’s house a few weeks ago had been just what I needed to get myself out of the funk I’d been in. Before going, I’d felt so much uncertainty about what was ahead for me. And while I had asked my mom about certain things, the simple fact remained that so much had changed since I was a baby. She didn’t have all the answers for me. Chasey had just gone through it, and she’d been an incredible friend providing a wealth of knowledge.
Suffice it to say that I was feeling much more confident and prepared for October than I had been since the doctor gave me my due date. There was still a lot to do and prepare for, but for now, until after the baby shower, I was doing my best to hold off on acquiring anything other than additional savings. My hope was that after the shower I’d have enough money saved up to get any of the things still left on the registry that were vital.
The only hiccup I’d had over the last several weeks was that trip to the grocery store when I saw Roscoe. I didn’t know what was going through his mind that day, but I was glad I had stuck to my guns and been wary of him. Because for someone who seemed to be so against this pregnancy when he first found out, his sudden interest in wanting to help and take me out to dinner threw me off.
I turned him down at the time because I was simply being cautious. But now I knew it had been the right decision.
He seemed so genuine in the parking lot when he was indicating that he wanted to help. Maybe he did. But if he truly wanted to help, he had a funny way of showing it. Other than that encounter, I hadn’t heard from him.
That told me everything I needed to know.
Roscoe waited for an opportunity and took advantage of it. He wasn’t going to put in the effort to truly do something about it.
And why would he?
With the exception of his music, something I knew he’d worked extremely hard to be successful with, Roscoe never had to work hard to get what he wanted
.
If he wanted a woman to have sex with for the night, he wouldn’t have to look too far. If he wanted something for dinner and didn’t feel like cooking, he could make a phone call and order in. If he wanted to buy nonessential things like chips and dip, he could do that without batting an eyelash.
He didn’t understand struggle.
Beyond his music, he couldn’t comprehend what it meant to put in time, effort, and energy into something worthwhile and meaningful.
Considering he wasn’t looking for that, I guess I could understand why.
But that didn’t mean it hadn’t hurt.
I allowed myself to feel that hurt while I drove home from the store that night. But once I got to my apartment and carried my groceries inside, I stopped allowing myself to feel that way.
I didn’t have him, but I had a lot of others there for me.
Best of all, I was getting my best friend back today, too.
Addy returned from her honeymoon yesterday morning. I gave her a chance to get home and unwind, and when she called begging to come over to see me today, I actually asked if she’d mind me going to visit her. Having been away for so long, she didn’t hesitate to agree.
Now that I’d finished my call with my mom, I was heading out to go to Addy and Tyler’s place. I was excited to see her, to see them, but I was definitely nervous, too.
I didn’t doubt that she’d be supportive of me. I knew she loved me and would love this baby. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I was worried about how she’d take the news right off the bat. The last thing I wanted was to cause any sort of rift or divide within their family. And considering Addy’s parents hadn’t reached out to me, I was relatively certain that Roscoe hadn’t said a word to them about the pregnancy.
So, there was a chance this could be the start of something that was going to be tense for everyone for a while.
As I got in my car and drove to Addy’s, I said a silent prayer that it wouldn’t cause too much turmoil within her family.
When I got to her place, the worries I’d been feeling somehow dissipated and were replaced by excitement. God, I’d missed her so much, and I couldn’t wait to see her.
