by A. K. Evans
Well, fuck that.
I wasn’t going to let that happen.
I hated knowing that I’d been living my life so consumed with my own selfish wants and needs that I couldn’t even stop to take a minute to think about how much this pregnancy was going to affect her.
She was Sienna.
She wasn’t just some random woman I barely knew who tried to trap me because I was who I was. She was Sienna Baxter, the girl I’d known since I was eleven and she was six.
She doesn’t need you, Roscoe. But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want you.
I needed to do something.
But I needed to do it the right way.
Because if I screwed up again, there was no doubt in my mind that she’d tell me to take a hike, just like she’d done two weeks ago.
As discreetly as I could, I went to the checkout to pay for my chips and dip, even though the thought of eating them made me sick.
I’d purposely gone into the checkout lane two spots over from the one she went in, even though everything inside me wanted to walk up and pay for all her groceries. After I picked up my bag, I walked slowly in her direction just as she was reaching into her wallet and counting out her coins.
Fucking coins.
Had I been that oblivious to what was happening around me?
When she handed them to the cashier, she glanced up in my direction. Sienna didn’t hide her surprise. Her gorgeous lips parted, but that was the only movement she made. She stood there like a statue with her eyes on mine.
It wasn’t until the cashier said something that Sienna snapped out of it and looked away. She took the receipt from the cashier and the four single dollar bills before she pushed her cart forward and out of the lane.
“Hi,” I greeted her.
She hesitated, and I hated seeing the cautiousness in her. It was almost as though she was afraid of me.
“Hi,” she rasped.
“Can I walk you to your car?” I asked.
It was like I’d had this sudden revelation. I didn’t want her to walk outside alone at night. Sure, it was summer still and it wouldn’t be dark yet, but that didn’t matter.
She was Sienna. And she had my baby growing inside her.
Sienna didn’t answer me with words. She simply turned her cart toward the exit and began walking. I took that to mean that she was okay with me escorting her out of the store.
For the first minute, as we navigated through the front of the store toward the exit, neither of us said a word. But once we stepped outside, and she was that much closer to getting into her car and leaving, I couldn’t wait any longer.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
She looked up at me, assessed me briefly, and looked away. “Hot and uncomfortable, mostly.”
Hot. Was it because we were outside in the middle of summer? Or was it because she didn’t have air conditioning?
I didn’t want to even consider it being the latter.
“Everything okay with the baby?” I pressed.
She nodded. “Everything is fine. The baby is healthy.”
I didn’t like this. I didn’t like how she’d gone from being so open and vulnerable with me at Addy’s wedding to this.
I was well aware of the fact that I was responsible for the state of things between us, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.
“That’s good,” I said as we came to a stop beside her car.
She wasn’t driving some fancy SUV or sports car. A Toyota Camry. Safe, reliable, and affordable.
After she opened her trunk and reached for the bags, I noticed how she turned her body, so her belly wasn’t pressed into the side of the cart. Immediately, I reached out and said, “Let me get these for you.”
My hand grazed hers, and she pulled away quickly. As much as I deserved that, I didn’t like it.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“It’s really no problem,” I insisted as I set my bag down in the front of her cart to free my hands to get the rest of her bags.
Sienna leaned toward my bag, looked inside, and noted, “Chips and dip. Seems like a solid choice.”
My lips twitched. She was teasing. I took that as a good sign.
“The guys are coming over for a bit tomorrow night,” I shared. “I already have burgers and hot dogs, so anything else would have been a waste.”
“No vegetables?”
I cocked an eyebrow at her, and she gave me a nod.
“Foolish question,” she mumbled.
I put the last of her bags in her trunk and closed it. “I’ll take care of bringing the cart back for you,” I told her.
“Thank you.” When I made no move to do that right away, she asked, “Is there something else?”
Now, it was my turn to hesitate. There were a bunch of somethings I wanted to say, but none of them seemed right. I’m not sure they ever would.
“I… Sienna, I’d really like to figure this out,” I stammered.
“What exactly are you hoping to figure out, Roscoe?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I’d like to help you and provide for the baby.”
She shook her head. “It’s not necessary,” she assured me.
I knew that was a lie. If it wasn’t necessary, she wouldn’t have been adding up her groceries as she walked through the store, nor would she have needed to put a carton of ice cream back in the freezer.
“It is. You shouldn’t have to do all of this on your own,” I reasoned.
She tipped her head to the side, and something I couldn’t read washed over her face. “Are you going to be there to help me raise this baby?”
I didn’t know if I had it in me to do that.
“I’m trying to do what I know I can do to help you,” I replied.
“You don’t even believe this baby is yours,” she shot back. “Why would you want to provide financial support for someone else’s child?”
“I do believe the baby is mine, Sienna,” I assured her. “I was shocked when you showed up, and I started to panic. I’m sorry. I never meant to insinuate anything about you.”
She nodded slowly with understanding.
“There’s very little that I know about raising a child, but I can promise you that money isn’t all there is to it,” she began. “I don’t want your money, Roscoe.”
“But you’d take it if I said that I’d raise the baby with you?” I questioned her.
Sienna looked away and murmured, “We’d be doing it together. It would be different.”
She doesn’t need you, Roscoe. But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want you.
Sadie was right. Sienna wanted far more out of this than I could ever give her. “Please think about it,” I begged her.
Her eyes, which I noticed were now wet, came to mine. “Okay. Sure. I’ll think about it.”
“You’re not going to, are you?”
“What do you want from me?” she asked, growing agitated.
I jerked back at the harshness in her tone. A moment later, I replied, “I just want you to let me help in the way that I can.”
“You mean in the way that’s convenient for you?” she countered.
I took in a deep breath and sighed. “Sienna, please—”
“What, Roscoe? I’m not going to take your money so you can ease your conscience about this. I get it. I was good enough to fuck, but I’m not good enough for more than that.”
“Sienna—”
“No. I’m fine. She’ll be fine. And she’ll be that way because I’ll make it so, no matter what it takes.”
My eyes dropped to her belly and widened. She’ll be fine.
“It’s… it’s a girl?” I rasped, returning my attention to her face as my heart pounded wildly in my chest.
Sienna lifted her hand to her belly and rubbed her hand over it. “It’s just a feeling I have,” she said softly. “I wanted to wait until the delivery to find out for sure.”
She had a feeling it was a girl. What if she w
as right? I’d have a daughter. I’d have a daughter who’d look like her mother. She’d grow up to be a teenager and boys would want to date her. She could meet guys who were just like me.
And if that happened… my daughter could wind up like Sienna. Pregnant and alone because some guy only wanted one thing and wouldn’t do right by her.
Something constricted in my chest, and I started to panic.
“Can I take you out for dinner?” I asked.
Sienna blinked her eyes in surprise. “What?”
“Dinner. Can I take you out for dinner?” I repeated.
“For what?”
I didn’t know how to answer that. What was I supposed to say? Did I tell her I wasn’t ready for her to leave just yet? Should I explain the scenario that just went through my head? Would it be a bad idea to tell her that I didn’t want to just provide for the baby, but for her as well?
“I thought it might be nice to sit down and talk to each other,” I said.
Her eyes searched my face for a long time. “I can’t, Roscoe. I’m sorry, but that’s a really bad idea,” she said as she moved toward the front of the car to the driver’s side door.
“Why?”
She pulled open her door and answered, “Because I can’t handle whatever it is that you’re trying to do right now. I’ve just managed to come to terms with where I am in this pregnancy, and I’m doing my best to prepare for what’s ahead. I need you to respect what I’ve gone through and how hard I’ve worked to get to this point. You’ve known about this pregnancy for two weeks and not once have you reached out since the day you found out. I’m not going to have you see me in public one time and have you feel nostalgia for what we had one night. We won’t ever have that again.”
At that, she eased herself into the car.
I stood there, feeling completely stunned.
When she put her hand to the door, she said, “Thank you for your help with the groceries and for offering to take the cart back.”
I couldn’t speak, so I simply nodded.
“Goodbye, Roscoe.”
Sienna didn’t wait for a response from me. She closed her door, started the car, and drove off.
I stood there and watched her car drive out of the lot. Once she was gone, I put the chips and dip in my vehicle. Then I marched right back into the store and bought five packs of diapers and three cartons of ice cream.
Eleven
Roscoe
“Thanks for hosting us tonight, Roscoe.”
That came from Raid.
This was the first time all the guys and I had gotten together since we got back from being on tour. Sure, I’d visited Beck not long after his daughter was born. And I obviously saw Walker that night I went to his place after I’d learned that Sienna was pregnant, and he and Sadie knew about it.
So, individually, we’d all seen one another. But this was the first we were all together.
Grilling and chilling.
That’s what tonight was about.
And it was nice because it was exactly the distraction I needed after what happened last night at the grocery store with Sienna.
I hadn’t stopped thinking about her since I got home and dumped three tubs of ice cream into my freezer and tossed the packs of diapers into one of the spare bedrooms I had. I didn’t really know what I planned to do with any of it, but I felt better knowing I had it.
Trying to come up with a solution, trying to figure out a way to get Sienna to even join me for a meal, wasn’t going to be easy.
But I was determined to figure it out.
We might not be what she wanted us to be, but I didn’t want her or our baby struggling and suffering, either. She’d known my family nearly all her life. She was my sister’s best friend. That alone was reason enough for me not to want to see her in a situation where she had to decide between a pack of diapers and a carton of ice cream.
For tonight, I was simply hoping to kick back with the guys and fool myself into believing that everything was going right in my life.
Luckily, I had a chance to speak to Walker alone when he first arrived, and I confirmed he hadn’t said anything to anyone else about what he knew.
With confirmation he hadn’t, I realized I’d be able to ignore the reality of my own personal situation just a little bit longer.
“It’s nothing, man,” I said to Raid as I set a plate with a bunch of burgers and hot dogs down on the table. We were sitting out on the deck that overlooked the pool. “Besides, I’m guessing that Beck needed the break.”
“This is my first night out since Rosie was born,” Beck confirmed.
“How is she doing?” Cash asked, reaching out for a burger.
It took almost no time for Beck’s expression to change. Something light and happy came over him. “She’s perfect,” he declared.
“It feels like there was going to be a but in that statement,” I noted before taking a sip of my beer.
Beck shook his head. “No. I mean, it’s utterly exhausting. I never imagined how much work we’d be in for.”
That right there had me going right back to the thoughts I’d been having for the last two weeks, the thoughts I’d hoped to forget about for just one evening.
Beck confirming just how much his life had changed and how unprepared he had been for the amount of work it was to have a baby reaffirmed part of my decision to not be involved. This baby would consume my entire life.
Before anyone else could respond, Beck added, “Regardless of the amount of work, I wouldn’t change it for anything.”
“What?” I asked.
He brought his gaze to me. “It’s so worth it. Every sleepless night is worth it because that little girl is my whole life. Rosie and Luna fill me up in ways I never thought were possible. And Chasey is the only reason I’m managing to figure this all out. She does it all so effortlessly. That woman brings me happiness that not even the music can touch.”
“I hear that,” Walker jumped in, squeezing some mustard onto his hot dog. “That’s why I eventually got to that point where I was ready to give up the music for Sadie if I had to.”
At that declaration, I watched as Cash and Killian nodded their agreement. Raid wasn’t in a situation where he’d give up his music, but I could tell from the look on his face that he felt the same as the rest of the guys. He’d give up his livelihood for Holland if it came right down to it.
And that’s what blew my mind.
How could any of them feel that way? Music was my whole life. Nothing had ever given me the feeling that I got when I walked out on stage and played for a live crowd. I never wanted to lose that feeling.
“I’m sure Chasey feels the same about you,” Cash reasoned.
Beck shrugged, clearly indifferent to Cash’s assertion.
“I think he’s right, Beck,” Killian jumped in while he squirted ketchup onto his burger. “You’ve got to be doing something right because Magnolia came home from your place last weekend and told me that when we have a baby, I needed to get tips from you and how to do it all. From what I heard, the women were seriously impressed with you.”
“That’s nice to hear, but I promise you’re not going to need any tips,” Beck insisted. “You’ll just do whatever needs to be done. In fact, I’m willing to bet that the moment you realize there’s a baby the two of you made growing inside her, you’ll just do what needs to be done. It’s hard to explain, but I promise you’re just going to feel it.”
My body stiffened. “Feel it?” I repeated. “What do you mean by that?”
“This overwhelming need to protect them and take care of them,” he started. “I felt that when it was just Chasey and Luna, to be honest. But when Chasey got pregnant with Rosie, it only got worse for me. And I don’t mean that in a bad way. I would have done anything to make Chasey’s life easier.”
Is that what happened to me at the grocery store? Is that why I struggled so much with seeing Sienna carefully selecting what she put in her cart? Was this what Beck
meant when he told Killian he’d just feel it?
“Sienna’s pregnant,” I announced.
When my gaze moved around the table to see the look of shock—or perhaps curiosity, if they forgot who Sienna was—on their faces, there was none to be found.
“We were wondering when you were going to tell us,” Cash finally responded.
“God, I felt like this was the most tense conversation waiting for that confirmation,” Raid remarked, setting his beer down and picking up a burger.
My eyes slid to Walker. “You told me you didn’t share it with anyone,” I said.
“I didn’t,” he replied, his mouth full of food.
Looking around the table at the rest of them, I found myself questioning what I’d missed. “I don’t understand. How do you all know?”
“All the girls went over to Beck and Chasey’s last Friday,” Killian explained. “Sienna included. Sadie already knew, but the rest of them found out then.”
My eyes went back to Walker. “So, you didn’t say anything about it, but Sadie did?”
“No, she didn’t. She merely invited Sienna to join them that night,” Walker corrected me. “Sienna was the one who shared the news about her pregnancy.”
“You’re talking semantics here,” I mumbled.
“And you’re focused on the wrong thing,” he shot back. “You should be feeling grateful that Sadie, Holls, Chasey, Mags, and Demi all welcomed Sienna like they did and offered her the support she’s clearly not getting from you.”
I looked away from him and couldn’t help but notice the look on the rest of their faces. They knew what they were doing the whole time. They all knew, and not one of them said anything.
“Did she put you all up to this?” I asked.
“Roscoe, man, listen to yourself,” Cash urged. “Do you honestly know anything about Sienna? Do you think she has that in her?”
I was too ashamed to admit I didn’t know much about her aside from knowing she was shy when she was younger, and she seemed to have found some strength and determination since then. And I knew the way it felt to sink between her legs, how she kissed, and the way she tasted.
None of that was anything I was willing to share with them.
