I felt sick.
I wanted to throw up.
Kian had his arm around Effy and he was pulling her into him as they both laughed. She was looking into his eyes like he was a fucking rock star, and my bruised and battered heart gave up completely.
What the actual fuck?
I thought that little shit was my friend, but he was all over her like a rash, and she was doing nothing to push him away. Watching them was sending me further and further into the fucked-up abyss that I was desperately trying to claw my way out of.
I couldn’t look at them any longer, I was shaking so badly. And suddenly, I felt stupid for being there watching, like I was some kind of creeper.
I started the van back up and sped out of the car park, not even looking in my rear-view mirror in case I saw something I really didn’t want to see. I thought my night couldn’t get any worse, but karma wasn’t done with me yet.
I drove way too fast back to Sandland and parked the van outside Zak’s place. When I shut the engine off, I noticed another message had come through. Sighing, feeling totally exhausted by this whole night, I grabbed my phone and opened it. Another message from the soldiers, only this one was a video link.
Fuck.
It started much the same as the last one, only this time, I had a closer view of my uncle strapped to the chair. A ring side seat to witness his misery, if you like. He looked bloody and beaten and had a rag in his mouth that he moaned and wailed through. A fist flew through the air and landed an almighty punch on his face, causing his head to rear back. It didn’t knock him out though. They’d need to hit a lot harder than that to put Tony out.
There was no talking on this video, no voice giving me instructions. This was my reward for a job well done, and that didn’t need commentary.
I watched frozen in a fear-induced daze as the camera shook a little then focused on Tony’s hands. The bolt cutters came into shot and I tensed and felt bile rise up in my throat as whoever was holding those cutters slid them over Tony’s fingers and then clamped down hard. The sound of crunching and screaming followed by men’s laughter filled the air around me, and they didn’t let up. They opened the cutters again and clamped back down. Once they’d finished with the left hand, they moved to the right, and I felt my head swim with nausea at having to watch this. But I couldn’t look away, and my sickness stemmed only from a basic human reaction. I felt no sympathy for my uncle. He deserved this and so much more.
“Won’t have much chance to fiddle with kiddies anymore, will you, now you’ve got no fucking fingers,” Adam Noble’s distinctive deep voice hissed.
“He won’t even be able to wank himself off,” Colton King said, cackling.
Meanwhile, my uncle thrashed in the chair as the stubs of his hands bled onto the floor. Then there was a clatter of metal, probably the bolt cutters hitting the concrete, and the video cut off.
I was shaking so badly I could barely hold my phone. I ran my hand over my face and tried to makes sense of it all. Was this really happening?
My phone buzzed one last time.
Level one completed. Congratulations.
Welcome to level two.
I figured there were two things I could do to deal with the black hole my head was currently stuck in. Stay at Zak’s and wallow in self-pity and self-loathing, listen to him lecture me about how to successfully pull women and try to block out the horror of that video that I couldn’t seem to shake from my memory. Or I could head out, talk to Effy, and sort out the mess that was my life. If anyone could chase away the dark clouds that the video had brought over me, it was her.
I hadn’t contacted her at all after seeing her leaving the cinema with Kian that night. And even though I checked my phone way too much for any sane person, she hadn’t contacted me either. My phone was officially dead, along with my sorry excuse for a heart. I supposed I should see the lack of contact as a positive, seeing as the messages I got these days usually brought bad news, but it only added to my anxiety. I wanted to see her. I needed to know if it was really over.
After a few more minutes of procrastinating, I gave in and headed out. Life wasn’t going to come knocking at my door anytime soon. Not the life I wanted for myself, anyway.
When I arrived in her street, I had an attack of nerves. Should I have rung her first? Maybe she wouldn’t want to see me after the last time? Would Kian be there? Was I walking straight into a rejection of my own making?
I tried to ignore the self-doubt plaguing my brain and focus on putting one foot in front of the other, until I was standing outside her door and there was nowhere else to go. I’d ignored my subconscious and let my body take control. The joys of switching to automatic pilot. But now, I was back in control and shaking like a leaf.
I pushed the doorbell and couldn’t help smiling despite my nerves when I heard her dog bark in response. Effy opened the door, crouching down slightly and holding her dog back by her collar to stop her escaping and darting for the road. Her mouth dropped open when she saw it was me, and she didn’t speak for a few seconds, making me swallow nervously, not sure what to say. But then her face lit up, her eyes shone and she came to stand on the porch with me, locking her dog behind her in the house.
“Hey. How are you?” She pushed her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “You look well. Did you get everything sorted the other night? You know, the business? I’m sorry if I was a bit off with you at Harper and Brandon’s. I was just…” She was rambling. A clear sign she was nervous too.
“It’s fine. It’s okay. Yes, I got it sorted, and yes, I’m okay. You look well too.” I took a few breaths, wondering if the next words out of my mouth would be my biggest regret ever. “I came to the cinema. It was late and you were leaving, but I came. I saw you.”
“I didn’t see you there.” She wrinkled her nose up and stared at the ground like she was trying to remember. “Why didn’t you come over to us?”
“You looked busy. With Kian.” That was all I could say. My whole mouth had dried up and I kept my hands hidden behind my back so she couldn’t see me shaking.
“Kian?” She laughed and then her face turned deadly serious. “Oh my God, did you think something was going on? Seriously? You thought I went there with Kian?”
“He had his arm around you.” I spoke quietly. I didn’t want to sound like a jealous boyfriend, but my emotions were all over the place and I was losing my grip on reality.
“He had his arm around Ryan most of the night, and Emily too, until Ryan told him to fuck off. Did you really think I was with him?” She screwed her face up in disgust. “I don’t like Kian like that. I’d never do that to you.”
And just like that the weight pressing down on my chest––making it difficult to breathe––suddenly lifted.
I believed her.
I swallowed, feeling embarrassed that I’d had those thoughts in the first place. If I was truly honest with myself, the thought of Kian and Effy as a thing was ridiculous. Maybe the soldiers were messing with my head more than I realised? Them, and my uncle. My whole grasp on what was real was becoming distorted.
“I’m sorry. I just saw him and you… and I thought…”
“You put two and two together and came up with fifty three thousand. Finn, if you ever doubt me again, you need to let me know. Talk to me. I know you’re not a talker, but shit like that needs sorting out, instead of leaving it to fester. If I saw you with another girl, I’d lose my mind, but I’d talk to you about it. That’s what normal people do.”
Normal. That wasn’t a label I’d ever use for my life.
She sighed and I gave her a shy smile, cocking my head to the side to try and look cute.
“Like I said, I’m sorry. I’m an idiot.” I shrugged, hoping we could move on from this because embarrassment was as familiar to me as another limb, but I still despised it.
She nodded in agreement and smiled back.
“What have you got behind your back?” She narrowed her eyes at me in play
ful accusation.
I didn’t want to show up empty-handed, but I wasn’t the kind of guy that bought flowers and chocolates or stuff like that. The gifts I gave her were always unique.
“It’s a rose. But not just any rose.”
I’d made the flower myself, saw the idea online and thought it looked cool. It held much more meaning, and at the time, I thought it’d trump any shitty gift Kian might’ve given her.
“Is that pages from a book?” she asked as she reached out to take it from me and turned it over in her hands like it was delicate treasure.
“Yeah. I swiped pages out of Zak’s copy of Harry Potter to make it. I’m hoping he doesn’t read it again anytime soon and find out.”
She laughed now; a proper, genuine laugh.
“I love Harry Potter, and this is so thoughtful, but I’m not entirely sure how I feel about you massacring a book.”
I hadn’t seen it like that and I could feel the sweat start to trickle down my back as my cheeks flamed red.
“Just promise you’ll stay away from my bookshelf.” She chuckled, bumping me playfully with her shoulder. “I’m kidding, Finn. It’s beautiful. Thank you. It’s way better than a normal rose that’d die in a few days.”
“That’s what I thought too.” See, great minds thought alike. She got me. Even if she did question the safety of literature when I was around.
“I can keep this in my memory box.”
“You have a memory box?” I asked. The way she blushed was so cute that I had to press further. “Are you getting forgetful in your old age? It all goes downhill after eighteen,” I joked, shaking my head regretfully.
“It’s my Finn box,” she replied, and then her eyes went wide, and her cheeks flushed brighter. “Oh my God. I really shouldn’t have told you that. I’m so embarrassed.” She grimaced to herself, but I wasn’t going to let her suffer.
“Don’t be embarrassed, I think it’s sweet. What else is in the box?” I really did want to know.
“Well, there’s pictures that you’ve drawn for me. There may or may not be napkins in there too that you’ve doodled on.”
“Doodled?” I laughed. “I like that word. What else?”
“Why don’t you come inside and see?”
And this was why I loved her. Five minutes in her presence and all I cared about was her and how she made me feel. Nothing else mattered.
I had to admit, my stomach flipped at the thought of stepping into her house. I really wanted to go to her room and get a true insight into what made her tick, but at the same time, my nerves were out of control.
“I’m not sure. Are your parents home?”
“Yes, but they won’t mind. They’d like to meet you.”
I highly doubted that. In my experience, parents didn’t take too kindly to guys like me rocking up to see their daughters.
“I wouldn’t be so sure.”
“Oh, come on. They’re cool.”
I debated saying no to her again. Emily’s parents hated Ryan, although that was a mutual feeling. And Harper’s parents still disliked Brandon, even though they were about to have the twins. Why would Effy’s parents be any different? I wouldn’t want my daughter around a guy like me.
But as much as I wanted to turn around and walk away, avoiding any awkward parental interrogation, I couldn’t. Just this once, I wanted to say yes to her and surprise her.
“Fine. But I can’t stay long and don’t expect me to make conversation. I’m––”
“A quick hello will be fine,” she added to put me at ease. “Then you can come to my room and I’ll show you my memories.”
I smirked. I couldn’t help it. The deviant part of me was hoping she’d show me more than just memories.
Cautiously, I stepped into her hallway and her dog rushed towards me, jumping up as I tried to stroke her.
“Luna, get down,” Effy scolded. “I’m sorry, she’s a husky. They can get a bit hyper when they’re excited. She always has way too much energy. She likes you though.”
“She’s beautiful,” I said, petting her and crouching to her level to give her more fuss.
I didn’t mind pets. I loved dogs. In fact, I preferred animals to humans half the time. Stroking Luna gave me something to do, distracting me from my racing thoughts.
“It’s through here.” Effy walked down the hallway and called out for me to follow her. As I walked, Luna came too, trailing me like a trusty shadow, my new found protector.
Effy’s house was the complete opposite of mine. The cream carpets were so soft your feet sunk into them. Ours was threadbare and filthy. Walking down her hallway, you could feel the warmth coming from the radiators. Ours were old and never on long enough to make a difference to the overall temperature of the house. This was a family home, full of light and love. Ours was a building to house people who didn’t give a fuck about anyone other than themselves.
“Mum, Dad, this is Finn.”
I stopped at the doorway to the living room and glanced nervously inside. Effy’s mum was sitting on the sofa with her legs up, resting them on the dad’s lap, and he was massaging her feet as they watched some documentary on Netflix. When he heard Effy introduce me, he paused the show and turned to look at me, but he didn’t scowl like I’d expected. He beamed and then his smile grew wider as he looked to his wife before glancing back at me and saying, “Hey there, Finn. I’m Steve.” He slid her feet to the side and got up off the sofa, extending his arm out to shake my hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
I shook it, worried that my grip wasn’t firm enough and he’d think I wasn’t good enough for his daughter.
Effy’s mum jumped up next and came over to shake my hand too.
“I’m Jenny, Jen. It’s so nice to meet you, Finn. We’ve heard a lot about you. You’re the artist, right? Effy has shown us a few of your drawings. You’re very talented. Did you make that rose there?” She pointed at the paper rose still clutched in Effy’s hand.
I nodded, but Effy replied.
“He did. Isn’t it amazing? He used the pages of a Harry Potter book.”
Her mum took the rose off her to get a better look as her dad raised his brows at me as if to say, ‘Nice touch.’
“You could make a whole bouquet of these,” her mum said. “My friends would go crazy to buy them. What a fantastic idea.”
I stuttered over my words. I didn’t want her to think I was some genius, taking credit where it wasn’t due.
“That wasn’t my idea. I saw it online. I’m not that clever.”
“You made it, so it’s yours. Don’t put yourself down,” her mum added. “I’ve seen your work, remember? I know all about your originality. You’re a skilled and talented artist. Own it.” Her mum narrowed her eyes at me, but not in an offensive way. More to encourage me not to argue with her. She liked it and that was all there was to it. “Can I get you a drink?” she asked, smiling and instantly lightening the mood.
“No, its fine. I’m okay.” I didn’t trust myself with a glass. I’d probably end up spilling it all over their pristine cream carpets. But then looking at how excited they seemed to be to meet me, I doubted that they’d care. Not like my mum would’ve.
“I wanted to show Finn some of the stuff I’ve collected up in my room. Is that okay?” I stiffened as she spoke. I couldn’t believe Effy would go there. I’d expected her to bring it down to the living room. In all honesty, I’d thought she was joking when she suggested I go to her room when we were outside. Her parents were not going to like that, and they sure as hell wouldn’t like me anymore if they thought I was trying to get a free pass into their daughter’s bedroom. But I was knocked for six when her dad grinned back and then shrugged to his wife.
“Sure. I don’t see why not.” He patted me on the arm and sat back down. “It’s nice seeing you, Finn. You’re welcome here any time.”
“Thank you.” I bowed my head like I was addressing royalty.
They actually liked me. Probably more so than my own
parents. A five minute meeting and I’d found out they knew more about what I stood for than my own parents ever did. There were no threats, no salty looks, and I hadn’t been chased out with the family shotgun pointed at my ass. Even the dog, Luna, was licking my hand. I had not expected this.
I followed Effy out of the living room, back down the hallway and up the wide staircase with its highly polished mahogany handrails. I gripped it extra hard to give me the support I needed to carry my shaking legs upstairs.
When we got to her room, I was surprised to find it wasn’t all pink and girlie. Maybe that was unfair of me. Effy never really was a girlie girl. She had some kind of fairy lights strung up around the top of her bed, but her carpets and curtains were grey and the walls left white, with just a few framed pictures dotted around. When I looked closer, I realised those pictures were ones I’d drawn, only on a larger scale.
“My dad blew them up on his computer at work. I hope it doesn’t freak you out,” she said, gesturing to the drawing I’d done of Luna that hung over her bed.
“Not at all. They actually look really cool like that.” I glanced around, not really sure what to do with myself. There was one of those swinging, hanging chair things in the corner, but I didn’t fancy my chances trying to navigate that, so I sat on the edge of her bed and threaded my fingers together, resting my hands in-between my legs. Effy moved some of the fluffy cushions from off the bed and threw them on the floor, then reached into a cupboard nearby and pulled out a grey velvet box.
“Promise you won’t freak out or hate me forever,” she said, pretending to tease but looking deadly serious as she held the box in her lap. “I swear I’m not a crazy, weirdo stalker. I just like keeping things.” She shrugged and the honesty in her eyes made my heart skip a beat.
“I promise.” I swivelled to the side to face her. “Come on, show me what you’ve got.”
She laughed and placed the box down in-between us, and when she lifted the lid, I fell a little more in love with her. She had every picture I’d ever drawn placed inside a plastic pocket to protect it. There were napkins that’d been smoothed out with my random scribbles on them. Printed messages from when we advertised our events online. I saw a few leaflets and other things from our school days, and then I saw a book. I picked it up and frowned at her as I read the title.
Fractured Minds (Rebels of Sandland Book 3) Page 11
