Goal Line (Madison Howlers #4)

by Camellia Tate

  It had been less than 24 hours, but Annie missed him already.

  Chapter Sixteen

  TWO DAYS LATER, Devon still didn’t think he was ready to speak to Annie. It hurt to know that she hadn’t trusted him, that she had assumed he’d break up with her if he knew the truth about her family. The more time Devon had spent thinking about it, the more he knew why it hurt so much.

  He loved Annie. There was no doubt in Devon’s mind or heart that he loved her. So thinking that she couldn’t trust him, that she didn’t know him well enough to know that she could? That hurt.

  It was a little surprising how good Devon’s team had been about the whole thing. He assumed it was because they could see how unhappy he was. Still, it would be a lie to say that Devon wouldn’t have preferred the whole thing not to come out at a press conference.

  Having so many people know that Devon’s girlfriend didn’t trust him with her truth felt pretty shitty. It bothered Devon that he didn’t know what he could’ve done differently for Annie to have told him.

  Thankfully, despite all the thoughts running through Devon’s head, he still played good hockey. It was why it was a little surprising to be asked by Hayden to stay behind. Hayden was new at being a captain but no one had been surprised it had been him to take the position.

  Hayden was good people. He always had been. While Devon might not have expected him to sit Devon down for a talk, he couldn’t be that surprised that if anyone would be it’d be the captain.

  “I know my game’s not off,” Devon said once they got to Devon’s house and he’d gotten them both bottles of water. “So what is this? A pep talk?” He supposed he wouldn’t turn one down.

  Hayden shook his head, settling himself into Devon’s comfortable couch. “I only give pep talks about hockey,” he answered. Devon could kind of see that. Hayden had a lot of qualities that were important for a captain, but he wasn’t the most outgoing person on the team. Or the most energetic. ‘Pep’ wasn’t quite his style.

  “It’s more… me offering to be a listening ear,” Hayden continued. “Your game isn’t off, but you look miserable when you’re not on the ice.” That was fair. Devon felt pretty miserable. Hockey was the only time he was able to put Annie completely out of his mind.

  And, to be fair to Hayden, Devon probably needed to talk about it. His mom had rung him after she’d seen the press conference, asking him how he was doing. Devon hadn’t lied. But he also hadn’t totally opened up to her. It wasn’t something Devon wanted to talk about, to tell her - or anyone else - how he felt like he’d let Annie down by not being someone she could trust fully.

  “Well, you were there for the press conference,” Devon said finally, taking a seat in the armchair next to the couch. “Annie and I... I don’t know if ‘had a fight’ is the right explanation. We argued. She told me that she hadn’t wanted to tell me in case I reacted badly,” he explained.

  Devon gave a sigh then. “I’ve asked her for a break. I just... I need to get my thoughts straight. I don’t really care that her dad owns the Mammoths, even if it is kind of weird. But I find it pretty upsetting that she thought I would care.”

  At least Devon had always been good at telling other people how he felt. That came in very useful right now.

  “Some people are pretty intense about sports rivalries,” Hayden observed. He had a way of keeping his tone neutral, not weighing in on either side. It was refreshing. Devon wasn’t sure how many of his friends wouldn’t have just jumped onto what they perceived to be his side of an argument.

  And Devon did know people who were a lot more aggressive towards rivals than he was. “I imagine she saw that a lot, growing up,” Hayden continued. “I Googled it. Her dad’s been the owner of the Mammoths for over twenty years.”

  Since Annie was six, then. Devon didn’t know if that made her not telling him worse.

  “Why do you think she worried?” Hayden asked.

  “I don’t know,” Devon answered honestly. “I really wish I did. I don’t know what I did or said that made her feel like she couldn’t tell me.” It hurt to think that it was his fault that Annie hadn’t opened up to him. Especially because Devon had been so sure she must be it, that she must be his Antonia, the one he’d looked for for years.

  Running a hand over his face, Devon sighed. “I don’t know why she wouldn’t trust me. What if there’s other stuff she hasn’t told me? She kept telling me that I know her, but do I?” Devon wanted to know Annie. But this was a pretty fucking big thing to have kept from him.

  Hayden frowned. “That seems like two separate issues,” he said. “Did she say that something you did made it hard for her to trust you?” Devon wasn’t sure what Hayden was getting at. Annie had said that she couldn’t tell him about her dad - so he must have done something.

  He was about to say so when Hayden continued. “People worry about things there’s no real reason to worry about,” he said. “They worry because something is important to them, and they’re afraid of how they’d feel if they lost it. Just because she worried, doesn’t mean it’s something you caused.”

  “So you think it’s fine that she hadn’t told me?” Devon asked with a frown. He didn’t intend for it to sound like he was accusing Hayden of saying that or taking Annie’s side or whatever. Devon didn’t think there were sides. “That’s not me being defensive. I literally mean... do you? Was it fine? It doesn’t feel fine to me.”

  Maybe if it did, then Devon wouldn’t feel so hurt by it. She had lied to him. Probably mostly by omission, but Devon wasn’t sure that still didn’t just count as lying.

  “No,” Hayden said, shaking his head. “I don’t think it’s my place to tell you what is or isn’t fine in your relationship, Devon.” He offered a small smile, and Devon nodded. Hayden wasn’t the type to offer his opinions as if they were fact. Except about hockey, and he got a pass for that. He was the captain, after all.

  Hayden lifted a hand to scratch his chin. “I was just trying to draw your attention to a difference between what you’re saying and what you’re feeling. You say that Annie was worried. You feel as though that means you did something wrong. But it doesn’t have to mean that. It could mean she’s worried because of something in her, something to do with the way she thinks.”

  Devon could see how Hayden might be right. He supposed that he just wanted Annie to be happy. And that meant not having her worry about him and what Devon might say or do. Yet, they’d definitely had an argument before that had ended up showing how they just thought differently. Maybe this was like that, too.

  “I do see what you mean,” Devon said and then sighed. “I just... I want to make her happy. I want her to feel like she can tell me anything,” he commented. He gave Hayden a significant look. “She might be my soulmate. It feels... it feels like she is.” Ironically, despite having spent so long looking, Devon had no idea how to truly tell.

  Raising an eyebrow, Hayden let Devon consider that for a long minute. “I think if you still want to make her happy, after you know she kept this from you, that probably means something,” he said at last. “If she didn’t matter to you, I think you’d be a lot more angry and a lot less worried.”

  Hayden shrugged. “I understand being worried about what else she hasn’t told you,” he added, returning to what Devon had wondered earlier. Devon hadn’t known she was lying - by omission or otherwise - about her family. If she’d been lying about anything else, could there be more he didn’t know? Devon wished that he could say that that wasn’t the case with some degree of confidence.

  “The only person who can tell you that is Annie,” Hayden said. “I think you’d be within your rights to tell her that if there’s anything else, you need her to tell you now.”

  “Well, yeah,” Devon agreed. That bit was pretty obvious. Devon needed to feel like he could trust Annie if they were going to carry on. And that definitely did involve talking to her. Devon supposed the time had come to actually talk to her. He didn’t want to drag this
out more anyway.

  Despite everything, Devon missed Annie. Since he’d started dating her, this was the longest he’d gone without at least texting with her. “Thanks, Hayden,” Devon said, offering his captain a smile. “I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.” He really did. “But can you go now, so I can see if Annie will come over?”

  His bluntness made Hayden laugh, but Devon’s captain didn’t seem to mind. “Well, when you put it that way,” he teased. He got to his feet, moving to give Devon’s shoulder a hard, reassuring squeeze.

  “I hope it goes well,” he said, his tone earnest. “And I’m here, anytime you need to talk.”

  He didn’t wait for Devon to show him to the door.

  Devon really did appreciate Hayden taking the time. It would’ve been easy to suggest he stay longer. Maybe play some video games or whatever. But Devon knew that if he didn’t message Annie now, he’d just find it harder later. And he did miss her. Devon wanted to tell her that, to give her the opportunity to tell him what he should’ve done differently - if there was something - or tell him of anything else she might not have so far.

  While he still had his nerve, Devon pulled his phone out. It only took him a moment before he’d written out Please come over if you’re free, I’m home all day and sent it off. He knew she might be in class so Devon didn’t expect an immediate answer.

  He’d barely managed to put his phone down when it beeped with a reply. Annie was on her way over.

  It made Devon’s stomach flip. He looked around in case he needed to clean something. The thought almost made Devon laugh. He was nervous.

  Devon managed to distract himself for the half an hour it took Annie to get there. When the doorbell went, Devon could swear his palms were wet. If he could stop a puck flying at his face at 105mph, he could do this.

  When Devon opened the door, his breath caught in his throat a little. He’d missed her. He’d known that anyway, but seeing her stood there it hit him like a ton of bricks. There was some awkwardness as Devon invited Annie in, offering her a drink mostly because he felt like needed to say something. Finally, they both sat down on the couch that less than an hour ago had been occupied by Hayden.

  “I’m sorry for not messaging you sooner,” Devon said truthfully. “It’s been... weird not to talk to you every day.” It had only been two days but it felt like forever.

  Annie seemed nervous, too. Her hands fidgeted with the strap of the purse still sitting at her feet. Energy poured off her, restless, but she met Devon’s eyes bravely.

  “I missed you,” she breathed. “I didn’t know if you were really going to get in touch, or if -”

  She stopped, fingers twisting in the leather strap. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Devon,” she said. “I know that it must seem like that. And you’re right, I should have done better. But it’s not that I thought you wouldn’t understand.”

  Her babbling wasn’t making a huge amount of sense. She seemed to realize it, because her next words were slower. “I didn’t trust us enough,” she said. “You and me and what we had. I didn’t know if it would be enough for you to look past the rivalry.”

  Honestly, that hurt about as much as Devon had expected. He had trusted them. Devon had been open with Annie, as open as he’d ever been with anyone. And he’d felt like they’d matched. Both in general but also in their wish to make each other happy.

  “Why didn’t you trust us?” he asked. Devon still worried that maybe it was him, that there was something Annie thought he should’ve done better. If there was then Devon could try that. He wanted to be someone who Annie could trust. He wanted them together to be something that Annie could trust.

  Annie chewed her lower lip, hard enough that it looked like it must hurt. Devon had to resist the urge to tell her to stop. “I’ve been thinking about that,” she said. “Ever since I realized you were right, and that I didn’t put as much trust in you as I should have.”

  She sighed. “I don’t have a reason. It’s not because I didn’t like you enough, or because I thought you’d care about me being connected to another team.” It wasn’t really what Devon wanted to hear. He did his best to listen, to give her time to say whatever had been going through her mind.

  “I think I just… I didn’t know that trust was something you have to actively do. I thought that if I waited long enough, it would come. Now, I realize that it doesn’t work like that. I think that I should have taken a risk and trusted you with the truth.”

  Now that Devon wasn’t so overwhelmed with emotions, he was a lot more willing to listen to what Annie had to say. He got her explanation, of not knowing that trust was something she had to do. Trusting others was a challenge even when you didn’t have bad previous experiences. Devon couldn’t hold that against her.

  “I want to be someone you want to take a risk with; someone you trust with the truth,” Devon said. It meant a lot to him to be a good boyfriend, to be someone Annie wanted to be with. That was, he realized, part of what scared him. Devon didn’t want to fail Annie. It felt like he had.

  Annie’s smile was hesitant, but it still made Devon feel a comfortable warmth steal through his limbs. “You are,” she said, reaching out for Devon’s hand. He let her take it, let her lace her slim fingers through his. “I’m sorry that I didn’t take the risk when I should have done. If I could take it now, to show you that I trust you, then I would.”

  But Devon already knew about Annie’s dad, so she couldn’t. “I wish there was something I could do to prove that I’ve learned,” Annie said. Her teeth caught on her lower lip again, though with less agitation than before. “I know it’s not very fair, but I think I’m asking you to trust me that I have learned,” she explained.

  Devon thought about that, about how Annie was right. He could choose to always mistrust her, to hold a grudge. Or Devon could choose to accept that Annie hadn’t told him the truth one time and now regretted it. Hayden had told Devon to ask her if there was anything else. Devon thought he’d start with that.

  “Is there something else? If I’m going to trust you, I haven’t... I have to know if there’s something else that might come up and surprise me.” Devon didn’t think he could do that again.

  Annie didn’t answer immediately. In a way, Devon appreciated that. He wanted her to think, not just give him the answer that she thought he wanted to hear. “I really don’t think so,” Annie answered after a long pause. “I mean, there’s always going to be things that haven’t come up yet. But nothing I’m worried about.”

  She squeezed Devon’s hand in hers. “When my dad dies, I’ll probably inherit some of his shares in the Mammoths,” she offered. “Unless he’s sold it by then, or passes it all on to Sawyer. I’ve never asked what his plans are. But I can, if it’s important to you to know.”

  “No,” Devon shook his head. “I don’t need to know what you might inherit, that’s... that’s between you and your family.” It struck Devon that maybe that did matter to some people. Coming from a poor background, Devon had never considered stuff like inheritance. But it was probably something Annie had to worry about.

  Devon gave Annie’s hand a squeeze, just like how she’d done to his hand. “I want to trust you,” he told Annie truthfully. “So I’m going to.” It was as easy as that. Devon knew it didn’t have to be. He could make it more complicated. But Devon didn’t want to. He wanted things to be good between him and Annie. She was right, it was going to take him trusting her.

  Annie’s eyes widened. She clearly hadn’t expected it to be as easy as that. “So… does that mean we’re okay?” she asked, her voice wavering just a little. “You forgive me for not telling you sooner?”

  Before Devon could answer, Annie had rushed on. “I promise, I won’t do anything like that again,” she said. “If I think of anything that you need to know, I’ll tell you. Even if it scares me.” She gripped his hand harder. “I didn’t know what scary was until I thought I’d hurt you, Devon.”

  “You did
hurt me,” Devon said. He didn’t want Annie to think she hadn’t. That wouldn’t be fair on him. He saw the way she flinched at that. Devon shook his head. “But I forgive you. I don’t think you would hurt me intentionally.” And Devon really didn’t. He wished Annie had told him before. But she said it wasn’t his fault, that it had just been difficult.

  So Devon was going to accept that.

  He tugged Annie’s hand so she’d come closer until she was close enough that Devon could kiss her. It was slow at first, almost like they were refamiliarizing themselves with each other. Quickly, the kiss became more passionate as Devon pulled Annie into his lap.

  When they finally broke apart it was because both of them needed to catch their breaths. “I really did miss you,” Devon said his hand coming up to brush Annie’s hair off her face.

  Her fingers slid under the neck of Devon’s shirt, brushing across his skin. It sent sparks flying all the way to Devon’s toes. “I missed you too,” Annie breathed, her chest rising and falling appealingly under the thin material of her dress.

  “Not just this,” she added, tangling her fingers in Devon’s hair. “I did miss this. But I missed just talking to you. Knowing you want to hear about things that happen in my life. Even boring things.”

  Pressing one more kiss against Annie’s lips, Devon moved her off him, settling her on his other side so he could trap Annie between him and the couch. He pulled her legs over his lap, letting Annie cuddle into Devon. He’d missed this, too, being able to talk to her. Two days felt like a lifetime, Devon realized.

  “What boring things happened to you in the past two days?” Devon asked, a small smile playing on his lips. He realized that he honestly cared. He wanted to know all the things that Annie had done. No matter how boring they were, because when Annie did them they never felt boring.

  As Annie proceeded to tell him about how she’d burned toast for breakfast and how a neighbor next door had filled their balcony with gnomes, Devon hugged her in closer.