Hate Sober

by T. L Smith

  “You wanted me to leave you alone, Everly. I’ve given you your wish.”

  I sigh, moving to sit in front of his desk in the chair provided, crossing my legs. When I look back up at him, he’s glued to me with those dark eyes, assessing my every move.

  “How have you been?” I ask, genuinely wanting to know the answer.

  “I don’t do small talk, Everly. And soon there will be no talk at all with you. Once you hand me those papers granting your wish.” I clutch them in my hands and look down, not sure now if I want to surrender them to him.

  “I kissed another man…” I let it fall from my lips before I think about what I’m saying. When I look up, his eyes are even darker, almost black. Obviously, with that statement, I’ve managed to make him angry. I didn’t mean to do that, though. The words came out, even though I didn’t want them to. I feel like I’m confessing some sort of appalling sin, and now I seek absolution from him, so I continue, “Problem was… he wasn’t you.”

  I stand, dropping the papers on his desk. The ring is still firmly gripped in my hand, I just can’t part with it. Heading out the door, I pass the woman at reception and she offers me a small wave.

  “Looking forward to seeing you again, Mrs. Reid.”

  I don’t comment.

  There’s no use.

  She doesn’t need to know that this will be the last time I see Gunner Reid.

  And my heart? I’m pretty sure I just left it there with those papers. Well, what’s left of it anyway.

  11

  Everly

  I don’t even know how I made it home. My cell starts ringing the minute I sit. Looking at it to check, I don’t recognize the number, so I let it go to voicemail, not wanting to talk to anyone right now.

  It dings a minute later telling me I have a message, so I press play.

  Buck says, “So, hey, Ev. This is random…” He laughs and it’s cute. “I wanted to see if you’d like to come to the market with me tomorrow? Not a date… unless you want it to be. More to hang out.” He goes silent. “Well, this is my number, so message if you’re keen.” Silence fills the phone and I think he’s hung up and the message is finished but then he says, “Oh, and this is Buck, in case you didn’t know.” He hangs up and I sit back looking at my ring finger, contemplating my next move. Picking up my phone I message him.

  * * *

  I would love to. What time?

  * * *

  He replies straight away.

  * * *

  Around lunch? Would you like to meet me there or I could pick you up?

  * * *

  I live not far from the market. I’ll meet you there.

  * * *

  Putting my cell down, I fall asleep exactly where I am.

  This day? This day needs to be over.

  I spot him before he spots me, and I watch. His hands are in his jeans pockets as he looks around. He’s wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses cover his eyes. He really is a cowboy, and it’s very endearing. Walking his way, he has his back turned to me, so I tap his shoulder and he spins around. When he sees me, a smile plays on his lips, and it’s genuine. I’m a little shocked by it to be honest.

  Gunner has never looked at me like that.

  He’s always intense. Everything’s so intense with him.

  “I was thinking you weren’t going to show,” he says, removing his glasses, so I can see his beautiful eyes. His smile travels to them and the corners pinch, and I wonder why on earth he’s single.

  “Of course not,” I say with an honest smile.

  Buck nods his head and we start walking. He doesn’t grab my hand, simply gives me the freedom to do what I want. This is all very new to me and somewhat strange to have a man not try to possess me with every move he makes.

  Only five months ago I was getting married, and now I’m getting divorced. I hadn’t seen Gunner in three long months, until yesterday. And seeing him didn’t do what it was supposed to. It was meant to let me know what I’m doing is right. That I didn’t need him. That I can do this.

  Turning to face Buck, his smile is easy and not forced. He’s genuinely happy to be spending the day with me. Even after I got drunk, kissed him, showed him my boobs, and cried.

  Wow! What a guy.

  “So, what do you usually do on the weekends?” he asks, walking with his hands in his pockets but standing close enough I can smell him, and if I wanted to, all it would take is a sidestep to touch him.

  “Work. I own a local café and lately, if I’m not there, I’m at home. Nothing exciting usually,” I reply with a smile.

  “I own the bar, so I get you. Work takes up most of my life as well, and I haven’t stopped either.”

  “Why are you single?” I ask him, more out of curiosity than anything else. I have to know, because he’s a catch. He’s polite, good-looking, and owns his own business. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I’m just curious as to why.”

  We stop at a coffee stand and he orders himself a coffee and then looks back to me. I tell him my order and he pays, then we walk over to the bench and he takes a sip before he answers.

  “I guess after the last failed relationship, I knew I couldn’t do that again. And why waste someone’s time when I know they aren’t going to be it.”

  “How do you even know they’re going to be it, though?” I ask him, puzzled by his explanation.

  “I don’t. What I mean is… if I don’t find them attractive, not saying that is everything, but it’s a great starting point.” He winks at me. “And if they don’t hold my interest when I speak to them, I know it’s best I should move on. Why waste their time as well as my own?”

  I nod my head in understanding. “So, you find me attractive,” I state, grinning at him.

  He chuckles, and I like the sound. A lot.

  “I do. And on top of that, you’re very interesting, in your own tortured way.”

  “Why, thank you, I think.” He nudges me with his shoulder, and I think if my heart didn’t already beat stupidly for another, Buck would have a good chance of winning it over.

  “But…” his smile never leaves, “… you need time. I can tell. So, let’s be friends, and if it progresses… great. If it doesn’t… I gained myself an amazing friend.”

  “Thank you,” I reply.

  “Anytime.” And I know he means it.

  We spend at least another hour walking around and laughing, checking out all the market has to offer before we start to head home. It feels good to laugh after the day I had yesterday. I need it, I need normality and a sense of wellbeing. And Buck, well, I hope Buck and I become friends, because I really need one.

  “This is me,” I say, pointing to my apartment.

  “You walked?” he asks, looking up then back to me.

  “I did.”

  “It was a pleasure to spend the day with you, Everly. I look forward to another one.”

  “As do I.”

  He leans in, and at first, I think he’s going to kiss me. But being the gentleman he is, he simply kisses my cheek and smiles, then he turns to walk away. I watch him go, staring at his ass and smile when he turns back to catch me watching him. I offer him a small wave, and I swear I hear him chuckle as he crosses the street.

  Turning and stepping inside my building, I go straight to my door. When I reach it, my heart drops and the coffee that’s in my hand drops to the floor. Luckily, it’s now cold.

  “Gunner.”

  He’s leaning against my door, which is just inside the complex, his head’s down as he stares at his cell, and when he sees me, he pushes off and slides his phone into his pocket with ease. It has a negative effect on me that he isn’t affected to see me like I am him.

  “What—”

  “Your date finished?” he asks in a hard, almost ominous voice. Obviously, he was watching me through the complex doors.

  I’ve come to learn this is his angry voice because he talks through gritted teeth. I look over my shoulder and bac
k at him. Gunner would have seen everything—the cheek kiss and me watching Buck walk away and taking in his ass.

  “It’s—” I stop talking because he doesn’t need to know it wasn’t a date. He has no rights where I am concerned. After all, he sent me the divorce papers. We are done, so I say, “Why are you here?”

  Rolled up in his back pocket he hands me the forms, I take them looking down.

  “You didn’t sign the papers in all the places marked.” He goes to walk away again, and just as he gets to the complex door, I stop him with a few simple words, “Have you been with anyone else?” I completely ignore the fact that he’s told me I haven’t signed the papers properly and instead squeeze my eyes shut, knowing the answer that’s coming is not one I want to hear. Not wishing to feel the hurt that I know will pierce my heart the very minute the words leave his mouth. My heart can’t take it, but my stupid head, for some reason, wants to know.

  When I get no answer, I open my eyes to find him standing in front of me, closer than he was a few seconds ago. He stares into my blue eyes and I wonder what he sees. When I don’t get an answer, I speak his name. “Gunner?”

  His eyes drop to my lips then back up, something flips, and I see the change the minute it happens. “Why don’t you go ride a cowboy, Everly? I’m sure he’s sweet.” He says the word with so much disdain it almost hurts to hear. It’s as though being with someone sweet is wrong. That being nice to someone is wrong. I guess for him, it may just be. Gunner loves to fuck with me, and I suspect he’s doing exactly that right now.

  “Maybe I will.” I stand taller, the smirk on my face telling him everything he needs to know.

  His eyes flick to my lips quickly again and then he turns, walking out the door, but his hands are clenched in fists as he leaves.

  I chase after him when I get my heartbeat back and see him getting into his car.

  “Have you?” I reiterate, wanting an answer for my earlier question.

  He turns. There’s a shocked expression on his face that I’ve even bothered to follow him out. Then he smiles at me, not saying a word, leaving me standing there watching another man leave for the evening.

  This one, though?

  This one fucks with my head constantly.

  12

  Everly

  I haven’t signed them properly. I look at the forms and realize I haven’t signed in all the right places. He’s right. Of course he’s right.

  It plays on my mind for days—that smile as he drove away. How he acted, as if it didn’t matter. To him. It does. It matters to me. I want to know if it’s easy for him to move on.

  Buck has also messaged me. He texted me twice and then left it up to me to message back. It’s been a week since I saw Buck and a week since I saw him.

  The ring that I walked out with when I was meant to give it back taunts me as well. Gunner should have it back. It’s his mother’s ring after all.

  Picking up my cell phone I message Buck back. His last message asked me if I was having a good day. I didn’t reply. The one before that asked if I wanted to meet up and have lunch. I didn’t reply to that either.

  * * *

  Lunch sounds great!

  * * *

  Grabbing my bag, I head straight to the only place I know where to find Gunner. The receptionist smiles when she sees me and guides me to his office. She knocks and opens the door. When she does, I find a woman with red hair sitting on his desk, right next to him laughing. He isn’t laughing, but you can tell that whatever they were talking about he was paying attention and is interested.

  When he looks up, his eyes quickly fall to the receptionist.

  “I’m in a meeting,” he says to her, clearly wondering why she’s brought me in when he’s supposedly busy.

  “Sorry, sir. You said anytime your wife arrives to bring her straight in.” She nods her head to me and I smile. I like her. She smiles back and walks out shutting the door, leaving me standing in a room with a fiery redhead, who looks amazing, and my husband who’s now watching me with interest.

  “Your wife?” she asks. She looks to Gunner then back to me, her eyes accusing me of something, but I’m unsure of what exactly.

  “Yes, my still-very-not-divorced wife,” he replies, then finally removes his eyes from me. Gunner stands and smiles. It’s fake. I know his smiles. “I’m sorry to say… our meeting will have to be cut short. Can’t keep my…” he looks to me, “… wife waiting.”

  She looks at me too. Then at the same time they look back at each other. I feel like I stepped into something I shouldn’t have.

  “Of course.” She touches his shoulder and I cringe inside. When they both turn back, she starts to walk past me with a smile on her face like she knows a secret I’m not privy to. When she walks out, I slam the door behind her.

  “Was that necessary?” he asks from the other side of his desk.

  “It was,” I reply while crossing my arms over my chest.

  “I see you don’t have the forms. Is there another reason you needed to come here?”

  “Do you want your ring back?” I ask him, and his body goes tight at my question. He doesn’t answer, and I wait for him, but nothing comes. “Your mother’s ring, Gunner. Do you want it back?”

  “I know which ring, Everly.” He says my full name, and I instantly wish I could hear him say it all day every day. But that isn’t possible.

  “Well, do you?”

  “No. You keep it.” When he sits, he looks up at me through those beautiful lashes and speaks, “Now if that is all, I suspect the next time I will be seeing you will be with those divorce papers.”

  “Why don’t you want it back?” I ask, stepping up to his desk. There’s something between us, so it’s safe for me to do so. “This ring means a lot to you.”

  “Is this the discussion you want to have?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

  “Yes. Now tell me… why you don’t want it back?” I egg him on, wanting to know. I need to know.

  He sighs heavily. “It’s for my wife. You were my wife. It’s yours, Everly.”

  My heart rate picks up. My hands sweat, and I take a nervous breath as I ask him, “What if you marry again?” My heart takes on a new beat of its own.

  When he answers me, I know without a doubt he’s telling the truth. “It was only ever you I wanted to marry. No one else will do. Now, if that’s all?” He motions toward the door. “Leave.”

  I do as he asks and step toward the door, my hand reaching out to the doorknob. “Are you sleeping with her?” Not looking back, my fingers grip the door handle hard in anticipation of what he will say.

  “No,” he replies and instantly my breath that I didn’t know I was holding rushes out. When I turn the handle of the door and look back to him, he smirks. “But I plan to.”

  I manage to shut the door, not slam it this time, but shut it gently with a click as I make my way out and back into the safe confines of my car.

  I sit for a long time.

  I continue to sit there, even noticing when the redheaded lady walks back in not long after I left. And I wait even longer, hoping she walks straight back out.

  She doesn’t.

  I miss him. It pains me to say it, but I do. I shouldn’t, though. That’s the fucked-up thing about our relationship. I shouldn’t miss him at all. I should be happy I’m free of him. It’s what I wanted. What I want.

  But in the beginning, I fell hard. Fell for a man who only showed me pieces of himself. And when I had the whole package, it all crumbled down around us. That alone should be an indication that it can’t work.

  There’s this piece of me, though. It’s buried, but trying to resurface. This piece wants him back. She can handle his bad if he knew how to bring it to her correctly. I rub my face while May stands behind me shaking her head.

  “So, he doesn’t want the ring back and this affected you because?”

  “It was his mother’s,” I say, emphasizing the word.

  “Okay. But he did say
he would never marry again, right?” I nod my head. “That’s a plus, right? Or no? Look, Ev, I’m worried I’m not cheering the way you want me to. Tell me which side I should be cheering for.”

  I turn to face her and see a confused look on her face. “He’s going to sleep with her,” I say, closing my eyes now, the pain radiating through my body.

  “And that makes you upset?” she asks, and I nod. “Okay, I got you. We kind of want him back, but we also hate him? Correct?”

  I smile at her words. “You get me.”

  “I get you.” She wraps me in her arms and rubs my back. “He’s still in my bad books, just so you know.”

  “He’s in mine, too.”

  “But you love him.” She pulls back and I don’t answer. “It’s written all over your face, and that’s okay. You’ve been without him for what? Three… four months now? It’s going to take time for your heart to heal and move on.”

  I walk and sit on her sofa, tucking my legs under me. “I was trying,” I say, referring to Buck.

  “Maybe it was too soon. I know Buck likes you.” She nudges me with a smile. “He doesn’t stop asking me about you.”

  “He’s nice.”

  “Oh…” I look up to her. “Only nice. Shit! You do have it bad. Buck’s mighty fine, girl.”

  “He is.” Just as I agree with her, the door opens and in walks Ryan and Buck. They stop and smile when they see me sitting on the small sofa in May’s room.

  I was harping on about me and I forgot to ask her about them.

  “Everly,” Buck says my name and I don’t feel the same way as when a certain someone else says it. It’s friendly when Buck says it, but it’s intoxicating with a hint of mystery when Gunner says it. I stand at the same time May does. She walks over and kisses Ryan as Buck stands at the door. I offer him a small wave.