Hate Sober

by T. L Smith

  “It’s fine,” I somehow manage to say.

  “You would be used to the crazy world then. I mean, Gunner isn’t as crazy as Jasper, I am sure. But I bet he could be just as dangerous.” I almost choke on my water. “I did it again, didn’t I? Shit! Sorry.” She turns and waves. “Look, I better get back. He gets apprehensive when I leave him too long.” She smiles at me. “But if you leave Evergreen and are looking for some fun, come visit us, we’re in the next town over.” She walks off, leaving me standing there as she goes back to join Jasper.

  Gunner turns to face me and doesn’t say a word as he leaves them and comes to a stop in front of me. “Everly.”

  “Gunner. Mafia,” I hiss. “Really?” I’d heard of them through mentions, but they didn’t come to Evergreen.

  His lip twitches at my words. “They came at your father’s invite, bunny.”

  I still at his words. When I look back, I see Jasper and Isadora locked together as they make their way back to my father.

  “Would it make it better to know right now I want to kill him?” I look at Gunner and see him waiting and watching for my reaction.

  “No. And you couldn’t. He’s—”

  “I know who he is, and on some level, I respect him. But make no mistake, Everly, I would kill him for you.” He turns and walks off, leaving me with those words.

  What do they even mean? And why even say them?

  I turn back and order another shot. I drink two of them before my mother finally separates herself from my father and comes to find me.

  “This dress,” she says, smiling in approval.

  “Why does Papa invite the mafia, Mother?” I ask.

  “You know who Jasper is?” she asks, shocked.

  I nod my head, it’s all I can do right now.

  “They have arrangements. All are on good terms, and we all plan for it to stay that way. So, he invites, wines and dines him.” Of course he does. My father is all about who he can buy or have under his belt.

  I turn away from her, picking up a glass of champagne which was placed in front of me.

  “Do you think that’s a smart idea? I’ve seen you drinking before… tonight isn’t the night.”

  “I’m leaving anyway,” I tell her, drinking the whole glass in one go.

  She sighs. I guess it’s all she can do. She can’t hold me here. I’m an adult now, and I made an appearance at something I didn’t even want to come to.

  “Please, drink some water and stay.”

  I shake my head in answer just as I see Alec. He’s making his way over to me, and I quickly avert my eyes in search for Gunner. Thankfully, I don’t see him anywhere.

  “Oh, Alec, thank God you’re here. Maybe you can convince her to stay,” my mother says, then kisses Alec on the cheek. She walks away leaving us both standing at the bar. Now I need another drink, or maybe ten. I haven’t seen Alec in so long that I miss him. I miss who he is. I love Alec. Maybe not in the way he’d hoped, but I do love him in my own way.

  “Squirt.”

  My lips twitch at his words. I really have missed him. I lean forward and wrap my arms around his waist and breathe him in, it’s nice to feel a sense of normality.

  He is my normal, and has been for so long that it was weird when he wasn’t.

  He’s my best friend.

  I hope one day he can find it in his heart that he can be again.

  15

  Everly

  Seeing Alec makes me smile, it’s been way too long. I wish we could go back to before I ever knew his true feelings for me. But that isn’t fair to either one of us. So, now we have to deal with the what and who we are now. The problem is, I don’t know what we are, and that’s the hard part.

  Pulling away from him, I don’t look around. I stare at a man who’s seen me at my worst and been there to see me through my best.

  “I’ve missed you.” I don’t mean to say it, it simply slips out.

  His forehead scrunches as a woman walks over and touches his elbow softly. “Everly, this is Jacinta. Jacinta, this is Everly.” He nods his head to me.

  She looks at me and smiles. “Alec has told me so much about you, it’s a real honor to meet you.” She’s so sweet, and when she looks up at him, she does so with a warm smile.

  “Jacinta and I are set to be married.”

  Holy shit!

  He chuckles at the look on my face—I’m sure I look like I’ve just walked in on two people fucking.

  Somehow, I manage to close my mouth and smile. “Congrats. Wow! That’s…” I trail off. I can’t say fast, because I was fast with Gunner. Three months and I was his wife. Though, in our world, I guess it’s not classed that way.

  “Jacinta’s father is in business with yours,” Alec says to me.

  I look at Jacinta who confirms with a nod before she excuses herself to go to the bathroom. I wait until she’s out of earshot before I speak, “Is this…” I shake my head. “Is this what you want?”

  Alec looks to where she’s gone, then back to me. “She’s resilient. She manages to breathe life back into me, Squirt. I like her. A lot.”

  “That’s good, Alec. So good. I’m happy for you. She seems lovely.”

  “It was hard, but…” He goes silent and looks over his shoulder. I follow his line of sight to see Gunner staring us down. He makes no move to come over, and Alec looks back to me. “I heard about you two. I also heard he’s been working more and more, so soon he will be a force to be reckoned with.” He’s right, one day Gunner will be larger than my father, and soon he will own this town, of that I have no doubt. “You no longer love him?” Alec asks, and when he does, he leans in waiting for my answer.

  “I do,” I tell him honestly. I see his body drop as he lets out a breath, then stands tall again. “But sometimes love isn’t enough,” I add.

  “I get it.”

  Jacinta walks back and slides into Alec’s side.

  “I should get going,” I say, looking over Alec’s shoulder to see Gunner still staring our way.

  “You aren’t staying?” Jacinta asks.

  Alec chuckles. “Squirt here always tries to leave early, or better yet, never come in the first place.”

  “This is true. I hate this type of event,” I reply through gritted teeth. “Now, I have to scrub my face free, and let my hair down.” It will take me all night to dig through all the pins holding my hair in place.

  “You must come to the wedding,” Jacinta says.

  Alec’s lips go tight at her words.

  “Of course.” I smile at both of them as I go to leave, walking straight to the door to avoid Gunner as best as I can

  “You leaving, Everly?”

  Of course he’s outside, a cigarette in his hand as he leans against the wall. He pushes off and drops the cigarette to the ground, then he comes closer to me. His eyes roam me over, and I see the heat in them. He wants me as much as I want him.

  “You look good. Fuckable,” he murmurs.

  A shiver racks over me. “Goodnight, Gunner.” I turn to leave but he captures my wrist.

  “Don’t you want me to fuck you, Everly? Push you up against the wall and tear the fucking dress from your beautiful body?” He says it so close to my ear, that his breath tickles my neck. “One last go. Let me fuck our marriage out of you, Everly.” I snatch my wrist away and turn to face him. He’s smiling, knowing he’s getting a reaction out of me.

  “Do you hate me that much?” I ask angrily. “That you think it’s good to play with my emotions?”

  “I could never hate you, Everly.” He turns and walks back inside, leaving me standing there confused at his parting words.

  “You did what?” May asks, sitting in front of me. She watches as I start pulling each clip from my hair and then wipe my face clean. This is going to take me forever.

  “I walked away,” I tell her.

  May was waiting for me when I got home. I messaged her that I needed to talk.

  “I can’t believe Alec is getti
ng married. Holy shit, Ev.”

  I nod my head, agreeing with her. “I know. Crazy, right? But he seems happy. So that’s all I want for him.” She goes quiet, so I turn around to look at her. She’s looking down at the ground. “May, you okay?” I drop my hands from my hair once I pull the last clip out and it falls down my back.

  “It’s just… I mean I’m over him, I’m with someone who makes me happy. Wow! It’s all I can say.”

  “Yep, pretty much.”

  “So, Gunner?”

  “Yep, Gunner.” I sigh while sitting next to her on my sofa. “Just when I thought I was doing better.” I laugh.

  “You were. You were doing great.” She nudges me with her shoulder. “You should send him the forms. And I don’t know… maybe take a holiday. Get away for a bit. Might do you some good.”

  “Maybe.”

  “No maybe about it. You must.”

  “I’ll soon be a divorcée.” I let the word roll off my tongue. It doesn’t sound right, but it’s my new reality.

  “Yes, you will be, and it will be okay. One day soon, you’ll meet someone and you’ll forget all about Gunner.”

  “Gunner’s hard to forget.” I almost whisper the words, but she hears me anyway.

  She throws her arm around my shoulder. “Of course he is. He is your first love.”

  She’s right, he is.

  He was so many of my firsts, and now I simply must try and make new seconds.

  “Maybe I should go to Paris? I’ve always wanted to go to the city of love.” I smile.

  “Yes. But don’t come back married.” I chuckle at her words and shake my head.

  “Nope, this girl is not getting married for a very long time. If I ever do, again.”

  “You love marriage. Don’t hate it now because of this, Ev.”

  She’s right, I do.

  The idea of spending my life with that one person is all I’ve ever dreamed of. It’s my idea of the perfect life.

  “So, Paris.” I smile.

  “Paris it is,” she agrees.

  16

  Everly

  You know when you’re being watched. The feeling runs shivers all over your body, and you can feel, just feel, when someone’s staring at you. I feel that right now as I have my back turned to the restaurant and I’m talking to one of my employees.

  Dismissing her, I turn around and search for what’s there. I know something, or someone, is there. It tingles all over my skin that I have someone staring at me.

  And I’m right. A face I barely recognize, but who is hard to forget, sits in one of my seats with a man across from him as he looks at me. He doesn’t look away, not caring at all that he’s been caught, just offers me a small smile as he continues his conversation with the man in front of him.

  I walk away and when I come back out at least thirty minutes later I find him outside my office door, waiting with his phone in his hand.

  “Can I help you?”

  He looks up, tucks his cell in his pocket, and smiles at me. A shiver I do not like runs through me.

  “You remember me?” he asks, and I nod my head. “Good. How is my wonderful cousin doing? Treating you right, I hope?”

  My eyebrows pinch together at his words.

  “We aren’t together,” I inform him, and his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

  “That’s news.”

  I shrug. “Can I help you…”

  “Roberto.” He offers me his name when I struggle to remember.

  “Roberto,” I finish.

  “I didn’t know you worked here, Everly.” He looks around, then comes back to stare at me.

  “I own the café.”

  Surprise takes over his face. “You must be proud. I’ve heard only great things.”

  I nod.

  “Can I interest you in a coffee, perhaps? Or we could go elsewhere?” He eyes me, waiting for a response. I don’t want to go anywhere with him. The vibes I get from him make me uncomfortable.

  “No, thank you. I have to work.”

  “Maybe another time then,” he offers instead.

  No. Way.

  “I’m sorry, Roberto, but no can do. Now, if you will excuse me.” I turn to leave, but his voice stops me.

  “I see what he saw in you.”

  When I turn back, he’s watching my body with a smirk on his face.

  “What did he see?” I ask out of curiosity.

  He looks up at me. “Fire. He saw fire.” Then he turns to walk out, throwing over his shoulder. “I’ll be seeing you, Everly Thorne.”

  His words don’t sit well with me.

  I shake off his visit and try to put it behind me.

  A courier comes, he takes the papers.

  Many emotions go through me, not all good.

  I’m soon to be a divorced woman, from the man who I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with.

  I loved Gunner Reid.

  I love Gunner Reid.

  That will never change.

  No matter how hard I try.

  I lock myself in my office for the whole day. It’s better than feeling what I’m feeling.

  Pain.

  Sorrow.

  Hurt.

  The week goes fast. I’m thankful because this week hasn’t been easy. Telling yourself to turn off your love for someone is next to impossible.

  How can I do that? I can’t.

  Why can’t I? I wish I could.

  This is what I wanted, after all.

  Sunday rolls around and when I walk up to my parents’ house for our lunch, I hear talking inside. Opening the door, I spot my mother who offers me a small smile that’s forced.

  “Dear, Ms. Reid has joined us for lunch.” I stop when I see the back of her. Gunner’s grandmother stands there, and she turns slowly to face me. Her smile is also fake, just like she is. I’ve never liked her, but never disrespected her either. She is Gunner’s grandmother, and she should be respected.

  “Hi.” I offer a smile, walking over to my parents, kissing both their cheeks before I turn to face her.

  She has a hard look on her face while she stares at me. “It’s great to see you, Everly. It’s been too long.”

  “It’s great to see you, too.”

  She eyes me cautiously before turning back to my father. “Would you mind getting this old lady a drink?” He nods and walks off. My mother soon follows after him to help, leaving me standing here alone with her. “I see you’ve broken a contract?” she questions when we’re by ourselves.

  “I did no such thing.” I offer with a smile.

  She tisks at me. “You did. You’re getting a divorce, are you not?”

  “This is your concern, how exactly?” I ask while raising an eyebrow.

  “Little girl, you may have my grandson confused. Hell, I saw the way he looked at you. He’s as blind to you as a bat is during the night.” I open my mouth to speak, but she snaps her fingers to shut me up. “But I see you, and soon he will be over you, and see you for what you are.”

  “And what am I?”

  She leans in close. “A spoiled little bitch.”

  I balk at her words.

  She did not just say that to me, did she?

  Before I can say another word, my father steps back in holding her drink with no sign of my mother.

  “We should eat. The food is ready.” The old bitch—which is what she shall be called from now onwards—smiles and nods her head as if she didn’t just insult me in my own parents’ home. She walks off and my father turns to look at me when I don’t follow.

  “Angel, what’s wrong?”

  The old bitch turns around, and I offer her a smile.

  “Nothing. Everything’s fine.”

  He nods, then places his hand on the small of my back as we go in to sit.

  Lunch starts being served, and I try my best not to look at her. Making no eye contact with her is the smartest thing I can do right now.

  “Don’t you think it’s just silly they’re getting
a divorce? They should work it out,” the old bitch says. I don’t look up or pay her any attention. That would be like feeding a dragon—don’t do it.

  “I think they have decided what’s best for them,” my father interjects.

  I look up at him and smile, it’s nice to have him on my side. Real nice.

  “Nakita, tell me… what made you stop in for lunch?” my mother asks as she slices her bread.

  “I want to get this mess all sorted out. Gunner visited me yesterday and told me what was happening.” I feel my heart rate increase at his name. “And I just couldn’t sit by idly while something like this happened. You understand, of course?” she says to my mother. “You were arranged. It worked out great for you, so I don’t see why Everly’s being so selfish here.”

  The knife in my hand, which was about to cut my bread, freezes. I look up at her to see she’s already watching me.

  “They’re adults. What happened between them is their own business,” my father says. I smile at his words, but she doesn’t.

  “I’ve been expecting great-grandkids. This marriage is meant to work. Your daughter is selfish,” she spits.

  “If you think you can come in here and disrespect my daughter on the one day a week we spend with her, you’re sorely mistaken, Nakita. I suggest you eat and leave. Or, if you can’t keep your mouth shut, you can just leave.”

  Holy fucking shit! My mother.

  My eyes go wide at her words and I look to my father who’s smiling at her with love clearly bursting in his eyes. My mother goes back to buttering her bread roll as if she didn’t say anything while the old bitch stares at her.

  “I can clearly see where she gets her manners from,” she says while shaking her head.

  Reaching for my cell, I send Gunner a message. I have his new number from the divorce papers, and I was hoping to have to never use it.