Cherished

by HELEN HARDT

  Her husband, Cepheus, then begged Zeus to let him go with her, and now they both live in the sky, eternally bound.

  A self-absorbed queen and her whiny king.

  Two very damaged souls who are now happy in the starlight.

  Myth, of course, but what are myths but stories to teach valuable insight?

  If those two souls can find true happiness, can’t anyone?

  Do I, as Ashley suggested, have the power over my own happiness?

  Aunt Mel and other therapists have said the same words over the years. I’ve always brushed it off. I’m content, and I can live with contentment. True happiness always eludes me, and I recognize my own part in that elusion. My fear of letting the good out because of what will ultimately come barreling with it.

  It’s already here, and the day will come when I can no longer contain it.

  It was the rage that kept me from making love to Ashley the way I wanted to. And it’s the rage that will ultimately take her away from me.

  Which is why she must leave now. Of her own accord, before I ruin her. Before I do something she’ll never recover from.

  I can’t live with that, and neither can she.

  I sigh. She’ll be angry when she wakes up alone in my bed, and rightly so. I didn’t leave any bills on the nightstand this time. Her car is in my driveway, so there was no need.

  No way will she give me another chance after this, and though I want to be with her more than anything, to leave her is the most selfless thing I can do.

  It’s for her. Her happiness is more important to me than my own.

  I’ll do anything to make her happy.

  Anything.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Ashley

  I wake up tousled in Dale’s comforter. I reach for him…and find only an empty bed. Penny sits beside the bed, her tongue hanging out.

  I pet her soft head. “Morning, girl. Where’s your daddy?”

  I rise and pad to the bathroom. Afterward, I walk out, still naked, and put on the shirt Dale was wearing last night. I want to feel the soft cotton and wrap myself in his scent.

  But it’s not on the floor where he left it.

  Okay. Maybe he’s just anal about his laundry or something…

  Except he’s not. He’s not into tidiness or his bed would have been made.

  So maybe he just put the shirt back on. After all, his jeans are gone as well. He went out to the kitchen to start some coffee…

  But his boots… They’re also gone.

  A lump rises in my throat, and I instinctively look toward the night table. Nothing except a box of tissues and an old-fashioned clock radio. It’s six a.m. Dale’s an early riser, but this is ridiculous.

  He’s gone.

  He left me again. Alone. Alone in his fucking house. Alone with his dog.

  She’s probably hungry. “Come on, Penny,” I say, leaving the bedroom and heading toward the kitchen. “Let’s get you some breakfast.”

  Take care of the dog. That’s what I’ll do. It’ll keep my mind where it needs to be. Keep the tears at bay that are already threatening to pool in the bottom of my eyes. I check the pantry for a bag of kibble or something, but he must be out. Now what? I open the refrigerator. A plastic container sits on the top shelf. It’s marked Penny.

  Dale makes his own dog food?

  Warmth and love threaten to flow into me, but I stop them. He’s crossed the line this time, leaving me alone in his own home. I grab the container and pour two cups of its contents into Penny’s stainless-steel bowl. While she gobbles down her food, I refresh her water.

  Once she’s done, I open the back door to let her out, but I go out with her to check the gate. I’m not going through that again.

  She does her business, and I bring her back inside. Then I dress quickly and head back to the main house.

  I enter quietly, hoping no one will notice me, until—

  “Is that you, Ashley?”

  Jade’s voice. My cheeks are hot as hell, and I know I must be about twelve shades of crimson. But I can’t ignore her. “It’s me.” I walk into the kitchen.

  “Grab some coffee.” She smiles, gesturing to the pot on the counter. “Oops. Sorry. I mean orange juice. Darla’s off today.”

  All I really want to do is go to my room and cry my eyes out, but I can’t be rude to Jade. None of this is her fault. I paste on a smile as best I can, grab the juice out of the refrigerator, and pour myself a glass.

  “Where’s Talon?” I ask.

  “Already in the orchard. Harvest is a busy time around here, as you know.”

  I nod and sit down next to her.

  “Can I make you some breakfast?”

  God, no. If I eat I may puke. “No, thank you,” I reply.

  She doesn’t drop her gaze from mine, but she says nothing more. Is she waiting for me to explain why I’m coming in at six a.m.? She’ll be waiting a long time.

  Finally Jade speaks. “Talon says he had a nice conversation with you last night at Murphy’s.”

  I nod. “Yeah. Your husband’s a good man.”

  “He is that.” She sips her coffee. “Listen, Ashley—”

  I gesture her to say nothing more. “I can’t. I can’t…talk about it.”

  “About Talon? I was just going to say you don’t have to be embarrassed about this morning. You’re an adult, and we understand that.”

  “I…uh…” Shit. Now what? “Thank you.”

  “Talon goes a little bit crazy when Diana or Bree stay out late, but I’ve convinced him they’re adults now. It’s hard for a father of girls.”

  I nod again. “I’m not his daughter.”

  “No, but he feels responsible for you while you’re here.”

  “That’s sweet of him.”

  “That’s just who he is. He’s a protector.”

  “Dee told me how he saved all those people in Iraq.”

  “He did,” she says. “He didn’t get the recognition he deserved.”

  “Why?”

  She smiles. “He didn’t want it.”

  He didn’t? There must be a story there, but Brendan’s words edge into my mind. The Steels seem to have a lot of secrets. Have they truly covered stuff up? And if so, why?

  I’m curious, but not that curious. Right now, I feel mostly empty. I have no desire to look into the Steels’ history. And I certainly have no desire to go to work, where I’ll see Dale.

  But I don’t have a choice. I’ve committed to this internship for three months, and I’ll honor my commitment. But damn, I’m not even a month in.

  I quickly drink the rest of my juice and stand. “I need to get ready for work.”

  Jade sets down her coffee cup. “Please, Ashley. Sit down.”

  Oh, God. I don’t know what’s coming, but I know it’ll be uncomfortable. I sit.

  “Do you want to talk?”

  I shake my head. Already the tears are threatening once more, and if I speak, I’m afraid I won’t be able to contain them.

  “All right. Just listen, then.”

  I nod.

  “Talon and I talked briefly this morning, and we agree there’s something you should know.”

  I raise my eyebrows. “Oh?”

  “Yeah. Dale won’t tell you, and I don’t want you to mention this to him, but his father—his birth father—recently reached out to him.”

  My heart drops. Not just because of what Dale must be going through, but because of what my mother recently told me about my own father a few days before Dee and I left for Colorado—information I buried inside because I couldn’t deal with it. I filed it in the Scarlett O’Hara file. Things to think about tomorrow.

  “Really? I thought…”

  “I know. Dale never knew him. Didn’t even know his name. He just appeared out of nowhere.”

  “Why?”

  “We don’t know, really. The first thought that entered all our minds is that he wants money, but he hasn’t asked for any. Still, though, we aren’t sure
his motives are pure.”

  “I see. I understand.”

  “Anyway, Dale took a DNA test, and the man is definitely his father.”

  “And Donny’s?”

  She nods. “Yeah. We had a DNA test done on the boys after the adoption. They are full-blooded siblings.”

  “Wow. I had no idea.”

  “Dale isn’t ever real forthcoming with people, but Talon and I wanted you to know, in case you’ve noticed that Dale is more”—she twists her lips—“distant than usual.”

  Distant? Try downright apathetic. Aloof. Eremitic, even. Leaving me alone in his home after we made love was one for the books. My guess is he wound up in the vineyards. Alone. Secluded. Because he couldn’t stand sleeping with me. Thank goodness I was there to take care of the dog.

  “He hasn’t opened up a lot about his father,” Jade continues, “but that’s Dale’s way.”

  No kidding.

  “But a mother knows,” she says. “He’s not himself.”

  “He seems about the same to me,” I can’t help replying.

  “I suppose he would. He hasn’t been welcoming to you, and I’m very sorry about that.”

  “I’m fine,” I say, lying through my teeth.

  “You’re not fine. You and I both know how you feel about him.”

  “You haven’t told…”

  “Talon.” She shakes her head and smiles. “No. I haven’t. Some things are better left between girlfriends.”

  “Thank you.”

  “What you say stays between us,” she replies, “and I expect the same.”

  “Of course. Absolutely.” After all, she didn’t rat me out for basically breaking into Dale’s home and nearly losing his dog.

  “Then listen to me when I say that my son needs you, Ashley. Perhaps more than he knows.”

  “That’s kind of you to say, and no doubt you know Dale better than I do, but his actions say otherwise.”

  She leans forward and pats my hand with her own. “His actions always say otherwise.”

  “Then how…?”

  She smiles—kind of a sad smile. “I’ve told you before. A mother knows.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Dale

  I make it into the office by eight, after showering at home and feeding Penny. She picked at her full bowl. Ashley must have fed her.

  She was gone when I got home.

  Not that I expected her to be there.

  She’s not in the office, either, and I did expect her to be there. Maybe she went home and went back to bed.

  That doesn’t sound like Ashley, though. I get up and walk down the hall to Uncle Ryan’s office. I peek inside the open door. “Hey.”

  “Hey, yourself,” he says.

  “You seen Ashley this morning?”

  He nods. “She came in and said she’d prefer to work in the vineyards today, so I sent her off.”

  I inhale. “Okay. That’s surprising.”

  “Did you have something else in mind for her today?”

  “Well…we’ve got the lunch and tasting today. I’ve been working with her on the wines.”

  “Hmm, she didn’t mention that. I can send someone out to the vineyards to tell her to come back.”

  “No, it’s okay. I can handle things.”

  “I wasn’t planning to be at the tasting today,” he says, “but if you need a hand, let me know.”

  “Will do.”

  Anger creeps along my spine. But is it anger? I mean, what did I expect after I left her alone at my place last night?

  This isn’t like Ashley, though. She wouldn’t walk out on a tasting. Would she?

  Perhaps she just forgot.

  In which case, it’s my job, as her boss, to remind her of her obligation.

  I head out to the parking lot and get into my truck. To the vineyards I drive. Most of our harvesters are working on the southern vines today. The Merlot and Cabernet Franc. I pull into a spot and walk toward the workers.

  “Hey, George,” I say to the foreman.

  “Hey, Dale. What can I do for you?”

  “I’m looking for my intern. Ashley. She was working out here yesterday.”

  “Yeah, yeah. She does good work for a beginner.”

  “Glad to hear that.” Of course I expect nothing less from Ashley. “I’ll just go find her.”

  “Wait. She’s not here today.”

  I lift my eyebrows. “She’s not? Ryan said she was working the harvest.”

  “Not here,” George says. “She never checked in with me.”

  “That’s puzzling.”

  Except it’s not, really. Already I know where I’ll find her.

  “Thanks, George,” I say. “See you around.”

  “You too. Have a good day.”

  I walk back to my truck and drive to the northern vineyards, specifically to the area where I can access the Syrah. Autopilot. I’m pretty sure my truck could find its way here by itself, I come here so often.

  I left here only a couple of hours earlier.

  I pull into the gravel parking area and stop abruptly, skidding a little.

  Yeah, I’m angry, but I have no reason to be. Ashley has reason to be angry. I do not.

  I walk into the vineyards, my feet instinctively taking me to my own special place.

  And there she stands.

  Ashley.

  My Ashley.

  Not my Ashley.

  She doesn’t turn toward me, but in her sweet voice, she says, “I figured you’d come.”

  I don’t respond.

  Still not looking at me, she continues, “It’s beautiful. Paradise, even. I understand why you’re drawn here.”

  “You don’t,” I say.

  “Oh, I do.” She finally turns and meets my gaze. “Do you think you’re the only person in the world who’s had it rough?”

  I stiffen. Ashley knows nothing of my first ten years on this earth, and I’m not about to clue her in. “I never said I had it rough.”

  She shakes her head, chuckling softly. “Dale, a person doesn’t become such a recluse without having a tough time.”

  “Tough time, huh? You’ve talked on more than one occasion about my privilege.”

  “Have I?” She chuckles again. “I suppose I can’t help myself. I’ve had to scrape my fingernails to the bone for everything I have in life, so I guess I’m a little envious of those born to privilege.”

  I clear my throat. “As you know, I wasn’t born to it.”

  “True.” She turns from me and stares at the vines heavy with fruit. “When do we start harvesting the Syrah?”

  “Soon.”

  She turns back to me, her blue eyes stricken with something I can’t identify. “That must bother you.”

  It does, but how would she know?

  “I mean,” she continues, “this is your special place. And for weeks you’ll have strangers in here, defacing your vines.”

  “The fruit needs to be harvested. Especially this year. This vintage will be our first old-vine Syrah.”

  “Still,” she says, “it bothers you.”

  I can’t deny her words. I don’t even try. Though harvest is my favorite season, when the workers descend into the Syrah vineyard, it’s tough for me. My sanctuary is invaded, and I have nowhere to go to find the solace I crave. But I make do. I head into the mountains, usually, each weekend, and camp alone, building a fire to keep warm and relaxing in the fresh open air.

  But Sunday evening I return, because it’s harvest time, and I’m needed here.

  Ashley looks to the east, toward the majestic Rockies. “You can find peace here, Dale, but is that all you need?”

  Peace? I’ve never found peace, though the vineyards are the closest I’ve ever come.

  She goes on, “Are you happy alone?”

  “Alone? Have you forgotten what a huge family I have?”

  Her soft chuckle echoes once more. “I didn’t say lonely. But you can have hordes of people around you and still
be alone. You don’t let anyone in.”

  “That’s not true,” I counter. “And this isn’t your business anyway.”

  “Isn’t it?” She turns away from the view of the mountains and meets my gaze again. “I believe I’ve opened myself up to you more than I have to any other person in my life.”

  I open my mouth to respond, but she gestures me not to. Just as well, as I’m not sure what to say anyway.

  “I don’t say that lightly,” she continues. “I’m not like you. I’m close to my mother, and I’m close to my friends. I’ve opened up before, but not like this.”

  I inhale slowly, my flesh ever aware of her body close to mine. Fog enters my mind. But not gray fog. It’s more like the steam rising from a lake after the first snowfall. Freakish in its beauty.

  “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re not answering,” she says.

  “You didn’t actually ask a question.”

  Again, the soft chuckle. “You’re right. I didn’t. So I will now.” She looks back toward the mountains. “Is this better? Better than making love with me?”

  A brick hits my gut. A loaded question if there ever was one, and I know the answer. But I can’t share it with her.

  “Ashley—”

  “No,” she interrupts me. “I don’t think I want to hear the answer.”

  “Then why did you ask the question?”

  “Beats the hell out of me.” She shakes her head. “You were here this morning, weren’t you?”

  I don’t respond. Not even a nod.

  “I’ll take that as a yes. I have no idea what time you left your place. I was sound asleep. It was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time, Dale, and it was because I was happy. Really happy. But you weren’t, were you?”

  I was. I was ecstatic. Which terrifies me. Again I don’t respond.

  She sighs. “So I came here. I came here to take in the beauty of this place. The magnificence. Because it is magnificent. No doubt. But more than that, I wanted to see what you see when you look at these vines. I wanted to find out if they offer something that I don’t. Something more joyful and profound than the lovemaking we’ve shared.” She pauses a few seconds, inhaling and exhaling several times. She closes her eyes and then opens them. “My senses are more acute than most, as you know. My sounds have colors, and my colors have sounds. I can sometimes taste music, and once I actually felt a certain song caressing my body as if it had phantom fingers that reached out from the notes. I’ve got all my senses on high alert, Dale. Every one of them—by themselves and intermingled. And you know what? It’s amazing here. It’s tantalizing and awe-inspiring. But it’s nothing compared to making love with you.”