Cherished

by HELEN HARDT

  “I… I think I want to stay. I mean, I know I have an internship, and if you want to fire me, I get it. I probably deserve it. But this man… Like your dad said. He’s responsible for bringing you into the world, Dale, and you know how I feel about you.”

  Dale pushes his hand through his mass of hair. “Are you both serious right now?”

  “It’s all right, Ashley,” Talon says. “Go with Dale. He needs you more than Floyd right now.”

  Dale messes with his hair once more. “For fuck’s sake…”

  Talon’s words ring true. He’ll stay here with Floyd, and he needs me to stay with Dale. To take care of his son. For even though Floyd abandoned Dale and Dale doesn’t feel anything for him, he’s still Dale’s birth father, and Dale is struggling on some level.

  Dale always seems to be struggling on some level.

  “Go on,” Talon says again. “I’ll call your mother and tell her what’s going on.”

  “You’re right,” I say to Talon. “Let’s go, Dale.”

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Dale

  I take Ashley home to the main house.

  “Wait just a minute,” she says. “I’m going with you.”

  “Ash, it’s late. I’m exhausted. We got nothing done today, and I just need…”

  “Need what?” she asks. “What do you need? I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

  I need to be alone.

  But the words don’t make it past the lump in my throat. Because I do want to be alone, but I also want to be with Ashley.

  Ashley, who makes my world a brighter place.

  Ashley, whose smile could melt a glacier.

  Ashley, who, God help me, I love more than my own life.

  She continues, “Your father said you need me. I’m not going to let you go through this alone.”

  “Damn it, Ashley, I’m not going through anything! Just let me…” I pound one fist on the steering wheel, inadvertently honking the horn.

  “It’s late,” Ashley says softly. “You’ll wake up your mom.”

  “My mom’s not asleep yet. Damn!” I pound it again, avoiding the horn this time.

  She touches my upper arm. “Hey. Let’s go. Penny’s bladder is probably about to burst, and she needs to be fed. I’ll take care of all that. You need a shower and then maybe a soak in your hot tub.”

  What I need is…

  Hell, I don’t have a clue what I need.

  I turn and gaze into Ashley’s sparkling blue eyes. They’re tired, but still they dazzle.

  “Please,” she says. “Let me take care of you tonight.”

  “You’re as exhausted as I am, baby.”

  She closes her eyes for a split second and then opens them. “I like that. When you call me baby.”

  My hand, seemingly of its own accord, reaches toward her, caresses her silky cheek. “I’m okay. I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”

  “So? Maybe it’s what I need. Maybe I need to take care of you.”

  I chuckle softly, but it comes out more like a groan. “You don’t need that.”

  Those tired eyes light on fire then. Blue fire. “Who are you to say what I need?”

  I let out a slow sigh. Do I want her with me tonight? Yeah. I do. And it’s not because I’m having a rough time, or because I’m worried about my birth father, or because I missed the harvest, or because I’m having a pity party for myself.

  I want her with me tonight for one reason and one reason only.

  I love her.

  I fucking love her.

  I maneuver the truck out of the driveway and head to the guesthouse.

  Once home, we let Penny out.

  “Relax,” Ashley says. “I’ll feed her. What do you need? A glass of water? Glass of wine?”

  Why do I resist being cared for? That was always part of the issue with my mom. She wanted to constantly hover over me, try to make up for the pain I’d been through. It was a loving gesture, but it wasn’t what I needed or wanted.

  Ashley’s words barrel through my mind. Maybe it’s what I need.

  All those years, did I neglect my mother’s needs?

  Did she need to care for me, and I turned her away at every count?

  “Shit,” I say aloud.

  “What’s wrong?” Ashley asks.

  “Nothing. A glass of wine would be nice. Thanks. There’s an open bottle of Ruby in the pantry sealed with the Vacu Vin.”

  “I’ll get it. I’m going to get you some water too. You’re probably dehydrated. I haven’t seen you drink anything but coffee and your iced tea at lunch. Go sit down.”

  I drop into a kitchen chair.

  “Not there,” she admonishes. “Go to the family room. Sit somewhere comfortable. I’ll bring your wine and water in a minute, right after I feed Penny.”

  Numbly, I obey her. I’m not used to obeying anyone, but honestly? Right now it feels kind of good to have someone else tell me what to do.

  It means I don’t have to think.

  Thinking is overrated, I think.

  Then I laugh aloud at my own oxymoron, which makes me realize how fucked in the head I truly am at this moment.

  I plunk down on my leather chair and recline it as far as it goes. I close my eyes, listening to Ashley shuffling in the kitchen, preparing Penny’s food.

  “Hey, sweetie,” she says as she opens the door.

  Penny’s claws tap the floor as she runs to her feast.

  Then the pop as Ashley removes the vacuum sealer from the wine bottle. Soft trickles as she pours, and then louder ones for the water.

  Sounds. I’m only used to Penny’s and my sounds at home. Hearing Ashley’s sounds comforts me in an odd way.

  And maybe that’s not so odd after all.

  I’ve resisted comfort since I came to Steel Ranch. Even when Aunt Mel and my other therapist told me I was worthy of comfort, still I held back.

  Chills erupt on the back of my neck.

  The reason…

  The reason I don’t deserve comfort. It’s there, hidden in the back of my mind, blurred like a black cancer made of crab-shaped cells that dig their spiky claws into me and don’t let go.

  This is what I feared.

  This…

  When I opened up to Ashley, let her awaken me, cherish me…

  This…

  This is what I risk letting loose on the world.

  Emotions curl inside me, but in my fatigue, they stay where they are.

  “Here you go, babe.” Ashley hands me a tall glass of ice water. “Drink up, and then you can have your wine.”

  “You sound like my mother,” I can’t help saying. “I’m thirty-five years old. I want my wine.”

  “And you’ll have it,” she snaps, “as soon as you drink some water.”

  I’m too exhausted to argue. I take the water, intending to sip it, but it slides like a waterfall down my throat, easing my dryness. Ashley is right. I’m dehydrated. Big time.

  “Better?” she says.

  I nod.

  “Good. Here’s your wine.”

  I sigh. “I think I want some more water.”

  She grabs the glass. “You got it.”

  Before I can tell her to stay, she’s back in the kitchen refilling my glass. I take a sip of the wine. Its dark cherry and woodiness coats my mouth as I swallow.

  Ashley returns with my water and a glass of wine for herself. She sits down on the couch so she’s facing me.

  How I wish I sat there instead of in my recliner. I could be cuddling her against me, embracing her light and warmth. I drain the glass of water and take another sip of wine.

  “Come here,” I say.

  She rises. “What do you need?”

  I set the wine on the end table and grab her hand, pulling her into my lap. “You. I need you, Ashley.”

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Ashley

  Dale’s hard cock pushes against my ass.

  I honestly wasn’t expecting this. “Amazing wha
t a little hydration can do.” I giggle.

  “I won’t deny that it helped,” Dale says, “but I’ve been hard since we got home.”

  “Let me take care of you, then,” I say.

  “You’ve been taking care of me. I wasn’t asking for…”

  “I know you weren’t, but you’re exhausted and tense. Not a good combination.” I climb off his lap and onto the floor and then unbuckle his belt. “I can help you with that.”

  “Ashley…”

  “No use fighting me,” I say. “I’m in control now.”

  He groans, the vibration low in his chest—a brown earthy color.

  I release his cock and pull it out. He’s huge and hard, already a drop of pre-come emerging at the tip. I lick it off.

  He sucks in a breath. “Damn.”

  “What can I do for you?” I meet his gaze. “Anything, Dale. Tell me what you want.”

  “Suck me. Please.”

  He doesn’t have to ask twice. I take him between my lips, savoring the salty musk of him. He’s warm inside my mouth—warm and huge and beautiful. I slide my lips along his shaft, sucking gently, and then I release him, moving backward until I almost release his cock head.

  He groans again, earthy and brown with a translucent veil of burgundy.

  A groan that says how much he loves what I’m doing to him.

  I slide along his shaft again, slowly, teasing him. More groans. A sigh. Then he goes rigid.

  And I realize he doesn’t need to be teased right now. He needs release, and he needs it badly.

  I grab his shaft in my right hand, using it to increase the friction as I continue to work him with my lips and tongue.

  He sucks in a breath. “Fuck.”

  Yes, it’s okay. Come, Dale. Let it go. Release.

  I increase my speed, hoping he knows not to hold back. That I don’t care about my own satisfaction right now. Only him. Only what the man I love needs.

  His breaths become more rapid, and he grabs the back of my head, increasing my pace.

  That’s it. Let it go, my love. Let go.

  When the contractions begin at the base of his cock, I feel them through my whole body. Tiny combustions that increase, increase, increase, until he’s holding me in place and filling me. Coming inside my mouth, down my throat.

  Using me for his release.

  And I’m okay with that. With whatever he needs.

  I breathe through my nose as he stays embedded against my throat, still pulsing.

  Determination sweeps through me. I’ll stay here until he’s done. Until he’s completely released and relaxed. I love him that much.

  A few seconds later, he releases my head, and I slowly slide my lips to his tip, licking him as I go.

  “Fuck,” he says huskily. “I should have—”

  “Stop. This was about you, and I’m fine with that.” I stand and hand him his wine.

  He takes a sip. “I could fall asleep right here.”

  “Then do it. Nothing’s stopping you.”

  “But you…”

  I smooth back his disheveled hair. “I’m not an issue. In fact, I think I’ll take my own advice and have a soak in your tub. It’s been a long day.”

  “If that’s not the truth.” He closes his eyes, his breathing slowing down.

  I kiss his lips lightly, grab the empty glasses, and head to the kitchen. Penny is finishing her supper. “Feel like going out for a dip, Penny?” I open the back door, and she scrambles out.

  The evening breeze is slightly cool—a perfect night for the hot tub. I haven’t been in a tub since my first night here when Dee and I soaked at the main house. I wore a suit that night, but I don’t have one here. The tub is adequately secluded, so I shed my clothes.

  Goosebumps erupt on my flesh. Crap. I forgot to take the cover off the tub. I grab one corner of it and find it’s a lot heavier than I anticipated. With a few breathless moves, I get it pushed to the side. I scurry into the steaming water.

  Ah… Heaven.

  Penny jumps up so her forepaws are on the rail of the tub. I pet her with a wet hand. “Good dog. Such a good girl!”

  She jumps down and runs into the yard, chasing some invisible squirrel or rabbit.

  I close my eyes and breathe. Just breathe.

  Next to being in Dale’s arms, this is pretty much the best thing ever.

  What a freaking day! How wonderful to finally relax, to let the water soothe me. I flip the switch for the jets and enjoy a massage against my back and shoulders.

  Yes, this is what I need. Pure relaxation. Pure…solace. Pure…paradise.

  “Ashley!”

  I jerk. Someone’s touching my shoulder, pulling me out of the hot tub.

  “What the—”

  “You fell asleep!” Dale shouts. “Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?”

  “You… What…?”

  “You were sleeping. How long have you been out here? Where’s your robe and towel?”

  “Robe and towel?”

  “Yes. A towel. You need a towel or you’ll freeze.”

  I blink my eyes a few times. How long have I been out here? It’s dark. Really dark. Stars are numerous against the black sky. Penny jingles around Dale’s legs.

  Towel. I don’t have one. I just… I just…

  “I took my clothes off out here. I don’t have a towel.”

  “For God’s sake.” Dale strips off his shirt and lays it down. Then he pulls me out of the tub and wraps it around me.

  I inhale. Salty pine and cinnamon man. My Dale. The best fragrance ever. I moan and close my eyes again.

  “Don’t ever do that again,” Dale is saying. “Promise me.”

  “Do what?”

  “Fall asleep in the hot tub! You could have drowned!”

  Finally, I wake up out of my alpha state. “Drowned? I’m a good swimmer, and the hot tub isn’t even deep.”

  “But you were asleep.”

  “And if I ended up underwater, I’d wake up.”

  “Still. Please. Never again. Promise me.”

  “Dale, what’s this about?”

  “Just promise me, Ashley.”

  His tone is jarred. He’s scared, and I don’t know why.

  “Babe,” I say, “you know this isn’t something to worry about. I’m fine.”

  “Please.” Again with the tone. It’s fear, and the burgundy color has divided into black and brighter red. Like the parting of the sea. I’ve never experienced a sound-color like this before.

  And I know I need to make this promise to him. If I don’t, he’ll… He’ll… I don’t know what he’ll do.

  “Okay, I promise. Never again, Dale. I promise I’ll never fall asleep in the hot tub again.”

  He lets out a slow breath. “Good. Thank you.”

  This is about more than me falling asleep in the hot tub. But I can’t ask him. I won’t ask him.

  Because I’ll just be disappointed when he walls himself off and doesn’t tell me.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Dale

  Donny lifted his head from the kind man’s chest. “I’m sorry, Dale. I tried.”

  “No!” I grabbed my little brother into a bear hug. “No, God. I’m so sorry. I never meant… I’m so glad you’re okay. That you’re alive.”

  “But we made a pact.”

  “It was a stupid pact. We were starving and hurting. But now we’re not. I want to live, Donny, and I want you to live too.”

  It was a stupid pact, but to a seven-year-old little boy, it was a blood promise between brothers. Donny had tried to drown himself because I told him to. We made the suicide pact when we were captive, when we didn’t have any hope left.

  And after I…

  After I did the unthinkable.

  Ending our lives seemed preferable to living the rest of them the way we seemed to be destined to, and after I had…

  God, can’t. Can’t even think it.

  So Donny and I made a pact. If either of us ever had
the chance to end our own life, we’d take it. We’d escape from the hell we were living. That was all we wanted for each other and for ourselves.

  Donny was seven, though, and when Dad and Uncle Ryan rescued us, he didn’t realize the pact was no longer valid. When Aunt Ruby helped him take a bath and then looked away for just a moment, Donny tried to drown himself in the tub.

  Aunt Ruby was a cop back then, and she knew CPR. She resuscitated Donny, and he was no worse for the wear despite being malnourished and covered with bruises and sores from the beatings we both endured.

  I’ve never gotten over how frightened I was that day.

  So when I saw Ashley, the woman I love, asleep in the hot tub…

  I freaked. I freaked big time.

  “Dale”—she cups my cheek after I get her inside and into a warm robe—“what’s this about?”

  I’ve kept so much from her, and I’ll continue to do so.

  But I can give her this much.

  “My brother almost drowned in the tub when he was seven.”

  “Oh!” She melts against me. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Finding you asleep. It brought it all back. So vividly.”

  She hugs me tighter and says nothing.

  Unusual for Ashley, but I don’t need her words. I need only her presence. Her comfort.

  And for the first time in a long time, I feel good about opening up.

  Really good.

  The next few days pass in a blur. Ashley and I leave Uncle Ry to do the tastings, and we work the harvest. We work straight through the weekend and are exhausted by the end of the day. Donny visits for one day, to meet our birth father in Grand Junction. He’s still in the ICU but is doing okay.

  I sleep at home. Not in the mountains, which is usual for me during Syrah harvest, but at home, with Ashley next to me.

  And I begin to wonder if maybe I can actually do this. Have a relationship with her.

  “Dale?” Ashley says, leaning back in the hot tub after a particularly grueling day among the Syrah vines.

  “Yeah?”

  “Could I…have your mother’s necklace back?”