by Hamel, B. B.
“Oh,” he says flatly. “Right. Of course.”
“I live there, that’s where my job is.”
“Right. This was temporary. It was like… like a vacation for you.”
I wince almost like he struck me. “No, Connor.”
“I get it,” he says, shaking his head. He doesn’t look hurt. He just looks…
Blank. Nothing.
“Seriously. I didn’t plan any of this. I didn’t plan…” I trail off.
“You didn’t plan on letting me fuck you? Letting me make you feel good? You didn’t plan on that?”
“No,” I say, forcing myself not to cry. “You know I have to go back. It’s only an hour away, it’s only—”
“Bozeman is another world and you know it.” He frowns at me. “But I get it. You have to go. So you might as well go.”
He turns away from me and I swear I might break down.
“I need to give him one more dose,” I say softly. “I can show Bryant how to do the rest.”
“Yeah, fine,” Connor says, not facing me. “Then you can go tomorrow.”
“Right. I’ll go tomorrow.”
He lingers there and I can see the tension in his body. I want to go to him, tell him how much he means to me, how much this is breaking my heart.
But he just walks off and I watch him go without a word.
16
Connor
I was just starting to see a new possible future for myself, but now I feel like it’s been ripped out from my chest and stomped on.
I can’t blame Holly. I know this is the real world and nothing’s ever fucking perfect. There’s no storybook ending, no happily-ever-after, none of that shit. In the real world, there’s only hard work and heartbreak.
At least, that’s all I’ve ever seen.
Of course she has to go back to Bozeman. That doesn’t mean we’re finished… but of course I know that’s what it means. She’ll be an hour away. Maybe we can try to make it work, but I won’t be able to leave the ranch, and she’ll be working all over the state, and eventually…
It’ll be too hard. I can’t ask that much of her, I just know I can’t, even if that’s all I want.
I want to beg her to stay, plead with her, offer to pay her whatever she needs. I’ll double her salary, give her a place to stay. I’ll build her a house if that’s what it would take.
I can’t do that. I know I can’t. It’s insane and would put her in a terrible position. But that’s what I want, more than I can even realize.
The day drags on and passes into night and all I can think about is Holly. She’s leaving in the morning, leaving me without anything else.
“You okay?”
I’m out behind the main house chopping wood, whipping the big axe down onto the thick wood stumps over and over again, working myself up into a sweat, trying to get this horrible feeling from my chest. Faye leans up against the back door and crosses her arms, a frown on her face.
“Fine,” I grunt as I split another log. The sun’s going down and I probably should stop, but I don’t want to. The work feels good. It distracts me, at least a little bit.
“I heard Holly’s heading back into town,” Faye says, walking toward me now.
“Yeah, well. Dodger’s better.”
“That’s a shame. The two of you were getting along.”
“Just the way it works.” I slam the axe down, split another log with a growl. “Right? Can’t last forever. She’s got to go back and get to work.”
“Sure,” Faye says softly. “But Bozeman’s only an hour away, you could—”
I shoot her a look and she doesn’t finish that sentence.
She sighs and shakes her head. “Damn it, Connor. When will you learn?”
I growl and slam the axe down into the ground. I leave it there, blade sunk deep into the dirt.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do?” I ask her. “She’s gotta go home. I can’t keep her here anymore. Even if I want to.”
“Give her a reason to stay,” Faye pushes. “Come on. You think she wants to go?”
“I don’t know what she wants.”
“She doesn’t have any other choice. I mean, what’s she gonna do, just hang around?”
I throw up my hands. “What do you want from me, Faye?”
“I want you to be happy for once, you stupid asshole,” she snaps. “You’ve been moping around this ranch for years, and yeah, they’ve been good years. You’ve worked hard, built something nice. We’re all really grateful to you, Connor. But now it’s time for you to do something for yourself.”
I stare at her, feeling angry, but I don’t know why. What she’s saying isn’t bad. Hell, she’s probably right.
“I don’t know what to do,” I say, feeling defeated and hating it. I’m not the kind of man to feel defeated.
“Go tell her what you want,” she says softly. “Honestly, Connor. That’s all you gotta do. Tell her you want her to stay and you’ll work it out together.”
“And if we don’t? If she doesn’t want it?”
“Then you won’t.” Faye smiles sadly and puts a hand on my arm. “But you’ve gotta try, right?”
I sigh and finally meet her gaze. I know she’s right, damn it. I hate myself for it but she’s right. I can’t just roll over and quit and run away when shit gets real. I need to stand up and take what I want.
I nod once and lean over, pulling the axe from the earth. “All right. Let’s go make dinner.”
“Good.” Her smile is genuine now. “I’ll get it started. You clean that up.”
I grin at her as she disappears inside. I sigh and look around, at the hills, at my land, at the sun finally disappearing, scattering pink light across the blue sky in waves. This land is all I’ve known for a long time, the only thing that ever brought me any level of joy.
But now there’s something new in my life and it’s time to reach out and take it.
As I clear up the logs and stack them in the pile against the back of the house, I hear ATVs growling in the distance. I frown a little bit. The cowboys should be back by now and the cowgirls are already inside. Bryant doesn’t normally take an ATV out when he doesn’t need to, and anyway, there are at least four of them.
Frowning, a little fear in my gut, I hurry inside. I’m still clutching the axe and probably look like a maniac as I burst into the kitchen just as the gunfire starts.
“Down,” I shout, and everyone drops to the floor.
The bullets don’t hit the house though. I hear the gunfire but there aren’t explosions of glass and wood. Nobody moves a muscle but I can see the anger in Tina’s eyes, the steely resolve in Violet’s. I know what they want.
“Stay down,” I growl at them. “Don’t move a fucking muscle.” I crawl over toward a window. I know I shouldn’t but I have to see.
I peer up over the ledge, over toward the barn.
ATVs are circling it. Four of them, just like I thought, firing their weapons into the barn without a care. I can see the hole being blown in the side of it.
“Where are Michael and the others?” I yell at Faye.
“In the back,” she says, eyes wide.
I leap to my feet and run through the house. The cowboys are all in Dale’s room arming up.
“Stay the fuck inside,” I growl at them. “If any of you moves, I swear I’ll call the law on you. You hear me? Don’t you dare go out there.”
They try to argue but I don’t give them a chance. I run back into the main room, looking wildly around. Bryant’s sitting with his back against the refrigerator. Faye, Jessie, and Carter are all there along with Tina and Violet. The three cowboys are in the back, so that accounts for everyone…
Except no, it doesn’t.
My eyes go wide and I look back at Faye.
“Holly,” I say.
She lets out a strangled groan. “The barn.”
I don’t think. I just get up and run out into the night. I hear Faye yell after me but I’m not thinki
ng, I’m just moving.
I run out toward the barn, yelling over the gunfire. The men on their ATVs are riding around it in circles, whooping and hollering. They don’t see me, too caught up in their shooting to notice a person running. They’re wearing masks over their faces but they don’t do a good job at hiding their identity.
It’s obviously the Bell brothers and their two young ranch hands. I recognize the vehicles, the clothes.
I sprint past them and dive in through the back door. Bullets are spraying into the barn and I can hear animals screaming. Horses are hit and as I crawl on my stomach toward the stalls, I can smell it, coppery and overwhelming.
Blood, sticky blood. I find it all over the wooden floor, soaking into the hay and the dirt. I get it all over my clothes as I crawl on my belly, the bullets whizzing above my head. My pulse is pounding and I can’t look up, but I don’t stop.
“Holly!” I scream. “Holly! Are you in here?! Holly!”
I keep going, can’t hear a thing. Horse blood and dirt and hay smears all over my body as I go, but I don’t stop. I scream her name, over and over again, until I reach the center of the barn.
“Here!”
I pick my head up toward the noise and start crawling again.
“Holly?”
“Here! With Dodger!”
I crawl faster, heart racing. I get to Dodger’s stall, pull the door open, and crawl inside.
Holly’s there, down on the ground, huddled against Dodger. Her eyes are wide, manic, terrified.
“He’s shot,” she says. “He’s shot, oh, god. I’m trying to stop it, but I don’t… they shot him, Connor.”
Poor Dodger is on his side, groaning in pain. “Let me see.”
I crawl up next to her and look under her hands. The bullet ripped a long furrow down Dodger’s flank but it didn’t go inside his body. He’s down on the ground now, under the bullets, groaning in pain.
“Here,” I say, ripping off my shirt. We use it to stem the bleeding. “It’s not deep. It’s not bad. He’ll be okay.”
But her eyes are wide and I can tell she’s panicking. I grab her and look in her eyes.
“Holly, damn it. Look at me. We’re going to be okay. Just stay down.”
She nods once and I pull her against me, covering her body with mine and holding my shirt against poor Dodger.
It feels like hours. I don’t know what the fucking bastards are trying to do but they just keep shooting the barn, over and over again. More horses scream and I’m afraid they’ve killed them all and done more damage besides. We’re going to have to repair everything, try to save as many horses as we can, assuming we survive.
I hold Holly tight against me. I won’t let her get hurt, no way in hell.
Finally though, with one last whoop and yell, the ATVs start to pull away. The gunshots stop as the vehicles roar off into the distance.
I swear, I can hear them laughing.
I hold Holly and we don’t move for a few minutes. Tentatively, I pick my head up and look around.
Horses are moaning in pain.
“Stay with Dodger,” I say to her, getting to my feet. “Don’t move.”
She nods once, eyes horrified.
I run out of the barn. The Bells are gone, but the barn looks like a slaughterhouse. Blood is everywhere, horses moaning, bullet holes riddling the walls. I run to the main house but the others are already coming out to meet us.
“Horses need help,” I say to Faye. “Holly’s okay.”
She nods once and the others keep running to the barn.
I stand there, breathing heavy, staring at the ruins of my barn. I’m only vaguely aware of Holly coming up to me and standing against my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her and pull her tight against me. We’re both covered in blood and I hold her in my arms, trying to keep the anger and sorrow at bay.
17
Holly
In the end, only two horses died. It was actually a miracle that more didn’t get killed. The gunfire spooked them badly, but instead of bucking and fighting and running, they decided to lie down in the hay and groan.
I worked all night on the horses. I saved the ones I could and the others, well…
Connor took care of them the best way he could with as much grace as a man in that position possibly can.
We didn’t go to bed until late. We were all exhausted and shocked at the brutality and horror of what the Bell family had done. Nobody talked much, but I did hear the cowboys whispering about hitting back, about killing all their livestock, about killing one of the Bell brothers.
Connor didn’t say a word. He looked hollow, broken. I felt the same way.
When I was alone in that stall with Dodger, his blood pouring between my fingers, I thought I was going to die. But hearing Connor’s voice, seeing him, feeling him protecting me…
It brought me back from the brink. I thought I was going to die but he crawled into that stall to be with me, to save me. He crawled into hell to be with me.
I sleep fitfully. In the morning, I find Faye alone in the kitchen. “Where’s Connor?” I ask her.
“Not sure,” she admits. “I think still in his room.”
I nod and accept a mug of coffee from her.
“You okay?” she asks softly, fingers lingering on mine.
“I think so,” I say. “That was…”
I trail off, not sure what to say.
She nods and hugs me. I hug her back and push back the tears.
“Go ahead and find him,” she says. “He wants to talk to you, I’m sure.”
I smile at her, sip the coffee, and walk back down the hall.
Connor’s door is closed but he answers at my first knock. “Yeah?” he grunts.
I push the door open and step inside. “Hey,” I say.
He’s sitting at a desk pushed up against the far wall. Scattered all around the room are the cameras we had spent so much time setting up. He’s staring at a laptop and rubbing his eyes, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t sleep at all last night.
His room is big with a big queen bed, dresser, desk, night tables, bathroom off the far end, and a little fireplace with a couple of chairs in front of it. There are pictures on the walls, a bookcase with books, and plenty of little things documenting his life on the ranch. Horseshoes, old boots, a rifle over the fireplace, that sort of thing.
“Hey,” he says to me, smiling a little bit. “You sleep?”
“A little.” I walk over and offer him my coffee. He shakes his head.
“Better not.” He sighs and looks back at the computer.
“Is that the… footage?”
He nods, staring at it.
“Did you… get them?”
He doesn’t answer right away. He just stares at it for a while before finally speaking. “Yeah. I got them.”
I bite my lip. I feel like I should be excited or happy or… anything, really. Instead, I just feel blank.
“What now?” I ask him.
“I don’t know,” he admits. “Here. Take a look.”
He plays the video for me. He clearly edited this, spent all night doing it. The video jumps from perspective to perspective, but what it shows is clear: four men on ATVs, bandanas over their faces, firing rifles and pistols at the barn. They’re whooping, laughing, hollering at each other. You can hear horses groaning between the gunshots.
It lasts for a few minutes before they circle up toward the front of the barn. Two of them pull off their bandanas, laughing to each other, before a third gestures sharply at them. One is blond with pale skin, the other has nearly a shaved head and a large, hooked nose. They put their bandanas back on and the four of them ride off.
“You can barely see it,” he says softly. “But one of the two boys that took off the mask is a Bell boy.”
I nod a little. “That’s good. The other?”
“Ranch hand that works for them, kid named Jason Jessup. Never thought he was a bad kid until now.”
“They were havin
g fun,” I whisper to him. “They were just riding around, having fun, shooting at the barn. They were killing animals, nearly killed me, and they were… having fun.”
“I know.” He looks so angry and he slams the laptop lid shut. “Now I gotta decide what to do.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” I ask him, a little surprised.
“Maybe. But I don’t think the choice is all my own.”
I watch him carefully for a second. “You’re going to ask everyone to vote?”
“That’s right.”
“But it’s…”
“No,” he says, cutting me off. “It’s all our decisions. It’s theirs as much as mine.”
“What other decision is there?”
He stands, scooping the laptop under his arm. “Let’s go find out.”
He walks out and I follow him back into the kitchen. He gets some coffee after all and refills my mug as we set up at the kitchen table. Faye busies herself cooking, but I can tell she’s as tense as I feel.
Slowly the others start to filter in. Bryant first, then Carter and Jessie, then Tina and Violet, and finally all three cowboys come in, looking pissed. They sit down, nobody talking much.
Connor stands once everyone’s gathered. “I want you all to watch this. Wait until it’s over before we talk about it.”
He opens his laptop lid. Everyone gathers around as best they can before he starts the video.
I don’t watch it. I linger to the side and watch everyone else.
Jessie looks sick. She can barely watch. Carter is angry. Bryant looks neutral, almost bored. The cowboys glare at each other. The cowgirls look just as angry.
Faye looks like she wants to leave the room.
When it’s done, Connor shuts the lid.
“It was them,” Violet says before anyone else can talk. “You saw them at the end. Jason and that younger Bell kid.”
“Grady,” Dale says softly. “I’d recognize him anywhere.”
“Fucking pieces of shit,” Michael growls. “Connor, we gotta do something. We gotta hit back, right now.”
“Hold on,” Connor says. “I think we need to make a decision first.”
