by Hamel, B. B.
“Decision? They killed our horses. They attacked us. We gotta fight back,” Tina pushes. “How are we just sitting here right now?”
Bryant speaks up. “We don’t want a war, as much as you kids think you do. Goddamn it, what they did was unforgiveable, and they’ll face the consequences. But if we go down that road, we ain’t any better than they are.”
Connor sits back and lets them argue. The cowboys and cowgirls are all against Bryant, who is eventually joined by Carter and Faye. Jessie doesn’t speak, just sits over by the window, completely motionless.
Eventually, they all start yelling at once, Tina accusing Bryant of being a weak old man and Bryant accusing Tina of being a stupid impulsive child. Connor stands up and smacks his hands down on the table.
“Shut the fuck up, all of you,” he yells.
Everyone goes silent.
He sighs and shakes his head. “We’ve got a choice. We can go down two different paths, and I think we gotta vote on it.”
“Vote?” Tina sneers. “We don’t gotta vote.”
“It’s all our choice,” Connor snaps at her. “You keep pushing and I swear, Tina, I’ll throw your ass out.”
That shuts her up.
Connor sighs and looks at everyone.
“We’ve got two choices. The first is, we take that video to the sheriff and we let the law handle it.”
“The law won’t do shit and you know it,” Michael yells. “They don’t do shit!”
“Or,” Connor says loudly before the room can erupt again, “or we go on the warpath. We hit them back, make them never want to hit us again. I’ll broker a little peace deal with Richard afterward and maybe we can get through this without too much blood on our hands.”
That settles the room. Everyone stares at him, shocked.
I can’t believe what he’s saying. Clearly, he has a war plan already, and he’s willing to go down that path.
“Connor,” Bryant says softly.
But Connor holds up a hand. “We’ve gotta vote. All those in favor of war, raise your hand.”
Tina, Violet, Michael, Dale, and Timothy all raise their hands.
“Five for war,” Connor says. “All those for going to the law, raise yours.”
Connor, Bryant, Faye, Jessie, and Carter raise their hands.
“And five for law,” Connor says.
“Voting don’t mean shit,” Michael says angrily. “We gotta go, follow your plan, we can do this, we can—”
“Holly didn’t vote,” Faye says loudly.
Everyone suddenly turns and stares at me. I’ve never felt so naked and exposed in my life.
“I’m, uh, I’m not part of this,” I say softly.
“You almost got killed yesterday,” Connor says. “That makes you more a part of this than anyone else.”
They all stare at me. Nobody moves a muscle. Nobody argues.
“You want me to decide?” I whisper.
“You’re the last vote,” Faye says.
“Go ahead,” Tina snaps. “Pick.”
I stare at them, going from face to face to face, before finally landing on Connor.
He looks tired, angry, sad, everything all at once. But most of all, he looks like he can’t take his eyes off me. That hunger is still there, despite everything.
I know what he wants. I know what he needs just as much. Maybe war would make him feel good, but he’d hate himself for it forever.
“We take it to the sheriff,” I say.
Connor nods. “That’s it then,” he says before the others can argue. “Anyone goes against this is off my land. Anyone caught over near the Bells is off my land. And I will take your ass to the sheriff as well.”
“Connor,” Tina tries to plead, but he cuts her off.
“This is over. You’ve got your orders. Now get the fuck out of here. No work today after you all check the herd and make sure they’re still breathing.” He stares at them but nobody moves. “Well, get the fuck out there.”
That gets them going. The room soon clears and I find myself standing next to Connor as he sits down at the table, his head in his hands.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly. “I know that was hard.”
He looks up at me. “Thank you,” he says. “I didn’t want to put you on the spot like that, but…”
“No, I’m just sorry it came to this. But I know what you wanted me to do.”
“Thank you.” He takes my hand and pulls me toward him. I end up in his lap, arms around his neck, and he holds me like that.
I don’t think about anything there against his body. There’s nothing else in the world for me right now. There’s only him and being near him and breathing him. The thought of leaving…
It terrifies me.
There’s nothing back in Bozeman for me. But I can’t just stay here on his ranch with nothing else to do.
He looks into my eyes and kisses me gently. “Come on,” he says, helping me up. “We’ve got a long drive.”
I feel the dread in my gut but I nod. There’s no use in fighting it. “Back to Bozeman?”
“That’s right,” he says.
“Okay.” I stare at the floor, not moving.
But he tilts my chin up. “You’re coming back with me, you know that, right?”
I blink a little. “I am?”
“I’ve got horses that need a doctor.” He steps closer to me. “And I don’t want to let you go.”
I bite my lip and have to look down at the floor. I can feel the tears coming but I force them away. We’re alone in the kitchen and have been for a little bit now, but I don’t know when Faye and Carter decided to disappear.
He kisses me softly, tongue against mine. He pulls me against him, holding me tight.
“I don’t want to let you go,” he whispers in my ear. “You know that? I don’t want to let you go at all.”
“I don’t want to go.” The words come out nearly choked.
He takes my hand and leads me out onto the porch. He pulls me against him as we breathe the open air, looking out at the land, at the rolling hills and the sun throwing golden light across the wispy white clouds. It’s beautiful and he tilts my chin up to look me in the eyes.
“I wanted to be out here when I told you this,” he says, almost a whisper.
“Told me what?”
“I fell in love with you, Holly. I love you, and I’m not going to lose you.”
I feel it deep inside my bones, the need for him, almost desperate and aching. I get up on my toes and kiss him hard, forgetting to say the words back, knowing the words don’t matter.
All that matters is this.
I let the kiss linger, tasting him, before finally looking into his eyes with a big, stupid smile.
“I love you too,” I say. “I fell in love with you too.”
“We’ll make it work. We’ll figure it out, whatever we’ve gotta do.”
“Yeah, we will.”
It doesn’t matter what happens from here. I know that I’m in the right place, with the right man. I’m doing the right thing and I know he will, too. Connor is what I need. He makes me stronger, braver. He’ll rush into hell to save me and I’ll follow him into hell to help him.
He pulls me tight against him and I breathe in his smell, and for the first time in a very long time, I feel at peace, at home, in love.
18
Holly
Two Years Later
I roll out of bed to the smell of clean air and sawdust and can’t help but smile to myself.
I have to be careful as I climb down the ladder from the loft bedroom. I brush my teeth in the kitchen sink, pour myself some coffee from the pot Connor already made, and find him hard at work out back.
He looks up at me as I approach, still wearing my pajamas. I look out over the rolling hills, at the grass and short green trees, and I can’t help but take a deep breath and smile as he smiles back.
“Morning,” he says.
“You’re up early. Isn’t this our
day off?”
He shrugs a little and puts the saw down, walking over to take me into his arms. He smells like sweat and sawdust and dirt and I press my cheek against his chest, loving that smell, loving being in his arms more than anything.
For me, this is heaven. This is home.
“Figured I’d get some more work done on this place while you slept.”
“I can’t really complain about that.”
“I figured you wouldn’t.” He laughs and kisses me. “I think it’ll be done in a couple months. Maybe faster if I can get some of those new cowboys to help out on weekends.”
“Whatever you can do is good with me. You know I’m happy the way things are.”
He grins at me. “If we’re going to live out here, we’re going to do it right.”
I lean against him and look at the cabin. He’s doubling its size, which still isn’t huge, but it’ll be big enough to have a family in at least. Three bedrooms, a nicer bathroom, bigger living space, bigger kitchen. That means I’ve had to put up with chaos in our little house, but I’m fine with that.
We’re going to need the space.
He puts his hand on my belly and kisses my neck. “How are you feeling today?” he asks.
“Fine,” I say. “I’ve been lucky. No morning sickness, not really at least.”
“Let’s hope it stays that way.”
I put my hand on his cheek. “Don’t worry. I’ll be cranky as hell when I get huge, so there’s plenty of time for me to make both of us miserable.”
He laughs and kisses me gently. “I don’t think you could do that even if you tried. I mean, you’re carrying my kid. I’m just thankful for that every day.”
“Don’t be sappy, Connor.”
He laughs again and I wriggle from his grip. I head back inside and sigh as I put my mug back into the sink. I wish I could have more coffee, but I have to think about my caffeine intake.
I stand at the little kitchen window as he gets back to work. I hold my hand up and let the sunlight sparkle in the diamond on my finger. We got married last year in a huge ceremony on the property. Hundreds of people were there and I didn’t know half of them, but I’m guessing that most of Montana showed up. It was a huge blowout and probably the most fun I’ve ever had.
I wander back inside and find my phone charging in a corner. I grab it and unplug it, unlocking it and staring at the screen. There’s a text from Faye and it takes me a few seconds to understand what she’s saying before I hurry outside.
“Connor,” I say. “We’ve gotta go down to the house.”
He frowns at me. “What? Why?”
“Faye texted. It’s the Bells.”
His face darkens and he just nods. I get changed as fast as I can while he gets the ATVs ready. When we’re set, we ride out, heading down the very familiar paths toward the main house.
We split our time between the main house and our own little cabin on the hill. Most days we’re down here, since it’s easier to get the work done when we’re closer, and the main house is much more comfortable. It’s getting crowded though, since he hired three new cowboys and a couple more cowgirls, expanding our operation big time.
And of course, he hired a full-time animal doctor. Bryant was a little annoyed at first that I was taking over his informal position but we’ve reached a tenuous truce. Roy was unhappy to see me go but we keep in touch still, so that’s good. He keeps me informed about what’s going on back in town and I tell him all the crazy stories of things that happen out on this ranch.
We reach the main house in about a half hour and park out back. Faye meets us as we head toward the door, a little uncertain smile on her face.
“Glad you came down,” she says, hugging me then Connor. “We just heard.”
“I didn’t know they were going to make a decision today,” I say.
“We thought it would take longer,” Faye agrees. “But the jury came back this morning.”
I feel a lump in my throat. I look back at Connor and his face is dark but he doesn’t say anything.
Two years ago, we took the video to the local sheriff. It wasn’t an easy decision and it nearly broke the ranch in two. But the sheriff did the right thing and arrested all four boys involved in the attack. They got out on bail but their trial has been ongoing ever since then. Apparently, the DA wanted to make an example out of them in an attempt to crack down on ranch warring.
Yesterday was the trial and the jury didn’t come to a decision at all. We figured it would take at least a few days, but apparently the verdict came in early.
“What is it?” I ask her, almost breathless.
“Guilty across the board,” Faye says. She doesn’t smile when she says it. Nobody looks happy and I don’t even know how I feel.
Guilty means those boys are going to see jail time. I don’t know how long, not until the judge sentences them officially, but it could be years. They’re young boys, stupid, grew up in this place with these rancher codes. They thought…
Well, they didn’t think. But now they’re being made an example of and their lives will never be the same.
Robert and Connor hashed out a truce after the boys were arrested and that truce has held ever since. We don’t see the Bells anymore, don’t speak with them, and I know Connor is always waiting for another attack to come. He’s afraid the Bells are going to take it out on him in the end.
But there are rumors about Robert. His health isn’t doing great, or at least that’s what the other ranch hands say. Marie took over the day-to-day operations, and that girl has a good head on her shoulders. The peace might just hold after all.
I look back at Connor and he just sighs, shaking his head. “Damn shame all around,” he says quietly. “Let’s get some breakfast.”
“Sounds good. I’ll go see Dodger when we’re done.”
He nods and puts an arm around me. Faye leads us inside.
We don’t talk about it anymore. I think we’re all done talking about it, and anyway, the kitchen is full of people. Bryant and Jessie and Tina and Violet and Dale and Michael and Timothy and all the others are there, talking and laughing, making plans for their day off. I join in seamlessly, like I’ve always been a part of this family, even though I’m still a new girl compared to most of them here.
That doesn’t matter. This is my family, my real family. I have a baby on the way and I’m going to raise my baby right. I’m going to work this land, tend these animals, build this ranch into something good, and I’m going to do it with him, with Connor.
I see the way the others look at him, especially the new ones. They all look at him with a sort of awe, like he’s special or something. I can understand it, I feel that way about him too. He has a sort of gravity about him, and he’s become even more notorious around these parts for doing the right thing. Folks respect him for taking the Bell boys to the law after what they did instead of attacking back, which is what most ranchers would’ve done.
Of course, some ranchers think he’s a traitor for going to the law, but you’ll never convince everyone.
I sit next to Connor on a long bench and lean against him as we laugh and joke and talk with Tina and Violet. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I feel like my life is finally complete. I have my baby, my husband, my home. We’re going to build a family here.
I look up at Connor. “Hey,” I say softly. “I love you.”
He smiles down at me. “I love you too.” We kiss gently.
“Gross,” Violet says, throwing bread at us. “Cut it out.”
We all laugh and I lean against my man. Every day is like this, smiles, jokes, hard work but also lots of joy. I go home tired and happy, and after Connor satisfies my every desire, I wake up and look forward to doing it all over again.
The wind in my hair, Connor by my side. There’s so much possibility out here on the ranch, so much more possibility than I ever thought I’d have. I’m happy I took the plunge and moved in with Connor two years ago, quit my job and uproot
ed all over again, but it was the best decision I ever made. I’m happy, I’m home, I’m looking forward to tomorrow with my man.
I don’t know what else I could want out of life.
THE END
Also by BB Hamel
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