This is Not a Double Date

by Grace Risata

  “Land your ass back to earth for a minute, okay?” I barked, snapping my fingers in his face. “For argument’s sake, let’s just say I believe your story. Why did you let them kidnap me? Why didn’t you tell me what was going on ahead of time?”

  “Yeah, right! You would have immediately called the police! Did you expect me to say, ‘Hey, excuse me lady that I just met a few weeks ago, would you please go along with my quest for justice and let me kidnap you for a minute? How about getting us inside the museum so I can convince my dad he has a shot at robbing it, while I secretly let the feds know where to catch him?’ You would never have gone along with that, even if I gave you the direct number for the detective and he corroborated my story!”

  I suppose he had a point.

  “I’m still not convinced you gave up everything just to help me escape,” I mumbled skeptically. If it sounded too good to be true, it usually was.

  “Two wrongs don’t make a right, Andi. Whether you believe me or not, I had no idea my dad was planning to use Hailey as a pawn to get your cooperation. The minute her name came up and I saw every ounce of fight leave your body, I knew I had to take action. If things went that far…if my father hurt your sister…there’s no way to come back from that. I couldn’t risk losing you,” Roman insisted. “Obviously you weren’t part of my original plan, but once you entered the picture I couldn’t turn my back on what we had. I just figured that I would explain everything once my dad got caught and arrested, the jewels would never have left the museum, and I’d have a bit of groveling to do in order to win you back.”

  “It’s just as simple as winning me back, huh? Mild mannered Andi will fall for a quick line and a pretty face, hmm? You assumed that once I was caught in your trap, I’d be unable to resist an apology and a smile? It doesn’t work like that.”

  Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I’m a naïve sucker.

  “I know what hurt and betrayal feel like,” he spoke solemnly. “They’ve been a large part of my life ever since I can remember. Believe me when I say that I never intended for any harm to come to you. If Tyler, Duke, or Eddie had dared to lay a finger on you, I would have killed them. You need to realize how important you are to me. In the end, getting revenge wasn’t worth losing the best thing that ever walked into my life…you, Andi.”

  Our very special moment had to be put on hold due to the fact that we arrived at Hailey’s apartment building. I jumped out of the van and ran to my sister, hugging her so tightly it would make a boa constrictor jealous.

  “What the hell is going on Andi?” she asked frantically, holding me at arm’s length and checking for any signs of injury. “You don’t use code words if it isn’t a real emergency!”

  “I was kidnapped!” I cried out. “You’re not going to believe what happened!”

  “Who did it?” she demanded, looking around as though a gang of thugs might jump out of the bushes at any moment.

  “Him,” I replied while pointing at Roman. The guilt-stricken man had now emerged from the vehicle and stood patiently off to the side.

  Unfortunately, he wasn’t far enough off to the side. Hailey whipped out a canister of pepper spray and unleashed hell upon the perpetrator.

  “Don’t mess with my sister, asshole!” she shouted, giving him a healthy dose of liquid poison…right in the face.

  Is it possible to be proud and horrified at the same time?

  Yes.

  Yes, it is.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Roman

  Who were these people? One minute I’m begging Andi to understand the reasoning behind my actions, and the next minute I’m screaming like a girl while an intense burning pain seared across my eyes. The whole situation descended into chaos. Thank God the wind was blowing in the right direction and carried away most of the fluid, or things might have been much, much worse.

  “Don’t touch your face,” Andi shouted in warning. Before I knew what was happening, I felt cold relief as water rained down and washed out the toxic substance.

  “I found a bottle of water in Hailey’s bug-out-bag,” she explained, trying to alleviate my suffering. Have you ever been pepper-sprayed? It’s not anything I would wish upon my worst enemy.

  While I was preoccupied with survival, Andi began organizing the group and barking out orders. Everything went pretty quickly after that, and I suddenly found myself shoved in the backseat of Hailey’s car and taken for a joyride.

  However, there was no joy in this ride. I had too many things to worry about at the moment. Where were we going? What were Tyler and Eddie going to do once they realized I bailed on the plan? Most importantly…would Andi ever be able to forgive me?

  I pondered these thoughts as Andi took it upon herself to give Hailey a recap of our adventurous evening. I followed along, fascinated, listening to her side of the story. I could tell she left out certain parts in an effort to spare her sister from knowing the truth. Most notably, my dad’s plan to use Hailey as a bargaining tool in order to get Andi to cooperate.

  “…and then I pretended like I needed to use the bathroom, Duke had to act as chaperone to make sure I didn’t try anything funny, and Roman knocked him unconscious. We made our escape in the van, came to your apartment, and here I am. Now that you’re caught up, we need to move on to more pressing matters, Hailey. Namely, our next step. We need a safe house. Some place where Tyler and Eddie would never think to look for us. Somewhere with guns, a reinforced concrete shelter designed to keep out attackers, and preferably manned by a kickass Russian enforcer.”

  “No. That is not an option,” Hailey insisted, as though such places existed on every street in town and we could just roll up to one at any second. Had Andi lost her mind?

  “I’m sorry, but not only is it definitely an option,” Andi stated firmly, “it’s the only one we have.”

  “No it’s not! Why don’t we go to the police?” she argued back.

  “They’ll want to arrest the dipshit in the backseat.”

  Okay. So…I’m guessing the answer to ‘Will Andi ever be able to forgive me?’ is ‘not anytime soon.’

  “What’s wrong with that?” Hailey replied. “Let them arrest him! Do I need to remind you that he kidnapped you and held you against your will while his family tried to gain information to rob your beloved museum? What if they would have gotten bored and decided to loot the place? What if a poor, innocent mummy survived being entombed for centuries, only to have those jackasses smash it into pieces? What then, Andi? What then?”

  “It never came to that, Hailey. We can ask ‘what if?’ questions all night long, but it’s not going to get us anywhere. What if I hadn’t gone to the concert with Cara and never got involved in any of this? What if you hadn’t given your boyfriend a burrito and caused him to shit the Jacuzzi? What if mom and dad never met and we were never born? What if dinosaurs still roamed the earth? It is what it is, and no one is changing any of the events that led up to this moment. Let’s find a solution to our current dilemma…what do we do next?”

  “The answer is…not go to Ivan’s house,” her sister responded stubbornly.

  “Who’s Ivan?” I asked, feeling like I should be part of this conversation.

  “None of your business,” Hailey shouted, pulling out her phone. “Please, Andi. Don’t make me call him. This isn’t going to end well for any of us…but mainly me. It’s not my fault you fell for Roman’s charms and let him work his gypsy mind control tricks on you. It’s not my fault the guy turned out to be a criminal mastermind. It’s not my fault that I have better taste in men than you do. Yet suddenly, I’m the one picking up the pieces here. I’m the one being forced to call Ivan and beg for his help. I’m the one putting herself in a very bad position. What do you think he’s going to do when he sees me, Andi? This is not going to be pretty!”

  By the end of that whole tirade, the woman’s voice had risen to a shriek. She was clearly terrified at the prospect of contacting the guy.

  “I k
now you both hate me right now,” I admitted cautiously, “and probably won’t believe a word that comes out of my mouth. Just know that I’m sincere when I promise not to let any harm come to you. In the same way I protected Andi from my family, I’ll keep the two of you safe from this Ivan guy.”

  Years of working construction have built my muscles and made me a formidable opponent. I don’t know what this asshole did to Hailey to make her so afraid, but he sure as hell wouldn’t do it again. Any man that raises a fist to a lady, is not a man at all.

  Instead of sweetly reassuring her sister that everything would be fine, Andi turned her attention to the backseat and stuck a finger in my face.

  “Ivan is the reason I’m alive right now…and if you so much as touch him, I will go nuclear. If you think you saw ‘Angry Andi’ before, you haven’t seen anything.”

  Okay. I didn’t see that one coming. Just who in the hell is this guy?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Andi

  I stared at Hailey disapprovingly out of the corner of my eye until she caved in and began tapping buttons on her cell. Much to my relief, Ivan was still a contact in her phone. There was hope for those two crazy kids yet.

  Being careful to keep her eyes on the road while waiting for him to answer, I couldn’t help but notice she sucked in a deep breath once she heard the Russian’s voice on the other end of the line.

  “Angel? Please tell me you’re willing to give me another chance,” he began pleading before she instantly cut him off.

  “Don’t get excited, asshole. I have no desire to speak to you. I’m only doing this because Andi forced me. She got herself into a situation and demanded that I contact you for help. This is all her fault and has nothing to do with me.”

  “There’s no time for this,” I explained, impatiently snatching the phone from her hand. “We’re coming in hot, Ivan. Be prepared. Four minutes out.”

  “Understood.”

  I disconnected the call, instructed Roman to duck his head so as not to memorize our location, and leaned back in my seat to decompress before another shitstorm erupted.

  My surroundings had a somewhat calming effect, and I tried to clear my head and focus on the picture perfect tree-lined street as house after ordinary house passed by. If I didn’t know any better, I could pretend that I was simply traveling to visit a friend, appreciating the middle class suburb with its white picket fences, well manicured lawns, and abundance of street lights meant to give the impression that danger had no home in this neighborhood.

  But I did know better. I knew that Ivan preferred to hide in plain sight. I knew I was going to owe Hailey a lot for this favor. What I didn’t know, was how Roman would fit into the picture.

  Once we pulled into Ivan’s driveway, his garage door immediately opened to indicate the man was waiting for our arrival. My sister grunted in annoyance while rolling her head from side to side as though preparing for battle.

  She wasn’t the only one getting ready for a fight.

  “There are certain protocol steps that must be followed,” I explained to Roman. “You can sit up and look around, but don’t get out of the car.”

  “Okay, but where are we?”

  “Ivan’s fortress,” Hailey replied. “Anything that happens next, feel free to place all the blame on Andi. Just remember that. This was her idea.”

  The garage door swiftly closed behind us and a bright overhead light flicked on, offering a prominent view of our host. Ivan stood there in all his glory…six feet four inches of solid muscle brandishing a Kalashnikov Rifle and dressed like a militia soldier about to pull off a top secret operation. Wearing military fatigues from head to toe, black combat boots, and full face paint, the man could have scared the shit out of the devil himself. Ivan was the epitome of ‘bad ass.’

  “Holy shit,” Roman muttered from the backseat, clearly not expecting the sight before him. “We’re fucked.”

  Blatantly disregarding everything else but the man I came to see, I rushed out of the car and fell into Ivan’s arms.

  “Thank you for everything you ever taught me,” I gushed, enveloping him in a bear hug. “You saved my life!”

  In response, he gently pulled me away and slowly patted my head while assessing the other two people who were now standing in his garage and staring at him.

  “Is this your new boyfriend, Angel?” he asked Hailey while scowling at Roman.

  “My personal life is none of your business. You lost the right to know anything after you ghosted me and refused to answer my calls. Had it not been for Andi getting herself into a huge mess, I wouldn’t be here right now. As a matter of fact, just pretend I’m invisible.”

  Really? We’re going to act like we’re five years old? Now is not the time for a tantrum.

  “For fuck’s sake,” I complained, completely fed up with the absurdity of the situation. “Ivan, I made some poor life choices, got myself kidnapped, and narrowly escaped my captors after putting your self-defense techniques to good use. The guy standing next to Hailey is not her new boyfriend…he was mine…until he held me captive and tried to interrogate me.”

  I didn’t get a chance to share any further details, because Ivan immediately took a step forward and threw a left hook that hit Roman squarely in the face. It appeared that the quick-thinking man might have tried dodging the punch at the last second, but it definitely made an impact.

  “Shit,” Roman yelled, clutching his eye and backing away from Ivan. “I’ll be the first to admit that I probably deserved that, but if you come at me again then we’re going to have a problem.”

  I looked back and forth between the two men at the same time that Ivan was sizing up his competition. The Russian brute had an advantage of several inches, fifty pounds, and loads of military experience. Roman had…well... I wasn’t sure what he had. Strangely enough, the man didn’t appear frightened. Actually, the most fear Roman had ever shown was admitting his past to me and begging for my understanding.

  “Hey, pretty boy,” Ivan taunted. “You can come at me any time you want and I’ll kill you with my bare hands. But first…questions. Andi, why were you abducted? We really shouldn’t call it ‘kidnapping’ because you’re too old for that.”

  Nice of him to get caught up in semantics at a time like this. I wasn’t about to argue though. Ivan put on his game face and I knew the type of answers he was looking for. Straight and to the point.

  “Roman and his family wanted to rob the museum where I work and needed information.”

  “I see. And my training helped you?”

  “Yes!” I insisted, eager to boast about my success. “I was well-prepared thanks to all of our practice scenarios. I kept calm, faked an asthma attack, and head-butted one of my assailants.”

  “That’s fantastic and I’m proud of you,” Ivan said while beaming.

  “It hurt like hell,” I admitted, rubbing my temple.

  “Most acts of violence usually do.” Ivan had a no nonsense approach when it came to matters of life and death.

  Hailey suddenly decided she was no longer invisible and chimed in, “I used my pepper spray!”

  Evidently my sister wanted some of the credit for assisting with my escape-slash-survival this evening.

  The Russian’s face went from pride to fury.

  “You were also abducted, angel?” he roared.

  “No!” I quickly stated in an attempt to calm him down before the man exploded in rage. “After Roman helped me escape, we went to Hailey’s place to make sure she was safe.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be?” my naïve sister asked innocently.

  Ivan and I exchanged a look. We both knew the score.

  “Now you know why I included you in our training sessions, Andromeda?” he asked somberly.

  I slowly nodded and admitted, “The only way to truly hurt someone is to threaten those they love.”

  “In order to get to me,” Ivan explained, “my enemies would have gone after you and Hailey.”

>   “Who the fuck are you?” Roman mumbled in confusion from off to the side, still nursing his latest injury. I certainly wasn’t about to share the fact that Hailey’s ex-boyfriend was a player in the Russian mob. The less involved Roman became, the less likely Ivan would be to kill him.

  “Ah yes,” the Russian spoke, suddenly turning his attention back to the matter at hand. “Why is he here, Andi? You want me to dismember him, dispose of the body, hunt down his comrades, and take them out methodically one by one until the whole family is destroyed?”

  “No,” I sighed. “Not necessary, Ivan. I’m not really sure what happens next.”

  “Maybe I give you time to think while I show Hailey some remodeling done to my house,” Ivan suggested with a shrug. “Angel, I had the Jacuzzi tub removed…let’s let bygones be bygones and you can come back to me where you belong.”

  “Holy shit,” Roman exclaimed, the proverbial light bulb going off over his head. “You’re the burrito-eating tub-shitter!”

  Naturally Ivan lunged, Roman side-stepped, and I let all my buried emotions rise to the surface and overwhelm me in a fit of hysterics. The shock of the day’s events had finally caught up to me and I could do nothing but sit on the floor, hold my head in my hands, and have a long overdue sob fest. A person can only handle so much before their adrenaline rush wears off and reality comes crashing down. I hit a wall. I was done. Mentally, physically…done. This might go down in history as one of the worst days of my entire life.

  A strong set of arms wrapped around my shoulders and I was pulled onto someone’s lap.

  “I’ll make this right, Andi,” Roman soothed while stroking my hair. “I promise.”

  “It’s too late for that, jackass,” Hailey snapped, grabbing my hand and lifting me up. “Come on. Let’s go inside, get you a double shot of whatever vodka might be on tap, and have a good old fashioned cry to get it out of your system. You’ve held up amazingly well under the circumstances, and I couldn’t ask for a stronger or braver big sister.”