by S. C. Adams
It’s him. That big bulk wasn’t just anyone, it’s him.
But it can’t be. How would Tanner even know that I’m here? I rush around the corner, but by the time I’m around the bend, Tanner isn’t there anymore.
Which makes sense. Why would he be in my library in the first place? He wouldn’t be. He doesn’t even know this is my favorite spot. I’m here by myself, and deep down, I know that.
But what’s more distressing is the fact that my mind saw him. He’s here with me, even when I try and wipe him from my consciousness completely. Am I going crazy?
Hidden by the bookcases, I sink to the floor, dropping my head in my hands. Images of Tanner, his piercing blue eyes, broad chest, and long legs rush through my head. The way his jaw tenses when he’s about to come. The way his abs flex, and how harsh streaks decorate his cheekbones when I’ve gotten under his skin.
And the worst is that I’m remembering every single time we were together. His thickness inside of me, overflowing me with pleasure as I cry out.
Not now! This can’t be happening! This is my sanctuary, where I go to get away from it all. Why is Tanner here with me?
I keep trying to focus, looking for a book that can make me forget, but nothing I pull off the shelf actually helps. I’m almost through an entire shelf before realizing this is truly a lost cause.
I can’t be here. If all I can think about is Tanner, I need to leave. At least in my apartment, I can wallow openly without feeling salty tears drip down my face as I fumble messily with various volumes. I pick myself up off the ground and head back home.
Crossing the courtyard, I think about the cookies I have waiting for me in my cupboard. Once I’m upstairs, I plan on tearing into them, and then downing them with a cup of milk. Hopefully, they’ll make me feel better. Food almost always does.
I’m almost at my apartment, but I can see that there’s someone waiting by the door. It looks like Tanner, but I know it can’t be. It’s just my mind playing tricks on me again. I get closer and closer, but it still looks like him.
I stop in my tracks, unable go any further. I’m not about to psych myself out.
“Excuse me,” I say.
He turns around, and it is Tanner. Dear god, what am I going to do? I gulp even as my heartrate accelerates. My pulse pounds, and my pupils dilate because he’s just so gorgeous. The wind ruffles his black hair, before it drops in a wavy comma over one eye. His blue eyes seize mine, and I’d forgotten how big he is. He towers over my curvy five four, and I feel positively petite by comparison.
“What are you doing here?” I gasp.
He smiles and his blue eyes gleam.
“Thinking of you, sweetheart. What else? Can I come in?”
My heart judders in my chest. I shouldn’t let him in because god knows what will happen. I lose all my self-control with this man, and this would be the perfect time to give him the boot once and for all. Yet, happiness floods my being as I look into his handsome face. This man does something to me, and unfortunately, I’m helpless to stop it.
11
Kylie
I shouldn’t even give Tanner a chance to explain. I should just walk past him and go upstairs to where my cookies are waiting for me.
“Kylie, I wanted to see you,” he says in a low voice. “Can I come in?” he asks again.
Something in my heart cracks at his admission. It’s like I mean something to him, and the air in my chest catches. What do I do? I have to say no. Instead, I’m silent, quickly unlocking the door to my apartment. I step inside, and just as fast, Tanner’s inside as well, his huge form looming in the small space.
“What are you doing?” I gasp.
“Like I said, sweetheart, I just want to talk.”
I take a deep breath before meeting his eyes.
“We’ve talked enough, Tanner. There’s nothing more to say.”
We’re at my bedroom door, but before opening it, I sharply turn around. He’s there, those blue eyes knowing in the low lights, his huge mass impossible to resist.
I take a deep breath, steadying my quivering form.
“Listen Tanner, every time we talk, it doesn’t end well. Every time I try to talk with you, you skirt the issue, and I just end up even more confused and sad than before. I’m tired of feeling like this, and I just want to get back to my old life before any of this started. Please, can you give me that? Leave me in peace?”
My words sound sincere but the truth is that I don’t really want him out of my life. It’s just that everything is so out of control I don’t know what else to do.
Tanner doesn’t answer, so I turn around and walk away. The problem is that he’s fast despite being big, and soon enough, we’re both in my bedroom.
“Hey!”
“Kylie, please. Just give me a couple of minutes.”
I don’t want him to leave. But I do. I don’t. I do. I’m getting turned on all over again, and it’s freaking me out.
I have to rein it in.
“Tanner,” I say in a calm voice even as my heart beats like a hummingbird, “What do you want from me? Do you want me to be your mistress? The ‘other woman’ while you’re married to my mom?” I’m starting to think that’s his endgame. I’m being strung along and prepped to be his side piece while my mom is his wife. How messed up is that?
“Kylie, I don’t know what I want,” he says in a grave voice.
“You don’t know what you want? Jesus!” I have to look away for a second because I don’t know what to say. There are tears in my eyes but then I cut right back to him and let it out. “You have had all this time to think about what to do. How can you have zero ideas?”
I can tell I sound shrill. Like a harpy, when my whole life, I’ve been more like a puffball. But maybe this new me can offer up an alternative. It’s not like this whole thing is on him. I’ve played a very huge part in this affair.
It does take two to tango, after all.
“Do you care about me?” I ask.
He seems surprised by my question but takes it in stride.
“Yes, of course I do.” He looks closely at me, those blue eyes shuttered. But also, it’s my turn to be surprised. I wasn’t actually sure how he was going to respond, or if he even would. It’s a bit of a relief to know our situation isn’t totally one sided, even if it is exhausting.
“Well, if you care about me, will you do something for me?”
He doesn’t hesitate.
“Anything, sweetheart.”
“Anything?”
“Yes, anything.”
“Okay, then,” I take a deep breath, “you’ll break off your engagement to my mom.”
He goes silent, his gaze still shuttered, which isn’t very promising. What is he thinking? I need a response.
“Tanner?”
He cocks his head to the side.
“Is that what you want?”
“Yes,” I say immediately. “Drop Veronica, and we’ll figure it out.”
He nods.
“Okay, we’ll see.”
I stare at him.
“You must be kidding. We’ll see? What does that mean?”
He looks regretful.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. We just have to see how this plays out.”
This time, I’m screaming.
“How what plays out? What are you talking about? Do you want to be with both me and my mom? How does that work anyways? Who does this? You are one sick bastard, Mister.”
He looks regretful.
“Sweetheart, it’s not like that.”
“What is it like then? Tell me, Tanner!” I scream at the top of my lungs. Someone’s probably going to call campus police soon, but I don’t care. I have to hear it from him.
But there are no answers. Instead, he goes back to his non-committal ways.
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry about this, but we just have to wait it out, alright?”
That does it.
“Get out!” I scream, pointing at the door. �
�Get out of my life! I hate you.”
But Tanner doesn’t do what I say. Instead, he seizes my shoulders and presses his lips to mine. The heat is immediate, even electric from the charge of emotion in the air.
And oh god, but it feels so good. This man has always been my drug, and I melt into his embrace. I hate myself for it, but it is what it is, and with a choked cry, I give into his kiss and relent.
“Sweetheart, you mean so much to me,” he growls against my mouth, his breath hot. “And we want the same thing, trust me.”
But his words make no sense, and tears begin to fall.
“Tanner, we can’t keep doing this. We’re literally going around in circles,” I cry in his arms.
“Circles can be fun,” he soothes before pressing another kiss to my lips. Then he lifts up my arms and helps me out of my sweater, pulling the soft material over my head.
Unable to deny my feelings anymore, I rise up on my toes to kiss him. I’ve been torturing myself so much these past couple days, and this man is what I need, for better or worse. It feels so good to be in his arms, and I moan helplessly, sinking into his embrace once again.
I look up at this handsome beast who’s driving me up the wall. Taking a deep breath, I manage to speak in a choked voice.
“Tanner, I feel like I’m going crazy, like I’ve lost control of my life.”
“I know, baby,” he soothes. “I’m here now.”
“But that’s the problem. It’s you. Ever since you came into my life, everything’s been so complicated, and I don’t know what to do.”
He presses a soft kiss to my temple.
“I promise everything’s going to be okay, Kylie. Do you hear?” he asks, looking deep into my eyes. “Trust me on this.”
I nod silently, my eyes still welling with tears. But his hands have already started again, stroking along my curves.
“Turn around, sweetheart.”
I bite my bottom lip, hesitant about this decision I’m about to make. I said, mere hours ago, that I wouldn’t sleep with Tanner again. Yet here I am, in his arms, just a moment from experiencing ecstasy again.
I shouldn’t do this, but I want to.
I should say no, but I don’t. Instead, I turn around as he commands, and Tanner angles me until I’m against the wall. My heart is beating like it’s going to burst from my chest. My panties are soaked, anticipating what’s going to happen next because it will feel so good. My teeth have almost bitten through my bottom lip.
But nothing happens. Quivering with confusion, I glance behind me to see Tanner standing a few feet away from me, his bulk looming and mysterious. My brow furrows, confused.
“Is everything okay?” comes my whisper.
His blue eyes gleam and then go hard.
“Take your panties off, baby girl. That’s what I need.”
A thrill race through my chest, and I nod before turning back around. I take a few calming breaths before lifting up my skirt and slowly dragging my panties down my legs, bending down until they reach my feet. Stepping out of them, my back straightens, and I’m back to staring at the wall, my pussy wet with anticipation.
I keep telling myself I’m doing this because there’s something deeper between Tanner and me. It’s not just sex. It’s more than that, at least according to what I tell myself.
I hear footsteps approaching me from behind. Soon, Tanner’s body heat radiates against my back and I moan with anticipation, every bone in my body going soft. His hands suddenly lift mine and press them flat against the wall. His pelvis presses into my ass, allowing me to feel his sizable erection against my soft butt cheeks. I moan as he grinds against me, throwing my head back against his hard chest.
His teeth nip at my outer ear.
“Fuck, Kylie. Do you know what you do to me?” he rasps.
“No,” I gasp. He thrusts harder against me, making me crave more skin to skin contact.
“Can you feel it?”
“Mmhmm…”
“You’re intoxicating, baby girl. You have me just as confused as I have you. I wish I knew what to do,” he rasps. “But I don’t. But give me time, okay? I promise you, we’ll figure this out together.” Fingers brush up my thigh and reach my ass. He massages it, kneading my cheek. If Tanner feels even a tenth of what I do, I fully understand what he is saying. Being with him is like being drunk and I nod. All rational thought leaves me, and all that remains is sensation.
But he feels so right.
His hand drops to my pussy and strokes softly across my soaked slit. I mewl, shivering, my head dropping forward.
“You’re so responsive,” he rasps in my ear. “Like you were built for me.”
Then his wet fingers trail upwards again, and I ball my fists in anticipation. Just thinking about it has my toes curled.
A finger probes my anus, and then enters that tiny dark spot. My eyes flutter close. The air leaves my body in one big whoosh.
“Do you like it when I take your ass, baby girl?”
“Yes,” I quiver in response.
“Do you ever want me to stop?”
“No,” another truth. All the truths I haven’t wanted to face since this all started are coming out tonight.
I’m infatuated with Tanner Logan. I care about him. I love him.
But I can’t say any of this, and all thoughts fly out of my mind as he strokes my body. The man eases another finger into my bottom and then one more. He twists them in and out of me, straining my ass in the most delicious way. I want his cock buried deeply in me, stretching me even more.
Instead, Tanner reaches around and presses into my clit with his other hand. I almost collapse on to the floor, played by this man from both ends.
“Oh,” I moan, my eyes fluttering shut as my hips begin to gyrate, trying to catch his fingers in my pussy.
Tanner doesn’t let up, using his hands to take me from both sides. My center warms, sending tingles through my entire body and I feel delirious.
“Tanner, I’m going to,” I start, the sounds getting caught in my throat. “Oh!”
“Let go baby girl,” he commands in a growl. “Now. Come for me.”
Helplessly, I obey. A starburst flashes before my eyes, every cell in my body attuned to this man. Hot spasms of pleasure ripple through my pussy and ass, and I clench on his fingers, dying the little death. Tanner’s fingers prolong my pleasure, drawing it out of me as he continues to ease his fingers in and out of my ass.
The tension seeps from my body, and I finally let go. It’s a blissful sensation, and my head spins as my pussy drips. Fortunately, Tanner catches me before I hit the floor and walks me over to the bed. I lie down, and I’m waiting for him to lie next to me, but he stays standing, looking down.
“What are you waiting for?” I murmur lazily, patting the space next to me. It’ll be so intimate to savor this time with him, our foreheads close and our breaths mingling. It might be the first time I’ve climaxed in a private place with this man, come to think of it. But instead, he looks out the window.
“I should probably go.” Immediately, a large part of me deflates. I’m not necessarily surprised he wants to leave because it’s our dynamic. But I guess I was just hoping he would change and give me what I crave.
I try to sound brave.
“Okay, then. I’ll see you later.” I sit up and try to look cheery. “Bye!”
But Tanner doesn’t leave. Instead, the mattress depresses as he sits down.
“I thought you had to go,” I say with confusion, brushing my hair out of my face.
He looks thoughtful.
“I think I can spare some time to talk, sweetheart.”
I smile, happy he blew past my expectations. He pats his lap, so I lay down, resting my head on his legs. He gently strokes my curls, keeping them out of my face.
“Kylie?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry it was like this. I’m going to find a way, I promise.”
What’s wrong with the way I sugge
sted, where he breaks up with my mom? But I know this isn’t the time to launch into another diatribe.
“It’s okay,” I say softly, closing my eyes. Suddenly, exhaustion overwhelms me, and I fall asleep cushioned in his lap. Maybe we haven’t resolved anything yet, but in my heart of hearts, I have faith that we will because Tanner means too much to me now. I thought we could blow this off as an ill-fated affair, but now, I know I can’t stand being the other woman. I need him to be all mine, and in my heart of hearts, I hope that that’s what he wants too.
12
Tanner
It killed me to leave Kylie last night, but I had to. I knew I wouldn’t be able to spend the night with her, and it wasn’t because I have some kind of aversion to sleeping with women in general. I’ve spent the night with women before. I was more worried I might never leave if I fell into her embrace.
Holy shit. I’m in a world of confusion. This whole thing with Kylie has evolved into something way beyond my control. I mean, the anal alone is insane. I can’t believe the girl is so dirty.
But I love it. I love how she’s absolutely filthy, and yet innocent and naïve at the same time. She fulfills something in me that I didn’t know existed, and I can’t imagine life without Kylie now.
Yet I haven’t made any changes to my plans to marry Veronica, and it’s partially because I’m an asshole. Honestly, the fact that I’m marrying her mom makes the whole thing hotter to me. It’s so wrong. I guess I’m pretty fucked up myself, and that’s part of the reason why I can’t get in a relationship with Kylie – because she’s too good for me. She deserves a normal, uncomplicated man and not some guy who gets his rocks off from taboo situations like this.
Also, I know that this could all blow up in my face. It’s not hard to see how that might happen. Last night, it became clear that Kylie wants more from me. She’s not hiding her hopes, aspirations, or dreams from me anymore. But am I ready for that?
