Flawed Rider: A Lost Saxons Novel #6

by Ames, Jessica

  Dean doesn’t even consider his response. He just says, “I’ll come with you.”

  While I’m grateful for the show of solidarity, I jut my head in the direction of the bag on his shoulder. “It looks like you’ve got your hands full already.”

  “I can nip out for ten minutes to watch a brother’s back.”

  This response is what I expected from Derek, yet didn’t get. He’s usually the more paternal type figure, which makes me worry if something is going on I don’t know about. Not that Dean will know either. He doesn’t have a seat at the officers’ table—through choice. He never wanted that level of responsibility, preferring to stay in the trenches. I understand that. I’m not sure I’d want it either.

  “Does Prez seem a little off to you?”

  His brows draw together. “Off?”

  “I don’t know. Weird. Not himself.”

  Dean scratches at his cheek. “The man has a lot of shit going on, Weed.”

  “Yeah,” I agree.

  He really does, but something is niggling at me, bothering me. I just can’t put my finger on what.

  “I’ll meet you back here in an hour,” I tell Dean. “Is that good for you?”

  “Yeah, brother. It’s good for me.”

  I head up to my room, grateful as fuck I don’t encounter another brother on the way. I don’t want to explain where I was again or why, and these lads are nosey fuckers.

  As I shower, I find my mind wandering from what I’m going to do to their father, to Chloe. I’ve had my share of women—more than my share—over the years, but she did something to me the moment I laid eyes on her. It was like all my fantasies came to life—fantasies I didn’t even know I had. I’d say she’s not my type, but I don’t discriminate when it comes to women. I like them however they come, and I’ll take them however they’ll let me.

  But Chloe was something else. My body seemed to freeze when I saw her and my cock woke up and took notice in a way that scared me. Lusting after someone is not my style. I don’t feel anything for any of the women I take to my bed, and I’m not about to start. I like sex, not the shit that comes with it.

  But my brain isn’t getting that memo, because it wants me to make her mine. It doesn’t care about the complications of a little brother she’s just inherited custody of, or an aggressive father. All it cares about is her.

  It’s not surprising really. The woman is beautiful, and I don’t think she realises it. Her hair shimmers in the light and seems to change colour depending upon the angle, and those eyes…

  I take my cock in my hand as the water cascades over my head and down my shoulders. I pull down the shaft twice then a third time before settling into a steady rhythm.

  My eyes close as I lean one hand against the tile, the other maintaining its grip on my dick. Chloe’s face dances in my vision as I continue to move back and forth, my balls tightening.

  Fuck.

  I have to brace myself against the wall as my strokes continue to almost painful levels. Closing my eyes, I conjure up her image. It’s enough to push me over the edge. I stroke twice more and my balls draw up before I spurt cum against the wall.

  Legs trembling, I tug on my dick a couple more times, then release it, letting my head sag against the wall.

  What’s this woman doing to me?

  Chapter Five

  My conversation with Michael Allen is short, not very sweet and leaves me with cracked skin over my knuckles. I left him breathing, just about. He’s lucky I did. When I saw he’s a good head taller than Chloe and he has at least a hundred pounds on Jesse, my anger broke like a tidal wave over the top of a dam.

  As I stride back to my bike, Dean on my heels, I feel on edge, twitchy. I snag my helmet off the back and shove it on my head.

  “Are you coming back to the clubhouse?” Dean asks, grabbing his own helmet.

  I should go back to the clubhouse, but my head feels stuffed full of shit and I need to clear it. There’s only one way I can do that and that’s on the back of my bike.

  “Nah, I’m going to ride for a bit.”

  Dean stares at me a beat, as if he’s pulling my thoughts from my head. Maybe he is. I’m sure the rage I directed at Allen was enough for him to question my motivations. He’ll not ask, though. He won’t pry unless I give him the information, but he has to be curious. That attack was more than personal, and it was clear it was. I was out to cause as much damage as I could, short of killing the fucker.

  “Okay,” Dean finally says. “Stay safe out there.”

  “Yeah. You too. And thanks, Dean, for having my back.”

  “Always, brother.”

  I throw my leg over the back of my bike and start the engine. Then I take off, the engine rumbling beneath me, a familiar balm to a broken soul in desperate need of familiarity.

  I hit the open road at speed and the cold air hitting my face wakes me up in a way nothing else can. I head for the roads out of town that are more open and exposed, and will allow me to hit the throttle full speed. Everything is rattling around in my brain in such a way that I can’t get a clear grip on any of it. One thing I do know is I can’t allow myself to hope. Chloe and me… it would never work. I hate that she’s interested in me, because it gives me hope, and hope is a dangerous thing, but I cannot and I will not sully her with my rottenness.

  I can’t get close to anyone, let alone Chloe. She’s too sweet, too pure.

  Domesticity is not for me.

  I live my life alone, content to walk on a knife’s edge because I don’t care if I get cut. This is why the Club appealed to me. Throwing myself into the fire for a cause seems a lot more noble than dying on my sword because I’m haunted by my past.

  By the time I pull into the clubhouse, passing King on the gate, my head is clearer. I need to get Chloe out of my fucking mind. She’s something I can never have. I’m a negative force in anyone’s life, and she has enough shit to deal with.

  Kicking down the stand, I pocket my keys and climb off. I remove my helmet and attach it to the back of the bike and then I head inside.

  As I head for the clubhouse’s main doors, I see Sofia sitting at one of the picnic tables in the old loading bay. It’s cold today, but still mild for the time of year, but she’s not wearing a coat. She seems miles away.

  “Sofe?”

  She glances up and her eyes soften. Considering what I did to her, I’m not sure I deserve that softness from her, but she gives it anyway, because that’s Sofia’s way. She doesn’t hold grudges.

  “Hey. Where’d you disappear to? We missed you yesterday.”

  Internally, her words gore me. I don’t want her to care. She should hate me. Hell, I hate me for what I did to her. She wasn’t a plaything. She wasn’t someone to use and discard, yet I’ve done both in the past. In many ways, Sofia and I are kindred spirits. We both understood what we were able to give, and we both took all that was on offer from the other person.

  Despite the dark thoughts swirling in my brain, I say, “I’m very missable. I’m sure shit wasn’t the same without me.”

  My joke doesn’t have the desired effect. Her smile is a little sad as she says, “No, it wasn’t.”

  Something is wrong. I shouldn’t get involved. I should find an old lady or one of her brothers, but this is Sofia. She’s someone I consider a friend and I don’t have many of those.

  I move to her side and sit next to her. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.”

  I nudge her shoulder with mine. “Come on, woman, you can’t lie to me.”

  “Is there something wrong with me, Weed?” Tears shine in her eyes as she looks at me.

  I jolt slightly at her words. “Wrong with you? Darlin’, there’s nothing wrong with you. Why in the fuck would you say that?”

  “I can’t keep a guy in my life for longer than five minutes. Even you.”

  My head whips around, checking we’re definitely alone. “Are you trying to get me murdered?”

  I also wan
t this conversation to end now. When did I become the go-to for offloading shit?

  She waves off my concerns. “Jem’s been bonking Piper for months. Do you think he has any room to talk about sneaking around?”

  “You have two more brothers,” I remind her. “Two brothers who would string me up by my bollocks for touching you.”

  Her eyes roll. “I’m not an ornament. I don’t want to be looked at, but never touched, Weed. I want what Beth has with my brother, what Liv has with Dean. Paige and Piper too—even Sammy with Ghost.”

  She glances down at her hands, her brow wrinkling. “I’m tired of mindless sex. I want love.”

  I wince. I wish I could give that to her, I wish I could, but she and I would never have worked. I think we both realised that the moment we fucked each other. It wasn’t awkward, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t feel anything for her. I tried, but it wasn’t there.

  In fact, all the women I’ve fucked—and there’s been a lot—and I’ve never felt a single thing for one of them. I’ve never felt anything for anyone at all until Chloe Allen, and I don’t know what the hell that means. What I do know is it scares me to fuck.

  “You’ll find it,” I tell her.

  “You think so?” She sounds so hopeful.

  “Yeah, babe. I do. You’re too good a woman not to.” I squeeze her shoulder. “But you’re only twenty-three. You’ve got the rest of your life to find a bloke. Don’t try to grow up too soon.”

  She stares at me, then thumps my bicep. “What kind of fortune cookie shit was that? And you’re about five minutes older than me.”

  I’m actually three years older than her, but I’m not sure now is the best time to say this.

  I scowl at her. “My point is, woman, you’ve got the rest of your fucking life ahead of you to find the right person. What the fuck are you rushing for?”

  I don’t know if I’m saying this for her benefit or mine, but I find I need to hear it. I don’t need to be in a relationship with Chloe, or anyone else for that matter. I’m a fucking disaster most of the time. I don’t need to drag another person into my fucked-up mess.

  “I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation,” I mutter. “Can’t you talk to one of the old ladies about this shit?”

  Her eyes roll. “Oh, yeah, let me just start that conversation with how jealous I am of them all. That’ll sound just swell, Weed.”

  “You’ve got a sister.”

  “She’s one step from joining the ranks of super happy.”

  My brows draw together. “Kenz is dating?” I hold up my hands. “Forget it, I don’t care. Look, Sofe, I can’t believe these words are about to come out of my fucking mouth, but you don’t need a man. You need to be comfortable with your fucking self first.”

  “You’re right.” She rakes her dark hair back. It’s a move that would usually have my dick twitching, but it doesn’t even stir.

  Fuck me, Chloe Allen broke my cock.

  I scrub a hand through my hair.

  “You’ll figure it out,” I tell her.

  Then I flee inside like a fucking coward.

  I head straight for the common room and the bar. I need a drink, or ten. Rabbit’s working it tonight, and I order a double Jack. He slides the tumbler in front of me, and I toss it back in one hit, sliding the glass back on the bar and ask for another.

  “Bad day?” Rabbit asks with a cocked brow.

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” I mutter, taking the second drink from him. This one I sip more slowly. I want to be drunk, but I don’t want to be shit-faced.

  “Church. Now.” Logan’s voice at my back startles me and I slosh liquid over my hand.

  “Church?” I never get invited into the inner sanctum, unless it’s something that effects the whole Club. I don’t have a seat at the table. I’m not an officer.

  My stomach roils. Why do they need me?

  I push up off the stool and glance at my whiskey. Fuck. I leave it there and follow after Logan, fixing my kutte as I walk.

  “What’s going on?” I demand as I fall into step behind him.

  He glances at me and says, “Dylan’s been sighted in Blackwood.”

  Five words destined to ruin my fucking day. What’s that prick still doing in the area? If he had any sense, he’d be on the other side of the world, working on his tan. Staying here is playing with fire. He must know what happened to Tap. What does he think will happen to him once we catch up with him?

  My shit with Chloe and Sofia forgotten, I push into the meeting room, which is filled with brothers. The Club’s executive committee—all the officers—sit around the table, leaving me, Wade, and Dean standing at the back of the room.

  Logan shuts the doors and takes his seat at Derek’s left side.

  Derek stares around the room, eyeballing each of us, then says, “Dylan’s been sighted. Liam McVay called me an hour ago and said he’d been seen in his patch.”

  I slide my eyes in the direction of Wade. The brother’s jaw is locked so tight, I swear he’s going to break his teeth. Considering he nearly died at the hands of Tap and Dylan, I get it.

  “I want him first,” Wade growls. “As soon as we have him, I want the first go at him.”

  “We’ll talk about that—”

  He cuts Derek off. “I get that first go, Derek. I’m not asking.”

  Derek’s jaw goes almost as tight as Wade’s.

  “That fucker nearly killed me, tried to turn my brothers against me, and hurt my woman,” Wade says. “I get the first fucking go at him.”

  Derek’s anger seems to seep out of him at that. Wade definitely has reason to want personal revenge. “Yeah, okay, kid.”

  “If McVay spotted him, then why doesn’t he have him?” Jack demands, tapping the tip of a finger on the table in a staccato beat that is like a drill to my brain.

  “His men tried to apprehend him, but he slipped away. The point is that fucker is close by, so we need to all be on our guard. We need to make sure the family’s protected.”

  “Are we going hunting?” Jem asks, sounding a little too happy about the prospect. Bloodthirsty fucker.

  “No. I don’t want to leave the territory unprotected. For now, we wait and see what he does. Liam McVay is keeping an eye out for him. If he sees him again, they’ll nab him.”

  “I don’t like it,” Adam mutters. “We’re sitting ducks, waiting for him to strike.”

  “Yeah, I much prefer an offensive rather than defensive stance,” Slade adds.

  “I’m not sure your methods are the type we should be following at all,” Jem quips, but there’s a bite in his tone—a bite that has everyone in the room on high alert.

  Shit, here we go. Jem has been an antagonistic bastard for weeks. He and Slade have been butting heads over everything since Slade killed Tap. And Slade is not a man you want to rile. He has a savage temper and even less understanding of right and wrong.

  “Jesus fucking Christ,” Slade growls, slamming a palm against the table. “Are you still smarting over that shit? It’s done, kid. In the past. Let it the fuck go.”

  Jem scratches absently at the tabletop with his nail. “I’m finding it hard to let go of the fact we have a total lunatic in our ranks.”

  Slade starts to come out of his chair, but Derek snags the back of his kutte. “Sit your arse down.” Slade sits, but the fury rolling off him is like a powder keg waiting to explode. “We’re going to clear the air on this shit once and for all. I’m sick of the fighting between you fuckers. You’re driving me insane. Slade’s already been punished for it, losing a month’s cut of his pay.”

  I had no idea this happened, so my eyes widen. We all get paid a chunk from the legal and illegal dealings every month. We’re paid depending upon the rank we hold in the Club and the amount of work we do. As VP, Slade probably gets a good chunk of change. Losing a month’s pay would be hard on him—both financially, but also mentally. The guy doesn’t like rules.

  Jem, it seems, isn’t con
tent to let sleeping dogs lie. He shakes his head. “It doesn’t fix what he did.”

  “No,” Derek agrees, “it doesn’t, but it’s over. If you can’t accept that then you give me your damn patch right now and walk away.”

  Silence goes around the table, and I swear I could hear a pin drop. No one moves, no one but Jem who taps his finger on the tabletop.

  “What kind of fucking justice is that?”

  “The only kind you’re getting. Are you giving me your kutte or are you letting it fucking go?”

  “You’ll have to take this—” he pulls at the leather, “off my stinking, rotting corpse.”

  “He’s letting it go,” Logan says.

  When Jem opens his mouth, Logan holds up a hand. “Just move on, brother.”

  Jem’s nostrils flare, but he shrugs. “Fine.” The way he says this tells me it’s not fine and Slade really should be keeping one eye forward, the other on his back.

  “Right, now if we can get back to business,” Derek snaps. “Keep vigilant. That fucker is skulking about. You need to do what you need to in order to protect your families. No one goes on a run alone until this cunt is caught. Everyone understand?”

  A murmur of assent goes around the room.

  Derek bangs the gavel off the table, dismissing us.

  Fuck me. Dylan is like a rash that won’t go away. Here’s hoping this time we have the upper hand. Last time we nearly lost Wade because of this guy.

  It won’t happen again.

  Chapter Six

  I wake up with a warm body draped over me. I want to see a swathe of copper curls, but what I’m greeted with is bottled blonde.

  Shit.

  What did I do last night?

  I was high as a kite and drunk to boot. I barely remember a fucking thing after that last shot of Jäger. I definitely don’t remember the woman lying over me, her bare breasts pressing against my chest.

  It’s not the first time I’ve taken a random woman to bed, I doubt it’ll be the last, but this is the first time I’ve felt guilt about it. It’s a new and unpleasant feeling. Even though there’s nothing between me and Chloe, I feel like I did the dirty on her.