Flawed Rider: A Lost Saxons Novel #6

by Ames, Jessica

  “Chloe—”

  “No, Weed. I’m talking now and you’re going to listen. You keep telling me we shouldn’t, that you’re not good enough for me, but I don’t believe you. All I’ve seen, all your actions tell me you’re a good man—better than I could have ever hoped to have in my life. And I’ve tried my hardest not to, but I like you. I more than like you and I think we could be good together if you’d stop pushing me away all the time.”

  Her words gore me. No one has ever told me before I’m a good man. I’m not sure I have it in me to be a good anything. If she knew I killed her father yesterday she might reassess her outlook of me.

  I’m not sure I would be in the good guy column any longer.

  “I’m not a good man, not even close. You and I would never work because I don’t have the ability to love anyone.”

  Her face crumples at this admission and I can’t deal with seeing her pity.

  “Look, Chloe, let’s face it, we’re coming at shit from completely different places, yeah? Give it a week together and I’ll be driving you batshit. I’m not relationship material.”

  “I don’t believe that for a moment.” The sheet falls slightly, giving me a tantalising view of her dusty pink nipple. I drag my eyes away.

  “Believe it because it is true, sweetheart. I’ve fucked probably the entire female population of Kingsley. And I have absolutely no compunction about taking a complete stranger to my bed at any time. I can’t do monogamy. I’m twenty-six and I don’t think I’ve ever had a single meaningful relationship. I live my life mostly on the wrong side of the law and other than my humour, which has been in short supply lately, I don’t have shit to offer a woman—not even my own fucking place. So, trust me when I say this… I’m no good for you. I’m no good for Jesse. If you had any sense, you’d drop me completely.”

  She stares at me. “You’ve had people give up on you your entire life, haven’t you?”

  I hate how much she hits the nail on the head.

  Ignoring her, I pull on my jeans and find my tee pooled near the foot of the bed. “Just let it go, yeah?”

  She reaches for me, latching onto my bicep. “Weed, I can’t. I don’t want to, and I don’t think you want to either.”

  “You don’t know what the fuck I want.”

  She shakes her head, releasing me and I feel the loss of her touch to my core. “Okay then.” She rolls over onto her side. “You should leave, but when you’re ready to talk to me again, I’ll be waiting.”

  I stare at her bare back, my hands itching to touch her. I refrain. “That’s not going to happen.”

  “I don’t do one-night stands, Weed, so this isn’t going to be a one-night thing.”

  Fuck me, she’s dogged.

  Not wanting to get into a fight with her, I don’t respond. Instead, I just pull my boots on.

  “I’m sorry, Chloe,” I tell her when I’m fully dressed and shrugging into my kutte.

  “Don’t be. This isn’t over yet.”

  “Yeah, babe, it is.”

  She turns back to me and I see the determination on her face. “I get your fear, Weed. I get it because I have my own, but I just don’t believe this is it for us.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “I understand you have something in your past that is holding you back.”

  I swallow bile and repeat, “You don’t understand.”

  She drops her voice low and says, “I’ll never understand if you don’t talk to me.”

  And I’ll never talk to her. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her I killed her father, knowing that will make her run, but that would be a bad idea.

  Instead, I say, “I’ve done shit you’d never look at me the same for.”

  “Like got rid of my father?”

  My blood runs cold.

  “Weed, I’m not an idiot. I know you did something to him. I should care, I should, but I don’t. Jesse told me he locked him in his room, that he beat him and hurt him. I wanted him gone myself.”

  I quiet for a moment, unsure how to deal with this revelation, feeling laid bare before her.

  Then, I say quietly, “Why aren’t you yelling, screaming?”

  “Frankly, if you hadn’t done it, I would have done it myself. Jesse opened up in the car on the way to the clubhouse and while we were waiting for Clara to arrive. The things he told me…” Chloe breaks off, swallowing hard. “My father is a terrible man who made his own choices—bad ones. He’d never leave Jesse be, so truthfully, you did us both a favour.”

  I stare at her, trying to fathom if she’s lying, but she seems genuine.

  Fuck me.

  “I know it makes me a terrible person, but I don’t care. He did things to Jesse that he’ll never ever get over. He deserves to rot in hell.”

  Chloe clamours off the bed, coming to stand in front of me completely naked. I keep my eyes locked on her face.

  “I wish you hadn’t had to do that. That is my only regret—that my problems forced your hand in a way you shouldn’t have had to.”

  “Chloe…” I break off because honestly, I have no idea what the hell to say to her right now.

  She reaches up and caresses my cheek. “It’s okay, Weed. It’ll be okay. I want you and I think you want me, and I’m not walking away while there’s still a chance for us.” Her mouth presses to my cheek. “Stay with me.”

  I should run. I shouldn’t stay, but fuck me if I don’t let her lead me back over to the bed. When she pushes me down on the mattress and climbs her naked body on top of me, my hands go to her hips.

  “You’re a good man, Noah Williams. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.”

  Then she bends down and takes my mouth.

  And fuck me, if she doesn’t prove me wrong by making this more than a one-time thing.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “I see you upped your game.”

  I twist from my position on the sofa to glance at Jesse who is leaning against the door frame of the living room, eating cereal, much like last time. The kid is gangly, but he’s starting to grow into his body and working at the garage is giving him the barest hint of muscles. I can see it clearly in the flex of his arms. Another six months and he’s going to add a lot more mass to his frame.

  “What did we say about ‘game’ and talking about it?”

  “Not to.” He moves around to the end of the sofa and sinks onto it. I watch as he shoves a spoonful of cereal into his mouth, then says around it, “I ignored you.”

  “I’m getting that loud and clear.” My sarcasm goes unnoticed.

  When he puts his feet on the coffee table and grins at me, he reminds me of me. I’m cocky, assured and seemingly confident, but it’s a front to hide the true pain inside. I suspect Jesse is doing the same. What happened with his father must have affected him somehow. You don’t come through stuff like that without some kind of scars—both physical and mental.

  “So, are you and Chlo together now?” he asks, shovelling another spoonful into his mouth.

  Usually, I’d flinch at the question, but the urge to claim her is overwhelming—even if I have no idea what we are or what we are to each other. I’ve never felt that desire with any other woman. It should scare me, but now that I’ve had her, that I’ve tasted her not once but twice, I don’t think I can let her go. I don’t think I want to. Maybe the sins of the past are not doomed to repeat. Maybe I’m not my father’s son, because the thought of hurting Chloe makes me sick to my stomach. I doubt my father ever felt that way. He hurt my mother without thought and often without remorse. As long as I’m aware of the darkness that exists inside me, I think I can keep her safe from me. I hope so anyway, because I’ll eat a bullet before I lay a finger on her in anger.

  “Yeah, kid, we are.”

  Saying that feels good, better than I envisioned.

  “Jess.” Chloe’s voice has us both twisting to look over the back of the sofa. She’s standing in the doorway looking beautiful. Her hair is damp
from the shower and looks darker when it’s wet, less bright, less her. Makeup free, she’s fresh-faced and I want to kiss her so badly. It’s probably not a good idea to freak Jesse out, though, by shoving my tongue in his sister’s mouth.

  The teen huffs and rolls his eyes. “Let me guess—make myself scarce, right?”

  “Actually, I was going to say quit giving Weed an inquisition.”

  She rounds the sofa and comes to sit next to me. I pull her against me immediately, my lips pressing to her temple. I can smell the shampoo she used and whatever body wash is coating her skin and I sniff deeply, committing it to my memory banks.

  She giggles. “Are you smelling me?”

  “Yeah, you smell nice.”

  Jesse groans. “Are you two going to be gross from now on?”

  “We’re not being gross,” Chloe tells him. Then says, “You’re okay with this, aren’t you?”

  I hold my breath. I don’t need the teen’s permission to be with his sister, but I would prefer to have his blessing.

  “You being with Weed?” He shrugs. “Yeah. Weed’s cool.”

  I scruff his hair. “Thanks for that ringing endorsement.”

  Jesse scowls and finger-brushes his hair back into place. “You just got ‘uncool’.”

  I laugh and Chloe snuggles deeper into my side, which makes my world tilt right on its axis. This right here—her tucked into me, Jesse sitting next to us—feels like home, and it’s been a long time since anything ever felt that way.

  As much as I’d love to stay in this moment, I can’t. I have responsibilities to the Club. First and foremost, I have to tail Mackenzie to work and then get to the garage.

  “I’ve got to shoot,” I tell Chloe. “I’m going to be late.”

  Her relief is evident. Clearly, she thought I was running again.

  “Do you want to come over after you’re done? I took the day off to take care of Jesse. Clara’s going to see if we can get in for an X-ray this afternoon.”

  “I don’t need time off,” Jesse complains. “I can work.”

  “Your black and blue face and busted ribs suggest otherwise,” I tell him. “Jess, just take the time off, get back on your feet and come back when you’re healed.”

  He stares at me through his hank of shaggy hair. “I don’t want to lose my place on the apprenticeship.”

  “Kid, even if they kick you off that thing, you’ve got a job at the garage—always.”

  His cheeks flush slightly. “I do?”

  “You’re family. The Club takes care of family.”

  I glimpse at Chloe who is smiling at my words. Good. I want her happy. I want them both happy and if I have the ability to do that, I will.

  With his job, I absolutely do.

  Dean won’t fire the kid, even if he loses his place on his course. We’ll still train him, because that’s what families do. They take care of each other.

  My phone starts to ring in my pocket. I have to shift a little from Chloe to get it free and when I do, I see Jem’s name flash on the screen.

  I push up from the sofa. “I’ve got to take this.”

  Chloe just smiles and I want to bottle it.

  I move into the kitchen and swipe the screen. “Yeah?”

  I expect a jovial ribbing from Jem. That’s his usual MO, but he sounds serious when he says, “Where are you at?”

  “What are you? My mother?”

  “You need to get to Kingsley General ASAP.”

  Cold floods my veins as a thousand scenarios run through my head. Has Dylan caught up with someone? Has the PI hurt Beth? Did we fail to keep one of the girls safe?

  “Who?” is all I ask. It’s all I need to say.

  Jem sighs down the line. “Jimmy.”

  This is not the answer I was expecting, although considering the old man’s health problems, I should have.

  “Fuck. Is he okay?”

  “I don’t know. It doesn’t look good, to be honest. His carers found him this morning collapsed in his chair and they blue lighted him to the hospital. That’s all I know.”

  That sounds bad.

  “I’m on my way.”

  “Later, brother.”

  I head back into the living room and Chloe glances at me. She must see something in my face, because she asks, “What is it?”

  “I’ve got to go,” I tell her. “Jimmy—Beth’s grandad—is in the hospital. It sounds pretty serious.”

  “Oh, God.” She comes off the sofa and steps into my space, her hands latching onto my biceps. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to come with you?”

  I think about it for a moment. I really do want her with me, but this isn’t the time to expand our relationship.

  So, I say, “Nah, babe. There won’t be anything for you to do but stare at four blank walls.”

  “As interesting as the walls will be, I was thinking more just to support you.”

  This hits me hard. I’ve never had a woman give a shit about supporting me before. Usually, they want in my bed to see if they can get my property patch on their backs. This is uncharted waters and I’m not sure what to do with it. I’ve only ever had my brothers to rely on.

  I consider telling her no, but then she says, “Weed, you’ve taken care of us so much lately. Let us take care of you.”

  Fuck.

  “Okay,” I relent, because what the fuck else can I say to that?

  I still have the cage I used to drive both of them home after we left the clubhouse, so the three of us pile into it and head over to the hospital.

  Jimmy’s a good guy and I hope like fuck he’s okay, but his emphysema is bad. He collapsed a few months ago with pneumonia and no one thought he’d make it to Beth and Logan’s wedding, but he was there. He refused to miss his granddaughter’s nuptials, no matter how unwell he was. I respect that. I’d be the same if I had a grandkid.

  We find a space after a few turns around the car park and then the three of us make our way through the main doors. Jimmy is still in the accident unit, so we head straight there. I don’t have to find my brothers and their old ladies. They’re clogging up the waiting room.

  I notice most of the civilians are watching with either curiosity or trepidation.

  Most give us a wide berth, which suits me fine. The last thing I need is some hanger on, wannabe biker babe chatting shit to me.

  I tell Jesse and Chloe to take a seat and then head for Jem, who is standing near Logan and Beth, Piper buried against his chest. Jack isn’t here, which seems odd, considering it’s his father.

  Piper gives me a small, sad smile as I approach them, which makes my dread rise.

  “What’s going on?” I ask Jem.

  “He’s in with the doctors now. Jack’s with him. It doesn’t look good,” he says quietly.

  “Fuck.”

  “You can say that again. We’re just waiting for news.”

  I nod and glance to Beth, who is leaning against Logan’s shoulder, her face pale.

  “Anyone need anything?”

  Jem shakes his head. “It’s just a case of playing the waiting game now.”

  Great. Waiting is not one of my strong suits, but what else can we do? Jimmy Goddard is family. He, alongside Derek’s dad and Dean and Logan’s grandfathers set up the Lost Saxons. Losing him would be a travesty.

  Glancing past me in the direction of Chloe and Jesse, Jem says, “Is that a thing now?”

  I peer over my shoulder to see Chloe sitting with Sofia and Mackenzie. She’s holding both girls’ hands, comforting them—like an old lady should.

  Fuck. That thought sneaks into my thoughts unbidden and uninvited. It shouldn’t be there, but now that it is, I can’t help but think it’s right. She would make an amazing old lady.

  My old lady.

  “Yeah, Jem. It’s a thing.”

  Piper smiles. “Chloe’s nice. I like her. She’s good for you, I think. She’ll keep you on your toes and out of trouble.”

  I snort. “She’s certainly doing that.”r />
  Piper pokes me in the rib. “You be good to her.”

  “Babe, I’m always good to everyone.”

  “I mean it, Weed. She’s a nice girl. Don’t break her heart.”

  “I’ll try not to, but you know me, darlin’. I break hearts wherever I go.”

  “That I can believe.”

  I glance at Beth before bringing my attention back to Jem, turning serious. “Is he going to make it?”

  Jem doesn’t say anything. His silence speaks for him. I scrub a hand down my face. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

  Jem sighs. “Yeah. I thought the old bastard would outlive us all.”

  “Does Beth know?”

  He shakes his head. “No. Lo told her it’s serious but no one wants to take away her hope.”

  Double fuck. It’s going to devastate her. I don’t know much about Beth’s life, but I do know without her mum in the picture, she was mostly raised by a mix of her father, grandfather and the Club—including Tap. This will destroy her.

  I clap him on the shoulder, a silent message of solidarity then I head back over to where Chloe and Jesse are sitting.

  Chloe gives me a warm smile, keeping hold of the girls’ hands. Kenzie has been crying, but Sofia’s gaze is glassy. Should I be worried about the fact Chloe is sitting with a woman I once fucked? Possibly, but I can’t see Sofia spilling that secret to anyone, least of all Chloe. She’s not that vindictive.

  Besides, what we did is in the past, and it’s not like we had some huge love affair.

  I’m starting to see the problem with my fast and loose lifestyle, though. Chloe is going to come face-to-face with a lot of my past conquests. How the fuck do I deal with that? I mean, in the waiting room alone, I’ve fucked two other people—Sofia and Jamie. My past will bite me on the arse at some point, of that I’m sure.

  For now, I brush it under the carpet and ignore it. What else can I do?

  I sit down between Jesse and Chloe and try to calm my storming thoughts. Chloe suddenly reaches out and grabs my hand. My brain quietens the moment she touches me. It’s like she flipped a switch. I glance down at her pale hand in my tattooed one. We don’t look like we should fit, but she fits perfectly. She’s warm, real and I want her. I want her. I’m done pretending. I’m tired of pretending. She’s mine and that isn’t changing.