Shock Me: An Opposites Attract Standalone Romance in the So Wrong It's Right Series

by Casey Hagen

  He closed his texts and checked his recent calls. He knew what he’d find; after all, his phone didn’t show any missed, but still. He hoped.

  Mabel Lee.

  He hadn’t gotten her out of his head for a second, and he kicked himself for not just ditching the A/C issue for five minutes to talk to her.

  He cringed thinking about the condom. Who the hell did that? No, really, who? A classy woman out of her element who’d charmed the shit out of him, and he’d written his number on a rubber.

  Rosie needed to kick his ass for real. The funny thing was, she’d become so damn good at it, and so entertaining, he’d haul his own ass over there and report for his whoopin’.

  He smiled and stood. All of a sudden coffee alone didn’t appeal.

  Crossing the damp grass, he climbed her steps and knocked.

  “How many times do I have to tell you, boy, there is no need for you to knock. Scoot on in here,” Rosie yelled.

  Stepping in, he found her sitting in her blue recliner next to her picture window where she kept watch over her little strip of Pine Street.

  “Mornin’, Rosie,” he said, leaning down to kiss her papery-thin skinned cheek. The scent of her perfume reminded him of his own grandmama in Oklahoma who’d passed when he was twelve.

  “Sit. Sit,” she said, her avid gaze studying him.

  “Thanks. How are you doing today?” he asked eyeing her over the rim of his cup. She had a penchant for smamaing her woes in bullshit so I always had to keep an eye on her.

  “Fine. Just fine, sonny. I’d ask the same about you, but you look like shit, so I guess I know how you’re doing,” she said as she flipped the cover of her word find book closed and tossed it on the end table next to her.

  He coughed, the coffee he’d just sipped catching in his throat and threatening to climb into his sinuses. “Jeez, woman.”

  “Don’t you jeez woman me. Now tell me what’s got you looking like you were reincarnated as a used hankie.”

  “Nothing, really. Just a late night.” He’d never told her about Big Shift. He just couldn’t have that conversation with her. He couldn’t disappoint her like that. “A/C emergency that had me up half the night.”

  Her shrewd gaze looked him up and down and her mouth pinched. “Uh huh. A/C emergency. Is that your way of saying you got all hot under the collar at the club you’ve been working at?”

  Heat crept up his neck and he tugged on his shirt. “Uh—”

  “Uh, nothing, boy. You don’t think I’ve known this whole time you’ve been taking off your clothes for money?” she asked wagging a finger at me. “I may be old, and clubs like that may not have been a huge deal in my day, but I pay attention, and last time I checked, hell hadn’t frozen over, and two plus two still equaled four.”

  He scrubbed a hand over his face and winced. “It’s good money.”

  “Good money you’ve been spending on me,” she said with a pointed look.

  “Nope, I spend the A/C money on you and the stripping money on me.”

  Her lips twitched while she stared him down, but finally she let out a cackle that had the tightness in his chest easing a fraction.

  She’d taught him how to keep the roof over his head, and he’d use every last lesson to keep the roof over hers.

  The thought of her in some facility running at a loss with overworked staff and the lingering smell of piss and despair broke his heart.

  With her son who knows where, after shunning the lessons and morals she and her late husband had instilled, she found herself alone.

  But he had no qualms about stepping into shoes her son should have been filling since she’d done him a solid by stepping into his father’s.

  She’d never be alone again.

  “Quick thinking and a smart mouth.”

  “I learned from the best,” he said with a grin. “As for the money, consider it your rate for all the life advice.”

  “Advice I’m willing to bet you need today if I didn’t know better. What’s going on?”

  He glanced up at her and blew out a hard breath. “I did something tacky, and I’m kicking myself.”

  “Well, you’re a man. It happens. What did you do?”

  “I met a woman last night. She was…different,” he said quietly, a smile spreading over his face thinking back to Mabel Lee with her face plastered to the table gazing up at him.

  “Mmm hmmm,” she said with a pinch of her mouth. “And how big were her…differences?”

  He let out a laugh and leaned back in his chair. “Not like that. I mean, I know I’m a guy, but that’s never been—well—uh, you know what? Nevermind that. Anyway, she was classy. Well mannered, but not a snob. Just, inexperienced. Sweet and painfully awkward. Definitely her first time in a strip club. I might have had a shot, but I’m pretty sure I don’t now.”

  “Did you say something stupid?”

  “Nah. At least I could hope she’d forget that if I had. There’s hard evidence of my stupidity. I had a buddy give my number to her—written on a—uh—well, contraceptive.”

  “Why are you using all those fancy terms with me. It’s a rubber, boy, and they’ve been around for a long time. Definitely not the greatest choice you made there. You ever heard of a piece of paper?”

  “I had nothing. Just a marker on me for signing boo—uh for autographs. I was elbow deep in the A/C mess and couldn’t get out there. My buddy walked by. She was on her way out. I was desperate.”

  “And now she might think you’re a dickie dunker,” she said thumping her orthopedic-shoe-clad foot on the floor in front of her.

  His dick might have just tried to crawl back in his body cavity at the sound of the term coming from her mouth. “Yeah, that’s the gist of it.”

  “Well, son, did you give her any other reason to think you were a player?”

  “Other than the fact that I was taking my clothes off for money?” he said with a laugh.

  “Doesn’t make you a cock wanderer in my book,” she said with a firm nod.

  “God, where have you been picking up all this talk?”

  “Reality TV. It’s a heck of a lot better than the Honeymooners ever was. So let me ask you, did you do anything to leave any more of an impression than tossing your digits at her on a prophylactic?” she said smirking at him.

  His eye twitched. This really was a brutal conversation, listening to her bobble between terms straight from the urban dictionary and pamphlets at a doctor’s office.

  “I didn’t take advantage of her drunken state. I even sobered her up a bit. And when she seemed interested, I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in anything while she was drunk.”

  “That’s open for interpretation. Tell me you made it clear you were definitely interested sober, boy.”

  He sat forward and leaned his elbows on his knees. “I did.”

  “How did you do it?”

  “Do what?” he asked.

  “Make your interest known. I’m hoping for something romantic. A throwback to the heroes of the past who would lay down their overcoats over broken glass to give their lady a safe path to walk. So, how about it?”

  “I said, ‘When I kiss her, I want her stone-cold sober and with me for every last second of it.’”

  “Oooh, I love that! You do me proud.” She pushed up off her chair, a groan rumbling from her throat.

  He jumped to his feet and took her elbow. “But there’s still the condom.”

  “Forget the condom,” she said, reaching for the cane next to her.

  “Huh?”

  “She won’t care. You all but promised her that you had every intention of kissing her, and when you did, you wanted it to rock her world. She won’t care how she got your number.”

  “You’re sure?” he asked at her retreating back.

  “I’m a woman, aren’t I?” she said over her shoulder as she shuffled toward the kitchen.

  “A woman and a mastermind.”

  “Damn right!” she said, whacking he
r cane on the floor next to her. “You’d do good to remember that. So, you going to spend the day sitting by your phone hoping she’ll call?”

  “I have some things to do around the—”

  She shuffled her whole body around to shoot a look at him that told him just what kind of daft idiot she thought he was being in that moment. “I’ll ask you again…are you going to spend the day sitting by your phone hoping she’ll call?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “That’s a good boy. Now come on, I’ll get you some breakfast. You’re going to need all the energy you can get when that kissing starts.”

  6

  “God, Mabel Lee, what the hell is that smell?” Cassidy called out as she let herself in the apartment, Aurora right behind her.

  “That’s the smell of my pride,” Mabel Lee said, grabbing the bag with the robe and crown and setting it out in the hall. She waved the Lysol over it for good measure, a cloud of orange blossom chemicals mixed with putrid rot wafting back through the door.

  She promptly planned to block out every last memory of her dumpster diving, once she got that vile trash down to…well, her dumpster.

  “Where’s Layla and Heather?” she asked, glancing down the stairs before closing the door.

  “They had to go into work last minute. I’ve been instructed to give them a full report,” Aurora said.

  “What the hell is going on?” Cassidy asked. She plopped down on Mabel Lee’s new plush, oversized chair and propped her feet on the ottoman.

  “Mama found something in my purse. I had to do some serious lying about how it got there. A couple hours later, I was climbing in a dumpster wearing a choir robe and a crown to find it. It was a whole thing,” Mabel Lee said.

  “What could be important enough to dig it out of trash rotting in the Georgia heat, God?” Aurora said, waving a hand in front of her nose and moving farther from the front door.

  Not that there was anywhere far enough in the tiny attic apartment. Mabel Lee didn’t even have a separate bedroom.

  But she’d loved the space on sight. The exposed beams and rough wood floors sealed to a modest shine. The rustic touches gave it a shabby to chic look that inspired all of her furnishings since she’d first moved in.

  But her favorite piece, the find she coveted since the moment she spotted under a bin of classic Vinyl was the drop leaf table with delicate leaves burned into the wood. She slid it right in front of the window overlooking the street.

  Polish, hand-painted dishes sat stacked on an exposed shelf over the short butcher block counter between the sink and the apartment-sized fridge. Everything in her tiny place had flair, had a story, added color to an otherwise often drab life.

  Drab until last night. She’d gotten a taste of adventure, and a part of her longed for a whole lot more.

  “This!” she said, holding the condom in the air for both of her friends to see.

  Cassidy and Aurora looked at the condom, at each other, then at Mabel Lee with matching sympathetic tilts to their heads.

  “So, you snagged a rubber from Big Shift last night. I mean, it’s a little funny that your mom found it. She’s likely praying for you right now. I would have loved to see the look on her face, but why would you be desperate enough to dig it out of the trash?” Aurora asked.

  “Because I didn’t take it. Someone must have put it in my purse. And, it has a phone number written on it.”

  Two sets of eyes blinked at her as they sat in utter silence.

  “A prank maybe?” Aurora asked, being the first to find her voice.

  Cassidy snorted and smirked. “I bet it’s not. I’m betting on the stripper you cast a spell on last night.”

  “Ooooh. I didn’t think of that. Damn hangovers,” Aurora muttered, rubbing her temples. “My brain power is on life support.”

  “I didn’t cast a spell on anyone,” she said, not daring to get her hopes up. It was her friends’ job to bolster her courage, right? And they’d been drinking too, so clarity wasn’t going to be any of their strong suits at the moment.

  “Oh, I beg to differ. You were all sweet, awkward, and charmingly wasted for a bit there, and Viper fell for every last hot mess moment of it. Dial the number, Mabel Lee,” Cassidy said, dropping her feet to the floor and leaning forward.

  “And if he’s not the one who tossed it in my purse?” I said staring down at the numbers, my heart throbbing in my throat.

  “You say goodbye. It’s a phone call, not marriage,” Aurora said.

  “What if one of you call the number first and find out if it is Viper,” she suggested.

  “Yeah, because that’s subtle. We aren’t twelve, Mabel Lee. If you have any interest in taking a ride on that buck, you need to start with dialing those numbers yourself. We’ll be here the whole time to support you. Hell, Aurora? Make some popcorn,” Cassidy said.

  “Funny. I don’t know if I want to take a ride on that buck as you call it. What if it goes well, and I really like this guy? How do I introduce him to my mama? ‘Hey, Mama. So, I met this guy at the strip club you loathe. Looks great with his clothes off, and he’s so good at his job. The ladies weren’t just raining ones on him; they whipped out tens for his goods.’”

  Aurora shrugged. “Actually, as sales pitches go, that’s not half bad.”

  “Hell, it might be the most honest you’ve ever been with your mom,” Cassidy said.

  “Because she’d never accept him,” Mabel Lee pointed out.

  “She would never accept him or you won’t accept him?” Cassidy asked as she studied her. In that moment, with that look, Mabel Lee knew what Cassidy was thinking.

  They’d always been the closest. They were her circle, but Cassidy was her confidant. In everything.

  Aurora, Layla, and Heather all assumed Mabel Lee was a virgin, but that’s because she’d only told Cassidy of the one disastrous experience she’d had with a man.

  She’d been friends with Kirk since they were four and met in Sunday school. Over the years, their families grew close, and eventually, Kirk went to her worried about his first time, wanting it to be with someone he knew and trusted. She couldn’t lie; she took a certain comfort in that. The idea that she could go through all the awkward first-time bumbles with someone familiar.

  Both eighteen and fresh out of high school, they’d taken advantage of an empty house. Their friendship had never been the same since.

  Of course, he’d also left home, left the church, and fell in love with a Rugby player named Mitchell.

  She chewed her thumbnail and thought about Aurora’s words. Was she really the issue?

  She’d stayed tight to her mama, especially since her dad passed. With the snide comments and judgment, she couldn’t leave her mama to ride out the storm alone, but she didn’t believe in the same staunch rules her mama lived by. She was a Christian through and through, but she didn’t want to live a rigid life, and she didn’t want to become one of those bitter women who sat in judgment of others.

  She wanted balance…in life and in her faith.

  Her mama loved the life she’d had with her dad, but Mabel Lee was not her mama. And she couldn’t deny that had her dad not passed away, she would have put a healthy distance between herself and the church some time ago.

  She had a hard time doing it now if it meant leaving her mama behind.

  “I don’t care about what he does. I really don’t. But I don’t want to subject him to people who will humiliate and ridicule him either. And my mama, although she means well, would do just that, and you both know it.”

  “Viper is a big boy—”

  “A really big boy,” Aurora said with a snicker.

  “And,” Cassidy said, giving Aurora a pointed look, “I’m sure he can hold his own. Besides, you haven’t even called his number so don’t worry about it until there’s really something to worry about. Give him a call.”

  Mabel Lee blew out a breath. “Okay.” Her stomach tumbled with the decision as though she’d just plummeted o
ff a rope swing and sailed through the air on her way down to the cool river. “I guess there’s just one more thing.” She handed them the condom. “Is that last number a nine or a four?”

  Cassidy snatched the condom, and Aurora leaned over her shoulder. “Four,” they said in unison.

  “Here goes nothing.” She dialed the number from memory. After all, she’d been staring at the little packet for a half hour before they’d arrived.

  With the first ring, she rubbed her damp palm over her shorts.

  With the second, a wisp of hair drifted from her hair clip and grazed her neck, making her jump.

  “Hello.”

  That voice, like honey lazily sliding over frayed nerves. She gulped and clutched the phone to her ear. “Uh, yes, hi. Um, is this—”

  “Mabel Lee?” he said quietly.

  “Yes,” she said. “Um, Viper?”

  His deep laugh climbed through the phone like a gentle stroke to her cheek and s

  he shivered.

  “That’s how I’m known on stage. My name is Kellen.”

  “Kellen. I like that. So—”

  “Let me interrupt that thought. First, I owe you an apology. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have had my friend give you my number like that. We had a situation with the A/C, and they needed me to take a look. Then you were leaving and—well, I really wanted to see you again.”

  She wrinkled her eyebrows, clutched the phone, and glanced at her friends. “Uh, your friend didn’t give me your number.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “I found the condom in my purse and took a chance by calling the number. I thought—well, I hoped it was your number.”

  “I’m going to kill him,” he growled into the phone.

  She laughed as the tables turned a bit leaving him in just as awkward of a position as she was in. “I’m not sure murder is the answer.”

  “Okay, maim him.”

  “How about you don’t do anything to get yourself arrested?”

  “Yeah, good life advice,” he said with a frustrated sigh. “But now I’m even sorrier. He was supposed to hand it to you, not…well, whatever he did. I owe you even more of an apology. What are you doing right now?”