I Married an Alien Handyman: A Spicy, Steamy Romp Across Alien Galaxies

by Nora Nolan

  Sally’s heart beat furiously. She tried as hard as she could to calm down, but she wasn’t able to stop her trembling. Sam put his arm around her. “Sugar, I’ll do my best to make this the least troubling for you that I can. Know that I’ve never loved you more. Remember, I’ll take the pain away when it’s over.”

  She looked up at him and smiled as bravely as she could. “I know you have to do this.”

  The organizers arranged them in the order they wanted for them to take the stage. “When the music starts, you may go up onstage. There are X’s taped on the floor where you need to stand. Five X’s for five couples. Chief Sam, please walk to the farthest X and stand there. The rest of you, follow his lead and stand on your own mark.”

  The processional music began and Sally took a deep breath and nodded her head at Sam. He bent to give her a quick kiss, then straightened up and placed her hand on his arm. He began slowly taking her up the steps and across the stage to their mark. He took short steps so she could keep up easily. When they reached the taped X, he turned her toward the audience.

  The other couples marched up on stage in a similar dignified manner, and turned toward the front. Finally, the Master of Ceremonies took the stage and the music stopped.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” the man began, “we are gathered here tonight to welcome and confirm five chieftesses for five of our chieftains.” He turned slightly to address the people on stage. “This is a serious tradition for us. It’s a time when we meet our chieftains’ mates, you, of course,” he smiled at them, “and officially welcome each of you into the fold as one of us. One of our leaders. One of our family.”

  He turned back to the audience. “Now, we’ll get on with the introductions. Let’s start on this side with Chief Sam. Tell us about your mate, Sam.”

  Sam looked adoringly at Sally. “I’m delighted to tell you about my wonderful mate, Sally. By now, most of you have heard how we met. We were given files of information about a few earth women, and I knew as soon as I read about her that she was the woman I wanted forever. There could be no other woman for me. So, we went to earth, and I watched her for a few days.” He looked down at her surprised eyes. “I guess I never told you that part, did I?” The audience laughed, and he continued when the laughs died down some. “So, I carried out the plan to make her call me, the handyman,” he said as the audience laughed again. “As soon as she opened her door, I was smitten. I was a goner. Sally was everything I could ask for, and more. Beautiful, funny, smart, and I felt pretty sure she liked me, too.” That drew a few more snickers from the crowd. “I’m the luckiest man here tonight, and I hope you’ll welcome my Sally as one of us. You’ll love her almost as much as I do.”

  With that, he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek again. She couldn’t help but smile. His words had calmed her quite a bit.

  The emcee then called on Mark to introduce Ella. His remarks were similar to Sam’s except he added the element that his own heart had been intent on rescuing Ella, the woman he already loved before she even met him. As the audience listened, he told her that he would always be her knight in a shining toolbelt. And that she had rescued him every bit as much as he rescued her.

  All the introductions were accomplished, all as sweet and charming as Sam’s and Mark’s had been. The time had come for the unpleasant part.

  The emcee introduced Judge Edward, the Most High Judge of the High Court. Judge Edward stepped up on the stage.

  “Ladies and Gentleman, we’ve now come to the most important part of our evening. As you all know, our tradition requires that we vet all new chieftains’ mates, and satisfy ourselves that they are willing to abide by our laws, support our customs, and obey their husbands. We hold these behavioral attitudes to be of primary importance. We must be assured that our chieftains are well supported in their own homes, by their own families, so they can concentrate more fully on the running of our tribes.”

  He turned to the couples on stage. “Chieftesses, I will ask you each two questions. You are honor-bound to answer truthfully. We’ll start at this end. Chieftess Ava, mate of Chief Dan of the Banner Tribe, are you willing to obey our laws and the wishes of your mate?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Very good. Now the second question: Have you had occasion to receive a serious punishment from your mate?”

  “Yes, sir, I have.”

  “Chief Dan, does your mate speak the truth?”

  “She does. I have punished her with my belt.”

  “Excellent.” Judge Edward looked at Ava warmly and smiled as he took her hand and shook it. There was applause, and shouts of “Way to go, Chieftess Ava!” among the crowd.

  The judge moved on. “Chieftess Zoe, mate of Chief Glen of the Novan Tribe, are you willing to obey our laws and the wishes of your mate?”

  “Yes, sir,” Zoe answered.

  “Very good. Have you had occasion to receive a serious punishment from your mate?”

  Zoe answered strongly, as if very proud of her answer. “Yes, sir, I have.”

  “Chief Glen, does your mate speak the truth?”

  “She is truthful. I have punished her.”

  “Excellent.” The judge shook her hand as he had Ava’s, then he moved down the line.

  “Now, Chieftess Cheryl, mate of Chief Paul of the Skylon Tribe, are you willing to obey our laws and the wishes of your mate?”

  “Yes, sir, I am.”

  “Very good, dear. And have you had occasion to receive a serious punishment from your mate?”

  “Yes, sir, more than once, sir.” The judge chuckled, as did Paul and much of the audience.

  “Chief Paul, does your mate speak the truth?”

  “She does, Judge, I have indeed punished her.” He paused for effect. “More than once.”

  “That’s excellent, my dear.” He smiled at her as he shook her hand, too.

  Ella’s inquisition was much like the others. She had been punished, and Mark attested to her honesty. Then it was Sally’s turn.

  “Chieftess Sally, mate of Chief Paul of the Stellza Tribe, and High Chief of the High Council, are you willing to obey our laws and the wishes of your mate?”

  She answered honestly. “Yes, sir.”

  “Very good. And have you had occasion to receive a serious punishment from your mate?”

  Again she answered honestly, with as much courage as she could muster. “No, sir, I have not.”

  “Chief Sam, does your mate speak the truth?”

  “She does speak the truth. She’s been my ideal mate, my perfect partner, and hasn’t erred at all.”

  The irony wasn’t lost on Sally: she was the only one who had been exemplary, and now was facing this awful trial because of it.

  Murmurs swept through the crowd. Most were sympathetic toward Sally.

  “Chieftess Sally, according to our respected and time-honored tradition, you should receive a very serious punishment from your mate with his belt, right here and now, for those in attendance to see for themselves how willing you are to submit to our ways and to your husband.”

  “I know, Judge Edward. I humbly place myself in my mate’s hands to demonstrate that I’m willing to accept any consequence he deems appropriate to visit upon me.”

  That drew a round of supportive applause.

  “Chieftess Sally, this would normally be the case. But the High Court held an impromptu meeting while you were all partaking of a wonderful dinner, and we wish to recognize an extraordinary situation.” He pulled something out of his pocket.

  “I have here a proclamation signed by every member of the High Court. Allow me to read it.

  “Inasmuch as Chieftess Sally acted selflessly, bravely, and wisely when her own safety was threatened, and

  Inasmuch as this danger was caused by her standing as the High Chief’s mate, and

  Inasmuch as she was instrumental in capturing a dangerous shapeshifter, and

  Inasmuch as she contributed to the safety of our planet by having him remov
ed,

  We, the members of the High Court, believe she has demonstrated beyond any doubt that she is willing to sacrifice herself and act in the best interest of her mate and her planet, and

  Therefore, we feel there is no need for her to receive a public punishment, and

  Inasmuch as her four friends gathered around Chief Sally in support and protection, we feel there is no need for them to demonstrate their willingness with a symbolic punishment.

  We, the members of the High Court, wish to warmly welcome Chieftesses Sally, Ella, Cheryl, Zoe, and Ava to our family and our Bargellan home.”

  Cheers went up from the crowd. Sam picked Sally up in his arms and kissed her, then swung her around, laughing. The others on stage acted much the same way.

  The emcee took the stage again and shouted, “Let’s all drink to our five new Chieftesses!” Shouts of “Here, here” arose while the couples on stage continued to congratulate each other.

  The music started up again, and the emcee sang along with the first couple of lines. “Everybody dance now, Everybody dance now…” He caught his mate’s raised eyebrow and stopped singing, but he grabbed her up from her chair and led her to the dance floor.

  While the dance was going on, a team of military and police investigators interrogated the captured shapeshifter. He was not cooperative, but they learned that he was from the eleventh tribe, the Rison Tribe, whose chief was the troublemaker, Roark. It was unclear if he was acting on behalf of Roark, or if he had aligned himself with Gandarz or Baltim. Roark, himself, was at the ball, and didn’t appear unduly concerned about the shapeshifter’s apprehension. The interrogators knew they had to have more than mere suspicion before they could bring in a chieftain for a crime such as this.

  They felt it was more logical for a shifter to team with a force that had no other shifters because his ability would be highly prized. He was from Roark’s tribe, and presumably had been forced to keep his ability secret since shifting was against the law all across the land. But, there was always the small chance that Roark could have recognized the advantage of having a shifter, and could have secretly enlisted him. Still, he would have more shifting freedom on another planet. If he were to stay on Bargella, he would have to keep his shifting highly secret, until needed for a special mission. They simply needed to question the shifter more, and to question high-ranking personnel in Rison’s political structure – the ones who should know. They just had to be careful with Roark; they couldn’t let him know he was under scrutiny as a dissident.

  As the evening drew to a close, the five honorees sat together and marveled over the turns their lives had taken in recent weeks. Each was not only married, but had essentially married alien royalty. The very thought of such a preposterous outcome had them giggling and shaking their heads in wonder. As they sat clustered at their table, they occasionally glanced at their mates - their chieftains - standing together not too far away discussing the situation regarding the shifter. Their hearts swelled with love and pride. Not one of them had ever dreamed of being so in love - it simply wasn’t fathomable for an earthling. They pitied their female friends on earth; they would never know the intensified passion, emotion, attraction, pleasure, and devotion that they’d found with their aliens.

  As they watched their mates wind up their conversation and shake hands, they knew it was time to leave. They had a big group hug with a chorus of “luvyabye” all around, and met their mates with huge smiles as they walked toward them.

  They all stood together, but in couples, prepared to teleport. The ladies were all smiles and Ella and Ava commented on what a wonderful evening it was.

  Paul, feeling a little devilish, responded. “Oh, I don’t know. I was all geared up to see Sally get her ass chewed up.”

  Sam chuckled and put his arm around Sally’s shoulders. “It could still happen, you just won’t be there to see it.”

  Sally’s eyes widened until she looked up and saw him wink at her.

  Paul pulled Cheryl in close. “Well, somebody’s going to have to offer up her backside to me, then.”

  “Paul!” Cheryl blushed, not accustomed to talking about their proclivities in front of the other men.

  “It’s okay, baby, it’s not a secret. They all know what I like.”

  Sally laughed. “And we all know what Cheryl likes, too.”

  “Lookout, sugar,” Sam said with a suggestive tone. “I was just itching to take my belt to you, you know.”

  “But I didn’t do anything! The High Court said it wasn’t necessary!”

  Cheryl laughed at her, remembering what Paul had said to her. “Just think of it as foreplay.”

  The End

  A Note from Nora

  Thank you for reading my book! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please don’t forget to leave a review on Amazon.com – especially if you liked it. ☺

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