Revived

by Sarah Noffke

  ♦

  I start my lucid dream the same way I’ve been doing almost every night: on the glossy, green hill. The oak tree is taller than a two-story house. Stars wink at me in the inky purple sky. I stand staring out at nothing, waiting for my subconscious to paint images into my dream, transport me to a new location, and bring in its messages.

  Six feet away Aiden appears, wearing the clothes I just saw him in. Everything about him is as perfect as I always remember it.

  He looks around, taking in the hill, its tree, my stars. “Nice location, but it’s missing something.”

  I step forward and then have the idea to encircle him, pinning a playful smile on my face. “Oh really, what would that be?”

  He snaps his fingers and music plays from invisible speakers. I recognize the band immediately from my iPod. Finger Eleven. Its beat has assorted effects on me. He turns as I stalk the perimeter encircling him, an unsteady smile on his face.

  “Although I love being your prey,” he says when I complete the first circle around him, “I was hoping that you’d dance with me.”

  I click my tongue at him. “This is my dream, and that sounds like something you’d want to do.”

  He lowers his head, seduction written in his eyes. “Get over here,” he commands, a firm smile gracing his lips.

  Bes appears to be working because this definitely isn’t a nightmare. I step forward and take the hand extended to me. Aiden spins me around, yanks me to him. “Dance with me,” he says, moving to the beat.

  “I’m not sure I know how,” I say. “Show me.”

  He nods, not taking his enticing eyes off me. Gingerly his hands park on either side of my hips, moving them in time with his, our bodies not quite touching.

  “Good,” he whispers in my ear. One of his hands slides to my back, the other takes my hand raising it above my head just as the song ramps up. My shoulders have now found a movement that complements that of my hips. I bite my lip, moving my head side to side, eyes pinned on him. He releases my hand and I instantly wrap both arms around his neck, pulling him down as we move. He’s so close our noses touch, our eyes locked together.

  “This is definitely no nightmare,” I whisper, almost against his mouth.

  “You said that out loud,” he says.

  “It’s a dream, it doesn’t matter.”

  A knowing smile quivers on his long lips. “Then I beseech you to say whatever you want,” he says, threading his fingers into one of my hands and spinning me around again, pulling me back to him.

  Unable to resist any longer I tug him by the shirt down to my mouth. A familiarity I’ve missed surges through me. His hand knots in the fabric of my shirt at my back. Still moving to the beat he kisses, his teeth raking against my lip in a deliciously hurt-good way. His lips taste exactly as I remember, salty and sweet, electrifying everything inside me. Transporting me. Nothing feels like Aiden. Nothing ever could. And my imagination knows him so well. Even in dreams.

  His kisses speed up, a more fervent desire building inside him moment by moment. And BAM! Something strikes me, like a bolt of lightning. It doesn’t hurt, but the realization that accompanies it sends me scrambling out of his arms, breaking an embrace I’ve wanted for so long.

  “I don’t…I don’t know this song,” I stutter, every part of me trembling as I piece this altogether. “And you…” I say, pointing at him with my eyes. Aiden stares at me with a knowing sideways smile. When he kissed me, touched me, it felt exactly the same way it did when Chase invaded my dream. “You’re really in my dream aren’t you?” I accuse, heat in my words.

  “Yes, and you’re in mine.” He steps in close, his breath against my skin again. “You want this,” he says, with pleased surprise.

  I step back, the effort followed by a ping in my chest. “Aiden, this isn’t right. You shouldn’t have invaded my dream.”

  “I couldn’t help myself. God knows I’ve had to resist you too many times lately.”

  “This is wrong though. You know the deal.” My fingertips touch my lips, like I can still feel his kiss on them. “You kissed me. You know––”

  “I didn’t break our deal,” he says, a clever look in his eyes that threatens every ounce of my inhibitions. “And you kissed me back, quite a lot actually.”

  “Aiden, stop!”

  “Fine, if you truly don’t want me here then Ren taught you how to make me go away. Do it, but I’m not going anywhere.”

  My face finds my hands. “I can’t keep doing this.” I raise my head, my voice too loud in the quiet night’s air of my dream, the song having ended a minute ago.

  “Doing what?” he says, acting innocent. “You’re not doing anything. Dreams aren’t real, just brilliant manifestations of our imaginations and currently we’re just sharing one of those.”

  “But this feels real. And we’re choosing what we say, and…what we do.”

  “Yes, but if you cut me I’ll awake with no marks. It’s not real in the physical sense or like when we dream travel. Only our imaginations.”

  “Still, this will only make things harder.”

  “It couldn’t be any harder,” he says in a calloused voice. “Roya, if you want to leave then do it. And if you don’t then stay.”

  All I have to do is have a single thought, strengthened by a solid intention, and Aiden will disappear. Be locked out of my subconscious. I can wake myself up if I want. Change the scenery. The possibilities of how to force him away from me are endless. And yet I don’t do anything, just stare at Aiden knowing the longer I stay willingly the more guilt I’ll have later. And at the same time, the idea of leaving feels wrong deep in my soul.

  “This isn’t real, Roya. It’s all a shared imagination. A dream we’re both having together,” he says, like he senses my conflicting tensions.

  I dream all the time, and my dreams never change my waking life. They may stick in my being, haunt me with crisp images and make me question the true nature of my subconscious—but they don’t change anything in my reality.

  The same song from before interrupts the silence. Its unrelenting beat is congruent to my reckless desire. Aiden snatches my hand, hazarding a smile. “What’s it going to be? One more dance?”

  I tug my hand back to me, drawing him in with it. He glides forward until he’s against me, his expression echoing my emotions.

  ♦

  In a shared dream Aiden and I danced and laughed for hours. We cuddled in the grass, him pinning imagined flowers in my hair. We talked, easily coasting from one topic to the next. Each one made me more amazed by his humble brilliance. And he listened to me the way he always does, with amused awe. Often words didn’t come out quickly enough before I was struck by another inspiring idea that steered my thoughts and the conversation in a different direction. Never before had I been gifted with so much uninterrupted time with him and it confirmed something that I’d been denying. As soon as it popped into my brain, exploding my bubble, I rolled over on my stomach, propping myself up on my elbows.

  “I kept thinking that we didn’t really have enough in common. That our series of brief encounters meant everything I felt was just an infatuation,” I said, picking grass out of the earth and tearing it into tinier pieces. He rolled over on his stomach, the same as me, our shoulders touching.

  “And now what?” he asked with anticipation, waiting to feast on my answer.

  “Now I know why I always came away from every encounter with you longing for more,” I say. “My instinct draws me to you, not because we’re compatible, but because we’re…”

  “Entangled,” he said, pulling the leaf of grass from my fingers, bringing my attention straight to him.

  The smile I gave him was wobbly, all wrong for the moment. “Yeah.”

  “Why do you sound so heartbroken?”

  “You know why,” I said, interlacing my fingers in his.

  “I can wake up right now. I can go to your room, slip into your bed, and kiss you in the flesh, cementing the deal.
And since I’m a man of my word, in the morning I’ll go to your father to tell him that I’m inescapably in love with his daughter.”

  At the thought I stir away from him, sitting up suddenly. “No, Aiden, you can’t do that. You can never risk your parents’ legacy for me.”

  “What if it’s what I want? What if it’s what they would have wanted for me?”

  “Look, I think you’ve always been right. Trey isn’t going to have a favorable reaction to us being together. And lately he’s weirdly protective of me and I don’t know how to force another way.”

  “But Roya––”

  “I got the impression tonight that he’s not thoroughly happy with you,” I said, hating that I had to bring this up to prove my point.

  Aiden made a sound of frustration. “Trey thinks I dabble in too many projects. He doesn’t always see my vision and we butt heads about what technology would best suit the needs of the Institute.”

  I nodded, his admission erasing all hope in my being. “And all he’d need is a little motivation to choose a Head Scientist more compatible with his mission for the Institute.” A stale silence hung between us. Inside my head the opposing parts of this debate battled, neither gaining an advantage, but the raw reality was still clear. “I don’t know enough about Trey and I definitely can’t trust him to do what I want. He’s got his own idea of how things should be done, which is why he’s made so many bizarre choices in my life. I can’t let you risk everything you’ve worked for, for us.”

  “This is important though. It’s torturing me that we can’t be together. It’s not the decision I want to make anymore.”

  “Well, I think you’d be more tortured if you lost your position.”

  “You’re wrong. As Dream Travelers we’re guaranteed a hundred years of good health. I know without a single doubt I will spend every one of those loving you. And my curse is that I’ll increasingly love you more with each year that passes. That’s more torturous than losing my job,” he said with a brutal honesty in his eyes that made my soul ache.

  I have died a hundred times waiting for Aiden, only to watch him turn away from our love. And I have been reborn a hundred and one times by a single look from him. And here I stand at this altar asking to transplant my heart, so I don’t die another death.

  “I won’t let you go to Trey. There’s too much at stake.”

  “Roya, you can’t stop me. And I’m tired––”

  “Look, Aiden, there’s no future for us in the waking world. I’m with George, okay?”

  He clenched his eyes shut. “And that’s what you want?”

  “That’s how it is. And it’s not changing,” I said, breaking both our hearts by stringing the words together that would block him, protect him.

  “In the morning nothing will have changed for me.”

  “This isn’t real, Aiden,” I said, standing, backing away from him. “It’s just the imaginations of two people. I can cut you right now, remember? And you’ll awake without a mark.”

  “After tonight I’ll awake with a mark, I promise you that.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  “Why does Aiden keep looking at you?” George asks, stirring cereal which went soggy a while ago. “His shield is up, but something in his expression is failing to hide a heightened interest in you today.”

  Luckily I’m shielding partial emotions, only feeding George what I want him to know. “I have no idea,” I say, not daring to look in Aiden’s direction.

  I awoke last night and spent the rest of the time finishing Love in the Time of Cholera, thinking it would take my mind off what I’d just done. It didn’t.

  “But Aiden knows we’re together, right?”

  “I have no idea what he knows,” I say, looking at George, tucking my chin close to my shoulder and feigning disinterest in the conversation.

  “Well, there’s one way to solve this,” George says, leaning into me, pausing an inch from my lips. “And this should stop the staring as well,” George says, cupping my chin and softly kissing me three times. I return the affection, not knowing how else to react. Easing back, George’s eyes glow with satisfaction. “I believe that worked,” he whispers, his breath catching on my lips.

  I dare to flick my gaze up to see Aiden storming out of the main hall, his strides reeking with urgency. I can only imagine how devastating it is for him to witness that act of affection after the things we said last night. But this is what’s best for him. And that’s what I want.

  George gives me a cautious look. “Do you still want this, Roya?” He motions between the two of us. “Because right now, I get the impression your heart is still divided.”

  “But what do you feel from me?” I ask, not answering the question.

  “I feel you want us to be together.”

  “And don’t you trust my emotions?”

  “Explicitly.”

  “Good,” I say, leaning my head on his shoulder. I wish I could trust my emotions. Again it’s weird to seek comfort from George because Aiden and I have hurt each other.

  George grips my hand under the table and kisses the top of my head. “I love you, Roya.”

  I squeeze his hand a little tighter, pulling my head back up.

  “Hey, I’m curious, did you know that Joseph is…” I say, knowing I don’t need to finish the sentence.

  First disappointment falls on George’s face, followed by resignation. “Oh yeah, that.”

  That’s not what he was hoping was going to come out of my mouth next. But he’s patient and for that I feel I should be even more endeared to him.

  “Yes, I knew,” he says, pulling both our hands up so they’re resting on the table together.

  “Since when?”

  “Since I met him.”

  “Oh,” I say in quiet surprise. “You’re a vault.”

  He gives a solemn nod.

  “Does he love Trent?”

  George looks at me sideways, giving me that familiar stern look.

  “It’s okay,” I say. “I know you can’t tell––”

  “The only person Joseph truly allows himself to love is you,” he interrupts. “You’re safe and not going to break his heart. Although his worst fear is outliving you.”

  George has done something rare just now. He’s revealed someone else’s emotions. “Thanks for the disclosure, George.”

  “You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to share everything I feel with. Unburden myself to. But by doing that I’d only put unnecessary stress on you.”

  “Always the selfless one, aren’t you, my sweet George,” I say, rising from the table. “I’ve got to actually go and find Joseph now. We have a meeting with Ren.”

  I lean down and give him a peck. I’m not sure why, but once he kissed me publicly a few minutes ago, it put an expectation into place between us. And besides, the more people who see, the more who talk, the further away I’ll push Aiden.

  ♦

  I’m almost to the elevators when he calls my name at my back.

  “Roya,” Trey says, in that reprimanding tone that’s quickly becoming overused.

  I whip around, fixing a puzzled look on Trey. “What can I do for you?” I say, pretending I didn’t hear the sharp edge in his voice.

  To my shock, he grabs me by the forearm and pulls me around the corner, to the less trafficked hallway leading away from the main hall. “George’s display in the main hall just now wasn’t appreciated.”

  I suspected Trey got wind of our plan to battle Zhuang. I even expected he was going to privately chastise me for some of the impolite remarks I made last night. I totally didn’t anticipate this. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” I say, pulling my arm out of his grasp. Embarrassment should accompany this conversation, but since I’ve already had to disclose the details regarding making out with Chase to Trey, this is actually not as big a deal. “Don’t you have bigger things to worry about, like not getting murdered?”

  “Actually this is important for many rea
sons. And it brings up something related I’ve wanted to address with you. I worry that with everything going on, having a serious relationship isn’t a good idea.”

  “When is a good time? Can you put it in my calendar?”

  “Roya, your mother and I made our life more complicated than it had to be by going too fast.”

  “Are you saying you regret being with her?”

  “No! Not at all, but she had you when she was eighteen. If we could have just waited...”

  “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. George and I are not the same as your relationship. Times are different.”

  “Are they? Chase is after you the same as he was with Elle. What do you think he will do if he finds out you’re in a relationship with someone else?”

  I roll my eyes. “He’s not going to find out. George and I don’t dream travel together.”

  “And not only is Chase a concern, but I’ve been worried about you wearing the adjuster for a while. Maybe the Institute isn’t the right place for George.”

  “I thought you felt he was good for me,” I say, remembering what Aiden had bitterly disclosed.

  “Who told you that?” he says, narrowing his eyes.

  “Doesn’t matter,” I dismiss him at once, the way he always does to me.

  “Well, I did think he was good for you as a friend, but I’m not sure if I approve of the current relationship.”

  “You can’t kick him out of here!”

  “And I won’t. Not right now. But I also want my concerns to be known to you. And if it comes down to your safety and preservation, then he will have to leave.” Trey says this so evenly, like we’re discussing paint swatches.

  “Is this really about George?”

  “No, it’s about you.” He levels his turquoise eyes at me, a mini-standoff in the works. Finally, he throws up both of his hands, shaking his head at me. “You’re too young for a relationship. You have too many things you should be focused on right now.”

  “You’re such a hypocrite.”