by Fannie Flagg
One afternoon, over at the club, he was sitting at the bar, talking to the bartender in a loud voice, so he was sure to be heard by the girls that were there. “God, I hate this job. When people ask me what I did in the war, what am I gonna say? That all I did was teach a bunch of Goddamned women? Shit …”
FRITZI WAS STANDING AROUND, waiting to go up and take her first military check ride, when Miller walked up and said, “Okay, Jurdabralinski, let’s go. I’m gonna take you up and see what you can do. And when I tell you something, don’t talk, just do it.”
“Yes, sir,” she said.
As she was climbing up to her altitude, he reached over her from behind and yelled at her, “Jesus Christ, pull the damn stick back … don’t ease it back,” and he grabbed it and jammed it against her leg as hard as he could. “You’re not in some powder puff derby. Pull the damn thing. Jesus Christ, what idiot taught you to fly?”
Fritzi desperately wanted to pass this inspection, but something snapped. She gunned the engines and as soon as she got her altitude, she suddenly flipped the plane over and flew upside down while Miller, who was now suspended in midair and hanging on to his shoulder straps, screamed for dear life, “Turn over! Turn over! Goddamn it!” When she did, Fritzi did a barrel roll, shot straight up, and then did her famous death drop into fifteen spins straight down. She then pulled up at the last second, shot back up, and went into a hammerhead stall just for good measure.
DOWN BELOW AT AVENGER Field, all the ground crew was standing there and looking up and watching what was happening and yelling. Pretty soon, everyone on the ground was looking up, and people were running out of the hangars and barracks to see what all the noise was about.
Gussie Mintz came out of the mess hall with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth to see, and she looked up just as Fritzi did another barrel roll, and she started to laugh. “You show ’em how to do it, gal,” she said.
After another series of amazing spirals and loops, mechanic Elroy Leefers started grinning. “Give him hell, Fritzi!” After a few more minutes, she did a double loop, came in for a perfect landing, drove the plane to the main hangar, and stopped. She turned around and said to Miller, who was red-faced and fuming with rage, “Compliments of Billy Bevins, the greatest flight instructor alive.”
“Get out of the plane!” he said.
“Yes, sir! Right away, sir!” she said as she jumped down. She undid her parachute and left it lying on the ground. Fritzi knew she had washed out, but nobody called Billy Bevins an idiot and got away with it, not while she was alive.
AS FRITZI WALKED AWAY, Willy and Pinks ran up to walk with her, and when Pinks looked back, Miller was still sitting in the plane. Fritzi went straight to the barracks and started packing her things. Once a girl washed out, they left as soon as possible. It was too painful an ordeal for everyone to drag it out.
Her bay mates who had witnessed her flight were not happy and stood there and watched her pack. Pinks said, “The bastard had it coming, but damn, Fritzi … what are we going to do without you?”
AFTER FRITZI HAD PACKED, Willy and Pinks walked with her to the gate. Just as Fritzi was about to get on the truck, a girl came running up, panting, “The captain wants to see you in his office right away.” Damn. She was hoping to get out before the report was finished and she had to face the music, but she hadn’t made it.
A few minutes later, when she walked into the commanding officer’s office, she saw Captain Wheeler sitting at his desk with an extremely grim expression on his face. Mrs. Van de Kamp sat in a chair behind him and looked as if she had been crying. Captain Wheeler glanced up from the report, looking furious, as he barked at her, “Young woman, that was one of the most reckless and irresponsible displays of complete disregard of rules and safety that I have ever witnessed. Do you realize you endangered the life of an instructor and yourself and risked destroying a military plane?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And if that wasn’t bad enough, you also put the reputation and the future of the entire WASP program in jeopardy today. You, of all people, know how hard Mrs. Love and Mrs. Cochran are working to ensure that this program continues, and then to pull a stunt like that.”
“I understand. I’m sorry, sir. I wasn’t thinking. I lost my head.”
“This program is not about you. It’s about all the girls and the ones that will follow them.”
“Yes, sir.”
He picked up the report from Lieutenant Miller and said, “You obviously didn’t pass the inspection.”
“No, sir.”
“Mrs. Van de Kamp has informed me of some of the problems you girls have had with Lieutenant Miller, but that’s no excuse, and according to official military protocol, you should be court-martialed.”
“Yes, sir.”
Captain Wheeler put the report down on his desk, leaned back in his chair, and looked out the window. After a long minute, he turned back around and looked at her and said, “I know military rules, and by all rights, I should throw you out on your ear.” Then he sighed, “But I think anybody that can make that sour little son of a bitch Miller mess his pants deserves another chance, so I’m grounding you for two weeks or until we can ship Miller out of here. But if you ever pull a stunt like that again, you are out. And I will personally make sure you never fly another plane as long as you live. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Now get out of here.”
“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”
“And Jurdabralinski …”
“Yes, sir?”
“Tell Billy I said hello.”
NOW SHE KNEW WHY Miller didn’t get out of the plane. They told her later, Miller made the mechanic taxi the plane over to another hangar and then ordered everyone out. But word got around. The mechanic was Elroy Leefers. As for Fritzi, she didn’t know how much she really loved being a WASP until she almost wasn’t.
THE AFFAIR
WINGED VICTORY WAS AT THE JUST TEAZZING BEAUTY SHOP HAVING her hair done when her friend Pearl Jeff came in looking for her. Pearl had just heard something from a friend, and she couldn’t wait to tell Lenore.
THIRTY MINUTES LATER, LENORE came storming in Sookie’s front door and marched back to the kitchen where Sookie was sitting and having her lunch. “I want to talk to you, young lady, and I mean right now. I am just appalled at your obvious complete lack of discretion. Have you forgotten you’re a married woman?”
Sookie looked up. “What?”
“I wondered why you were never home anymore and why I could never get you on the phone, and now I know.”
“What?”
“You know what. Word has just reached my ears about what’s been going on between you and that Dr. Shapiro, and I want you to put a stop to this nonsense right now.”
“But, Mother—”
“Don’t you ‘But, Mother’ me. Why, the very idea of you having … whatever you are having … is disgraceful. Earle Poole, Jr., is one of the finest men I have ever known in my life, and now you do this?”
“Do what? What are you talking about?”
“Everybody knows you two have been meeting all over town. I simply will not allow you to treat Earle this way. Earle has been nothing but an ideal husband and father, and you’re lucky to have him. I just hope and pray I’m not too late, and he doesn’t find out. Remember, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, and with his looks, why, he could have any woman he wanted, so I would suggest you just nip this little thing in the bud right now, before you wake up and find yourself a divorced woman.”
Sookie sat there completely flabbergasted. “I don’t believe what I am hearing. First of all, it’s not true. I am not having an affair with anybody, and I can’t believe you would even think that of me. And secondly, I thought you didn’t like Earle.”
“What do you mean? I’ve always liked Earle, and you know it. And if it isn’t true, why are you meeting this man all over town? It certainly looks suspicious to me. Nobody’s that c
razy about waffles!”
“All right, Mother, since you insist on knowing everything, yes, I am meeting Dr. Shapiro all over town. And do you know why? Because I happen to be a patient of his, and I was trying to keep it a secret, so I wouldn’t embarrass you or, God forbid, besmirch the precious Simmons family name, even though two of them are sitting over in the loony bin right this minute!”
Lenore looked at her with shock. “Sookie, Pleasant Hill is not a loony bin. And they are being treated for a simple nervous disorder. Why would you say such a terrible thing?”
“Okay, Mother, have it your own way. You always do.”
“And, anyhow, why are you seeing a psychiatrist? Is this one of Marvaleen’s ideas?”
“No, it isn’t. I’m sure it’s hard for you to imagine, Mother, but every once in a while, I actually have an idea of my own.”
“Well, it’s just plain silliness, and I want you to stop it right now. Do you hear me, young lady?”
“Mother, you do understand that I am a grown woman?”
“I don’t care how grown you are. You’re still my daughter, and I won’t have you causing a scandal.”
There was long pause while Sookie debated whether to just let her have it once and for all … but she didn’t. “Okay, Mother.”
“Good. I just hope and pray that Earle doesn’t hear about this. That poor man is under enough strain as it is, having to fiddle with all those teeth all day, without you acting a fool in public.”
“Yes, Mother.”
“Well, now that we have settled that … I’ll take a cup of coffee.”
Lenore sat down and stared at Sookie while she made the coffee, then said, “I must say, Sookie, I am very concerned about your behavior lately. Has that doctor been giving you pills?”
“No, Mother.”
“Hmmm … well … something’s wrong with you. He could be hypnotizing you, and you just don’t know it. You’ve never been very smart about your friends. I always said if Marvaleen said, ‘Let’s jump off a building,’ you’d be right behind her. Don’t forget what happened when she drug you to that Bible study.”
“No, Mother.”
A FEW DAYS LATER, Marvaleen heard the rumor about Sookie and had an entirely different reaction. When she saw Sookie get in her car at the parking lot at Walgreens, she ran over and knocked on her car window. Sookie rolled down the window. “Hi, Marvaleen, how are you?”
“Open the door,” she said, pulling on the handle. Sookie unlocked the door, and Marvaleen jumped in and playfully slapped her on the leg. “Oh, you sly dog, you devil you. They always say it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for. Why didn’t you tell me? I think it’s all just so exciting, and he is sooo cute.”
It suddenly dawned on Sookie what she was talking about. “And young, too. I told you journaling would change your life, and I was right. What is he—thirty?”
“Oh, Lord, Marvaleen, whatever you’ve heard is not true. I am not having an affair.”
Marvaleen winked at her. “Uh-huh, of course not, but honey, you don’t have to be embarrassed with me. I approve wholeheartedly. Edna Yorba Zorbra says it’s really what nature intended. We should all be with younger men. She says it’s only fair. She says we don’t hit our sexual peak until sixty. Our sex drive is going up while the men our age are going down.”
“But, really, Marvaleen, Dr. Shapiro is just a friend.”
“Uh-huh, well, do me a favor. See if your friend has a friend.”
“Marvaleen, believe me. I am not having an affair. I’m only seeing him professionally. He’s helping me with a few issues, that’s all.”
“Sure you are, and of course, that’s what I’ll say if anyone asks. You can trust me. But between us, I’m so proud of you. I always thought you were just one of those dull little housewife types that would never change.”
“What? Do you think I’m dull?”
“Not anymore.”
“But you used to think I was dull?”
“Yes, but not in a bad way. Just conventional. You know—”
“I see, and what else did you think? Don’t be afraid to hurt my feelings. I really want to know. Seriously, if you were to describe me to someone, what would you say?”
“Oh, well, I would say you were just as nice and sweet as you could be, that’s all.”
“That’s all. Is that what most people think?”
“Well, yes … I guess so. But it’s all positive.”
“But isn’t there something about me that’s negative? I have to have some bad faults.”
“No, I really can’t think of anything, except … but even that’s not bad.”
“No, no—tell me. Except what?”
“Oh, I suppose if you had any fault, I guess it would be that you let people push you around.”
“You mean Mother.”
Marvaleen nodded. “And me, too. But Sookie, that’s not a bad thing. Edna Yorba Zorbra says there are leaders and followers, and the secret to happiness is to embrace your role in life.”
“I see.”
“Edna Yorba Zorbra says that I’m a perfect combo of student and teacher combined.”
“Really?”
“Yes. She says I could morph into becoming a professional life coach any day now if I followed my goddess within. But anyhow, what I really wanted to tell you was that if you and—you know who—ever need a little privacy, I do have that guesthouse in back, and the key is under the mat. Feel free to use it anytime. After all, we cougars have to stick together.”
Sookie realized there was no convincing her otherwise, so she said, “Well, thanks, Marvaleen, I just might take you up on it. A couple of sailor friends of mine are shipping in next week.”
“Sailors?”
“Uh-huh. Twins.”
“Twins?”
“Uh-huh. They do everything together.” Sookie winked at Marvaleen. “If you know what I mean.”
Marvaleen opened the car door in a daze and got out, stood in the parking lot, and stared at Sookie as she drove away. “Wow. Talk about still waters running deep.”
After Sookie drove off, she realized she really shouldn’t have said that about the sailors. She would call Marvaleen when she got home and tell her she had made it up. But at least she had found out that people thought she was dull, and what she had suspected all along was true. She had heard of a man without a country. She was a woman without a personality. She had absolutely no personality.
How do you get a personality after sixty? She didn’t even know where to begin. And why didn’t she have one? Had Lenore squashed it? Or had she just been born that way? Her kids all had their own unique personalities—where did they get them? Now she wondered what her personality would be like if she had been raised in Wisconsin by Polish people. She might have been a whole lot of more fun … and played the accordion, done the polka, and everything.
When she got home, Sookie was still upset to think that anyone would believe that she, of all people, would be having an affair. Honestly. It was so embarrassing. But obviously, the Waffle House was out. She picked up the phone and made a call. “Dr. Shapiro, do you by any chance know where the Ruby Tuesday out on the four-lane is?”
GRADUATION DAY
AVENGER FIELD
WINTER OF 1943 HAD BEEN ROUGH. A BITTER BATTLE WAS RAGING IN Europe, and Uncle Sam needed all the gas it could get to help fuel the necessary planes and military vehicles. After talking it over with Poppa, Gertrude was the next Jurdabralinski girl to sign up for the WASPs.
Momma wasn’t happy, but there was nothing she could do, so Gertrude arrived in Sweetwater, Texas, on May 4 with sacks filled with homemade bread and sausages and two large jars of sauerkraut for Fritzi. The next day, Willy, Pinks, and Gertrude had a picnic on Fritzi’s bed with six bottles of Jax beer that Gussie Mintz had smuggled out of the officers’ mess.
FRITZI WAS IN HER final phase of training and anxious to finish and get her assignment. The girls had hoped that by the time they graduated, the
y would be taken in the Army Air Corps and get their real wings, but it had not happened. At the last minute, Jackie Cochran, at her own expense, had Neiman Marcus in Dallas make up special wings for the girls. Graduation Day was pretty special. A lot of the top military brass flew in from Washington, and the entire town of Sweetwater turned out to cheer them on as they marched in. As disappointed as they were not to have real Army Air Corps wings, it was pretty funny for all of them to watch General Hap Arnold try to pin the wings on each girl’s chest. He got pretty flustered trying to figure out what was chest and what was not. And on some of the girls, especially Pinks, there was an awful lot of what wasn’t chest. Before it was over, the general was red-faced and sweating, And it wasn’t from the heat.
That night, before she went to bed, Fritzi sat down and wrote her brother a letter.
Dear Wink,
I got your last letter, but it was mostly blacked out. Those censor boys are really on a tear, so I don’t know where you are now or what you are up to, but I get the idea that you are in it pretty good. Not much news is coming out of Europe, but we know our guys are letting them have it.
Just so you know, I graduated today, and we got our assignments, and my pal Willy and I sure are happy. We found out we will both be stationed at Long Beach, California, and will be ferrying planes straight from the factory for shipment overseas. Our pal Pinks has been kicked upstairs and is staying on here at Avenger Field to assist Captain Wheeler. And she is going to make one hell of an administrator. Pinks had never mentioned it to us until today, but she has a law degree. I didn’t even know there were women lawyers. Those New York gals are smart as hell. We sure will miss her, but we will be stopping in at Sweetwater from time to time to check up on her and Gertrude and the rest of the gals.
Well, gotta go. Keep ’em flying! California, here I come!
Fritzi
LONG BEACH, CALIFORNIA
Dear Billy Boy,
