The Aristocrat

by Penelope Ward

  “He looks just like Ludicrous.”

  I arched my brow. “Just like him, huh?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Look closer.”

  There was nothing better than the look on her face when she realized it.

  She pointed in disbelief. “That’s not him…”

  “It is, Felicity.”

  “What?”

  I opened the gate, and she ran toward him. Felicity wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. Honestly, few things in life had brought me greater joy than witnessing this moment. I could certainly relate to the feeling of seeing someone after believing you’d never see them again in this lifetime—because that’s what I was experiencing right now.

  Leaning her head against him, she said, “I don’t understand. I thought you found a farm in Rhode Island to take him? I told you to let me know if you couldn’t find a place for him. You didn’t say anything, so I assumed that was all set. How did he end up here?”

  “No way was I going to leave you with that responsibility. I just never got back to you before I left. I did get that farm in Rhode Island to agree to keep him until I could transport him back to England. But that was all they were willing to do, since they didn’t have the space for him. About a month later, he was here. And he’s been here ever since.”

  Ludicrous neighed.

  She began to tear up as she petted him. “I told myself I wasn’t going to cry today.”

  “As long as I’m not the one causing your tears, I’m good.”

  “I’d considered trying to find him,” she said, running her fingers through his mane.

  “Little did you know…”

  “I can only imagine what your aunt must have thought when you brought him to her.”

  “She was thrilled, actually, and considered it more a gift than a burden. My one condition was that I asked her to keep his name.”

  Felicity looked up at me. “Well, this trip certainly has been full of surprises.”

  She spent about twenty minutes with her precious pony before I suggested we take a walk; I was running out of time with her, and we needed to have our conversation.

  “We’ll circle back around and spend more time with him before we leave,” I told her.

  I’d arranged to have a late lunch laid out on a table overlooking the hills. We walked for a few minutes until it came into view around a bend.

  When she noticed the spread, she said, “What’s all this?”

  “Well, I can’t take you out for the day and not feed you. Don’t worry—I had nothing to do with cooking any of it.”

  “Well, thank God for that.” She chuckled.

  “Not a can of SpaghettiOs in sight.”

  We fell into an easy and comfortable conversation over the meal. She told me more about the job she’d left at the law firm and why it had burned her out. As she spoke of the life she planned to lead when she returned home, I felt myself longing to be back at that serene house on the bay.

  After we ate, Felicity looked out into the distance, and I stared at her profile, stopping myself from counting the freckles. Old habits die hard.

  When she turned to me, I lowered my eyes to the table so as not to get caught.

  “Even though things didn’t work out the way I’d hoped, I want you to know I’m proud of you, Leo. You’re doing everything you set out to, everything you promised your father you would. I’m sure he’s very proud, too.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate that. But now tell me what you really feel.”

  “What do you mean?” She blinked. “I meant every word.”

  “I know you meant what you said about me. But I want to know what’s going on in your mind right now—about us, this situation—even if it pains me to hear it.”

  “What I’m thinking or feeling when it comes to us doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “It matters to me. I want to hear it, even if it hurts. We need to let it out.”

  Felicity’s cheeks turned pink. “What do you want me to say? You want to hear that I’m in love with a married man? Because that’s not really a good look.” Her eyes glistened. “You want to know how I feel? I’m…angry. I’m confused. I’m frustrated. I’m scared. I’m jealous. I’m a mess.” She wiped a tear from her eyes. “At the same time, I’m still so grateful for this moment, even if it won’t last forever. Because it’s one more moment in time with you than I was supposed to have.”

  My heart felt heavy. Her words mirrored my own feelings. I wanted to say so much, but my fear of seeming disrespectful to my wife paralyzed me. I was a married man, which gave me no right to open my heart to someone else, even if I wanted so desperately to tell her she wasn’t alone.

  Just when the words at the tip of my tongue were ready to choke me, she changed the subject.

  “Will you tell me what happened to Sig?”

  I nodded and exhaled, gearing myself up. There was no good way to tell this story, so I just dove in. “He fell in love.”

  * * *

  Felicity

  Track 22: “Tears Dry On Their Own” by Amy Winehouse

  My eyes widened. “He fell in love? Sigmund? Of Sigmund and the Marias fame? That Sigmund?”

  “Hard to believe, I know.” Leo flashed a gorgeous smile that hurt to look at.

  “What happened?”

  “He decided to take a trip to the States again. He’d connected with some woman online and flew out to New York for a week.”

  “He ended up falling in love with her?”

  “Hardly. That woman was only out for a good time, as was he. He got bored with her quickly enough.”

  I blinked. “So, then…who did he fall in love with?”

  Leo settled into his seat. “He was delayed at the airport on the way home. While there, he started bickering with this girl who was waiting for the same flight as him. They were the last two people to check in. The airline had overbooked the flight and was short one seat. Neither of them wanted to give up theirs.”

  I laughed as he continued.

  “Finally, some poor bloke intercepted and agreed to take a later plane so neither one of them had to move their flight. But Sigmund and Britney kept bickering. He teased her about everything from her height to the Birkenstocks on her feet. She was tiny—only about five feet. So he picked her apart, chewed her up, and spit her out. You know Sigmund.”

  I shook my head. “Oh, yes, I do.”

  “Well, she dished it back to him even harder—like no woman he’d ever met before. She called him every name in the book: giraffe, player, imbecile…” He laughed. “She was younger—twenty-five to his thirty-two. Anyway, the flight got delayed. Somehow, they ended up wandering the airport together. He realized she sparked something in him that he’d never experienced before. She called him out on his crap, challenging every word that came out of his mouth. Sigmund was so taken by her. The longer they were stuck in that airport together, the more attracted to her he became. As he put it, he’d never been harder for a woman in his life. Ironically, for once I think that had nothing to do with looks, although he did find her quite attractive.”

  I was on the edge of my seat now. “Did they end up flying to England together?”

  He nodded. “Once they boarded the plane, they were able to switch seats so they could sit next to each other. They talked the entire flight. You know how my cousin can be. He’s not very good at opening up about his insecurities—always dodging questions whenever you ask him about his career path and whatnot. She apparently had a way of seeing through his tactics. She got him to talk to her.”

  “Wow.” I grinned.

  “He almost ruined it.”

  “How?”

  “In typical Sigmund fashion, he challenged her to join the mile-high club.”

  “Oh, Sig.” I chuckled.

  “She told him where he could stick that proposition. He said in that moment, he knew he was never going to be the same again.”

  “What happened after the flight?”

&
nbsp; “Remarkably, even with all the talking they’d done, she wouldn’t tell him why she was in England or where she was going. He only had her first name—Britney.”

  “Huh…”

  “Once they landed, he begged for her number. But she told him if he knew what was good for him, they should part ways.”

  That actually made me feel bad for Sig. “Oh my goodness. Why? He must have been devastated.”

  “Totally gutted.”

  “I assume this is not the end of the story, though.”

  Leo shook his head. “He kept following her around the airport. She couldn’t get rid of him. And even though she said she wanted him to leave her alone, he could see in her eyes that she didn’t. He suspected there was something more going on, something she just didn’t want to tell him.”

  “Like maybe she was married?”

  Leo glared at me.

  “I swear that wasn’t a dig at you.” I laughed.

  “Actually, that did cross his mind,” Leo explained with a smile. “Anyway, out on the platform where she waited for her ride, he told her she wasn’t going to lose him unless she gave him a good reason why. She just kept telling him he’d be better off not knowing, that they would both be better off just remembering the hours they’d had together and going their separate ways.” He stared off. “But Sigmund couldn’t let her go.”

  “What did he do…get in her cab?”

  “That’s exactly what he did. She told him he’d be sorry. But the more she said things like that, the more intent he was on sticking with her.” Leo chuckled, but then his expression turned serious. “When they got to her hotel, in the lobby there were two older people waiting for her.”

  I leaned in. “Who were they?”

  “Her parents. They’d flown in from the States and had arrived in England before her.”

  I was confused. “Why didn’t they travel together?”

  “She apparently had some business to take care of at home first. So they met each other in London.”

  I cocked my head. “So…they were vacationing?”

  “I wish.” Leo blew out a breath. “Britney was forced to tell Sigmund everything then and there—that she wasn’t in England on vacation at all. She had traveled here to seek an experimental treatment…for her cancer.”

  My heart sank. “Oh no.”

  “Sigmund was gobsmacked. He’d had no clue she was sick.”

  I felt like I was going to cry. Leo looked like he might do the same.

  “Holy shit,” I whispered.

  “With her parents standing there, watching it all, she angrily asked him if he was happy now—couldn’t he understand why she’d preferred to leave well enough alone. He told her that actually, yeah, he was happy. That he’d never been happier in his life, and the fact that she was sick didn’t change how he felt.”

  Oh my heart.

  “She begged him to ditch her, but he wouldn’t. Before her treatments started, they holed themselves up in a hotel room together and made the most of that time. Then, he spent every hour of every day with her during her treatments at a hospital in London. Her parents were really taken with him and grateful that he gave their daughter joy during such a difficult time.”

  Dread crept over me as Leo took a deep breath.

  “One night,” he continued, “Sigmund came straight to my house from the hospital. He looked exhausted, and he told me he finally understood. When I asked what he was talking about, he said, ‘I understand how you felt about Felicity—why you refused to give her up. When you’re in love with someone, you just can’t.’” Leo smiled. “It was like my cousin had finally grown up. But it was a damn shame that he had to endure such pain along with it.”

  I braced myself. “What happened to her, Leo?”

  “The treatments didn’t work. She died six months after arriving in England, and my cousin hasn’t been the same since. He likely never will be.”

  I couldn’t stop the tears from falling now. Leo gave me a minute to compose myself.

  “How am I supposed to look at Sig today?” I asked.

  “I know. I was hesitant to tell you the story, but you asked.”

  “Was she his first real girlfriend?”

  “She was his wife, actually. He married her a month before she died.”

  That cut like a knife. “I’m devastated for him.”

  Leo looked out toward the hills. “In a strange way, as devastating as it was for him to lose her, I think she saved his life. He says he’d experience the suffering many times over again, as long as he got to know her. He even used to shave his head to match hers.”

  It hit me. “That’s why his hair is so short.”

  “Yeah.”

  “How long ago did she die?”

  “It was only three months ago, Felicity.”

  Oh my God. “Where are her parents?”

  “They went back to the States, but I know they’re forever grateful that Britney spent her last days here with Sig.”

  I’d thought losing Leo was heartbreaking, but clearly there were far worse ways to lose someone. Hearing this story made me realize how fragile life is.

  Leo stood. “Come on. I think we need a change of pace before we see him again.”

  We walked back to where the animals were located, and a farmhand brought out two horses. We each climbed atop one and took a leisurely ride around the estate.

  “I’m still thinking about Sig,” I said as we rode.

  “I figured as much—probably the one thing to take your mind off of us, eh?”

  I sighed. “Yeah.”

  After several minutes of riding in silence, he said, “Talk to me, Felicity. Forget about what’s appropriate and what’s not. Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”

  The horses neighed in unison.

  “I’m thinking you reap what you sow in life. Every bit of pain I’m feeling right now is my own doing.”

  Leo seemed taken aback. He pulled on the reins to stop his horse. So I did the same.

  “Tell me what you mean,” he demanded.

  “Leo, how could I have let you go? You asked me flat out if I would consider coming here, being with you, and I shot it down faster than you could even blink. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was scared—scared of how strong my feelings were, maybe. And taking a chance on you back then would have meant putting someone else first for the first time in my life, and that’s damn scary when you grow up believing people will always hurt you and you should never depend on anyone. But the truth is, I made that decision. So, all of this—the situation we’re in, the situation I put you in right now—it’s my fault.”

  His face reddened. “Your fault because you weren’t willing to throw yourself into a world you knew nothing about for a man you’d known only a matter of weeks? And don’t forget, I was the one who left you, Felicity. Not the other way around. And I walked away again like a coward when I saw you with Matt in Philadelphia because I assumed you were happy. I could’ve said something. I convinced myself the trip had been a momentary lapse in sanity and that you were where you were meant to be—happy with him in the big city, just like your vision board. So you see, I walked away not once, but twice.” He reached out and cupped my cheek. “None of this is your fault, beautiful. Do you understand?”

  I closed my eyes, relishing his gentle touch, allowing myself to feel the comfort in it for a few moments without letting guilt creep in. “It is what it is now, Leo. Fate just hasn’t been on our side,” I whispered.

  After that, we rode in silence until we returned the horses.

  Once they’d been led back to the barn, we paid another visit to Ludicrous so I could say goodbye. It had to be about time for Leo to drive me home. I was sure Darcie was counting the minutes.

  We were almost back at the house when Leo stopped walking and faced me.

  “Look at me, Felicity.”

  I looked up into his eyes.

  “I know so much has changed…” he said. “But it’s
still me. I’m here. You can tell me anything. I want you to tell me what to do. How can I fix this?”

  I said the first thing that came to mind, heeding the warnings in my gut and the voice inside my head. “Tell me to go home.”

  He shook his head. “I can’t seem to do that.”

  My heart was raw after everything I’d learned today. “The only thing more painful than saying goodbye to you once is standing in front of you right now, feeling all the same emotions and not being able to touch you. And I wish you didn’t still look at me the same way you always have, on top of it all.”

  His eyes wandered down my neck. He then shut them abruptly, as if to punish himself. The fucked-up thing was, the sexual chemistry between us felt stronger than ever. We’d always had an intense spark, but it seemed a thousand times worse, fueled by the inability to satisfy it.

  Needing an escape, I looked down at my watch. “How long did you tell her you’d be gone?”

  “A couple of hours.”

  “It’s well beyond that. We should go.”

  He bit his bottom lip. “All right.”

  We continued walking back to the house without saying anything further.

  Sig bid his friend goodbye before joining us out front.

  “I suppose everything is all sorted between you two, yeah?” Sig teased. “Did you at least see your horse…Ridiculous? Is that his name?”

  Still congested from crying earlier, I sniffled then laughed. “Ludicrous.”

  “Ah, yes. Still the dumbest thing my cousin has ever done.”

  It was hard to look at Sig the same way, but I tried not to let on that Leo had told me anything. I was totally spent after the day’s emotional ride.

  As Leo drove me home, we stole glances at each other. Every time I got the urge to reach over and touch him, I forced my eyes to the wedding ring on his hand. It never got easier looking at it. This day had done nothing to bring me closure. Quite honestly, it took everything in me not to burst into tears.

  I exited the car before Leo could even say goodbye. I couldn’t look at him anymore.

  “Will I see you tomorrow?” he called.

  “Sure,” I said, not wanting to argue about it, which would only prolong him staying. He wanted me here a week, but I didn’t know how much more I could take.