Take Me Back

by Kathryn Shay

  “The thought of losing you destroys me.”

  “I felt that way about you when you left.” His voice came out husky.

  “I love you, Rafe,” she declared again, searching his face. “Can you honestly say you don’t care about me? And not just as the mother of your child.”

  He waited, scrambling for a way out. There wasn’t one. “I care about you, still. Of course, I do. But-”

  She raised her hand to his mouth. “No, buts. Not tonight.”

  He sighed. He wanted to kiss her badly. He willingly let logic fly out the proverbial window. She was simply too tempting. So, knowing what he was doing—he wouldn’t kid himself—he started to lower his head. And stopped. “I’m going to kiss you. Promise me something?”

  “Of course.”

  “Afterward, make me go.”

  She smiled sadly. “All right.”

  His mouth met hers and his mind blanked. He pressed, he pushed, he nipped, he devoured. Tasted. Licked. Took in her essence.

  As before, Kate was with him every step of the way. She tasted, she explored, she inhaled his scent from his neck and it drove him crazy. Her teeth nipped him, then soothed with her tongue.

  His arms went under her bottom and he lifted her up, held her tighter, and her breasts peaked against his chest. He moaned. Deepened the contact. He felt himself drawn in to the point of no return as his erection pulsed against her. Letting go of her mouth, he whispered, “Where’s the bedroom?”

  “I want you, too.” She slid down him and took a step back, then another. “But no.”

  “Kate.”

  “I promised I’d make you leave.”

  “You did.” He met her forehead with his.

  A sad smile. “Go now, with another promise.”

  “What?”

  “That we’ll be nice to each other. We won’t be intentionally hurtful.”

  He ran his thumb over her bottom lip. “Is that what I’ve been doing to you?”

  “Sometimes.”

  “All right, I promise.”

  Buoyed by the thought of their truce, but hurting like hell below the waist, Rafe opened the door and left quietly.

  o0o

  “Is this Mattie and Mike’s house?” Tommy asked as he and Kate walked up to Ali’s home, close to her parents. A split-level ranch, she’d lived here since she and Billy moved in together. She remembered how happy they were getting their own place, planning their future.

  Her stomach lurched. Was this a good idea? It had been ten days since she saw her old friend and was surprised to get her call asking for a playdate with Tommy and her kids. Would Ali ever forgive her?

  “Mommy? Is it their house?”

  “Yeah, they live here with their mommy.”

  “Where’s their daddy? Is he dead, like Chris?”

  “Yes, honey, he is.” She squatted down. “You know though that Rafe’s your first daddy. Your real daddy.”

  “I know.”

  Kate rang the bell. At one time they walked in each other’s house without knocking.

  The door flew open. The boys yelled, “Yeah, Tommy’s here.”

  Ali came up behind them. “Hi, Kate.” She turned her kids around. “You know you’re not supposed to open the door without me checking to see who’s here.”

  “But Mommy, we knew who it was.”

  “Doesn’t matter.” She looked at Kate’s son. “Hi, again, Tommy. Remember me? I was at Sunday dinner.”

  “Uh-huh. You’re my daddy’s little sister.”

  “I am.” Alessia stood.

  Mikey jumped up and down. “Come on, Tommy. We want to show you our room.”

  “Can I, Mom?”

  “If it’s okay with their mother.”

  “Of course, it is.” The kids clambered upstairs.

  “What time should I pick him up?”

  “Around five, I guess.”

  “All right. I’ll be going.” Kate turned, totally let down by the lack of change in Ali’s attitude. She thought when she got her call, maybe things would be different.

  Just as she got to her car, she heard, “Kate wait.”

  She turned. Ali had come out of the house and was crossing to her. “Look, I’m mad as hell at you.”

  “I know you are.”

  “But…but, I miss you Kate.”

  “I miss you too.”

  “Oh hell,” she said grabbing Kate and hugging her. Kate was overcome by emotion.

  When she stepped back, she said, “Come on in.”

  Ali got to the house first and went in, then stepped aside, letting Kate pass through the door. Kate scanned the front of the house. It was a simple layout. The bedrooms were up about five steps, the living room on the first floor. Hardwood floors spanned beneath a sitting area with book shelves at one end, on either side of a fireplace. A huge sectional completed the furnishing. “You have a lovely home.”

  “We bought it thinking we’d do an addition on the back.”

  “I remember. You’d just gotten married when I…when I left.”

  “Yeah. We were happy for a few years. I got pregnant with Petey, Billy got a promotion to foreman at the plant, we were set.” She cleared her throat. “But then he got sick and…we never did the construction.”

  “It’s still a nice place.”

  “We need more space.” Her face brightened. “Rafe and the guys are still going to put the addition on this spring.”

  “I’m happy for you.” Kate wanted to offer to come over and help, as she’d done some construction with her crew when she was a firefighter, but it was too soon.

  “Let’s go out back.”

  A hallway led to a small kitchen. “This whole area will be built out to be bigger and the family room will flow from it. I can’t wait.”

  Kate smiled. “I’ll bet.”

  They sat at the table and Ali poured them coffee. “Remember how we used to plan our houses? You wanted modern. I wanted more traditional. We said we would help each other do the furnishings.”

  Kate grasped onto her mug. “Yeah, I remember. Rafe’s house wasn’t modern but it had possibilities.”

  “Did you ever get modern?”

  “When I moved to Rockford, I only had enough money to rent a place. It was bigger than this one, but similar in style.” She took a sip of the hot brew. “I married Chris, he moved in there and we remodeled. It was enough.” She looked away. “This time I bought a modern patio home.”

  “Maybe I should do something like that,” Ali said. “I think I kept this place because it’s what Billy and I bought.” Ali stared out the small window over the sink. “We’re both widows, Kate.”

  A nod was all Kate could manage.

  Ali faced her. “You must have been horrified you left Rafe for the reasons you did, then Chris died.”

  “I felt like I was getting punished by fate for hurting Rafe.”

  Reaching across the table, Ali grasped Kate’s hand. “I’ll bet that hurts so much.”

  “I keep trying to take responsibility for my actions, but it was horrible, Ali. I only kept going because of Tommy. And maybe in hopes of….”

  “You still love my brother, don’t you?”

  “I do.”

  “You hurt him unbelievably.”

  “I know what happened to him after I left. I bear that guilt. But I think I can make it up to him.”

  “He might forgive you, Kate, but he’ll never trust you again.”

  “And what about you, Ali. Can you ever forgive me? Trust me again?”

  She smiled for the first time. “I think today is a good start.”

  Kate would take that as a win.

  Chapter 6

  Like the leader she was, Battalion Chief Olive Hennessy stood before the class of eleven recruits and one refresher. Her white shirt accented her coloring and her white hat set off her dark hair.

  Kate wore the blue pants and light blue shirt of the HCFD, with a tie, for God’s sake, and a hat that made her forehead itch
, Kate stood tall, her chin even, her eyes trained on the front of the gym—which would serve as the recruit command center. She listened to Olive’s speech.

  The fire department was a paramilitary organization…members were expected to follow orders, dress correctly…be punctual. The first seven weeks of training would cover classroom work and the second part would be practical hands-on training. They would get weekly scores on their success or failure. She hoped all the rookies with her would rise as far as their talents allowed.

  As Olive continued the rest of the talk, Kate’s mind turned to three nights ago in her kitchen when Rafe had kissed her. His body had brimmed with desire. Hers had, too. The kiss was hot and sensual. It wasn’t enough, but at least Kate had a part of him for a few precious moments.

  Turning to the side, Olive gestured to the instructors. “These are the people who will teach you how to become a firefighter and first responder. After your induction into the fire service, you’ll need to complete the EMS certification, but you’ll receive first-responder certification along with firefighting techniques.”

  Olive went on to introduce the teachers who sat off to the side. Kate hadn’t met the EMS instructor, Larissa James, employed by the city, not the fire academy. A paramedic, she wouldn’t be here full-time, but would cover the EMS segments. Next were the people who had trained her, whom she already met with.

  Line firefighters had either volunteered to do their stint at the academy, or were directed by the boss to help out. Lieutenant Felicia White, Firefighter Robert Johnson, Firefighter Anita Cruz and Captain Stephan Klimek seemed content to be here.

  At least Stephan wouldn’t be able to ask Kate for a date, getting her out of a touchy situation.

  “Now that the introductions are over,” Olive told the group. “Go out the door, take a right and gather in the classroom next to the gym. I’ll be giving instructions for what we’ll study the first weeks.”

  Kate followed the recruits, who were so young she felt out of place. But she’d do this, damn it, and get back to her life’s work. She followed the wannabees, remembering those first days in the wonderful world of firefighting.

  Once inside the large, airy classroom, Kate noted the twelve desks displayed nametags on cardboard tents, and two tomes: The Essentials of Firefighting, and EMS: Training Manual. Olive instructed them to find their assigned places. When they were all seated, she held the books up, one in each hand. “These are your bibles. Every night you’ll have reading assignments and will be quizzed the next day. You have to finish them both in seven weeks.”

  Kate groaned. She’d highlighted each volume back in the day but she’d thrown them out when she moved to Rockford. “Now,” Olive continued, “peruse the table of contents and circle three areas you think you’ll do well in and three that you have concerns about mastering.”

  When the class opened their books, Olive walked back to her. She said quietly, “You don’t have to redo the manuals, Kate. You—”

  Kate held up her hand. “No, I want to. First of all, the books have been updated. And second, I need the refresher.”

  “All right, it’s up to you. But I’m assuming you remember how to wield a halligan and carry a person out of the fire.”

  “I do. But studying them will ensure I know everything. It’s been five years since I worked.”

  At that point, Fire Chief Mitch Malvaso walked into the room. “Hi, all.”

  The recruits remained silent. Kate stood at attention, and Olive said, “You should stand when the chief comes into the room during your training.”

  The kids, as she thought of them, bolted up. After Mitch told them to sit, he talked easily about the pros and cons of firefighting and how he expected all of them to graduate. He didn’t smile much, as intended, but was easy with them.

  When the introductory class ended at ten, they were given a half-hour break. They walked out into a large common space in the academy’s first floor, where the elevators opened, and snacks were served. She’d just poured coffee when Stephan approached her. “Now isn’t this fortuitous. You’re in my class.”

  She peered up at him. “Yes, I am. We’ll need to be teacher and student, Captain Klimek.”

  “For a while,” he said with a wink. “At least I get to see you most days.”

  They chatted for a few minutes, and then, deciding retreat was the better part of valor, she went to leave and caught sight of Rafe, about ten feet away. Had he witnessed the whole thing with Stefan?

  Her stomach churned because she hadn’t seen him since he’d kissed her in the kitchen. She hesitated, he stood where he was, then she chickened out and strode back to the classroom, sat down and opened her book. Soon, she heard, “Hello, Firefighter Cassidy.” Rafe had followed her.

  “Captain Casella.” He seemed so big, standing in front of her, his starched white shirt in contrast to his Italian good looks. He hadn’t been a captain when she was here. “I didn’t know what to do, so I retreated.”

  “From me or Klimek?”

  “You. I haven’t seen you since…”

  “Since we decided to be nice to each other.” His sensuous smile made her weak.

  “Y-yes. Um, what are you doing at the academy?”

  “You probably know this from staying at Mitch’s, that Hidden Cove and the surrounding fire districts have been tasked to do a consolidation study. The town councils all are thinking of joining forces under one fire department umbrella. I have a meeting with my subcommittee. Your friend Lucy’s on it.”

  “Um, no. I didn’t know.”

  A deep frown. “It’s got to be kept private. I spoke out of turn.”

  “Don’t worry. I won’t breathe a word. Are you in favor of consolidation, Rafe?”

  “I should say that I’ll wait for the reports, but my gut tells me it’s bad for the community.”

  “Good luck, then.”

  He hitched a hip on the desk in front of her, much like he’d done at her kitchen table. “Klimek was flirting with you.”

  “I didn’t flirt back.”

  “Be careful, Kate. He’s a player.”

  “He’s my teacher now, so I’m safe.”

  Rafe chuckled. “I doubt many women use that word in connection with him.” He waited. “You didn’t come out to see me the last couple of days when I picked up Tommy.”

  “I thought it best. I said I wouldn’t use our son to…you know.”

  He whispered, “Get me back?”

  She raised her chin. “Yeah.”

  “Seems like you’re a woman of your word now. You were that night at your house last week.”

  Shit. She wondered briefly if he knew what he was doing, referring to the kiss, his desire to go to bed, and her restraint.

  “I remember, Rafe. All of it.”

  Letting out a heavy breath, he glanced at the clock in the front. “I have to go.” He stood and started away, then turned back. “How are you feeling about redoing this training?”

  “I’ll get through it.”

  “I never had a doubt.” He walked out of the room, leaving Kate to yearn for him.

  o0o

  When the rest of the class returned, BC Hennessy said, “All eyes up here on the white board. You’ve been divided into pairs. You’ll share both your confidences and your insecurities with one other person only.”

  There were grumbles, probably about the pairing, but one look from Olive quelled that. A tall guy with startling blue eyes and blond hair approached her. He held out his hand. “Cory Mattison.”

  She shook. He had a firm handshake. “Kate Cassidy.”

  “I know.” He gave her a boyish grin. “Everybody knows who you are.”

  “I suppose they do.”

  He pulled a desk over to hers and dropped down into the seat. “I gotta say,” Mattison began, “I’m nervous about sharing my insecurities with you?”

  “Why? I have them, too.”

  He gave that teenage sound of disgust she’d heard Sabby use once or twic
e.

  “I do.”

  “Can I ask you some things?” The request was polite and sincere.

  “Shoot.”

  “How old are you?”

  “Thirty-four. How old are you?”

  “Twenty. I took two years at the local community college in fire suppression.”

  “That’s cool. You must know a lot of this.” She rapped her knuckles on the book.

  “Not as much as you.”

  “A word of advice, Mattison. Don’t assume line firefighters can recall all the stuff they learned in here. I’ll bet half the line firefighters who are going to teach this class know the content they’ll deliver, but have forgotten a thing or two.”

  “Yeah? What’d you forget?”

  She pointed to the index. “Using a thermal camera. When I worked here, line firefighters didn’t get to use them. Only the officers. I forgot what I learned here about them.”

  “What else?”

  “Dealing with terrorists. I don’t exactly remember how to test for anthrax or the exact protocol for a dirty bomb.”

  “I do.” He said the words proudly.

  “Why the third degree, Mattison?”

  “I like getting to know people.”

  “Hmm.”

  His face reddened. “Did I offend you?”

  “No, of course not.”

  After he shared, Olive called the class back together. She watched Mattison leave and sighed. Kate wondered how many of the others would be as respectful to her as he was. She doubted it.

  o0o

  Fire at 333 Main Street. Rescue 2, Engine 6, Truck 1, go into service.

  Bounding from the kitchen, where they just finished breakfast, Rescue 2 members rushed out of the room, burst into the bay and jumped into their bunker pants, boots and turnout coats in a minute’s time.

  Once on the rig, Rafe listened to the radio. “Hell, it’s a church.”

  “Uh-oh,” Ruggero said from behind him. “God must be asleep on the job.”

  “Church fires happen because of the candles they use, right?” Tim Murray asked.