Take Me Back

by Kathryn Shay

  “I’m thinking she’ll need time to study. Petey’s good at taking care of himself, but the twins can be pests.”

  “I’ll call her about the next few weekends. When I start my firefighting assignment, I’ll make some other arrangements for when I’m off.”

  “That’s sweet of you, honey.”

  “I love Alessia.”

  “And my Rafe?”

  “Yes, Mama. And your Rafe. Now, how do you want these potatoes cut?”

  o0o

  The recruits stood at attention in front of Olive, in the gym where they’d trained for weeks, but tonight would be different. “This is your last test, recruits. And the last of your weekly scores. We have eight days to go before graduation, but if you don’t pass these evolutions in these three nights, you won’t graduate.”

  Rafe stepped up beside her, wearing his white captain’s shirt but had taken off his tie, like the recruits had been allowed to do. “Night firefighting is different. It’s scarier. You’ll have the thermal camera, but it’ll still be dark inside a fire. You’ll keep the same group assignments as you had in EMS practicals.”

  He pointed to the white board behind him. “First group, Lowden, I’m appointing you captain. You’ll be in charge of all three trucks.” The department kept old rigs to be used for training at the academy. “Cassidy, Angeles and Ratkin, and Menendez, you’re with Lowden. Do whatever she says.” He gestured to the other six recruits who’d come in support trucks. “You’ll take orders from Lowden.”

  He angled his chin at Olive, who’d crossed her arms over her chest. “We’ll be eating dinner that you’ll cook. But you’ll all need to go if a call comes in over those radios each of you has. Got it, everybody? Don’t dally when you hear the alarm.”

  The recruits headed to the kitchen.

  “How will they do?” Rafe asked, watching them. One in particular.

  “I think they’ll all pass. They’ve grown a lot.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Mattison would have, too.”

  “Kate’s been a trooper, hasn’t she?” Rafe commented.

  “Not one word of complaint from her. She missed some time, but she did the course without resentment.”

  He thought she looked tired again tonight. And feared he was part of the cause. Saturday she’d told him she wasn’t sleeping well. He could make her sleep; he had the exact remedy. For the last several days, he’d wanted to go over to see her, but he forced himself not to until he was sure he could commit.

  The entire group was halfway through fried chicken, sweet potatoes and broccoli when the sudden, loud sound of the radios went off. Fire at One Smokehouse Road. Truck 4, Engine 6 into service.

  The recruits bounded up, raced to the side of the makeshift firehouse bay and donned their turnout gear. A couple stumbled getting their pants and boots on fast, and one wrestled with his suspenders, but they were on the rigs in three minutes. Rafe grabbed his coat, helmet and air pack and followed in a jeep with Olive. Righetti, Klimek and Gerhardt were already at the smokehouse, setting fires.

  Once at the three-story, concrete building, the rigs came to a halt and the jeep stopped behind them. The recruits jumped off. Grey smoke billowed out of the second and third floors and the stink of burning wood came with it.

  Lowden directed the first group. “Ratkin, make the fire hydrant and stay with the truck, monitor the water. Angeles, drag the hose out of the bed and get it over to the door. Cassidy, take up the rear behind him. Patterson,” who was on the other truck, “your people are backup so come in behind us.”

  “Tell them to put on their air packs,” Olive muttered under her breath. Kate had been ordered not to make those kinds of suggestions or any others. She was basically an observer who also played a small part.

  The five of them from the engine rushed to the door. Angeles stepped one foot inside.

  “Wait,” Lowden shouted. “Put on your masks.”

  They fumbled with their helmets, dragged on the Nomex hood and put in place their air masks, then went inside. Olive and Rafe, dressed in full gear, followed them. The crackling of burning wood sounded as they trundled up the steps slowly. “We found the seat of the fire on floor two,” Lowden reported into the radio, then, “Everybody, in position.”

  Olive and Rafe jogged up the steps.

  Lowden barked orders to her crew. “I need water, Ratkin.” In minutes, the line bucked, Angeles opened it and water came spurting out. Angeles staggered back and Kate braced him so he didn’t fall. It would take practice to learn how to withstand that recoil.

  The fire succumbed to the water fast.

  The recruits did everything right.

  Until one of them collapsed to the ground.

  o0o

  Kate came awake as she felt herself lifted up. Rafe carried her. Looping her arms round his neck, he took the stairs carefully, then rushed out of the smokehouse. He laid her on the grass. Her breathing was labored and she felt weak all over.

  Lowden looked down. “We gotta know, Chief Hennessey. Is she hurt or was her going down part of the test?”

  “It’s not part of the test. Kate wasn’t ordered to do anything but not to help you all out.”

  Rafe bent over her, raised her head and took off the facemask and hood.

  She was wide awake now. “What happened?”

  “I think you fainted.”

  “I’ve fought tons of fires. I’ve never fainted.”

  “Maybe it’s something physical. Can you see all right? Anything blurry?”

  “No impairment of vision, Captain.”

  He laid his cheek on her chest. “Heartbeat’s fast.” He lifted her again and eased off her turnout coat. “Limbs all right? Anything hurt?”

  “Nope. Let me stand.”

  “Brace your hands on my shoulders.” When she did, he pulled her up by the waist to a standing position. Letting go of him, she walked a few steps. “There, I’m all right.”

  Olive handed her a bottle of water. “You sure, Kate?”

  “Yeah. I can’t imagine what happened. Will this affect your report on my readiness?”

  “Not if you get checked out by a doctor and she comes up with why you might have fainted.”

  “I will. Can I stay and finish tonight?”

  “I’m not letting you go back in a fire. Or lift any heavy equipment during vehicle accidents. So, no.”

  Kate approached the group. “Hell,” she said to Lowden and the others. “I’m sorry.”

  Lowden squeezed her arm. “We’re glad you’re okay.”

  “What happened to Cassidy doesn’t affect your rating,” Olive told group one. “We’ll finish up here with group two, then we’ll go back to the firehouse/gym and I’ll give you your evaluations.”

  Heading to the rigs, Rafe ordered, “Kate, you’re coming with me in the jeep.” She nodded. He opened the door. “Get in.” When she slid onto the front seat, he asked, “What do you think happened?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t get to eat much tonight and I hadn’t had lunch.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “I was busy with Tommy. He went with Kyle for the night, by the way.”

  “We shouldn’t be too late anyway.”

  Once inside the gym, she drank some water and sat at her dinner plate. Rafe took the chair across from her, gave her a new carton of milk and sipped his coffee.

  “You scared me,” he said, finally.

  “I scared myself.” She ate more chicken and some applesauce, then pushed the plate away. “I feel better now, so not enough food was probably why I fainted.”

  “Stupid move not to eat, Firefighter Cassidy.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  He sighed. She sighed. They were both glad when the others filed in. The recruits and teachers all ate, then Olive called them over.

  “You all did good enough. Some fumbling and hesitation are expected. When you’re on the line, you’ll get used to dressing fast, laying the line a bit better and dealing with recoil on the ho
se. But for now, we’re satisfied with your performance.”

  After Olive gave them specific pointers, she sent them to clean up the tables and kitchen. When Kate rose to help, Olive said, “Go home, Kate. That’s an order.”

  Rafe still sat with her. “I’ll drive you.”

  “I can drive.”

  “How do you know you won’t faint again in the car?”

  “It was an aberration. Not enough food. I told you, I feel better now.”

  “When the doctor says so.” This from Olive.

  “I’ll see her tomorrow if I can.”

  “Fine, then you won’t miss much. Come back to the academy right after.” Olive glanced at Rafe. “Now go with your captain. Give me your car keys and I’ll have two of the recruits drop off your car when we’re done.”

  Kate didn’t want to be in a confined space with Rafe. She didn’t want to smell his scent and see his shoulders take up more than half the front seat. But she had no choice. They spoke little on the way over.

  Once they reached home, she started to get out of the car.

  He turned off the engine. “I’m coming in.”

  “No! We aren’t going to have a reprise of what happened after the accident.”

  “You might need somebody in the house in case you get sick.”

  “No! This is my decision, Rafe. Not yours. Thank you for driving me home. Don’t follow me.”

  She exited the car and reached the front door. She turned around and waved. When she got inside, she leaned against the door and slid down to the floor. The pieces of the puzzle of these last two weeks fell into place.

  She threw up after watching Rafe rappel down a building, then swing out of control.

  She’d been exhausted for the last few days and contrary to what she’d told Rafe, she did sleep at night.

  Then she fainted.

  There was no reason for all that but one.

  Chapter 14

  At what would be the last meeting of the consolidation committee, Jack Harrison, fire department psychologist, and Captain Grady O’Connor spoke about the interim and long-term effects of consolidating fire departments. But Rafe was edgy and unfocused. He couldn’t forget the image of Kate fainting in the smokehouse last night. Did she go to the doctor today to find out why? Was it just that she was overcome by the tension of the last few months? Truthfully, none of that sounded like Kate.

  After Jack finished presenting their findings, he let the rest of them talk. “So, the five years it will take to consolidate will be hell.” This from Gianni, the union rep.

  “Yeah,” Jack said. “But as we stated before, I’m also concerned with after that. Firefighters in place now won’t age out soon enough for the new organization to become normal.”

  Mitch stood. “The news is bleak about the effects of consolidation. But I’ll tell you right now that if we go with a blanket rejection, we’re gonna lose our leverage. We need some alternatives.”

  “There are only a few,” Gianni put in. “Cut firefighters to save money or cut benefits for everybody. I’m not approving either.”

  Grady spoke up. “Fire departments across the country are doing that, Ben.”

  Rafe spoke from his seat. “If we have to do something, I’m more in alignment with the department that gave firefighters more days of furlough, without pay. That way, it would have a minimal effect on quality of service and those of you who have second jobs can make up your pay with the extra time.”

  Someone grumbled, “Easy for you to say. You make the big bucks.”

  Rafe stood and faced the group. “I do, now. But I had a side business until I became a captain. I know what that’s like. Don’t criticize me—whoever said that—because I’m making progress in my career.”

  Mitch stepped closer to the group. “Sit down Rafe. We’re all stirred up.” He focused on one of the line firefighters. “And Guy,” he said identifying the man, “If you have concerns announce yourself and state them instead of making snide comments.”

  The man seethed. Rafe half expected him to storm out, but he didn’t.

  “We need to prepare a report,” Mitch told them returning to the business at hand. What I’d like on my desk in a few days are summaries of your research and your subcommittee’s recommendations, which must include some ways we can save money for the town, or we’ll be forced to merge.”

  Beck leaned against the wall and folded his arms across his chest. “I have a question no one’s asked. What will happen to the smaller surrounding fire departments if we find an alternative and say no to consolidation?”

  “Not our concern.” Gianni was getting more agitated.

  Beck said, “I think it is. Could they consolidate without us?”

  Mitch nodded. “I talked to all the chiefs, Beck. I think that’s a strong possibility.”

  More discussion and after an hour and a half, Mitch ended it. “I’m closing out this session. When I get all the reports, I’ll have my staff put them in one document and then I’ll send you all a copy.”

  “We aren’t meeting again?” Rafe asked.

  Mitch looked thoughtful. “Yes, we will, one more time, to discuss the options laid out by each of you that would preclude consolidation.”

  The group broke up and Rafe and the other officers stayed behind. “This is the best we can do,” Grady commented to him.

  “It appears so. I’m worried about our alternatives.”

  Jack Harrison spoke. “I think we shouldn’t jump the shark. While we know there’ll be pain and suffering, we’ll do our best to minimize it. As they say, Can’t the perfect be the enemy of the good.”

  o0o

  “Hey, Kate, what’s going on?” Molly Vintner asked the question when she entered the exam room where Kate waited. She held a chart. “You fainted?”

  “Yeah. In a wimpy fire at the academy smokehouse.”

  “You were younger, and were used to the heat, the strain. You’ve been off the line for years.”

  “I don’t think that’s why.”

  “What do you think?”

  “I’ve been exhausted the last couple of weeks, and I threw up a couple of times.”

  Molly’s eyes widened. “Have you been sexually active since you came back here?”

  “Yes.”

  “Birth control?”

  “Condoms, every time.” Then she remembered…

  “I want you again.”

  Her eyes widened. “Oh.”

  “Get off the stool, woman. When she did, he swiveled around to face her. She was holding back laughter.

  “You think this is funny?”

  “No, not at all.”

  “Pull up the shirt.”

  She yanked it to her waist.

  “Spread your legs.”

  “Ah, except once.”

  “Then let’s do the simplest test first.”

  “For pregnancy?”

  “Yep. I’ll send a nurse right in to take a blood sample. We’ll talk afterward. The test should be complete in about ten minutes.”

  Kate endured the pinch of the needle, then took out her phone to check her messages. Kyle was with Tommy and he’d sent a text asking if he could take her son swimming at his parents’ pool that opened for the season. She typed back permission.

  Another came from Olive, inquiring about her health.

  And one from Rafe. “How’d the doctor visit go?”

  What would she tell him? How would he react if she gave him the truth?

  The door opened and Molly came back in. “You’re pregnant, Kate.”

  “I figured.”

  Molly sat in a chair and laid her hand on her stomach, probably unconsciously. “Do you want to talk about options?”

  Kate closed her eyes. “I can’t trap Rafe into being with me.”

  “The last time you were here, Rafe didn’t look like a man trapped to me.”

  “He might see it that way. He won’t commit, so I get pregnant? Sounds planned.”

  “It tak
es two to make a baby, Kate.”

  “Still…”

  “Then there are alternatives.”

  “An abortion?” The thought made her stomach spasm. “I’m not sure I could go through with that.”

  “Are you thinking of leaving town again? Because if you are, I have to put aside my professional position and say I think that’s an awful idea.”

  “Rafe has joint custody of Tommy now. Unless I went somewhere far away and incognito, I’d need to stay nearby.”

  “How would Tommy feel about running away?”

  “He’d be very upset.”

  “You could have the child on your own, you know.”

  “I could.” Her throat felt tight. “If Rafe would let me. But he has so much honor. He’d pressure me so he could do the right thing. Not because he loves me.”

  “Don’t you think he loves you?”

  “I know he does. But he hasn’t been able to get past his hurt over what I did to him. I think he’s afraid I could do it again.”

  “Leaving town is doing it again, Kate.”

  “I know.” Her eyes teared.

  Molly grasped her arm. “You have choices.”

  “I do. I can’t overreact. For the time being, I want to keep this to myself.”

  “You’re done with your training, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “You can’t go on the line, Kate, go rushing into burning buildings or even EMS calls.”

  “I know. Assignments to fire houses won’t be made for a week. It gives me a little leeway, at least.”

  “I’m here to talk, but I wish you’d find someone else to confide in, too. A friend. Another woman, preferably.”

  “Maybe.” Megan had always been there for her.

  Kate left with a note from the doctor that she was excused from working, but she was dispirited. How had she let this happen to her again? Pregnant with Rafe’s child and an inability to tell him? It was a nightmare.

  On the way home, her mood changed abruptly. Damn it, she couldn’t enjoy her first pregnancy because she’d left Rafe. Because she’d been alone. Because life was so bleak. “Come on, Kate. It’s up to you if you go down the same route.” She touched her still-flat tummy. “I’m going to be happy about this, sweetheart. I promise.”