Far Enough

by Fletcher DeLancey

  Yet Salomen had never before watched so closely when Lhyn closed her lips around the spoon. Never had this innocent act seemed so laden with potential.

  “Well,” Salomen murmured, staring at her mouth. “I certainly understood that.”

  Lhyn licked her lips as discreetly as she could. “I think I’d better take the spoon myself for the next few days.”

  “I agree.” Salomen busied herself turning off the heat and pouring the tulla slime into two bowls. “But first, admit it.”

  “Admit what?”

  “It’s delicious.”

  “Fine.” Lhyn picked up her glass, tucked the bowl of cut fruit into her elbow, and held out her other hand. “It’s delicious. I judged prematurely, and I should know better. Now give me something else to carry into the dining room so I can sit down and eat it.”

  With a satisfied smile, Salomen set one of the bowls atop two stacked plates and held them out. “I’ll bring the rest.”

  As they ate, Lhyn learned about the origins of tulla slime and how its light dry weight, ease of cooking, and high nutritional value had made it an army favorite when Alsea was a planet of warring kingdoms. Now it was a cool-weather staple for field workers, builders, and anyone who needed a meal that would hold them through a long morning.

  Shikal shuffled in just as they finished, so they stayed a few ticks longer to say good morning and share their plans. To Lhyn’s relief, he gave no sign of noticing anything different. Apparently, the normalcy of eating and learning fascinating history had the effect of masking her emotions.

  Or perhaps, she thought as she dressed for a hike, it was that her emotions really hadn’t changed much. What had changed was her understanding of them. It opened a window to sexual attraction, certainly, but that was only a small piece of the whole.

  They boarded the military transport along with six Guards wearing sidearms and carrying packs with disruptor rifles strapped on. Salomen’s Guards had always exuded alert professionalism, but they had a different air today. Lhyn might not have understood had Ekatya not explained several days earlier.

  “They’ve been just as betrayed as Salomen,” she had said. “She lost a trusted Guard, but they lost a teammate. A partner in arms. They’ll close ranks now, trusting each other more and everyone else less.”

  The warriors speaking quietly among themselves did seem like a tighter-knit unit, a group who no longer cared about how threatening they might seem to outsiders. To Lhyn’s knowledge, they had never carried disruptor rifles before. That they did so now, and without any sort of scabbard or minimal disguise, said everything about the current threat to Salomen and their readiness to respond.

  The transport flew north, passing over the peaks of the Snowmount Range and leaving the endless rain behind. Sunshine poured in the windows as they descended to a trailhead in the drier northern foothills, and when Lhyn walked down the ramp behind Salomen, she detected a tang in the air that hinted at much colder nighttime temperatures.

  “It’s a different world on this side,” she said, tightening the straps of her borrowed pack.

  “Isn’t it? I love the scents. So crisp and sharp.” Salomen waited while a pair of Guards jogged up the trail ahead of them. A few ticks later, Lead Guard Ronlin spoke quietly.

  “You’re clear to go, Bondlancer. Enjoy your hike.”

  “Thank you, Ronlin.” She led the way past the trailhead sign and a second, temporary sign that warned of a washout closing the trail.

  “Um. Are we supposed to be here?” Lhyn asked.

  “That’s for me. It’s a way of keeping people off the trail without advertising that I’m on it.” Salomen’s voice was clipped. “This is how I hike now. Two Guards ahead, two behind, and two more just past the trailhead to prevent anyone from trying to come up. Not to mention the team that came out here as soon as I told Ronlin I wanted to go. They swept the trail and put up that sign.”

  “And you hate it.”

  “I used to hate it. For a cycle, I didn’t hike anywhere other than around Blacksun Base, where I could go with just Andira and Fianna. But I’m a good deal happier with the idea of Guards these days.”

  Their boots crunched through a pocket of dry leaves that had gathered in a curve of the trail. Salomen hopped up a rocky outcrop that marked the start of the climb and waited.

  “I’m happy you have them, too.” Lhyn cleared the rocks and looked up the trail, which could be seen switchbacking its way to the summit. “And glad that you’ve adapted enough to enjoy hiking again. It’s so unfair that you had to give up things you loved as a price for loving.”

  Salomen turned away and set off again. “I didn’t have to give them up. I could have been doing this all along. But I couldn’t bear the idea of a whole trail being closed just for me. How many people will come to do this hike today and be turned away?”

  “What changed your mind?”

  “Multiple attackers with knives, one man planning to use shock bombs on Serenity Bridge, more rocks and fruit than I can count, and two attempts to murder me.”

  Lhyn stopped, shocked by the matter-of-fact tally. Of course she had seen the footage of Salomen’s march through Blacksun, along with unbearable slow-motion replays of each attack. But in her mind, each attempt was its own event. For some reason, she had never added them together.

  Possibly, she admitted, because that was a pattern she did not want to assemble.

  She jogged to catch up with Salomen, who hadn’t paused. “I’m not making the connection,” she said, slightly short of breath. “How did that change your mind about hiking?”

  “Do you remember what you told me that morning? When you and Rahel dressed me for the march?”

  She remembered several important things.

  “You said I truly was the Bondlancer.” Salomen saved her the trouble. “That I was the only one who didn’t know it. I accepted my title that day. I used it, to try to make things better. And in return, I was attacked and nearly killed. I still cannot go into the State House. Every one of my Guards and Andira’s had to be rescanned. If I have to live with that threat, then I’m no longer willing to deny myself the things I enjoy.”

  Lhyn wished she had a greater facility with compassionate language. Salomen’s mental balancing of the scales made sense, but she shouldn’t have to justify doing the things she loved. Mortal peril was not a reasonable prerequisite for using a trail.

  “Is this your first”—she flailed for the appropriate word, wincing at the only thing that came to mind—“normal hike? The kind you used to do?”

  “Yes.” Salomen held out her arms as she walked and let her head drop back. “And it feels marvelous! Fahla, I missed this trail.”

  “I’m honored that you asked me.”

  She turned, walking backward in complete disregard of her safety while offering a dazzling smile. “I’m honored that you came. Especially given how hard you’re already breathing.”

  “Hoi, not nice! I’m a scholar; I lift books for exercise!” Lhyn lunged forward.

  With a chortle of pure glee, Salomen spun and dashed out of reach. Their laughter rang through the trees as they ran, until Lhyn’s lungs gave out and she had to stop.

  “That’s it!” she gasped, bent over with her hands braced on her knees. “I’m starting a new exercise program right now, just so I can catch you next time.”

  Salomen trotted back down the trail, annoyingly unaffected by their chase. “Good idea. Hike with me for the next four days and you’ll be off to a great start.”

  “It’s a deal.” She looked up and nearly lost her breath a second time.

  With her face framed by sunlit strands of hair, cheeks flushed from exertion, and dark eyes sparkling with joy, Salomen made a compelling picture. The mischief in her smile was the final, irresistible brushstroke.

  Lhyn could think of twelve different cultures that painted idealized versions of women looking exactly like this, one of them her own. Of course, on Allendohan, such a painting depicted a sexu
ally ready woman. Salomen was simply enjoying herself, taking pleasure in physical exercise outdoors.

  She was stunning.

  The smile shifted into something softer. “So are you.”

  “Did I say that out loud?” Lhyn wondered.

  “No, but you might as well have. Are you ready to keep going?”

  This was something she appreciated about Alseans, Lhyn thought as she trudged up the track. Their empathy was tied to an eminently practical attitude. They accepted emotions and moved on, rather than stalling out on interpretations, judgments, or what-if scenarios of circular reasoning. Whether or not Salomen ever returned her feelings, their friendship would remain.

  She found immense comfort in that.

  They hiked for a hantick and a half, with Salomen regularly pulling ahead before stopping to wait for Lhyn to catch up. After the third repetition, she stepped aside and motioned for her to lead. “You set the pace,” she said as Lhyn passed her. “I’ll stay with you.”

  The advantage of leading was that Lhyn could go at a more comfortable speed. The disadvantage was that she no longer had the exceedingly pleasant view of Salomen walking in front of her.

  Some time later, she turned to speak and caught Salomen’s gaze at a point midway down her body. Startled, she blurted, “Did you have an ulterior motive for putting me in front?”

  Salomen was unrepentant. “Why should you be the only one looking?”

  “I thought I was! Are you really—?” She didn’t know how to ask.

  “I said I needed time to understand. That’s what I’m giving myself.”

  “Can you just turn it on like that?”

  Chuckling, Salomen motioned for her to keep going. “No, of course not,” she said as they resumed their climb. “I didn’t view you this way until now because it wasn’t possible. It never crossed my mind. Now it’s possible. There’s a door open that wasn’t there before.”

  “So you’re looking through it and deciding whether you like the scenery?”

  “I’m looking through it and deciding whether I’ll walk through.”

  “Wow.” She laughed in sheer amazement. “I’ve studied your culture for almost three cycles now. I know how different you are when it comes to expressing and acting on emotions. Especially around romantic and sexual relationships. But this is one instance where intellectual knowledge doesn’t come close to experience.”

  “To be fair, I don’t know that you could consider me typical. I have a tyree who would fully support my walking through. I have nothing to hide. For that matter, I cannot hide anything from her. I asked for these five days because that’s all we’ll have before our next foursome Sharing makes everything transparent.”

  “What would you do if Andira didn’t support it?”

  “Then I’d love you as my skrella-ni-corsa,” she said simply.

  Just like that, Lhyn thought. Situation assessed and decided, emotions acknowledged and set aside.

  “Even if Andira and I didn’t share emotions,” Salomen added, “I couldn’t have an affair. I hate secrets. Telling my family about my high empathy was like coming out of prison. Nothing and no one could compel me to go back into it.”

  Lhyn stopped and turned. “Anyone worth your love would never ask it of you.”

  Judging by the startled expression, she had spoken more vehemently than she meant to. But it seemed important to say, though she couldn’t explain why.

  Salomen moved up to stand beside her. “Thank you,” she said quietly, and retook the lead without another word.

  They reached the summit twenty ticks later. Lhyn stood atop a wedge of rock and gazed in awe at the peaks and valleys laid out before them, marching up to the dazzling white tops of the Snowmounts.

  “Spectacular,” she declared.

  “Isn’t it?” Salomen dropped her pack with an air of unalloyed delight. “I’ve missed this view. It’s so different on this side. Wilder, in a way. Sharper.”

  “It’s because there are fewer trees. The mountains aren’t as fluffy.”

  The word choice earned her a laugh before Salomen turned in place, careful of her footing on the uneven surface. “And then there’s this view.”

  Lhyn followed suit and stood speechless at the scene. The slope spilled away beneath their feet, dipping into a valley before rising to the next, much lower ridge. Three more ridges lay beyond, each lower than the one before, until the last descended to a vast, sandy plain stretching north as far as she could see.

  “My stars. It’s like a different continent.”

  “You see why I love this trail?”

  “I do.”

  Salomen reached for her hand, letting their fingers intertwine for a few precious moments before letting go. “Thank you for sharing this with me. Come on, let’s eat and lighten these packs.”

  They spread their picnic on the boulder and ate midmeal facing each other, swiveling their heads back and forth as they gazed at each view in turn. Lhyn couldn’t decide which she liked best. Salomen wanted to know why she felt she had to choose, which led to a philosophical discussion on ranking and whether it enhanced or diminished one’s enjoyment. There was an undertone of another discussion beneath the words, understood by both but left unsaid: how their relationship would compare to those with their tyrees. They could never reach the same level of connectedness.

  But Salomen’s argument made her position clear. If she chose to walk through this door, she would enjoy the new view every bit as much as the existing one. It would not be lesser. It would merely be different.

  For Lhyn, who had spent her life being different in reaction to being thought lesser, this revelation was equal parts glorious and painful. It made last night’s manageable wish today’s unsafe need. It turned an intriguing spark into a full flame.

  She would always treasure their friendship, a precious thing by any standards. But having seen such wondrous possibility, how could she unsee it if Salomen turned away? She wasn’t Alsean. Once that emotion awoke, she didn’t know how to set it aside.

  She didn’t know how to avoid a broken heart.

  4

  Confession

  Comfortably ensconced in the window seat, Salomen rested her back against the wall and propped the reader card on her bent knees. Andira had long ago installed a tiny program on this card that enabled single-tap calls. She tapped it now and waited, her heart beating at an unreasonable rate.

  Andira appeared on the screen, a delighted smile already on her face. “Tyrina! You’ve had a good day.”

  “I have.” She pressed a hand over her heart, hoping to slow it. “Dear goddess, it’s good to see you. I miss you.”

  The smile grew. “I’ll never complain about that. You feel like you want to crawl through that reader card to get here. Should I go away more often?”

  “Please don’t.”

  She tilted her head, regarding Salomen thoughtfully. “What’s happening? All day long, I was enjoying your higher spirits. You’ve felt better today than since the whole mess began. Now something’s wrong.”

  “Not wrong, just—I owe you an apology,” she said, rushing out the words. “I’ve not been fair to you. In my defense, I never really understood what it cost you, but—” She stopped, finally registering Andira’s rising confusion. “But you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

  “No. Tell me.”

  “Well, you know I think better when I’m active.”

  Andira nodded; it was something they had in common.

  “I took Lhyn hiking today. Up to Tumalo Peak.”

  “Salomen, that’s wonderful! You finally went for a real trail walk!” Her brows drew together, then rose as she laughed. “Hold on, you dragged our poor scholar up to Tumalo Peak? Is she still breathing?”

  Her laughter was contagious, bubbling through Salomen’s body as well as the reader card. “I did tease her about that, but do you know what she said? She told me that when she goes back to Allendohan, she’s stronger than almost anyone ther
e. Remember how Allendohan is on the low end of the gravity range for Gaians?”

  This was one of the more fascinating aspects of meeting aliens: discovering that all planets seeded by Gaian life were in the same general range of gravity. A small difference in gravity made a big difference in physiology, and Allendohan had one of the lowest gravities in the Protectorate. Alsea would be considered slightly above the standard.

  “She left when she was barely seventeen,” Salomen continued. “Her body wasn’t finished growing yet. When she started school on Dothanor Prime, she thought she’d die of exhaustion. She was completely alone, on a new planet, and adapting to higher gravity, all while taking advanced classes.”

  Andira rested her chin on a fist, listening intently. “Why didn’t I know this?”

  “Because she’d rather watch and learn about other people than talk about herself.”

  “Words for Fahla. So she talked more about herself on the hike?”

  In truth, they both had.

  “She said that because her body finished maturing in higher gravity, she developed denser bones and stronger musculature. It would probably have reverted if she’d gone back home to live, but she never did. She’s just gotten stronger. When she visits now, she has the strength of a man twice her size. Better endurance, too.”

  “Goddess above. Our Lhyn with super strength. It’s difficult to imagine.”

  “That’s just it. I judged her strength by my standards, not hers. I thought about that all the way down the trail. And I realized—I’ve judged your love by my standards as well.”

  “Salomen,” Andira said softly. “It sounds as if you think you’ve wronged me. You feel that way, too. This isn’t about our fight the day of the windstorm, is it?”

  “In a way, perhaps.”

  “Then I don’t understand what there is to apologize for. We settled that two moons ago.”

  She had spent the day wondering how to explain. Now, with Andira’s concerned face on the screen and their love warming her chest, she was no closer to an answer.