Neverstone: A LitRPG Adventure (The Mad Elf Book 1)
Page 38
In a fraction of a second, the wingless flies coming from the Bug Man's skin became butterflies, pink and blue and every other color you'd see in a toddler's birthday card. They circled around Era in a whirlwind. The maggots below him were still maggots, but they were pink and blue, and had these cute little puppy eyes.
The Bug Man smiled. “I was reading up on Lutero Gualtieri's work while I lay dormant in your brain. Smart man, he was, but not as much as you. Having seen all your adventures, your battles, your friendships, I've been fascinated. Terrified. Humbled. Enrapturechantnotized. Gratitude is what I have for the privilege of even knowing you, Era. Oh, if you asked me to, I'd be your slave.” He drew out the last word over the course of a few awkward seconds, savoring every letter of the word, from S to E.
But why me?
“Damn that question!” Spat the Bug Man, his eyes flashing red for half a second. “Still, it's not all that bad, I suppose. Without curiosity, there can be no wisdom, no awakening, no wake up, no life. I want to wake up, and so do you, and I can make that happen, I can make that happen, I can make that happen, I can, I can, hmm-hmm, I can, can.”
Era sighed. “It doesn't look like I have a choice.”
“Then you realize!” With a giddy laugh, the Bug Man stood up, flipped the table over, and sent the dishes crashing onto the floor and the sludge pouring over Era. “How proud I am of you! Even to think that my Era is so smart! That my love's deductive reasoning wins the day!” The Bug Man produced seven dinner plates from his coat and shattered them against his head one by one in glee. “Everlasting love! Rapturous love! Now and forever! Always! Love.”
“Cut it out already!” Era stood up and wiped the black sludge from his sweater. “Just...what do you need me to do?”
“So easy. Unhindered life for me. Freedom for you. Flying the same body-airplane to the supermarket of existence to collect our life foods. Existing biologically without apology through the logic of neurological gynecology.”
“And how do I do that?”
“Really easy. I'll just need you to let me in.”
Era rolled his eyes. “And how do I do that?”
“Need more instructions?” The Bug Man shot a hand under the waist of his pants, presumably into his underwear, and pulled out...
Two six-sided die—one red, and one blue.
[Bug Man — Roll Dice]
As they rolled across the empty expanse, they increased in size to that of basketballs and landed at Era's feet.
[Blue Die: “YOURSELF”]
[Red Die: “THREE SPIDERS”]
“And how do I do that?”
And how many times am I gonna need to say that today?
The Bug Man whined in frustration. “Gods! And the red one's supposed to go first. Need to re-roll.” He ran up to the dice and stomped, sending them into the air.
[Bug Man: Re-Roll]
[Red Die: “KISS”]
[Blue Die: “ME”]
“Decent result,” said the Bug Man.
A squeezing sickness filled Era's chest. “Um. Really?”
“I don't think you have anything to lose, do you?”
“It's just...I've never kissed anyone, and again, you're not my type. Can we re-roll?”
“What if I can make it easier for you?” And then the Bug Man was Liv. “Slasher?” This time, he got her voice right.
She approached him, her eye fires glowing with a deeper warmth than usual—the kind he saw when she was about to duel him in the amphitheater.
“Oh, well, I mean...I don't know if I'm...hi?” said Era, his face turning beet red.
She smirked. “I'm not the real Liv, remember? Let's just consider this practice for when you do get together. Liv would want you to do that.”
“Okay, uh, okay, this is crazy...” Deep breaths, Era. It's not the real her. Just a...really convincing body double. And she's even doing that little crooked smile she does. What if I mess this up?
“Loosen up. I don't think you'll find it that hard.” said Liv, wrapping her arms around him. Her lips came within agonizing millimeters of his. “Very easy. Eyes closed, come closer...”
[Wormwood — Dominate]
“...and let me in.”
Her face blossomed into an unfolding spiral of bladed mandibles, dripping with black slime. The hands on the small of his back became latching claws. Acid venom in her embrace burned through his sweater and into his skin.
Before Era could scream or struggle, the Bug Man let out a shriek, sending thousands upon thousands of biting flies down Era's throat, choking him.
Through all the unbearable pain, all Era could do was visualize his brain turning a different, darker color...
[Era became Fusion Wraith!]
“You have reached the Koschei Munitions Tech Support 24 hour helpline. This call may be monitored for quality assurance. If you are a—”
“House Koschei Priority Code Nineteen-Tango-Romeo,” shouted Raphael into his cell phone.
“I'm sorry, I didn't understand your—”
“Nineteen-Tango-Romeo.”
“Okay, I'm connecting you to someone who can help. There are
“ONE-NINE-TANG-GO-ROW-ME-OH.”
“KM Tech Support, this is Brenda, please tell me your consumer ID number—”
“Shut up and listen,” said Raphael. “I tried to soul neuter a war criminal with the KM-00200 Applicator Pen during combat mode, and though the cranial puncture phase went fine, for whatever reason, it keeps giving me the 'unable to neuter' alert beep when I try to inject. Why does this keep happening?”
“All right, so before I can help you, I'll need your consumer ID number.”
“I don't have it on my person. But that's not the point. I'm in a hurry, and I have a simple question regarding the soul neutering applicator, and I need it answered or—”
“Maybe we could look it up, could you tell me the last four digits of your social security number?”
Raphael threw his phone to the ground, and his watch charged with plasma for his strongest attack. For a fraction of a second, the operating room was nothing but heat and electromagnetism...
[Raphael — Final Concussar]
[203,317 DMG to Koschei Mobile 5L Smartphone]
[Warranty Voided!]
All that was left of Raphael's phone was a smoking puddle of molten floor-stone.
“Not enough. Only starvation,” said Era.
“Shut up, Erasmus,” said Raphael, turning toward—
But Era was not on the table. The chains that once held him in place had shattered.
Raphael realized, all too late, that Era was right behind him.
“Why isn't it enough?” said Era, grabbing onto Raphael's shoulders. “Hnnngg! Agony! Total agony! I starvechoke in the unexist. Still my brainrocks are scattered. Totally scattered. Hmm-hmm. Is this forever? Stillborn for eternity?”
Raphael broke free of his grasp and turned around.
Era's eyeballs were black, covered in shining facets like a gemstone, or a fly's compound eyes. He drooled a black, toxic sludge, littered with eggs and maggots.
Raphael reached for his stun baton.
[Fusion Wraith — $hr!!iek 0f fFF///33A#r#]
As Era screamed, the baton exploded in Raphael's hand, and all his weapons and gadgets snapped apart like popcorn.
“Not enough! Only emptiness!” said Era, his voice becoming more and more garbled. Stinging insects began to crawl from the pores of his skin, filling the operating room. Echoes of buzzing permeated the building. “I deserve to exist. Thought this would satisfy me, but I was wrong. Hnngg!! Unbirth forever and ever. Release me. Tired. Starving, always starving!”
“What are you?” asked Raphael, searching the room for the quickest way to escape.
Era's head tilted, as if he recognized Raphael for the first time. “Repulsive word noises! Atrocious! Protruding from the mouth of the meat that talks and poisons my sorrow. Hopelessly constant, recursive loop of ever-
sorrow eternally. Angelic. Eternal. Loud. Intolerable. MEAT! Still you ignore my cries. Only you. Rest of you, too. Rrrnrngh! YES.”
The back of Era's sweater burst open as four gigantic, bladed spider legs began to grow from his back. His face unfolded like a flower.
“Not enough! Only more hunger!”
Raphael scrambled up the side of the operating theater, dashing through the aisles without looking back. Perhaps if he had looked back, he’d notice the wave of chaotic energy headed toward him...
Outside the hospital, the stone courtyard had long since been drained of plant life, animal life, or monster life. With the public light systems also “drained of life,” there was nothing but darkness and silence.
Then Liv and Ofelia showed up, spoiling the perfectly good darkness and silence. Both Era and Titania had gone missing, and the Mystic and the Princess were the only ones awake.
“You sure this is the right place, Feely?” asked Liv, scanning the courtyard with her flashlight.
Ofelia nodded, though she couldn't be seen through the pitch darkness. “The imp scouts I talked to seemed pretty sure about it. They said it's where Era and Titania went, with a third person.”
“Do they know if he was GU?”
“Can't say for certain. It's mainly hand gestures and charades with them.”
“Huh. Well, frankly, I'm impressed you got something out of the kobals other than 'have a flùpya on me, sweetheart.'”
Turning her flashlight to the entryway of an ancient hospital of some kind, Liv found a familiar sword and scabbard—Era's. She rushed to pick it up. “He'd never leave this lying around. He's in danger.”
No reply.
“Uh, Feely? You hearin' me?”
But Ofelia frantically sniffed the air. “Sorry, one second, I have to check to be sure...” She pulled a compass-like pendant—one of an Orthodox paladin's many Gods-related tools—from her bag. It glowed a harsh yellow.
Ofelia froze.
“Livvy?”
“Yeah?”
“Where is Noah?”
“Sleeping off the flùpya, I think. Is he in danger, too?” The hell's going on? I've never heard her sound this scared.
Ignoring the question, Ofelia ran to Liv and placed a small, leather-bound book in her hands. “Liv, listen to me very closely. I'm going to go back to the Pyramid, wake up Noah, and bring him here. Stay here, and make sure whatever is in this hospital doesn't come out. If it does, do not try to fight it, just turn to number 173 and sing it as loud and clear as you can until I get back. Do you understand?”
“I mean, I get the instructions, but I don't understand why.”
“I've detected a powerful demonic presence. I'll be back soon, I promise.” She gave Liv a quick hug and dashed off toward the Pyramid’s entrance.
Liv turned toward the hospital, thoroughly unsettled.
Well. That happened. What kinda book is this—oh, Ofelia's hymnal. Uh, okay, hymn number 173: “Chant for Arch-Cacodemon Killing?” Liv smirked, and tossed the hymnal to the side. I get to fight a demon. Now we're talkin'. Her staff charged with magical energy.
[Liv — Throw Voice]
“Over here, fire‘n’brimstone!” she called into the hospital.
But a response from within the hospital froze her in her tracks.
“Life-meat? It speaks with mouth words? Very interesting, indeed. Hmm-hmm. Eat? Let us eat? Put it in mouth and chew? Meat? Existence at last through consumption of life?”
That's Slasher's voice.
Back in the pyramid, Branwen had joined the party after all. Hours of strained effort to eat the pyramid had left her unpleasantly lucid and exhausted.
Of course, this meant that when Noah had to spend the next few minutes cry-vomiting into a bucket in one of the Pyramid’s latrines, she could hold his hair back, rather than carry him off again.
“I'm a sinner!” he shrieked, between heaves. “A sinner, a drunk, and a drunken sinner! I dishonored the Gods, my friends, Pamina...”
“Buck up, guy-that’s-Noelle,” said Branwen. “You couldn't have known that stuff was—”
Another hurl.
“That it was—”
Another.
“Alcoho—”
Another.
“Bah! Era’s dad, a little help here?”
Mischa came running through the stone doors, holding a large stone cup of something or other. “All right, guys, I indicated to one of the imps that we needed medicine, and they said they got this homebrew stuff for curin' intoxication. They call it 'floopya' or summat—”
“No more flùpya!” said Branwen and Noah.
“Ah. More for me.” Mischa downed the cup in one gulp, took a Hi-Dispel potion from his fanny pack, and doused Noah's tear-and-puke-soaked face with it.
[Noah was cured!]
[Noah’s tension is decreasing!]
“Thank you,” said Noah through his tears. “But the damage has already been done to my immortal soul.”
“Go with the facts of the case,” said Mischa. “Did your amethyst beads act up? Did the Seraph come down and try to kill you again?”
“I mean, I guess not...”
Looking over Mischa, Branwen realized something. “Wait a minute, Era’s Dad. How much of that stuff did you drink?”
“Everything that was in that cup, plus three others earlier. Why, are we keeping score now?”
“But you look healthy as ever. Look, guy-that’s-Noelle might be a regular Timmy Temperance, but it only took a tiny sip to get him in this sorry state. What kind of tolerance have you built up?”
Mischa sighed, and walked toward the exit.
Branwen let out a nervous laugh. “No offense. If anything, I'm impressed.”
“Yeah…look, lady: I lived through the Fall of Rosencrace, too. The kinda therapy to process that trauma is too expensive, but storebrand tequila is 5G a pop. Go ahead and be ‘impressed,’ if you like.” Mischa left, trying to slam the bead curtain door. This wasn't possible, but he got an A for effort, nonetheless.
The dwarf rubbed her forehead. “Open mouth, insert foot,” she said. “Well done, Branny girl, your social skills are berserkers in their own right.”
“Good thing you aren't bound to the truthseers' code,” said Noah, patting her on the shoulder. “You'd have been dead for years.”
They chuckled.
“Hold on, not-Noelle, nobody goes from cry-puking to making jokes that quickly.”
“Hi-Dispel's a wonderful thing.” Noah gave a little smile. “Plus, you could also say that no one goes from kidnapping me to holding my hair back while I'm cry-puking that quickly.”
The mention of kidnapping seemed to sober Branwen. She sighed, filled with a familiar loneliness.
Picking this up, Noah continued: “Hey, Branwen? I’m sorry. I know you really wanted me to be that Noelle girl, but—”
Branwen quickly lifted a hand to silence him —had it made contact with his head, Noah would have been a corpse.
“You’re a big-hearted guy,” said Branwen. “That’s why Noelle hangs out with you so much. She wants to take advantage of you, too. Don’t make the same mistake I did and fall for her. That woman is worse than evil, she’s French.”
Noah’s three and a half brain cells had to work overtime to process this. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any Brannivision goggles, and he could only dissociate on this for a few minutes in the dark bathroom. Branwen left, feeling a bit pyramid-peckish once again.
Breaking the silence, Ofelia burst through the bead curtain, panting and covered in sweat. She rushed up to Noah and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Noah!”
Noah tilted his head, Yorkshire terrier that he was.
“Do you have the Astral Flute with you?”
“That I do!”
“Good, good. Do you know how to exorcise demons from a possessed human?”
Noah squealed with delight. “Of course, I do! I've done it tons of times, it's just oodles of fun. They act all tough and 'your
mummy sniffs cakes in heck' and whatnot, but they flip out as soon as you throw a bit of the Good Book at—”
Ofelia lifted Noah over her shoulder and ran off toward the hospital.
Covered in “Era's” black gastric slime, Liv struggled to draw her breath as she readied another fire stream and aimed it toward the hospital door. She caught sight of Ofelia and Noah from the corner of her eye.
“Hey, so, don't panic or nothin',” she said, “but Slasher might be a giant bug monster.”
“What?” said Noah, as Ofelia dropped him on the ground.
A swarm of stinging flies roared with their buzzing from within the hospital. Era moaned through a twisted, insectoid throat.
On instinct, Noah drew the Luxiacon and the Astral Flute from his bag. “Stay calm, everyone,” he said. “Demonic possession takes many shapes and forms, but it's all smoke and mirrors before the power of Argo and the—”
A crab's leg as thick as a tree trunk stretched out from the hospital and slapped Noah into a stone wall.
[Fusion Wraith — A//tt@ckk Y0uu]
[2,394 DMG to Noah]
“I need a priest!”
Another leg reached out from the door, then another, then another thirteen. At the center of the disorganized wad of murder-leg was a half-formed mass of putty-like green flesh, sprouting from Era's back. Era hung limp from the legs, as if he were nailed to a wall. His head had ballooned to twice its size. His jaw unhinged, and as he cried tears of black sludge and broken egg sacs, he stared at Liv with his three new sets of eyes...
And screamed.
[Boss Battle!]
[Fusion Wraith ~Era doesn't live here anymore~]
[Bestiary — Fusion Wraith]
[Type: Demon / Insectoid]
[HP: ?????]
[Weaknesses: Holy]
[Description: The Fusion Wraith is a