Amish Widow's Secret

by Samantha Price

  "We have about three hundred people in our community back home."

  "That's a lot. I prefer the smaller communities; that way you get to know people better."

  "And that's a good thing? I'm not so sure if I want people to know everything about me."

  He laughed and being a good six inches taller than she was, looked down at her. "And what would you have about yourself that you wouldn't want people to know?"

  He’d laughed as though there would be nothing to hide and she was being silly. She couldn't tell him her secret so early. They weren’t in a relationship, so there was no reason to tell him.

  "Sometimes I just like to keep to myself, that's all," she said.

  "Spoken like someone who has never been by themselves I'd say."

  "What do you mean?”

  "Seems that everybody wants what they don't have. You’ve grown up with people around you all the time, so you want fewer people around you. I've grown up the opposite, with hardly any people around me, and now I want to have people around me."

  "That’s true. I wonder why that is. People want the opposite of what they have sometimes.”

  "I guess it's human nature to want things, because everybody wants something."

  "And what is it that you want, Reuben?"

  Without hesitating, he replied, "I would like to find a woman to marry and have many kinner with."

  Cassandra laughed.

  He laughed along with her. When he stopped, he asked, "What’s so funny?"

  "It's just that I have never heard anybody say what they want like that, so openly."

  "I didn't know I was supposed to keep things like that a secret."

  She raised her eyebrows "I guess it shouldn't be a secret." She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, but you might scare some women away."

  He touched his fingers to his broad chest. “Me? Scare someone away?"

  She nodded. “It might.”

  "Isn't that what women want—to get married and have babies?"

  "I suppose it is."

  "So that's what I've been doing wrong all these years—I've been scaring women away."

  She giggled. “Quite possibly."

  “Am I scaring you?”

  She shook her head. “Nee.”

  “And if I’ve been scaring women away you must be scaring men away.”

  He stopped walking. "I'm sorry. I forgot about your boyfriend's death. Forgive me."

  "It's okay. We weren't going to get married. The truth is, he left me and went back to the community and told me I had to return as well."

  "You didn't want to?"

  "I guess I would've come back eventually, but I wasn't ready. I don't think I would've married him."

  "That doesn't make his death any less hard on you."

  "It was a shock. It was to everybody in the community. I didn't tell you how he died. He was heading for a job interview and stopped by a gas station for a bottle of soda. It was a hot day. There was an armed hold-up, there were shots fired, and he was accidentally shot, killed by a stray bullet."

  He lowered his head. “It's a hard thing for you, to go through such loss at such a young age."

  "You've been through loss at a younger age."

  "Jah, I guess it's not easy at any age. Even though people say Gott wanted them home, or it was all in Gott's plan, it doesn't make it easier." He shook his head. “They still aren’t there with you.”

  "Nee, it doesn't. It doesn't make it any easier at all." Cassandra could only imagine how hard it was for Reuben with his parents dying when he was at such a young age, and him being the only child. She’d always taken her family for granted. When she found she was alone and pregnant, there was always home, but what if there hadn't been home? She’d gone home knowing that her parents would have the answers. And they had. They’d sent her to Aunt Maud. What would’ve become of her if she’d had no one?

  Reuben bumped into her shoulder and she looked up into his dark eyes.

  "It's time to talk about something else. Important people in our lives have gone and there's nothing we can do about that. I guess I was wrong. It is some comfort that I will see my parents again.”

  “Jah, I know what you mean. I was just thinking the very same thing."

  “We have to make the best of each day.”

  He smiled at her and all she wanted was for him to wrap his arms around her, but it was too early for that since they’d only just met. Maybe one day something might develop between them; that was what she hoped.

  "Jah, we have to make the most of each day. That's true."

  Chapter 11

  Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.

  He only is my rock and my salvation;

  he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.

  Psalms 62:1

  * * *

  "What about this restaurant?" Reuben asked when they stopped in front of an Italian restaurant called Michello’s.

  "It looks nice enough. Have you eaten here before?"

  He shook his head. "I'm not one for eating out much."

  "You haven't eaten at any of the restaurants around here?"

  "Just at the diner up the road. At the end of the street."

  She tipped her head to one side. “Haven’t you been to a nice restaurant while you’ve been here?”

  He narrowed his eyes at her. "Are you teasing me or something?"

  "Nee, I'm not. It’s my way of finding out why you're not married yet. I’m thinking you haven’t even been on a date." He looked away from her. “You haven’t, have you?”

  He smiled. "You're just trying to delay talk of finding a job."

  “Nee, I'm not. If I wanted a job so quickly, I’d get a job quickly. I just want to take my time."

  "Fair enough." He kept walking and she hurried to keep up with him.

  "Why haven't you ever married?" she asked.

  "You can't just decide to get married and then marry someone. There has to be someone around at the right time, someone that you want to marry. And who wants to marry you."

  “Are you saying that you've never found anybody you wanted to marry?"

  "Correct."

  "So what sort of woman are you looking for?"

  "Who said I'm looking for anybody?"

  "You did, just before."

  He chuckled, scratched his forehead and stopped walking. "That's right, I did didn't I?"

  "Jah, you did." Cassandra laughed and he joined in with her laughter.

  "I'm looking for a kind and caring someone, easy to talk to, someone soft and with a gentle nature—someone like you."

  "Someone like me? You don't even know me."

  "I know you well enough to know that you've got all those qualities."

  She smiled. "That's nice of you to say."

  "I'm not saying it to be nice. There is something very delightful about you."

  "Nobody’s ever said that about me before."

  "Maybe no one has seen what I see." He started walking again.

  They came to another restaurant.

  "Well, this place has got no end of restaurants," Cassandra said.

  "It's fairly easy to get a job around these parts," he said. "Feel like a bite to eat?"

  Cassandra said, "I've only just had lunch not long ago."

  “Kaffe?”

  "I guess I could do with another kaffe," she said, ignoring her one-coffee-a-day rule.

  “There’s a bakery up here that serves gut kaffe. And before you ask, I’ve been there before, alone.”

  Cassandra giggled. “I wasn’t going to ask that.”

  They looked into the bakery window.

  "I wasn't hungry, but now I am," Cassandra said. "Everything looks good. I might be able to squeeze in a piece of cake."

  “Let's go in, shall we?" He took a step to the left and pushed the door open for her, and she walked through.

  There were only two tables occupied.

  Cassandra turned around and said, "W
here would you like to sit?"

  "There by the window so we can watch people walk past."

  Cassandra gave a little giggle as she sat down at the small table. Everything seemed so normal and natural with Reuben.

  A waitress came over and took their coffee orders. "Will that be all?" she asked.

  Reuben looked over at Cassandra. "What kind of cake would you like, Cassandra?"

  "I’ll have a cupcake with pink icing please."

  "And I'll have a coffee scroll," Reuben said to the waitress, who gave a hint of a small head nod and walked away.

  "You could easily do that," Reuben whispered.

  "It’s not so easy all the time. Sometimes it’s really busy, well, it was where I used to work. I didn't mind being a waitress, but that's the only job I've tried. Maybe I would like to try something else."

  "Like what?"

  "I don't know yet. I'm still young,” she said with a giggle. "I could do anything."

  "Exactly how 'young' are you?"

  "Is that a question a gentleman should ask a lady?"

  "I think it's okay, unless the lady has something to hide."

  Cassandra felt her face flush. She did have something to hide, but it wasn't her age. So he wouldn't notice her embarrassment, she quickly added, "I’m turning twenty soon.”

  He leaned forward. "How soon? Should I be buying a birthday cake instead of a coffee scroll and a pink cupcake?"

  Cassandra laughed. "In a few weeks’ time."

  "We’ll definitely have to have a party."

  Cassandra shook her head. "I'm not one for parties."

  "Spoken like someone who comes from a large familye."

  She raised her eyebrows. "Is that what it is?"

  "It's nice to have people to celebrate with for things like birthdays, Christmas, and Thanksgiving. I'm often alone at those times. At any rate, I don't tell anyone when my birthday is."

  “I didn’t ask you.”

  “Why not?” he asked.

  She sighed. "Okay. When’s your birthday?"

  He laughed. "I happen to share my birthday with Christmas Day."

  "Well, that’s something that's easy to remember."

  "Will you still be here at Christmas time?"

  Since the baby was due in March, she'd be there for Christmas. "I plan to be here. Will you still be here?"

  "I think there's going to be enough work around here for me to stay until a little after Christmas."

  "Well, Christmas will have to be a double celebration."

  "I don't want anybody to know."

  "Yes you do, or you wouldn’t have told me."

  He laughed, and the waitress bringing over their cups of coffee interrupted them.

  "I'm not used to sharing much about myself," he said as he poured a spoonful of sugar into his coffee.

  "I don't like talking about myself either."

  "You've done a good job so far. I found out quite a bit about you and your familye."

  "That's good."

  He looked over her shoulder. "Here come our cakes."

  The waitress placed their cakes on the table.

  "Thank you," Reuben said.

  Cassandra looked down at the icing that was standing tall on the cupcake. It was wound around in a spiral pattern and on top of the icing was a red star. She pulled off the star and looked at it. "I wonder if this is edible."

  Reuben leaned over as though to get a closer look. He promptly plucked it from her hand, and popped it into his mouth. "Jah, it's edible."

  Cassandra laughed. "How could you do that? That was mine."

  "She who hesitates is lost. If you snooze, you lose.”

  "I'll remember that," she said, as she moved her cake a little further away from him. “And I’ve got a long memory. Just tell me; did it taste good?"

  "It was delicious."

  She shook her head and poked her fork into the icing while Reuben bit into his coffee scroll.

  "The food here is good."

  “Well, the icing is good. I haven’t started on the cake yet. As for the star—I’ll never know.”

  "Delicious."

  She had never had fun like this with Jake. Jake was always way too serious to be a good match for her. When she realized they weren’t suited, they were already committed and living together. Things went from bad to worse when she found out she was expecting, and then he abandoned her. Something deep down inside told her that a man like Reuben would never leave her alone like Jake had.

  “Tell me some more about yourself," he said.

  "I think I've told you everything there is to know."

  "So far I know you have a lot of sisters, and all the older ones are married. There's just you and your younger sister who aren't. I know what happened to your boyfriend. I know you went on rumspringa and you've recently returned. And you’ve worked in a restaurant. What else should I know?"

  "You should probably know that I'm kind, caring, easy to get along with and..."

  He leaned back in the chair with a twinkle in his eyes. She had repeated to him everything she recalled that he’d said he was looking for in a woman. She was being a little bit cheeky and she couldn't help herself. There was something about him that made her speak so boldly.

  "Well, that’s good to know. It seems like my search is over," he said.

  They both laughed.

  The rest of the afternoon he took her around the nearby farms showing her where many of the people in the community lived. Then they drove by a creek that had a nearby windmill and a small bridge.

  He pointed at the windmill. “That's not used any more. I've always wanted to go and explore it and have a look around." He looked at her. "Would you like to do that another day?"

  "I'd love to. But I don't want to keep you from your work."

  "I'll make time; don't worry about that. I'll gladly make time for you. Perhaps we could do that Sunday after the meeting?"

  "I'd like that." Cassandra counted up the days in her head. Today was Thursday, then there was Friday, then Saturday. She’d only have to fill in two more days until she'd have some time with him again.

  He looked over at her and they exchanged smiles. This had to be the man God had found for her. She didn't know how things were going to work and how having the baby would fit in with God’s plans. Reuben had said that he wanted a lot of children so he should be pleased that she was already having one. Or would he?

  Once Reuben found out about the baby, he’d find out what kind of relationship she’d had with Jake on rumspringa. At the moment, he didn't know that they’d shared an apartment, living as man and wife. How would he feel about that? Although rumspringa was a time when young people could do anything, before their baptism into the Amish faith, she wasn't so sure that one man could accept another man's child, and accept the fact that the woman he loved had conceived that child out of wedlock.

  Chapter 12

  To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant,

  and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

  Ecclesiastes 3:1

  * * *

  Cassandra was walking on air after she said goodbye to Reuben when they arrived back at Maud and Max’s house. She walked into the kitchen to see Maud sitting at the table shelling peas.

  "Hello. Let me do that.” She stood by Maud’s shoulder.

  "Nee, that's alright; I've nearly finished. Dinner is underway, so you sit down and tell me how your day went."

  Cassandra sat and told her about the restaurant and how they'd said silly things to one another and about the star that he’d snatched from her. “It was silly, but I enjoyed myself more than any other time I can ever remember. It’s been so long since I’ve been so happy.”

  "Seems to me you’ve found a friend."

  "Jah, I think so."

  "Well, think very hard, Cassandra, before that friendship develops into something else, or things could get even more com
plicated for you."

  "I know what you mean. I've been a little wary about that myself."

  "I can see he likes you, and he hasn't been like that with any of the young women around these parts, and I've known him for many years."

  Cassandra nodded. "I'll be careful."

  "I had a visitor here today."

  "You did?"

  "It was Jenny, the midwife."

  "Ach nee, I missed her."

  "I told her about you and she's coming back to see you on Friday."

  "Gut denke.” Cassandra realized that she had no money and wondered if her parents had made some arrangement with Maud. "Did my parents say anything about money to you? I don’t have any of my own.”

  “It’s all taken care of. They said they don't want you to worry about money. They're handling everything. They’re helping out with your stay here and paying for the midwife."

  “That’s a relief.” Cassandra wouldn't have thought too much about that before she’d gone on rumspringa, but living by herself in the apartment she’d learned the value of money. She’d find a way to repay her parents. If a serious relationship developed between herself and Reuben, Reuben would be impressed that she was making an effort to pay her parents back. Her parents were likely taking care of her financially because they were worried about their reputations, rather than her well-being, but she was still grateful.

  Maybe she should get a job at a restaurant even a couple of days a week. But if she got a job, how was she to get to and from work? The eateries weren't close enough to walk, and she didn't want to rely on anybody to take her and collect her.

  "What's for dinner?"

  "We've got roasted chicken and roasted vegetables tonight."

  "Really? That's my favorite. How about I make something for dessert?"

  "What would you like to make for dessert? I haven't got that far yet. We usually just have ice cream and fruit."

  "How about a pie? I used to make the best blackberry pies at home."