No Saint

by Jo Raven

  “Some pain is sweet,” I mumble, reeling with the pleasure that’s still zinging through me.

  “Don’t ever let me hurt you.”

  “Trust in yourself,” I whisper, turning my head to kiss his cheek. “You can’t hurt me. You won’t.”

  He pulls me with him until we’re lying on our sides, spooning, his chest to my back. “I don’t always trust myself around you. I do stupid stuff.”

  “Then you should always listen to me, because I know better,” I advise him and get a snort in return.

  He sighs contentedly, nuzzling my hair. “God, I must’ve done something good in a past life to deserve this.”

  “You’ve done plenty of good in this life, too, Ross Jones,” I inform him. “And you deserve every good thing.”

  “I dunno. It may take me a few lives to win enough points to deserve you.”

  I turn in the circle of his arms to face him, stroke back sweat-soaked hair from his forehead. “Did you know that I love you more than words can say?”

  His lashes lower. His eyes glisten and his mouth twists. “Luna...”

  “In this life, and in the next, I will love you, Ross Jones. Now and always.”

  “Hold me,” he whispers, voice raw, and we wrap ourselves around each other until the next morning, and the one after, loving each other every morning of every day of our lives.

  POSTSCRIPT

  Luna

  I have my mom’s phone number.

  The little piece of paper clutched in my sweaty hand is burning a hole through my palm. Dad made a big show of scrawling the numbers on it and then presenting it to me. There was fear in his eyes. He thought I was mad at him.

  But I am mostly mad at myself. That I didn’t ask more, push more, realize that I was willfully ignoring the truth.

  That Mom did love us. I used to know that.

  And that Dad was hurt and grieving in his own way. He loves Mom. He couldn’t help her, he couldn’t keep her, and then he had me and Josh to take care of, as well. Because we missed her, and we were angry, and couldn’t understand.

  Poor Dad.

  My hands are shaking. Sitting cross-legged on my bed, I smooth out the piece of paper on the comforter, and grab my phone.

  Here goes.

  Here goes, baby, let’s do this.

  You can do this, I think I hear Ross’s laughing voice in my head. You’re strong. So much stronger than me. So much stronger than you think you are.

  I’m just going to call my mom, for God’s sake. What am I afraid of?

  It’s guilt, I guess. It weighs on me. Guilt that I didn’t do this sooner. That I didn’t try to find out the truth, to understand.

  Oh God... I rub a hand over my face. This doesn’t feel right.

  It doesn’t feel right, to do this on my own.

  Taking a deep breath, I get up and go to knock on the door to Josh’s room. “Hey, little skunk! Open up. Come on, I know you can hear me. Take those earphones off!”

  There’s a thump, and then his door swings open. Josh’s hair is sticking up in all directions. “What is it?”

  I bustle inside without waiting for an invitation. “We’re going to call someone.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Sit.” I drop down on his bed, shoving aside his bunched-up covers and what looks like dirty T-shirts and socks—gross, God, teenage boys—to make space. “And close the door.”

  He ignores that and drifts to stand by the bed, folding his arms over his chest. “What’s all this about?”

  “You’ll see.” I dial the number and put it on speaker, my breathing going fast and shallow despite my efforts at calm. “Come on, come on...”

  “Luna, what the hell are you up to? This is stupid, I just—”

  The line connects with a soft click and a woman’s low voice says, “Hello. Who is this?”

  Josh’s eyes go comically wide and he actually stumbles back a step. “Mom?” he whispers without a sound. He remembers her voice.

  “It’s...” I have to swallow hard before I’m able to push more words out. “It’s Luna.”

  A sharp intake of breath. “Luna... baby, is it really you?”

  Sudden tears prick my eyes. “Yes. I’m here, with Josh.”

  “My babies...”

  Josh makes a choked sound. “Mom...”

  “Josh, is that you? Oh my gosh, you sound so grown up.”

  I’m about to start bawling, and I’m guessing she is, too. Josh has turned his face away, hiding from me.

  “How are you?” I whisper.

  “I’m good. So much better now.” Her laugh sounds almost like a sob. “And you? And your dad?”

  “We’re okay. Can we see you?”

  “I thought you didn’t want to see me,” she mutters. “Your dad told me so. Was he wrong?”

  “It’s not Dad’s fault,” I rush to explain. “Or Josh’s. It’s all me.”

  “Sweetie...”

  “But you left,” I go on in a rush, needing to get the words out, and as I speak, anger returns briefly to heat my cheeks. “Why did you have to leave so far away? Josh was so little. It wasn’t fair to him.”

  “Shut up, Luna,” Josh mutters, tugging on my arm. His cheeks are red. “I didn’t ask you to speak for me.”

  I bite my lip, trying to control myself. Too many years of frustrated fury to bottle it up so easily. “Sorry.”

  “No, I am the one who is sorry,” Mom says. “Maybe... I was wrong. I couldn’t see another choice, back then. I couldn’t see a way out. Medication can do wonders, I tell you. She gives a hushed laugh. The sound is strained. Now I can see more clearly. Now... I wish I hadn’t left. Gosh, I miss you guys so much.”

  “Mom.” Josh leans toward the phone. “Will you come back? Will you...?” His voice cracks. “Please, come back?”

  God, my vision has gone all blurry.

  “Honey...” Mom has to stop and take a breath. “I will come visit. How does that sound? If you all want me to, that is.”

  “Please,” I manage, my throat closing. “Please, Mom.”

  “I will talk to your dad, see when it would be a good time.”

  “But soon?” Josh asks, the hope in his voice painful to hear.

  “Soon,” Mom agrees, and I think she’s smiling now. “My beautiful children. Very soon. You know I love you very much, right?”

  “Yes.” I’ve always known. And it took a man who believed in his mom’s love, even though he thought she abandoned him, to convince me to open my eyes and get my own mom back.

  Sometimes, you see, the monsters under the bed, or in the schoolyard, are not who they seem to be.

  Sometimes, hoping and believing are the same thing.

  Sometimes we have to open our hearts and accept the pain and love that we feel, so we can be saved.

  Jo Says:

  Many, many thanks to my wonderful beta reader and friend Ana Rita Clemente for insisting this scene was needed to give Luna closure. She was right. Also many thanks for her suggestions.

  JO SAYS...

  I hope you have enjoyed reading Ross’s story. From the start, from the moment he appeared in Caveman, Ross demanded to have his story told. He was too damaged, too angry not to interest me. I hate bullies, and deciding his novelistic fate took me a while. All told, I resisted this urge to write about him and to give him a happy ending. From the get go it was obvious to me that he’d have to work hard to earn that happy ending, suffer a lot, and make amends when and where possible.

  It seemed like an impossible task, redeeming him. But that’s what I set out to do because he just wouldn’t shut up and let go. I guess he’s stubborn, like me...

  A lot of his anger and the reasons behind it were set up in Mancave (the epilogue to Caveman) and later in Dark Child, so I had a lot of material to work with. And I tortured him so much, mentally and physically, that I felt satisfied that he had done his penance.

  I really hope he finds redemption in your eyes in the end, like
he did in mine.

  About the title:

  When I started writing No Saint, my idea was that Ross is kind of a fallen angel, fallen all the way to hell, turned into a demon, until this girl reminds him of his true nature. You may find references to that idea in the text in places, about a shadow of wings, and the fear of falling... Initially, the book was going to be named No Angel.

  But in the end, I decided that No Saint was clearer and snappier. More... Ross. He certainly is no angel, or saint! He’s very human, and like every human he has both a bright and a dark side. What I love with romance is that the bright side of humankind always seems to win in the end.

  About Finn:

  If you read to the end, you know that Finn is Ross’s (and Octavia’s, Gigi’s and Merc’s) half-brother, his name found in the letters sent to Jasper Jones, as discovered by Ross.

  You didn’t think I’d put that in the book and not follow up, right? Heh. Another blond, bad boy in the family? Hell, yeah. So I sat down and wrote his story, too. I had the idea about Finn’s story, in fact, since the time I was writing Dark Child (Merc’s book).

  Finn’s book is called The Imaginary Boyfriend, and it will come out probably in January 2020.

  Have you read the short prequel, King of Bullies?

  The prequel is free on all platforms and it takes place during the time Ross and Luna were in high school together. Warning: bullying themes.

  If you haven’t read it, you can find the links to get it here (just scroll down): https://joraven.com/no-saint-wild-men-6/

  Synopsis: Once upon a time there lived a boy with his dad who ruled the small town of Destiny. Like his dad, the boy was a bully who thrived on causing misery.

  Like his dad, he was king.

  Like his dad, he was lost.

  One day he met a girl called Luna who made him feel something other than rage and pain, a girl who would one day show him that to be strong you don’t have to hurt others, or yourself, and that there’s great strength in kindness and love.

  But that came later. That was then, and this is now...

  What next?

  Well, what I really want to write next is the Lost Boys series. Remember them, from Inked Babies? They are the five boys rescued by the Inked Brotherhood. I am in fact currently writing the first book in the series (Sawyer!) and hope to start publishing them next year.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Huge thanks to my friends whose patience and support mean the world to me, and above all to: Jade West, Sam Destiny, Kia Zi Shiru, Deanna Roy, Blair Babylon, Drew Sera, Jordan Marie, SC Daiko, Kassa May, Rebecca Teem, Fulvia Bellinato, Sara Blakesley.

  Hugs to my amazing PA Lainey Da Silva who is the best of the best.

  Much love to my wonderful Beta readers: Samantha Bundell, Rebecca teem, Ana Rita Clemente, Rachael Fick, Diana Manolova Dimitrova, Lindsey Johnston, Lisa Turner, Naomi Amos, Joyce M Weber, Sharon Peabody, Jessey Elliott, Tanya Houle, Lainey Da Silva for their enormous help.

  An enormous heartfelt thanks to all my wonderful patrons on Patreon. I am telling you beyond the shade of a doubt that I wouldn’t have made it without your support during these past months. You have stood by me and I will never forget it.

  Huge thanks to my patrons during the time of the writing of this book:

  Adriane Woodward, Alexandra Anderson, Alix Thomasset, Alicia Wilson, Amy Norton, Angela, Anita LaFranchi, Anna-louise Dann, Aysha Farrugia, Becky Coat3s, Becky Martin, Bel Black, Brittany, Christie Jo Klump, Christina McCarty, Cindy Stone, Cindy Wallick, Dana Willhoit, Deborah Sawade, Dena Dopp, Denise White, Emilee Ashley, Emily Mathis, Emma Lopinska, Erin Remen, Hanna Smith, Heather Siebert, Jade West, Jana Kidd, Jean Ervin, Jeanine, Jen Massicotte, Jessica Elliott, Jessica Gayther, Jessica Ramos, JoAnne Murray, Judy Pollack, Juli Faulkner, Julie James, Karen Wilson, Katrina Howat, Keisha Cook, Kimberly Bryant, Kristy Moster, Laurita, Lenay Gamez, Letetia Harper, Letitia Moore, Lisa Anderson, Louise Hicks, Margaret Bussell, Mari Garcia, Maria, Megan, Mindy Martinez Borda, Monika Schuppler, Nat, Natascha Willems, Natasha, Nessa Kreyling, Patricia Buch, Patricia Yandell-Deemer, Raechel Gump, Rashny, Rebecca Abrook, Regina Rhew Hoilman, Roneidra D Cronk, Rue Tasteofrue, Sandy Cashman, Sara Blakesley, Sarah, Sheila Brockway, Sherry Terfone, Sheryl Stark, Stacie Furtado, Stephanie Glennon, Stephanie McKnight-Bailey, Stephanie Miller, Susanne Scott, Teri R Abstein, Tiffany Oyler, Tina Wyatt, TJ Dodd, Van and Vicki Pearce.

  AUTHOR BIO

  Jo Raven is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author, best known for torturing sexy, fictional boys.

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