by Traci Sek
My head started to spin as I looked around, and I started to feel a little woozy. Miss Aida seemed to notice as she calmly held me a little tighter and continued to guide me through the living room area and into the kitchen which was just as massive as the living room. With a large dark wood island that took up the center of the room and a chandelier dangling above it.
Once we were through the kitchen and out the back doors, we arrived at what I had assumed was the pool house. It was just as luxurious as the inside of the house. Letting go of me briefly, Aida swung open the doors. If I didn't see it for myself, I would have never believed it. This is exactly the way I had imagined a room to be in all those fairytales I used to read. I never thought that this could actually happen to me.
Inside was a beautiful king-sized bed, in front of the bed, sat a brown leather couch. Three large white-rimmed windows overlooked the garden, letting in the perfect amount of light. On one of the walls, a flat-screen television hung and on the opposite side, a small cozy fireplace sat burning. A small bar stood to my left. This was just too much for me to comprehend. I didn't deserve this! This had to be a dream that I was bound to wake up from at any moment.
"Is everything to your liking Miss Emily?"
"Oh yes! It's amazing." I whispered. Amazing was an understatement. If I wasn't so overwhelmed, I would pinch myself. I felt dizzy again and started to sway. Aida grabbed me again this time guiding me towards the bed.
"Here sit down dear. I will make you some tea. Are you feeling ok?"
"Yes, just a little overwhelmed is all," I assured her by giving her a smile.
"Ok, I'll be back shortly. Jake has taken it upon himself to buy you a few things, I’ve laid them out for you let me know if they fit.” I nodded.
Truth be told I was somewhat uncomfortable with all this. I didn't deserve this. Who was I kidding? I was not one to use anybody. My head started to throb and I took that as a sign of defeat. I forced myself up, still feeling like a train had hit me, quickly putting on a cozy pair of pajamas that fit just right, and slowly made my way back towards the bed to sit. Aida returned with tea and cookies, making me feel as if I were British royalty. I thanked her quietly and sipped on the tea. She pulled the shades down on the windows making the room dark and pulled the covers down on the bed.
"There you are, Miss Emily. You look worn out; I suggest getting some sleep. Rest up for tomorrow."
A knock sounded on the door before I could respond. Aida went to open the door revealing a very handsome Jake. He had changed, as well, into a pair of black sweatpants that lined his waist and a black long sleeve shirt. He finally looked his age, which I’m guessing was in his mid-twenties. I made a mental note to ask him that later.
"Everything ok, Emily?"
I found myself staring and quickly averted my eyes. "Yes."
He came closer to me bending down on one knee so we were at eye level. My heart started to accelerate as I looked everywhere but his eyes to try and find my escape route.
"You look pale. Are you sure you're ok?" His words caught me off guard. I looked at him with wide eyes as he felt my forehead, making me flinch. He pulled his hand back quickly with a look of regret.
"You seem a little warm. Let me help you get into bed. If it's ok with you." I nodded and watched as he stood up slowly. Jake grabbed my legs and gently swung them onto the bed. I sank down on the comfortable mattress with a sigh. Even if I felt awkward and not worthy of his attention, I couldn't stop myself from taking advantage of this plush bed at that moment. I melted into the warmth of the blanket and the soft feather-like feeling of the pillow.
"Get some rest." He said as he turned around and left the room. I snuggled deeper into my pillow, basking in the security it brought me. I'm safe, was my last thought before drifting off to sleep.
Chapter Ten
Emily
I woke up in a serene like state. I hadn’t slept this good in ages. A small knock on the door was the only noise that could be heard throughout the ginormous pool house. I didn’t answer and within a few minutes, the door opened slowly. I watched Miss Aida stroll into the room and head straight to the curtains.
Sunshine illuminated the entire room nearly blinding me as the curtains pulled apart. Talk about your wake up call. I covered my eyes with the comforter as I heard Aida chuckle.
"Breakfast will be ready soon."
I moved the covers from my face and stared at her. “What time is it?”
“It’s nine a.m.”
“Oh my God, I slept too late!” I threw the covers off my body and tried my best to get out of the bed. I was unsuccessful as another wave of dizziness hit me making me plop back down on the bed.
“Miss Emily are you ok? You need to take it easy for a few days and focus on eating. That will help that dizzy spell.”
She was right, my stomach was empty and I had to take more pain medicine as soon as my brain slowly registered the aches.
“You’re right.”
“Well then, I’ll see you in the dining room in a bit.” She smiled and closed the door.
I decided to take a shower and put on the one and only outfit laid out on my bed. I took a quick glance in the mirror and cringed. The bandages were off, but I still had to wear the big obnoxious neck brace for at least one more week. It was cringe-worthy and totally unnecessary. Bruises covered my arms and face like I had been in a war zone. I didn’t know how anybody could even glance my way let alone look at me.
Not knowing what to expect, I made my way towards the dining room. Taking one step at a time, being extremely careful not to trip. As I approached the corner of the dining room, I heard a familiar voice and a woman's voice I didn't recognize. I stopped in my tracks and listened.
"What are you doing here?" Jake asked.
"Wow, that's how you greet your sister?" I peaked my head around to get a glimpse. She was beautiful with long flowing brown hair and a large baby bump indicating that she was very much pregnant.
"Sorry just didn't expect you here."
"Well, I'm always hungry and I wanted to thank you for sending in extra reinforcements the other day. All the work is caught up now."
My stomach started to growl loudly which made both heads whip around to look at me. My cheeks flamed red as I slowly walked around the corner awkwardly unsure of what to say or do. Jake's eyes were as big as saucers as if he had momentarily forgotten I was there.
"Who's this?" She smirked and looked at Jake. I watched his Adam's apple bob.
I almost felt bad for him. He probably hadn’t told his family that he was harboring a homeless girl. I couldn’t just come out and say that though, he would probably get some backlash and it wouldn’t look good for me either. I decided to help him a bit. I lied.
"I'm Emily. Jake's friend," he seemed to visibly relax blinking a few times.
"Yeah, this is Emily. Emily this is Ashley, my nosy big sister.”
"Well, it's nice to meet you, Emily. My gosh, what happened to you?" She tried not to cringe but gave me a tight smile as she reached out her hand to give me a firm handshake.
I looked at Jake who was once again uncomfortable. He shifted from side to side looking down at the ground.
“A crazy man hit me and took off. Jake just happened to be there and helped me. He’s a real hero.” I said that last part sarcastically as he looked up at me, unsure of what to say.
“Well- I wouldn’t um say that exactly.” He scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “It’s a good thing you are still alive and all is well. I’m letting her stay here until she recovers. Her stupid landlord kicked her out, she missed her job interview because of the jerk. Terrible situation. In the meantime let's eat, I’m starved.” Turning quickly he retreated into the doorway of the next room.
We all sat down as breakfast was served. My mind wondered why he was still home and not at work. He had since changed out of his black sweats and matching shirt, instead sporting a dark blue polo shirt and jeans.
"Congratula
tions,” I said nonchalantly as I reached for a piece of toast. The awkward silence was so painful sometimes.
"Thank you,” Ashley beamed, biting into some eggs. More silence ensued as only the clinking from our forks hitting the plates could be heard. After a minute of her chewing, she spoke again.
“How long have you guys been friends?” She emphasized the word friends using her two forefingers as quotes. Drinking orange juice, Jake started to choke. He placed the cup down gently as he covered his mouth taking a mere minute to recover.
“Are you ok?” I questioned slowly.
He waved my question off before clearing his throat. Wiping the visible tears from his eyes, his voice strained a bit as he answered me. “I’m fine. Fine.”
I noticed Ashley smirking as she took another bite of her eggs. He glared daggers at her before putting a small piece of pancake in his mouth totally avoiding the question at hand. The conversation was becoming more and more awkward as the clock ticked on. But just as my ears were getting used to the small sounds around me Ashley blurted out, "You know you look very familiar, I can’t put my finger on it. Doesn’t she kind of resemble our mom?”
Out of nowhere, he slammed his fist on the table making me jump out of my skin. The plates clashed with the silverware and Jake’s orange juice spilled out from his glass. A flashback of my father doing the same thing raced through my mind. I started to breathe heavily trying to find air in my lungs, but I felt nothing. I quickly pushed away from the table and ran in the direction of the pool house.
Chapter Eleven
Jake
"Look what you did you, idiot." My sister frustratedly said, giving me a dirty look.
"Look what I did? How about you? I told you not to bring up that subject ever."
"Seriously Jake. She was my mom too! You can't change what happened! All that therapy I see isn't paying off. You are wasting your money!"
“Nobody asked you how to spend my money!”
She scraped her chair back violently and threw her napkin on the table. "If I were you, I would seriously reconsider changing therapists. You have serious anger issues!” She huffed and walked away.
I sat there with my hands roughly grasping the little hair I had on my head. I could feel the darkness start to creep in. The darkness I fought to control every day. I quickly reached for my phone and called my therapist.
"I need you right now!" I yelled into my phone after she answered. Without another word, she hung up. I focused on my breathing until my head hurt. I didn’t want this feeling anymore. After that hospital visit, I sat in my car blowing into a brown paper bag. It took me all day to recover from that. I sat in the same spot until the doorbell rang. I was lost in my own thoughts as a hand came down on my shoulder.
"Let's go to the office, Jake."
I dipped my head and got up. Feeling the weight sink down hard on my shoulders, I dragged my feet behind her. As we got into the office, she closed the door behind me and I plopped down on my black couch. Sometimes even the couch didn’t feel like it was strong enough to hold my burden let alone me.
"So what’s going on Jake?" My therapist Jessica asked in a monotone voice. She had been my therapist for four years. She was fresh out of grad school and had taken over for Mrs. Gates, my therapist since the incident.
"I-I feel the darkness. It's coming back. My sister mentioned the “m” word and I lost it."
"You mean mom. We talked about this Jake, you need to say it out loud. It will help in your healing process."
"I can't...I just can't. Every time I hear the word it brings up the memory of her eyes the way she was suffering. The way she left me..." A tear clouded my vision and I wiped it away.
"I know. Tell me what happened from the beginning."
"I hit this girl with my car the other day."
"Girl?"
"Yeah. She was crossing the street, I didn’t pay attention. I was in a hurry and I didn’t stop in time. Oh God Jessica it was awful. I thought she was going to die in front of me just like, well you know. I don’t think I could have lived with myself if that happened.”
“So the girl is ok?”
“Yes thankfully. I convinced her to come stay with me and that I would pay for everything. I know it's not enough. I can’t take back what happened even though I so desperately want to. Now I have these haunting nightmares that are mixed between the girl and the incident.”
“Well, that’s normal Jake especially for a traumatic event such as that to occur. Without a doubt, it seems that it has reopened that old wound and is confusing you.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“So what is it that triggered you just now to break down?”
“My sister came over unexpectedly and we were sitting eating breakfast. That's when my sister turned to the girl, Emily's her name, and Ashley just blurted out 'she resembles our m-' you know. As soon as I heard it, I lost it. I slammed my fists down on the table and scared Emily. My sister got mad at me and I just couldn't handle it anymore, that's when I called you."
"I see. How do you feel now?"
"Heavy. Lost. Confused.”
“Those, like I said, are all normal feelings.”
“Are you feeling bad about scaring this girl?"
"Yeah. I haven't thought much about it ‘till now. I promised her no harm would come to her if she came to stay with me.”
"Well, I think it will help if you go and talk to her. Maybe explain a little bit of why you felt the need to slam your fists."
"No, I can't explain it to her. She would surely hate me. And I don’t feel the need per se, I just do it out of impulse.”
"I believe you are overthinking this. Or are you purposely ignoring her now because of her looks?"
"No. For the most part, I can handle her looks. She resembles her, it's nothing major. It’s just that stupid word!” I growled and ruffled my hair in frustration.
"Well, it's a start. Are you feeling calmer now?”
“I guess, mostly numb.”
“Well, then I think our session is up.”
She got up from her chair and removed her business-like glasses and laid her notebook in her chair. Her black pencil-thin skirt slid back down to its original form as she walked over to me and straddled me; her skirt rode back up as she did so. I obliged and put my hands on the sides of her hips. I felt numb and lifeless. We had been doing this for a while now and I knew it was wrong, but it took away the pain that consumed me. It was pure pleasure and nothing more.
It started two years ago when I was completely drunk. I called her over for a session, and I ended up kissing her. At first, she was shocked but then she kissed me back. After that night, I thought seriously about giving her up as my therapist. She begged me not to, saying that it was a one time deal and that it would be our little secret. Somehow since then, it had turned into a once a session thing as a coping mechanism and I couldn’t seem to stop myself. She didn’t seem to want to stop me either.
I started to kiss her lips and bite them gently causing her to moan. I then kissed her neck and wrapped my arms around her back. I pulled her around me and onto the couch so that I was on top of her. I unbuttoned her blouse, pulling my shirt off as well and tossed it to the ground. I kissed each one of her breasts through her hot pink lace bra.
I could feel myself growing hard quickly. That's all this ever was - quick. She unzipped my jeans and pulled them off. I stopped kissing her and grabbed a condom from my desk. Most men wouldn't have condoms in their desk drawers, but I did. We always had sex in my office, never anywhere else. I wouldn't allow it. After all, this was only part of the therapy session. I walked back over to her and laid on top of her. Thrusting into her fast as she cried out in ecstasy. Within five minutes it was over and I felt relief wash over me. It was either this or a whole bottle of whiskey.
She smiled at me and got up quickly to get dressed. She leaned over to me as I sat on the couch naked not bothering to get dressed and gave me a gentle kiss.
"Until next time," Jessica whispered and walked away, closing the door gently behind her. I was left in complete numbness which was always better than the darkness.
Chapter Twelve
Emily
I sat on my bed staring out the big window. I felt safe in this room and didn't want to move. I knew everyone had a sensitive spot and it was silly of me to be worried over something so trivial as that, but It scared the hell out of me. He told me I would be ok and I never once expected to see that side of him. I didn’t understand why all of sudden he just lost his cool. I mean it was a bit of a disastrous breakfast but it wasn’t bad enough to act that way. I just needed to stay until I found a job and a better livable situation. A knock resonated throughout the room making me snap out of my thoughts.
"Come in," I said quietly, not sure if the other person could even hear me.
The door slowly opened revealing a disheveled looking Jake. His hair was a mess as if he had tried to pull at it several times. He had slight stubble and dark circles under his eyes. He still looked so handsome despite these new features he was sporting. He kept his eyes trained to the ground only glancing at me a few times.
"Can we talk?" He asked.
I tilted my head, pulling my knees up to my chest, and resting my chin on top.
"Listen, I’m really sorry about today. You see I have a - well I um, I had a traumatic situation happen to me, a long time ago and sometimes I get a bit worked up.”
I kept my eyes on him not knowing how to respond to such a heavy line.
“I’m still trying to figure out how to handle everything. But I swear on my life that I would never hurt you. I am so sorry I scared you. That was not my intention at all. I don't want you to feel scared here."
He bit his bottom lip and looked at me. His gorgeous eyes now held pain and my mind never once realized the sadness laced in his voice from any other time I had talked to him. The timidness that this man possessed at that moment was overwhelming. And to think someone as vulnerable as him could be so angry just a few hours prior. Perfection is a disease and it's the soul that needs surgery. One wrong move and it spills out its ugly head. He was really good at hiding it, piquing my curiosity. In many ways, this broken stranger was exactly like me except he lacked one trait, the ability to judge someone. This was a good thing because not once had he judged me, but instead, I was the one to always judge him. It wasn’t right and I needed to change this as soon as possible.
