by Traci Sek
“And if I didn't go to rehab, who knows where I would be. I’m willing to prove to you no matter what it takes, that I will never be the man you grew up with.”
I couldn’t believe his words. I stood there stunned as the taxi rolled up behind us beeping his horn. I looked behind me as did Jake before looking back at him. His chest heaving up and down at an unhealthy rhythm. I didn’t want to leave him and I didn’t want him to leave me. I knew eventually I would come to my senses and we would make up. But this I wasn’t expecting. I commended him on making that decision and at such a fast rate. It showed me that he truly was sorry and that he really wanted to be there for us. But could I sleep alone in that big house without him? To not be able to have him comfort me when I needed it the most. When did I become such a love sick fool?
He walked past me and pulled out money from his pocket sticking it through to the cab driver.
“She’s changed her mind. Thank you for coming.” The cab driver nodded, taking the money from his hands and then speeding off down the street.
“Wait what about your job?”
“I'll explain everything to my dad he will understand. My brother is a mess himself and I didn’t even realize it. I was too busy worrying about myself. His marriage is falling apart at the seams and again I was too blind to realize it. I don’t want that for us.”
It was shocking to hear that Josh was in such a bad situation, his whole family had their own types of issues and neither of them ever wanted to admit that. Not one of them had actually healed properly from the death of their mother and that was extremely sad to me.
I placed my hands on his cheeks even though he flinched a bit sending a wave of regret through me. “I’m sorry I slapped you earlier. It just all happened so fast I saw my father’s face and it just did something to me. This uncontrollable anger coursed through me.”
“Don’t apologize I deserved everything I got.” I grabbed his hands and placed them on my belly which instantly heated at his warm touch. A flutter coursed through me as I looked him dead in the eyes. “Do you feel that?”
I watched his Adam's apple bob a few times and his eyes gloss over before he nodded.
“That is a human life that loves you without even knowing you. She needs you and so do I. Don’t be afraid of it. Embrace it. Hold it tight and don’t let go. Do you hear me?”
A tear escaped his eyes as he once again nodded. I felt my own tears roll down my cheeks as I placed my hands back on his face and squeeze it. “We will be here when you are ready, when you get better.”
Our lips met in a hungry need to show each other how much we really loved each other. To show our brokenness and all our regrets. His hands never left my bump, mine never left his face. We kissed like this for God only knew how long before stopping to breathe.
He grabbed my hand lovingly before pulling me towards the car. “Come on. We have work to do.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Emily
A man once wrote, people will do anything no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious. That was Jake. He realized that he could no longer avoid facing his inner demons, but instead became aware of it and was making it better.
It was hard to watch him go. Even though just a week before I wanted to walk away from him. Well actually I didn’t want to walk away from him. I had no choice because I didn't think he was capable of changing his ways. Even then it didn’t hurt as much because now it WAS a choice. A choice for the better, for our baby, and for our future.
His father had found an amazing rehab facility and program that lasted three months. This was perfect because he would still be here for the birth of the baby. It seemed that once Jake truly opened up and became his most vulnerable self, so did the rest of his family. Josh and Amy decided it was time for a marriage counselor who could work through all of their issues including his childhood. They had their first family meeting with the counselor next week at the rehab facility Jake was at.
The only problem, I wasn’t allowed to go. His father feared that if he saw me, he wouldn’t be able to handle it and mess up the whole program resulting in him staying longer. That I couldn’t have so I gladly accepted it. Even though it broke my heart. It had only been three days since he had left. The first week he wasn’t allowed to communicate with anyone and it killed me.
I clutched my phone for dear life, sometimes staring at it hoping that it would light up with a message or his gorgeous face, but it didn’t. So this was what it felt like to be a love sick puppy. All the times I would read situations like this in stories never once imagining that I would be in this situation. I swiped through the photos we had taken just recently for the hundredth time today as I sighed. A picture of him appeared of him rolling up a plastic wrap, half kneeling on the bed in his dark blue suit jacket that was open revealing a crisp white dress shirt. He was so concentrated on rolling something up as I remembered that moment.
“ What are you doing?” I chuckle stupidly at this man before me. He’s trying his hardest to roll up some sort of clear wrapping paper on our bed deep in thought before looking up at me surprised. I must have startled him as the roll fumbles out of his hands and lands on the floor with a soft thud.
“Hey!” He says and I notice a medium sized box sitting next to him as he swipes that too on the floor as fast as he can. “I just was um,” he pushes his fingers through his hair nervously like he always does before he realizes I'm holding my phone in the air laughing.
“Is that for a secret admirer?” I ask teasingly.
He scrunches up his nose playfully as he too laughs. His laughs, always sending my skin into a frenzy of goosebumps.
“No it’s for you. A small going away present I guess you could say.” He smiles sadly making my laugh die down quickly as well.
I snap another picture of him out of impulse before he walks over to me with the black box. I lower my phone, never taking my eyes off his. “Jake you did not have to do that!”
He shrugs, “I know. I wanted to.” He shoves the box gently in my direction as my fingers reach out to grab on to it. “Sorry it’s not wrapped. I couldn’t figure out how to do it.”
I smile and begin to pry the box open. It doesn’t take but a few seconds to lift the lid as I gasp and almost drop the box. Inside is a necklace to be more precise a gold locket shaped in an oval that dangles down on a silver chain.
“It’s got a message inside it.” I take it with shaky hands, my thumb swiping over the engraved words ‘I love you’ before clicking it open and reading it. ‘Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.’ I read it slowly out loud and then look up at him. His green eyes swirl with emotion and his face is tense. He brings his forehead towards mine as his jawbone tightens and his lips purse.
“No matter what happens, no matter how tense things will get and have been, our love will find a way through it. So don’t ever forget that.”
Mesmerized by his eyes, tears start to fall down my cheeks like rain before I reach up and kiss him tenderly.
“Emily!” I shook my head out of my dream-like state and looked over at Aida standing in my doorway. Her hands placed on her hips in a motherly way. My hand clutched the locket and I could feel the pools forming in my eyes. When she saw this her demeanor changed a bit as her form became more relaxed.
“Honey I’ve been calling you for five minutes now. You had me worried sick.”
Letting go of my locket, I swiped the tears away from my eyes. “I’m sorry, I was lost in thought.”
“It’s okay honey, I know you are thinking of him but you have to also think of yourself and that baby. It’s time for dinner. Also Mr. Williams senior is here to check up on you.”
“He is?” She nodded her head.
“He’s waiting for you downstairs at the dinner table.” She turned and walked out the door without another word.
I jumped off m
y bed excited even though it was his father and we were not yet in each other's good graces.
Taking a quick glance in the mirror, I took a deep breath and headed down the stairs as gracefully as I could muster and walked into the dinning room.
His father rose from his chair, shocking me momentarily before he spoke. “Hello Emily.”
Chapter Forty-Three
Emily
“Hi.” I answered timidly.
He pulled out a seat close by him and I sat down too stunned to argue what the hell was happening. This was not like his dad at all, at least the guy I knew. He sat back down as plates were placed down in front of us.
“How are you?” He asked, suddenly making me look in his direction.
“I’m hanging in there, I guess. Thanks for letting me stay in your house even though Jake is away.” My heart ached at the sound of his name leaving my lips but I quickly pushed it away.
He dismissed it with a wave of his hand. “Nonsense. You are part of our family now.” I nearly dropped my fork at those words. I watched him with wide eyes as he finished chewing his food and placed his fork down. Taking a sip of his red wine, he started to talk.
“I know we haven't started off on the best of terms and for that I am sorry. When you become a parent and they grow up, you will understand what it's like to be over protective. Jake has always made impulse decisions as you now know and when you randomly showed up I was a bit skeptical. I admit I judged you too soon without allowing myself to get to know you.”
I had no idea how to respond and so I sat back and waited for him to finish.
“I will forever be grateful to you for helping my son in one of his darkest hours. I had lost all hope in trying to convince him of his ways. I didn’t think he would ever love again after the incident with his mother. He was the closest to her, being the baby of the family and all.”
His eyes were filled with regret and sadness, something I would never be able to forget. He took a deep breath, “Anyway, thank you for pushing him to get help.”
“I really didn’t do anything sir. It was all him. After the night with Josh we got into a fight…” I paused thinking back to the painful memory. “He came up to me and said he needed help and that he was going to put himself in rehab for us and for the baby.”
His father glanced down at my stomach and back up again before clearing his throat. “I know he told me everything that happened. He loves you like I’ve never seen anyone love before. I just didn’t see it until that day and please understand me keeping you away is really for the best. He needs to face his demons on his own without anyone helping him. I also promised him that if he did that, that I would check up on you at least once a week.”
I smiled at him for the first time ever. He really was a good person deep down. He was an amazing dad who lost his way because of tragedy. I knew Jake would be a great father because of him. And I also knew that Jake’s dad was a caring and gentle giant with a rough exterior.
“Well I’m glad you did. I look forward to getting to know you more and getting to know about Jake more and even… His mom?” I asked the last part with hesitation not knowing if he was triggered by the event as well. To my surprise he chuckled a bit before nodding his head.
“I would like that. Don’t worry we were all affected it was a terrible terrible thing that took place, and I will always love his mother. But no one was affected as much as Jake. He witnessed the entire thing. I can only piece together based off of what I could get out of him and the police.”
My heart broke for Jake all over again at the thought. “I know what he went through. It’s not something you can ever erase from your mind.” I whispered into the distance. My own memories get the better of me.
“Oh?”
I chuckled humorlessly before the tears overcame my vision. “It’s funny how you think you are the only person in the world that could witness something so horrific but then fate steps in and proves us wrong. My mother was killed in front of me when I was just a child by my father.”
The silence is almost deafening, my sniffling is the only sound you can hear until his father cleared his throat. “I know, Jake told me a while back. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“He did?”
He nodded solemnly.
I waved my hand in a dismissive way before wiping my tears. “It doesn’t matter, I have learned to cope with it.”
“I guess that’s why Jake is so protective over you.” I smiled through my tears as I continued to leak everywhere.
“Damn hormones.” I said as we both laughed.
“Well, I’m afraid I must go. This was a nice lunch.” Rising from his chair, he fixed his suit jacket and started to head towards the door. I followed suit.
“I agree it was nice. I look forward to more lunches in the future.” He smiled and turned to leave. “Wait!”
He turned back to me with a concerned look. “Tell Jake I love him.”
He smiled and nodded. “Will do.”
Chapter Forty-Four
Jake
“How is she dad?”
My dad sat in front of me for another check up visit. He came a few times a month and although I was grateful for his visit, I always wished it were Emily.
“She’s good. Baby is healthy and doing great. Nothing to worry about.”
I sighed in relief and looked at my hands. It’s been two whole months. One more to go. Two whole months of not being able to touch her or feel the baby move inside of her. Two whole months of not being able to see her beautiful face. The last image I had was burned into my memory on repeat.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m really good. I just want to get the hell out of here.”
“Do you think you will be able to handle all the stress once you get out? You know, having a new baby and work.”
I nodded my head, my forearms resting on my knees. “Yeah. I feel more stronger and confident than ever. This has really changed my life. I talk everyday with a counselor about getting back into the real world. I have no desire to take a drop.”
“What about the anger?”
“It’s better, tolerable. I feel like I have more control on everything. You know they got a gym which has been my sole spot for the past two months.”
“That’s great to hear son. I’m very proud of you. I have something for you as a reward for going into your third month.”
I raised one eyebrow at him in curiosity as I folded my arms on my chest. “What’s that?” My eyes followed his hands towards the inside of his jacket pocket as he pulled out what looked to be a little four by six picture. Upon further inspection I saw he was holding two pictures. One more flimsy than the other. He smiled at me as I leaned forward in anticipation.
“Emily wanted me to give these to you. Said she couldn’t wait for you to get home.” I gulped and reached out my hand grasping on to the picture. My heart was beating wildly in my chest. He let go of the pictures as I turned them over to see a sonogram picture of the baby. Our baby. I gasped and covered my mouth. Hot tears welled up in my eyes before I quickly swept them away.
The second picture was of Emily and she was absolutely stunning. She stood with a bright ear to ear smile, her hand over her larger bump. Her hair cascaded down the front of her shoulders in a wavy style. I smiled as my heart thudded loudly in my ears. This is why I am here. This is why I need to keep going. I looked back up at my dad who was also smiling from ear to ear. I hadn't seen him smile like that in years.
“Thank you.” I sniffed. “I needed this.”
“You’re welcome son. One more month.”
One more month.
***
I had made it. I was finally getting out of the mini paradise jail. I was finally going to see Emily. All the nights I had dreamt about holding her tight and kissing her pink lips was finally going to be a reality. Only a couple of us got out that day. The people that were more severe stayed for the sixth month program or as long as they saw fit past s
ix months. My knee bounced up and down uncontrollably, and my fingers locked together tight almost cutting off my blood circulation. I tried hard to pay attention to the last words of my counselor as I glanced up at the ticking clock hanging precisely over his head.
“Jake, are you listening to a word I’m saying?”
I focused my vision back to Jerry, who had a concerned look on his face, leaning back in his leather chair.
“Hmm. Yes. Of course.” He chuckled before leaning back up from his chair placing his hands on his desk.
“I know you are excited to be free but this is important. I don’t want you to have a relapse out there and end up back here.”
“Oh you can bet your ass I won’t be back. I’m one hundred percent better. I feel great, relieved, energized even.”
“That’s the newness talking. I see it all the time but once they hit the real world with stressful jobs and family life it starts to burn them out again and gets their minds reeling in other directions.”
“Jerry listen, I entered this place on my own for one reason, My family. It took almost losing the love of my life to realize I wanted nothing to do with this shit ever again no matter how hard it is because I know I have one shot left, and I also know that it would be so much harder to lose her than to not want to pick up a bottle.”
The familiar timer on his desk rang to life signaling the end of my very last session. I smiled wider than I’ve ever smiled in my entire life. Standing up from my seat, I reached out my hand and shook his.
“Thank you Jerry for everything. I promise you won’t see me again.”
“Good luck Jake it was a pleasure assisting you.”
Pushing the thin frame of the black wooden door open, I headed for my destination. My heart pounded wildly in my chest giving me the extra push I needed to make it to the other side of that double glass door. My stomach was in knots as I started to break out in a sweat. My legs wouldn’t move fast enough or at least that's what my over hyped up brain kept telling me. The last couple steps I nearly galloped pushing my way through the glass doors. My eyes zeroed in on the one and only girl that took my breath away. That made my heart pump at unhealthy rates. Emily smiled from ear to ear as she started to run towards me with open arms.
