“Later, then,” I whisper, running my fingers over his beard. “There must be something I can do.”
He lays a hand on my thigh, his thumb stroking my hip bone. “There are some files on my desk, from Jimmy Golden. Look through them, see what you can find, anything at all on the Pino cartel. Jimmy’s convinced Antonio is involved in a drug-running ring based in Mexico that involves both the Russians and the Chinese. It’s possible Endo French is involved, too, he’s a very important contact for the Pino brothers, his product is some of the best out there, but any Bolivian involvement hasn’t yet been confirmed. We need to find out as much as we can, Olivia, anything – no matter how small – that could help us bring down the Pino cartel once and for all. With their territory, their section of the border, and their business contacts, we’ll be running so much shit. The Delgado cartel will be the name everyone fears, and the one everyone wants on their side.” He smiles again, his fingers digging more firmly into my flesh, and I feel my heart rate quicken. “Do you understand just how fucking big we could be?” he murmurs, pushing my nightgown up over my hips. “Nobody will be able to touch us. No-one will dare.” He lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around him as he pushes inside me, slamming me back against the wall with the sheer force of his thrusts. Shit like this turns him on, it excites him, and once-upon-a-time I would’ve found that sick. Now it excites me, too, that’s who I’ve become now. Ten years we’ve been married. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary, and there isn’t a day goes by when I don’t regret doing what I did – leaving everything I ever knew behind to be with this man. This dangerous, law-breaking man. He’s worth it all. His world is mine now. And there’s nowhere else I want to be.
The sex, it’s over in minutes, this was nothing more than a necessary release, but he still manages to make me cry out; still manages to send that beautiful, white-hot pain sweeping through me, and when he’s done he lowers me down; kisses me softly. He squeezes my ass, trails his fingertips gently down the back of my thigh as he looks into my eyes, and I wish he didn’t have to go out. I want him to stay; I want us to lock ourselves away and fuck until we can’t take anymore, but days like that are few and far between. He has work to do, we both have. I’m part of the circle now. I know everything.
“I love you, Olivia,” he whispers, his mouth still resting against my skin, his breath warm on my shoulder.
“I love you too,” I breathe as he slides a hand between my legs, touching me one more time, and I bite down on my lip as he slips two fingers inside me, just for a moment, before he pulls them back out.
“Finish yourself off when I’m gone. I need that picture in my head, do you hear me?”
I nod as he reaches past me and picks up the towel I’d left on the chair, wiping his hands before he puts his jacket on, and comes back over to me, cupping my cheek, his eyes staring deep into mine.
“You know I love you more than anything, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. I’ve never questioned that.”
He briefly drops his gaze, but then his eyes are back on mine. “I trust you, Olivia. I trust you, with everything I have. You are a beautiful, strong, determined woman and I am so lucky to have you in my life. And I just want you to know that, whatever happens – this life we live, there are no promises, no certainties, but, just know that I trust you, with everything.”
I frown, and he kisses me, but I’m confused. “Javier…”
“Ssh.” He shakes his head and smiles. “My beautiful girl.” Another kiss, and I hold onto him. “Look through those files. And look hard. You never know when the cartel might need whatever information you find.”
He leaves without another word, and I walk over to the window, waiting until I catch sight of him heading for the car. I watch as he gets into the back, and Lucca climbs into the driver’s seat; I watch as the car pulls out of the driveway. And then I sit down, slide my hand between my legs, and do as Javier instructed.
Olivia
“Is Lucca back now?” Angel pulls his legs up and hugs his knees to his chest as he watches me undress.
“Yes, but don’t worry. He thinks you’re back at the clubhouse.”
“I thought his room was right next to yours?”
I pull off my sweater, leaving me naked bar my panties, and Angel smiles as I pull his legs down and climb astride him.
“These walls are extremely well soundproofed, he won’t hear a thing. Besides, he’s still downstairs. He rarely comes to his room, he doesn’t sleep well.”
Angel’s hand cups my breast, and I throw my head back and moan quietly as he leans forward and flicks his tongue over my nipple. And then I look at him, and his handsome face breaks into a smile, which makes me smile, too. Over the past couple of hours he’s already made me come more times than I can count on both hands, with his mouth, his fingers. His fist. His throbbing cock, so big it consumed me. I’m aching all over, my thighs bruised from the rough sex, but I’m not done with him yet.
I raise my hips and pull the sheet back, his cock once more standing to attention, and I run my thumb lightly over the tip, wiping the warm pre-cum away.
“Take the panties off, Olivia.”
I raise my hips again, pushing my panties down, just enough to frustrate him. He needs to be inside me now, and I know if I touch him I could make him come in a heartbeat, into my palm like a teenager who’s just seen his first pair of tits. I could do that, he is so ready, but I don’t. I slide my hand inside my panties and touch myself as he watches, but he’s seeing nothing.
“Jesus Christ…” he groans. “You’re killing me here!”
I push him back against the pillows, my hand grasping his neck. “If I wanted to, I could, kill you. Just being here, like this, with me, that could very well be your death sentence, but you already know that, don’t you?”
He grins, his fingers wrapping tightly around my wrist. “Messed-up sex gets me off. And this is about as messed-up as it gets. Fucking a cartel queen is right up there, man, if I could tell people about this I’d score so many points. I’d be a fucking hero.”
I smile, my fingers digging into his neck, his hand tightening its grip on my wrist. “But you won’t tell a soul, will you? What happens here, stays here. Between us. You’re in my bed because I wanted you here. I needed someone, Angel, and you were there. That’s all this is.”
“Hey, I’m happy to help in any way I can. That’s what Eddie told me to do, I’m just following orders. Yours, and his.”
I pull my hand away from his neck, and he lets go of my wrist, immediately reaching out to rip my panties off. And then his hands are on my ass, pushing me forward, his tongue darting between my legs and I throw my head back again, biting down on my lip to try and stifle my moans. Every inch of my skin is tingling as his tongue pushes into me, my fingers buried in his hair, this man is the release I needed today; my way of forgetting so much shit, as we all prepare for more to come.
What he’s doing to me, it’s exactly what I need, but I still want more. So I push him away and get up off the bed, backing away until I’m up against the wall.
“What the fuck are you doing, Olivia?”
“Come here.”
He gets up, comes over, but before he can touch me I grab his wrist, our eyes locking. And then he smiles, wrenches his wrist free of my grip and spins me around so I’m facing the wall; grabs my hips and pulls me back against him, his cock ramming into me so hard I almost cry out loud. But I don’t, I push back, feel him fall deeper into me, his fingers digging into my hips so hard it’s painful. But pain helps me forget. Pain takes over, it leaves no room for anything else. Except, I’m not forgetting, even with Angel inside me, sex isn’t masking all of the memories…
Two Years Earlier…
I like Javier’s office. It’s dark walls and floorboards could leave a lot of people feeling closed-in, maybe they’d prefer a brighter style of décor, but I like the darker feel. I like the bookcases lining the walls, fil
led with everything from history books to his favorite novels, some of which are quite surprising. I never had him down as a ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ fan, but he has a first edition.
His desk is modern and uncluttered, just his laptop, a couple of photographs, and a telephone are on there, although right now it’s scattered with the files I’ve been looking through; the book I’ve been scribbling notes in. But I’m done now. I gather together the files and put them back in the top drawer of his desk, locking it before I slip the key into my pocket and leave the office, locking that behind me, too.
I stop by the kitchen and tell Celine she can finish early, I want to cook for Javier tonight. He said he wouldn’t be back in time for dinner but he needs to eat. And I enjoy cooking, even though Javier’s much better at it than me. He’s taught me a lot, including many dishes from Mexico, where he grew up, and Miami, where he spent a lot of time after coming to the USA. I’m going to cook him one of his favorites tonight – Chilorio: pork in a chili sauce – so I hope he’s hungry. He should be. He always forgets to eat, even though I’ve asked Lucca to try and make sure he doesn’t go all day without food, which is pointless in reality, because Lucca doesn’t think he needs to eat either. One’s as bad as the other.
With everything as it should be in the kitchen, I head into the living room and switch on the TV before going over to the window, smiling as I catch sight of Javier’s black Jaguar making its way up the driveway. Perfect timing. We can talk about his day, and mine, while I cook dinner.
Checking my reflection in the mirror above the couch I run my fingers through my hair and wait until I hear the front door open and close; the sound of footsteps on the tiled floor, but I can only hear one set. And when I glance up at the doorway only Lucca is there. He’s alone. And for some reason, my blood feels like it’s turning to ice in my veins.
“Where’s Javier? I’m making his favorite dinner and I don’t want the pork to overcook…”
“Olivia, I need you to…”
“That blood, on your jacket. Whose is it?”
“Olivia…”
“Whose is it?”
“I need you to listen to me, Liv, please.”
But I don’t want to listen. I don’t want him to say the words, because saying the words means it’s happened. It makes everything real.
“No, Lucca. No.” I shake my head, but I’m not crying. I can’t cry. I don’t want to, because deep down inside I know that, ever since I chose to know exactly who Javier Delgado was, I’ve been preparing for this moment, I just – naïvely – never thought it would come.
“I’m so sorry, Olivia. I’m so fucking sorry.”
I back away, sitting down on the arm of the couch. “It’s okay. Really, it’s fine, this… it was going to happen someday, wasn’t it? I can’t pretend it wasn’t a possibility.” I look up at Lucca. “Put that jacket in the wash. Celine has something that stops blood from staining, she keeps it in the laundry room, in the cupboard next to the dryer.”
He takes his jacket off and lies it carefully down on the chair by the door. “We tried, to save him, but we couldn’t get him to Filipe in time. He bled out. The damage was too severe.”
I nod, turning my head to gaze at the TV. There’s a cookery show playing. They’re making something with eggs, I don’t know what, but I think it’s a dessert.
“Where did it happen?”
“Outside the casino on South Street. As we were leaving.”
“Who’s responsible?”
“The Pino cartel.”
“You know that for sure?”
“The war between us and the Pino cartel has been going on for a long time, and this hit… It was them. No doubt.”
I turn my head to look at him. “You’re bleeding.”
“A bullet grazed the top of my arm, it’s nothing.”
“You were trying to protect Javier. It isn’t nothing.”
“I could’ve tried harder.”
“It wasn’t your fault. You aren’t to blame.” I look back at the TV. “Where is he now?”
“At the reservation. Savannah’s looking after his body until we can get in touch with Clay, and start organizing the funeral.”
“I want to see him.”
“That’s not a good idea.”
I hold Lucca’s gaze. “He’s my husband. I want to see him.”
“He didn’t want that, Liv. Okay? He didn’t want you to see him like that.”
“Dead, you mean?”
Lucca drops his head, his shoulders sagging, and I suddenly realize how hard this must be for him, too. “He didn’t want you to remember him that way, Liv.” He raises his head, his eyes locking on mine.
“How do you know that?”
Lucca sighs and leans back against the wall. “He was still alive when we put him in the car. He was able to talk, all the way to the reservation. He passed just after we got there.”
I get up and go over to the window, looking out into the darkness. Hoping Javier will somehow magically appear? No. I know that isn’t going to happen. “Did he tell you anything else? As he was dying?”
“That he loves you. And he’s sorry.”
“For what?” I turn around to face Lucca. “For dying? It’s a risk that comes with the job, he used to tell me that enough times.”
“He wants you to take over, Olivia.”
I stare back out into the darkness, allowing Lucca’s words to sink in.
“You knew that was his wish, if anything happened to him.”
“I know.”
“You’re ready.”
I know that, too. “The things he said to me, this morning, before he left, it was almost like he knew this was coming. Like he could sense something was about to happen. I just didn’t realize that, until now.”
“The Pino cartel are enemies of the Delgado family, Liv, you know that. This vendetta against us, like I said before, it’s been there for decades. They took out Javier’s father and his grandfather before him, and now they’ve taken Javier, too. And they won’t stop. They’ll keep going until they’ve taken everything that’s ours. So we need to put an end to it, before they hurt you, too.”
“They want me dead.”
It isn’t a question. I know they do.
“Javier’s mom, she was shot outside a grocery store. Rumor has it, it was Josephine Pino who took her down. Antonio’s wife. Family members – especially close ones – are just as much a target as the cartel bosses themselves. And now that you are a cartel boss, the danger is real, Liv. The game changed today, and we need to play it very carefully now.” He pauses for a moment. “Turn around, Olivia. Please.”
I do as he asks, but I stay where I am. “How am I supposed to feel, Lucca? Am I supposed to feel anger or sadness because all I’m feeling right now is numb.”
“You will be. For a while.”
“But I don’t want to be. I don’t want to feel nothing.”
He comes over to me, lays a hand on my shoulder, and he smiles, a genuinely warm smile. “Grieve, Olivia. You need to do that. And then we get angry.”
Olivia
He’s coming, hard and fast, I can feel him inside me; feel his fingers massaging my clit as he pulls me up, his cock still deep inside me, his heavy spasms only serving to intensify my own orgasm when it finally hits. And it’s all I can do to stay quiet as that beautiful wave washes over me, again and again, until it slowly subsides, leaving us both panting for breath.
He rests his forehead against the back of my neck, his hands on my hips as he pulls out of me, his breath warm on my skin. I’m exhausted now. I don’t think my battered body can take much more.
“You should go,” I say quietly, turning around to face him.
“Is that what you want?”
“Are you telling me you have nowhere else to be?”
“It’s two in the morning.”
I smile and lean back against the wall, stretching out, I�
��m so tired, but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep. Not properly. Not tonight. “Then it probably makes more sense for you to stay where you are.”
“Do you want me to stay?”
“I think I do. Yes.”
But only because I don’t want to be alone, not tonight. I want to be with someone. Anyone. And this is so fucking wrong, what I’m doing, I’m using this man as a way of helping me forget my pain, but this world we live in – this dark, fucked-up world, it has no rules. And even if it did, rules are there to be broken, aren’t they…?
Six
Olivia
I have no grave to visit. Javier was cremated, his ashes scattered over the garden that faces the ocean. He didn’t want any fuss, it was something he’d always stipulated – if anything happened to him he wanted a simple ceremony, no memorial plaque, nowhere for people to converge and mourn, that was the last thing he wanted. But I know he’s here, somewhere. I feel him, every single day, I still feel him.
“When did you start lying to me, Olivia?”
I look up as Lucca sits down beside me, outside in the courtyard. “Angel stayed the night.” I shrug and take a sip of coffee. “I’m sorry. I just – I didn’t think it was any of your business.”
“I need to know who’s in this house, Liv. At all times. I need to know, so I can keep you safe.”
“I don’t think I was in any danger with Angel, do you?”
“This isn’t a fucking game...”
“Then it’s a good job I’m not playing one.”
I stare out ahead of me, at the colourful flowers and well-kept shrubs, the vivid green bushes. This courtyard has always been one of my favorite places, hidden away in the center of the house, you can only get to it through one of the living rooms. I like it out here because it’s always peaceful. It’s a tranquil place. Javier used to sit out here a lot, when he needed to think. And now it’s where I come too, when I need some time alone. Which is why Lucca’s intrusion isn’t exactly welcome. Today isn’t a day for lectures.
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