Beautiful Dangerous

by Michelle Betham

  He’s right. Today really isn’t the time, or maybe it’s the perfect time, because today, everything changes. Today, we take down the Pino Cartel, or we start to, anyway. Today we dispatch of the brothers who murdered Javier, the heads of our rivals, the people who broke my world into a million pieces, they die. Today. Today, we begin to dismantle everything they’ve built up, we take it from them, and we claim it as our own. Today we become more powerful, more dangerous than ever before. Today, I get the retribution I’ve been looking for. Needed. And once it’s done, maybe then Lucca will see what’s right in front of him – a woman who’s finally been set free, ready to love him like he deserves to be loved…

  Lucca

  I’ve tried to forget what we did, but I can’t. I should, but it’s hard when she’s all I see, every fucking day, it’s my job to stay by her side. It’s not my job to love her. Even though it’s something I’ve been doing for a long time. Too long, but that can never come out, she can never know how long I’ve really loved her. Nobody can.

  “I hate what we’ve become, Lucca.”

  I look at her, and it feels like a painful kick to the solar plexus. There’s so much she can’t know. So much shit, so many lies, things I still can’t get my head around, but all of a sudden the reality is gut-wrenching. Terrifying. “I hate it, too.” Because I do. I hate the way I’m trying to be nothing but professional when all I want to do is pull her into my arms and keep her safe from all the crap she has no idea is happening; the shit that is yet to come. But I’ve already put myself in danger, so keeping my distance is necessary. My life could depend on it.

  “Then why are we doing it? Why are we denying ourselves something that we both want?”

  Because I don’t have the luxury of choice. I can’t do what I want, it’s not possible. I’ve already crossed a line I should never have even come close to stepping over. I lost control, and that can never happen again. “Sometimes the one thing we want is the very thing we can’t have.”

  Her eyes narrow but still burn into mine and I feel like my heart’s being crushed. Every fiber of my being is wishing things were different, but they’re not. And the mess that could be unleashed if the truth came out… The truth will come out, when Javier’s ready. When it’s safe for him to come back, and reclaim his queen…

  Olivia

  “I should go get ready.”

  I’m not some love-struck teenager, so I need to stop acting like one. I was this close – too close to begging him to change his mind, and that isn’t something I should be seen doing. Begging. I’m stronger than that.

  “You’re staying here.”

  I glare at him, is he serious? “Excuse me?”

  “You’re staying here, Olivia. Where you’ll be safe. You don’t need to be there.”

  This isn’t his call, it’s mine, he doesn’t get to make the decisions. “I need to know that they’ve been dealt with, Lucca.”

  “They will be. Trust me.”

  “I don’t want a photograph or a video, that isn’t enough. That isn’t the proof I want. What I want is to stand over their bleeding bodies and know for sure that they’re done.”

  His eyes stare deep into mine, but there’s a darkness clouding them as he gets ready to pull up those shields that make him the cold, hard killer he needs to be today. “Trust me,” he repeats, but he can stand there and say that a million times over, I do trust him. But I still need to see those men die; watch as the life drains from their filthy bodies.

  “I want to do it.”

  “No.”

  “You asked if I wanted to pull the trigger. You asked if I wanted to do it myself…”

  “It’s too dangerous. I should never have given you that option.”

  “I want to do it, Lucca. I want to look into their eyes before I put bullets in their brains.”

  I need to do that. I need to feel like all of this pain, all this shit, I need to put an end to it. And I think, for me to be able to start that new chapter of my life, I need to end the old one. Me. No-one else.

  “I can’t let you do it, Liv.”

  “It’s not your decision, Lucca.”

  “You’re talking about an execution here, and that isn’t the plan, not anymore. Drago will be the one to take them out, the man they’ve come to trust. It needs to be something they don’t see coming…”

  “When did the plan change?”

  So much fucking shit is getting done without my knowledge, and I’m pissed now.

  “Sometimes you’re better off not knowing.”

  “And that’s your decision, right?”

  He looks at me like a parent looks at a child who’s refusing to do as they’re told.

  “Don’t patronize me, Lucca. Don’t do that.”

  “Just trust me, Olivia. And let us get this done.”

  Who does he suddenly think I am? Some princess who needs shielding from the world? When was I ever that? He knows that’s not me, I don’t need protection from this shitty world, I need to control it. Or my part of it. And that’s exactly what I intend to do.

  Lucca

  I don’t know whether this is some knee-jerk reaction to my pushing her away, or whether taking the Pino brothers out herself really is something she needs to do, but it doesn’t matter. She isn’t going anywhere near this hit. And she might think it’s me issuing orders she doesn’t seem to want to follow, but it isn’t. It’s Javier. He wants her kept away from this, he wants her safe, so it’s my job to make sure she comes to no harm.

  She heads back into the house and I start to follow her, until my phone ringing out stops me. It’s Javier. And I sigh quietly and lean back against the low wall that snakes around the edge of the terrace.

  “Is everything in place?”

  Do I tell him how stubborn Olivia’s being? No. All that would do is set him on edge, and I need him as calm as I need Olivia to be. “Everything’s ready to go. Running like clockwork, according to Drago.”

  Drago is one of ours. An ex-Black Ops military man who’s been working undercover with the Pino cartel for just under two years. He was put in place just after Javier’s faked death, our man on the inside. Someone who’s managed to gain their trust and work his way up to be one of the brothers’ closest lieutenants. Thanks to him we know their every move, every detail of this run they’re about to undertake – their final one. We know how many men we have to deal with – twelve. We know the route they’re taking, the time they’re leaving their compound, we know everything we need to in order to take the fuckers down. And Olivia is not going to be a part of it.

  “Good.”

  “Should all be over in a couple of hours.”

  “And Olivia? Did you do as I asked?”

  “She’s staying at the house.”

  “I’m counting on you, Lucca. I need her to stay home, she cannot be put at risk.”

  “She’ll be safe. I promise.”

  He pauses, and I feel that familiar wave of nausea rise up in my throat, it happens every time I speak to him now. Can he sense my betrayal? Does he know what Olivia and I did? Can he sense something’s wrong by the tone of my voice? Does he know how I really feel about his wife? How at times I’d wished he really were dead…?

  “You’ve never broken a promise to me, Lucca. I’d hate to think you’re starting now.”

  He ends the call, and I close my eyes and take the deepest of breaths as my heart tries to beat itself out of my chest. It’s only when my phone rings out again that I open my eyes, checking the screen, but it isn’t Javier this time. It’s Eddie.

  “Everything ready to go your end?” I ask, glancing up at the house, at Olivia’s bedroom window.

  “All set. We’ll see you at the compound in an hour.”

  The call ends, and I pull myself away from the wall and head inside. I need to check on Olivia. And as I reach her room I don’t bother knocking, she doesn’t get to turn me away, not this time, I’m fucking serious
. She’s going nowhere.

  “Jesus, Lucca! You’re just barging in now?”

  She’s pulled her hair back into a severe ponytail, changed her clothes, she’s all in black – jeans, heavy army boots, and a leather jacket that won’t protect her from shit.

  “Open the jacket.”

  “What the fuck is going on here? When did you suddenly become the one who issues the orders?”

  When your husband made me that person. If anything happens to you, I’m the one who’s going to pay for that, and I’m really not into that outcome.

  “Just open the fucking jacket, Olivia.”

  Always the hard way. Everything she fucking does is always the hard way. And I keep my eyes on hers as she slowly unzips the jacket, flinging it open, her jaw clenched in frustration. And there it is. The vest she thinks will protect her, when she knows as well as I do that it won’t protect her from anything.

  “Take it off.”

  “It can’t hurt to wear it. Extra insurance.”

  I take a few steps toward her, our eyes still locked, it’s a battle of wits now. Her stubbornness versus my fear of anything happening to her. That’s why I’m doing this, it’s not like I’m on some kind of ego-trip here. I’m trying to save both our fucking lives.

  “Take it off.”

  “Fuck you!” she hisses, her eyes clouded by a darkness I’m all too familiar with. I’ve seen it before, the black mist that takes over, transforming her into that beautiful monster.

  I move closer still, but her expression doesn’t waver, she remains defiant. “When they come for you, they’re going to hit you, right here.” I jab the first two fingers of my right hand into the center of her forehead, but still her gaze remains fixed on mine. “You’ll go down in a heartbeat.”

  She reaches up and grabs my wrist, yanks it away from her head, she wants a fight. She wants to push me, in a way I think she’s punishing me. For rejecting her?

  “No stab vest in the world is going to save you, baby girl.”

  She keeps hold of my wrist, her eyes still boring into me, and images of her and me, and Javier, they’re filling my head, confusing the fuck out of me at a time when I need to be focused, one hundred per cent. Today of all days, this shit isn’t welcome.

  She finally lets go of me, flinging my arm away like it’s a piece of trash, and she steps back. But she’s still holding my gaze, still staring me down. “I’m doing this, Lucca. I’m fucking doing this, and if you can’t understand why I need to end this…”

  “They will kill you, Olivia. Do you understand that? If they see you, they will kill you.”

  “You’re as much at risk as I am. As Eddie or Angel or any of the bikers, we’re all at risk.”

  “We don’t matter. We’re collateral damage, you’re not. This cartel needs you…”

  Javier needs you.

  Javier wants you.

  I fucking want you, you beautiful, twisted bitch…

  She shakes her head and backs up against the wall, and for a moment the blackness lifts from her eyes, and she’s back to being the woman I don’t want to love, but I do. And I can’t. I can’t love her, I don’t have that right.

  “I can’t lose you too, Lucca.” Her voice is little more than a whisper, and her guard is right down now, she’s let the mask slip, and all I’m seeing is a sad and vulnerable woman who shouldn’t be living this fucking life. “I can’t lose you, too.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Olivia, I promise you that. Which is why I need you to stay here, so we can do the job as quickly and cleanly as possible. You really don’t need to be there. Don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing you care how they die. Don’t do that.”

  She drops her head, but only for a second, and when she raises it the black mist has returned, and her guard is back up, Jesus, she’s fucking killing me here!

  “I have to be there.”

  “Don’t do this, Liv. Please.”

  She takes off her jacket, rips off the vest, and reaches for her gun, tucking it down the back of her jeans. “I have to be there. And you know, deep down, that you can’t stop me.”

  I can have a damn good try. “Even if it means putting me in danger, too?”

  “Jesus, Lucca, we’re already in danger! We live our fucking lives in danger every fucking day, this is just raising the level slightly.”

  I’ve had enough now, she’s pissing me off and wasting my time, we don’t need this shit today. And I’m too quick for her as I slide my hand around her waist and pull her gun from the waistband of her jeans, tossing it onto the bed.

  “What the fuck are you doing?”

  “Saving you.”

  She laughs, a hollow, cynical laugh that echoes off the cream-colored walls, filling the room as we face each other in another heightened stand-off that she won’t win. Not this time.

  “Fuck. You.”

  I press my hand against her neck, my mouth on hers before she has a chance to take another breath, and she fights me. Of course she does. She claws at my arms, tears at my T-shirt; bites my lip, the bitch draws blood. I’d have expected no less.

  I grab her wrists, both of them, and I push her back against the wall, I’m fucking done now. I don’t have time for this crap.

  “Is that an order, or an invitation?”

  She stares at me, but her expression remains impassive. There’s nothing there, no emotion in her eyes. And I hate that every feeling I’ve been trying to suppress for so fucking long is now bubbling back to the surface, but that’s my fault. Fucking her once – making that mistake – it opened a box that should’ve stayed locked, and now I can’t close it. I can’t, and I’m trying to push Javier and all the shit that’s about to come out to the back of my mind because if he ever found out…

  “You don’t want me, remember?” she whispers, her expression softening, but in the blink of an eye she remembers what’s happening here, and she pulls her guard right back up. And if she really wanted me to answer that question it would be, no, I lied, I fucking want you more than you could ever know but your crazy-assed husband is still very much alive and if he had any idea how I really felt about you, he’d kill me himself. End me like a cornered rat, that kind of betrayal does not go unpunished in Javier Delgado’s world.

  I let go of her wrists, and her arms drop to her sides, and I watch her expression change again, disappointment and sadness clouding her beautiful face.

  “Olivia, believe me, there are reasons…”

  I stop myself, because I shouldn’t be doing that. Shouldn’t be giving her an opportunity to ask questions that I have no answers for right now.

  “Reasons for what? Why we can’t be together?”

  I want to tell her everything, an insane moment that passes in a heartbeat, but I can’t tear my eyes from hers.

  “When you found out I’d slept with Angel – when I told the reason why I’d slept with him, do you remember what you said to me? I could’ve come to you, that’s what you said. I could’ve come to you.”

  I swallow down the words I really want to say to her, and ignore the urge to reach out and touch her again. “Olivia, I’m so sorry…” I take a step back, toward the door, I need to go now. And her eyes are pleading with me to tell her something – anything – that will make her understand why something so perfect, in her eyes, can’t happen. And I can’t tell her a fucking thing. So I don’t. I leave, and this time she stays where she is. She doesn’t follow me, but I’m still uneasy, Olivia Delgado can be unpredictable at times, something she only started to become after Javier’s “death”.

  “Lucca?”

  I stop on the stairs and turn around. She’s standing in the hallway, her arms wrapped around herself, and my heart, it’s fucking breaking.

  “I’ll stay here. I promise.”

  My body almost sags with relief.

  “But I need proof, okay? That they really are gone.”

  “You’ll have it.”
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br />   She smiles, but it’s faint, and it doesn’t go anywhere near her eyes, and all I want to do is get her as far away from this fucked-up world as I can. But that fantasy is all it’s ever going to be. A reality that can never happen. She isn’t mine, and she never can be.

  Olivia

  I sit down on the bed and pull out my phone, curling my legs up underneath me as I look for the same video I’ve played every day since Javier’s death. A video that appeared on my phone just minutes after Lucca told me he’d died. And I watch as his handsome face fills the small screen, I listen as he tells me how much he loves me; that if I’m watching this then the worst has happened, he’s gone, but I need to remember him. I won’t survive, if I don’t remember him.

  He smiles, his eyes dark and dangerous and I remember the first time I looked into those eyes, and knew that I loved him. It had terrified me, that moment, scared me so much I didn’t sleep that night. I’d lain awake in his arms, contemplated running, but the truth was it was too late. I was already in too deep. But by morning, I was sure. The doubt had disappeared. There were no more second thoughts. I’d loved him. A part of me still does, always will, but he’s gone. And I’m still here, and I know – I know he wouldn’t want me to be alone forever.

  Remember, Olivia, I will always love you.

  His voice fills my head, and I reach out and touch the screen, tears streaming down my face.

  “Until we meet again, my darling,” he whispers, and the screen goes black. And I resist the urge to press replay, I’m not sinking into that well of self-pity again, I’ve been there far too many times. I have a business to run. Javier’s business. Our business. I have a life that, I’m sure, my late husband would want me to carry on living, which is why, no matter what I’ve just promised Lucca, I have to end the lives of the men who took his.

  Eleven

  Lucca

  The heat in the back of the van is suffocating, and I swear down half these bastards in here don’t wash as often as they should, I mean, Jesus, come on! Don’t they know how a shower works?