The Heart of the Matter

by Heather M Green

"Where's that baby?" my mother demanded around a hug from Stacy. "You look great, by the way," she told Stacy over her shoulder as she followed baby sounds into the living room.

  “He's so big!" I exclaimed. I watched my mom fuss over Dylan and laughed. "Look at his cheeks.” I stealthily made my way over to them and stole him from my mother amidst protests. I zerberted his chubby cheek, making Jeran laugh.

  "Do it to me, Aunt Sophie." He tugged on my pant leg.

  “Yes. Give me that baby and you pay attention to your nephew,” my mother scolded.

  I bent over and zerberted Jeran’s cheek also, receiving another laugh. I had missed these boys.

  “Go show Aunt Sophie your prize for being a big boy,” Stacy said to Jeran.

  Jeran took my hand to lead me out of the room, but my steps slowed when my mother asked, "What do y’all hear from his doctor lately?” I looked over my shoulder to find her studying the scar that ran down the majority of Dylan’s upper body.

  “He's doing great," Trevor told us. "Dr. Anderson said...Oh. Sorry, Soph." He threw an apologetic look my way when he saw me still standing there.

  "Don't apologize. It's ridiculous that you can't even talk about your son's cardiologist while we are here. Mom and Dad want to know all about what’s gone on in the month that I’ve been back in Texas. I do too. I'm fine," I assured him. "Better than fine. Did I mention that I got that waitressing job? Adri is letting me room with her."

  I took Jeran’s hand and continued out of the room, pretending I didn't see the look Stacy shared with my mother and father.

  "What's the plan for today?" I asked at breakfast the next morning.

  "We had talked about taking Jeran to the zoo if the rain lets up," my mom answered. "Weren't you telling us about some beach with three rocks or something?" she directed the question to me.

  "Yes. It will be kind of cold, but it's breathtaking. I'd like to stop by the hospital and say hi to Ms. Gina at some point also." I told them.

  "Is she that nurse you were telling me about?" Mother asked.

  "The best nurse out there," Stacy answered for me. "You'd love her."

  "Gwampa," Jeran said around a mouth full of pancake, "Can we find bananas today?"

  "I believe there are bananas right on the counter," he said.

  "No, Gwampa. The slimy bananas."

  "He means banana slugs," Trevor interpreted. "If it stops raining, we can find a trail and look for some. Okay, bud?"

  "Yay!" Jeran cheered. "We get to find bananas."

  "Eat your breakfast," Stacy said. "You need energy to hunt for the bananas."

  I stopped short as if my feet were embedded in quick-dry concrete blocks. James. I choked. Curse my short-sightedness. The only time I didn't check the window. I had purposely come at a time I knew he wouldn't be here to avoid this very scenario.

  And he wasn’t alone. I quickly took in their clasped hands and her beautiful, worshipful smile. It burned into my mind, cauterizing the pathways to my heart as it went. No doubt leaving the record/rewind/replay section of my brain fully intact to grant instant access later with painful clarity.

  Thanks to Kaley and our long talks over the past few weeks, I was healing. I didn’t feel like melting into a puddle on the floor every time Adri asked if I’d heard from him. Or even at her more recent suggestion of deleting all the pictures I had of him. She had promised that would bring immense satisfaction and emotional cleansing. I hadn’t deleted them. Nor did I send Kaley to burn a paper bag of dog poop on his doorstep- Adri’s first, though not brightest, suggestion. I was proud of my forgiving nature. As a result, Adri was beginning to forgive also. This seeing him with someone else, however, was a little much. Don't ever let it be said he allowed grass to grow under his feet.

  My imagined scenario had played out way better than this. But then, I couldn't imagine a situation more embarrassing and painful than this had the potential to be.

  Panic welled in my chest and the back of my eyes burned. Was the room uncomfortably hot or was it just me? I felt my face burn with humiliation. I turned for the doors just as I heard Zeke's obnoxious voice calling out to me.

  "Sophie, thanks for meeting me here." Zeke grinned over at James as he sauntered up and draped a protective arm around my shoulders.

  Meeting Zeke here? What?

  Too many things were running through my mind in that instant and I couldn't make sense of any of them. James here in the NICU and with another woman. James' head snapping up at the mention of my name. James' sharp intake of breath at the sight of me. James looking oh, so much better than I remembered.

  Zeke kissed my cheek and turned me toward James and who I assumed was his girlfriend. Funny Kaley hadn’t mentioned that small detail in all the time she’d recently spent coaxing me back over to the dark side. "You remember Dr. Anderson, right, babe?"

  "I...I think we met...uh, spoke once or...yes," I stammered as understanding dawned. I owed Zeke forever for this save in front of James' supermodel. "Nice to see you again, Doctor." My voice almost sounded normal. Points for me. Big girl points.

  "You too," James mumbled, looking as uncomfortable as I felt.

  "I'll go tell Ms. Gina I'm going on break now. Just a minute, babe. I'll be right back." He winked at me over his shoulder.

  I didn't miss the snide, victorious look he sent James' way, but I couldn't feel vindicated by his efforts. I felt as if I had entered a timewarp and life sped past me while I stood by stupidly doing nothing. At least my mouth wasn't hanging open spewing unintelligible sounds.

  When the tension in the room felt like a ticking bomb showing 4...3...2, and a useless fact about rebound relationships was on the tip of my tongue, Zeke was at my side, kissing my cheek again, and taking my hand.

  "We're good to go," he told me. "What place did you want to try this time?" He led me out of the NICU. When the doors closed on James and his girlfriend, I took what felt like my first breath in hours.

  "Well, that was awkward," Zeke grinned, still holding my hand and dragging me toward the elevator.

  Not as awkward as it could have been, thanks to Zeke. I pulled him to a stop in the hall and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Zeke, whatever you want, it's yours,” I promised. “Anything."

  His grin widened and he wrapped his arms around my waist, chuckling suggestively, "How about fathering your first born?"

  I slapped his shoulder and took a step away from him, pulling out of his embrace.. "Leave it to you...Okay. Anything but that."

  "You are absolutely no fun. Fine. Have dinner with me. It's good to see you again, Sophie. How long are you here for?" he asked as he took my hand again and pulled me into the elevator.

  James

  I stormed into my apartment and slammed the door behind me. Andy turned from the kitchen and called, “Hey, man. Back so soon? I ordered pizza. It should be here any minute. See if there’s a game on…” His voice trailed off and his eyebrows rose. “What the heck happened to you?”

  “Just when I think things can’t get worse..." I ran a hand through my already disheveled hair. I couldn't shake the agitated feelings of shock and disbelief. Nor could I erase the image of Zeke kissing Sophie’s cheek and taking her hand like he had a right to. And I’m sure it hadn’t helped that Sara was clinging to me like Saran Wrap. "This is the most royal mess up I’ve ever made. And I’ve made some big ones.” I blew out a frustrated breath. I’d had a plan. Kaley said Sophie had softened a bit.

  “Bigger than Nicole?” he asked and I glared at him. Still he continued. “Bigger than Sophie? ‘Cause you’d have to do a lot to go bigger than the mistake you made in letting her go.”

  “Grrrr!” I ground out in frustration and fisted my hands in my hair and pulled.

  “Okaaaay,” Andy replied tentatively.

  I dropped down on the sofa. I guess my hunched over posture with elbows on my knees and my head in my hands didn’t give him any clues, so I had to spell it out for him. “I saw her.”

  “Saw who? You�
��ve gone out with more girls in the past month than I’ve seen in the past year and you expect me to guess which one you saw? I don’t even know how you keep them all straight.”

  “Andy!” I snapped. “I saw her.”

  Andy’s eyes got huge and he seemed at a loss for words. A first for him. “Her, as in Sophie? Didn’t she go back to Texas and that’s what started the shark-like dating frenzy?

  “She’s here,” I groaned. “She’s back with her parents for the Thanksgiving holiday. She mentioned the possibility before she left. Her parents haven’t seen Dylan yet.” I sighed. “So I’m standing there in the NICU talking to Sara-“

  “The current flavor of the week?” Andy clarified.

  I threw him a warning look and continued, “I glanced up when I heard the doors open and who do you think walks in?” I continued without waiting for an answer. “Sophie. I’m holding Sara’s hand, discussing where we’re going to eat, when she walks in.”

  “Rookie move,” Andy informed me. “Shouldn’t have had Sara meet you there.”

  “Like I knew Sophie was going to come waltzing in,” I said in exasperation. “I’ve been trying to break things off with Sara for weeks.”

  “She was just filler. Admit it, man. They all have been,” Andy said knowingly.

  “Gladly. I can admit that.” I brushed his observation, however true, away with a wave of my hand. “That’s beside the point. There I am frantically trying to pry my hand from Sara’s,” I continue my retelling, “And I can’t seem to make my brain work let alone my mouth. It’s like my brain short circuited or something. I forgot about Sara, of course-”

  “Of course,” Andy weaseled in. “Because everyone pales in comparison to Sophie.”

  Idiot. I went on, unphased. “All I could see was Sophie. It was like those movies where everything happens in slow motion. I made up some excuse and cancelled with Sara. I couldn’t take her out when all I could think about was Sophie.”

  “I’ll gladly help you with Sara,” Andy interrupted, a gleam in his eye.

  I waved him off again. “She was right there, looking as good as ever. Better even. And to see Zeke, no less.” I shook my head and closed my eyes against the images burned there.

  I’d finally been successful in extricating myself from Sara’s claws to go after Sophie, only to find her wrapped in Zeke’s arms, kissing him like she had done it a million times before. My heart stopped and I swallowed against the nausea at the back of my throat as she smiled up at him and they got on the elevator together. I dragged my fingers through my wild hair again.

  "Even taking you into consideration, Zeke seems like a step down."

  "Nice."

  Andy’s only response was laughter, hysterical laughter. I didn’t see what was so funny. The laughter eventually died down enough that he could talk. “Sorry man,” he said wiping his eyes. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in long time.”

  “How do you figure?” I asked, fuming.

  “Easy. You kill yourself trying to get over her by dating anything in Portland that wears heels and talks in a high voice- it’s not working, by the way- and she shows up to find you cheating on her.”

  “I’m not cheating on her,” I ground out. “How can I be cheating on someone I broke things off with and would never see again?” I had been planning on seeing her again, but Andy didn’t need to know that.

  “Until you do,” he crowed. “And for the record, you aren’t over her. Not by a long shot. You could date all the women in Oregon and then move on to Washington and you wouldn’t get over her. She was the one, dude.” If I didn’t know that before, this disaster brought the fact front and center.

  The doorbell rang, but Andy continued, “How many more times do I or the rest of your family have to tell you before you get it? Man up and go after her. Before it’s too late and you really don’t ever see her again.” Andy gave me one last disgusted look and went to pay the pizza guy.

  Oh, I planned on it.

  Sophie

  “Oh, Adri,” I sobbed into the phone.

  “Sophie? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  “I...w-wasn’t...p-prepared.” All that work with Kaley. All the talk about forgiving with Adri. It had all been just that- talk.

  “Prepared? For what? What’s going on?” Adri’s voice was taking on a hint of panic. I needed to get it together.

  “I s-saw him, Ad,” I sniffed. “Right there by the nurses station in all his h-hot maleness. I wasn’t ready for that. And the…g-girl…” The tears began to flow in earnest.

  “Girl? He had someone with him?” Adri was indignant. “The jerk!” And just like that, whatever depth of forgiveness she’d achieved was gone also.

  “And then Zeke...he s-saved me...I was d-done crying...over h-him,” I bawled. I knew it was getting ugly, but I couldn’t stop. If it hadn’t been so terrible, I’d have laughed at the incredibleness of the situation.

  “Tell me what happened. From the beginning.”

  So I did. Between hiccups and nose blowing, I told her about my sweet nephews and how big they had gotten. I told her about finding bananas and going to visit Ms. Gina. Then I told her about the surreal situation I’d found myself in.

  “I was mortified,” I sniffed. “For the first time in my life I couldn’t even spout totally useless trivia.”

  “Maybe you should be grateful for that. No sense looking anything less than perfect in front of his girl toy. But yeah. That does sound pretty awkward,” Adri agreed.

  “Ya think? And I don’t know what was worse, that or the fact that we pretended like we hardly knew each other. I mean after everything we did and were...”

  “But it’s over. You’ve seen him. You know you can handle it.” Her voice was firm and resolved. I snorted. This was handling it? “Well, at least while you are in the situation,” she amended. “No one needs to know about the post traumatic fallout that followed.” Another snort. “So, I guess you owe Zeke big time, huh?”

  “He only asked to father my first born,” I told her with a wry laugh.

  “Grooosss.”

  “You’re telling me. But really, he took me to dinner.” I wouldn’t tell her it had only been to the hospital restaurant. “We talked. He’s honestly not that bad in small doses.”

  Now Adri snorted. “Just the type of guy you need- one you can only stomach half the time.”

  “Half the time with Zeke is pushing it. But I do owe him for saving my Texas tush.” A pause. “I really wish you’d come with us.”

  “Why? You’d be bailing me out of jail. What a memorable Thanksgiving that would be.”

  “Why would you be in jail?”

  “Assault on a doctor.”

  “I would have restrained you,” I assured her.

  “You could have tried.”

  “I wonder how long he’s been seeing her,” I mused.

  “Don’t, Sophie. Don’t do that to yourself.”

  “There has to be something wrong with me.”

  “Maybe she’s just his rebound fling. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

  “You promise? I mean, you’d tell me right?”

  “You know I would.”

  “Well, now that I’ve seen him and know I won’t die--”

  “It just feels that way,” Adri commiserated.

  “Maybe Zeke and I could double with him and rebound fling. We could become great friends,” I suggested with a laugh, trying to lighten the situation.

  “Uh, huh. That’s slightly masochistic. I won’t let you.”

  “James and I could be friends,” I insisted, grinning into the phone.

  “But would friends ever be enough?” Adri demanded. She was no good at this faking joviality thing.

  And I didn’t even have to answer that because we both knew what the answer would be. James was it. Friends would never be enough for me. I’d had a taste of what life could be like with him. Unfortunately, I was the only one of us who felt that way.

  “So
ph, I’m sorry,” Adri said. “Life sucks, doesn’t it?”

  I sniffed. “A lot. And to top it all off, I didn’t even visit with Ms. Gina.” I sniffed again and reached for a tissue, taking a moment to collect myself. “But thanks for riding out the worst of the downhill slide with me. I love you. Happy Thanksgiving, early.”

  “I love you, too. Just get through the next few days and you can come back here and forget this ever happened.”

  As if.

  Chapter 9

  Sophie

  “Before we have a blessing and eat this amazing feast-- thank you to the women in my life,” Trevor began, “I want to tell you what I am thankful for this year. First of all, I’m thankful that Dylan is home, healthy, all things considered, and happy. I also want to thank Sophie for dropping her life to spend half the year helping us here.”

  “Yay for Aunt Sophie!” Jaren cheered and everyone laughed.

  “I also want to say that I’m thankful Mom and Dad are home safe and can be with us this year,” Trevor continued.

  “I second all that,” Stacy added.

  “So, thank you everyone. We love you. Okay,” Trevor clapped his hands together in anticipation, “Let’s pray and eat.”

  “Son. I’d like to say something, if I may,” my dad broke in. “Your mom and I are so grateful we could be here with y’all. We are enjoying you so much and we’ve been away so long and missed out on the better part of our grandbabies lives that we’ve decided to come back for Christmas if y’all will have us.”

  My eyes snapped to my parents. When had this been decided? And why hadn’t I been included in on the decision? After yesterday at the hospital, I wasn’t sure I could stay here much longer, let alone come back. It was just too hard.

  I spoke up quickly. “I’m not sure if I was a part of the Christmas party, but I don’t think I can get both holidays off. I may not be able to make it.”

  “And spend Christmas by yourself?!” my mother exclaimed. “That’s just not right. David, tell her that’s not right. We’re family.”

  “I wouldn’t be alone,” I assured her. “I will have Adri.”

  “Surely they would let you take a couple days,” my dad said. “We want all of the family together. It’s been a while. And with the new little one…”