The Heart of the Matter

by Heather M Green

  And so much more. “So, what do you want?” I asked again, massaging my right temple.

  Just as he opened his mouth to respond, my father’s voice reached us from the hall. “Sophie, your mother wants to leave... Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had a visitor.” My father walked toward James with his hand outstretched. “I’m Sophie’s father, David. And you are…?”

  James took my father’s hand and shook it firmly. “I’m James Anderson, Mr. Mitchell. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  “Dad, this is Dylan’s cardiologist,” I told him.

  “Wow. I didn’t know doctors made house calls anymore. That’s some dedication to the advancement of medicine.” My father raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at James. My dad- always my defender.

  “Actually, James was just leaving.” I gestured to the door behind him.

  A desperate look crossed James’ face and he took a step closer to me. “Is there somewhere we can talk?”

  My eyebrows rose in incredulous surprise. “I don’t think there is anything to say that wasn’t covered before.”

  “Give me one minute. That’s all I ask. One. Please,” he begged.

  “I still have some packing to do,” Dad interrupted. “Your mother wants to leave in about fifteen minutes, Sophie. Nice to meet you, Doctor.” My dad made a hasty retreat and I looked after him longingly, wishing I had never come down.

  “You too, sir,” James called after him.

  I turned back to James. He clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides. Then he crossed his arms over his chest only to drop them back to his sides. I realized two things in that moment. First, I’m not sure I had ever seen him nervous before, and second, his muscles flexed beneath his t-shirt when he crossed his arms over his chest, pulling the shirt taut and enhancing his muscles. I hated that I noticed and felt my temperature rise in direct response to seeing those beautiful muscles. He must have noticed my traitorous eyes because surprise and then humor lit his. Jerk!

  Keep an open mind. Keep an open mind. I wished Kaley would get out of my head.

  I sighed. “Fine,” I relented as I walked into the living room and sat stiffly on the couch. “One minute.”

  James sat in the chair across from me. An awkward silence fell between us as I studied him defiantly. He cleared his throat. “How was your Thanksgiving?” he began.

  He had to be kidding me. He had a medical degree, after all. Surely he wasn’t stupid enough to come here to make small talk after I’d seen him in the NICU discussing dating options. “It was fine. Forty seconds.”

  “Aren’t you going to ask how mine was?”

  I looked at him in disbelief. But he simply sent me a nervous smile. “Okaaay,” I ground out. “How was your Thanksgiving, James?

  “Fine.”

  That was it? That’s all he was going to say? Unbelievable. Two could play this game.

  “How is Kaley?” I asked conversationally. It had only been since yesterday that I had spoken to her, but I was grasping for anything to say while wondering why James was really here. “And your parents? Andy? Twenty seconds, by the way.”

  “They are all very well. Thank you.” He looked around the room as if he’d never seen it before.

  This was ridiculous. “James, what do you want? Certainly you aren’t here to talk about Thanksgiving. What’s next? The weather?”

  His eyes cut back to mine. “We can talk about the weather if you’d like, but I...I…”

  “You...what?”

  “I’ve been doing some thinking. And I remembered some things. And I…” He pulled a wooden something out of the pocket of his coat. “I made you this,” he said and quickly sat forward, thrusting the wooden object at me.

  I took it from him, studying it. “You made me a...boat?” I asked in confusion. I didn’t have the slightest idea what was going on.

  “Yes. But it’s not just any boat. It’s a symbol.”

  “A symbol.” I repeated.

  “Yes. Years ago, I thought I never finished it. And then when Nicole left...I thought I wasn’t capable of finishing anything worthwhile in my life. That I wasn’t going to succeed no matter what. But I did finish it and I gave it to Davey.”

  “Then why do you have it? And who is Davey?” My confusion was at an all time high.

  He chuckled. “That one isn’t Davey’s. It’s yours. It’s…” He blew out an exasperated breath. “What I’m trying to say, but not very well, is I’m not as hopeless as I thought. I want another chance with you. I want a chance to prove to you that I can give you what Zeke can’t.”

  “So this is about seeing me with Zeke.”

  “What? No. Well, seeing you with him wasn’t the highlight of my week. But it’s more than that. You were right, Sophie. And I owe you an apology. You were never a fling. I can’t believe I even...I’m sorry.”

  I refused to allow my mind to dwell on what that meant.

  “About Zeke,” I began.

  “I know. I saw you two outside the NICU, near the elevator. I know you are together. I know there isn’t any good reason for you to choose me over Zeke, but I’d like to try again. See where we go.”

  I didn’t know what to say. My heart was shouting at me to throw myself into his arms and tell him I chose him from the very beginning, but my head had other ideas. “What about Ms. Oregon?”

  “Who?”

  “The girl you were with at the hospital. You talked about Zeke, but he is a moot point in light of the fact that you have-”

  “Sara,” he provided, then frowned. “Not that you wanted to know her name.”

  “I think you should go,” I said, getting to my feet.

  “Wait.” He stood also.

  “My flight leaves tonight, James. You heard my father. We are leaving in like five minutes for the airport.”

  “I know. I’ll talk fast. Sara is...I’m not with Sara. I was trying to find a way to break things off with her before you ever walked into the NICU. That was simply a case of wrong place, wrong time. I don’t want Sara.”

  “You got what you wanted out of your latest fling and are ready to move on to someone else?”

  He closed his eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry I ever said that to you. I told you it wasn’t the truth. I was scared. I convinced myself that our feelings for each other would pass and I wouldn’t be responsible for holding you back with your therapy clinic.”

  “So instead of discussing it with me, you made the ultimate decision and cut me loose. You’re right. It was probably for the best. Maybe someday I’ll thank you for it.”

  “No. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I was wrong and I’m sorry. I’m here to ask for another chance.”

  “I don’t kn-”

  He held up a hand and cut me off. “I’ll call you. I’ll text, skype, email, whatever. I’m not afraid of a long-distance relationship. I’ll do whatever it takes,” he finished in a rush.

  But to what end? I wondered. “Relationship? I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

  “Did I say relationship? I meant friendship.”

  Unfortunately, that’s what I thought. But could I really do this again? If I went into it this time with my eyes wide open- I mean what could happen with over one thousand miles between us- it wouldn’t be so heartbreaking when he met someone, announced an engagement, married, had children...Who was I kidding? It would kill me. I might as well hand over the weapon to do it.

  “As much as I’d like to say friendship is fine with me, I’m kind of an all or nothing type of girl.”

  “I only said friendship because you sounded unsure of the relationship idea. I’ll call it whatever you want as long as we can try again. Wrong doesn’t begin to describe how wrong I was. Let me prove it to you.”

  “Sophie,” my father called from somewhere upstairs. “You ready?”

  “Almost,” I called back, then turned to James. “Walk me out to put my suitcase in the car?”

  “Of course.” He took my suitcase and
followed me to the rental.

  “My parents are talking about coming back for Christmas,” I told him as I wrestled my suitcase into the back seat of the car. The hope that filled his eyes filled my heart against my will. “Maybe we can talk then,” I said noncommittally.

  “I look forward to Christmas then,” he said.

  I shut the car door and turned to him. “I guess I’ll see you in a month.”

  “Thanks for hearing me out. Kaley said your plane didn’t leave until…” He stopped short and flashed me a sheepish grin.

  “Ah hah. She’s playing both sides,” I laughed.

  “She’s an okay sister most of the time,” was his grudging reply.

  “She’s an exceptional friend all of the time.” My heart warmed thinking of the two of them conspiring to get him here in time to talk to me.

  “Yeah,” he agreed. “But don’t tell her I said that.”

  “Well, I’d better get back inside and see if my parents need help carrying anything out.”

  “Right.” He put his hands in his pockets and took them out again. “Can I give you a hug?”

  I hated that we were in this place where a hug wasn’t the automatic next step. But I appreciated that he asked instead of taking it for granted that we were on solid ground again. I needed time to wrap my mind around this new development of us. I would not allow myself to get carried away like a giddy teenager with thoughts of how this could turn out. I was on guard. He’d already flattened me once. I wouldn’t let it happen again.

  But as he pulled me in for a quick hug, promising to call, before turning for his car, I feared my heart was not getting the memo.

  Chapter 11

  James

  “Hey Sophie. This is James. Just calling to make sure you made it home okay. I’ll try back later.”

  I pushed end and sighed. It hadn’t been until the drive home from her brother’s house yesterday that I realized she hadn’t denied being in a relationship with Zeke. And she wasn’t answering my calls. Maybe I was just kidding myself. Maybe we couldn’t get past my mistakes. Maybe I should bow out. But not yet. I’d taken the coward’s way out before. It wouldn’t happen again. She’d have to tell me to go away this time.

  I jumped when my phone rang. My heart rate went through the roof and then fell flat when I saw it wasn’t Sophie. “Hey, Kaley bug. What’s up?”

  “I’m being nosey.” What else is new? “Wondering if you’ve heard from Sophie. Did she make it back okay?”

  “I can’t get a hold of her.” I ran a hand through my hair.

  “It’s not going to be easy, James. You owe her some groveling. She agreed to give this a chance. Hang in there.”

  “Did she tell you anything when you talked to her on Thanksgiving? How close are she and Zeke, exactly?” I asked hesitantly, not sure that I wanted to hear the answer.

  “You want the truth?”

  My heart dropped. “That’s what I thought.” She was just being kind when she said we’d talk at Christmas. She’d moved on.

  Kaley laughed. “You goof. That was one thing about the hospital visit that she was willing to talk about. There isn’t anything going on with them. She can’t stand him most of the time. As far as I know, they haven’t even talked since that day at the hospital.”

  “You didn’t see them at the hospital,” I argued. I wish I hadn’t seen it. It was one continuous horror reel playing on repeat inside my brain.

  “Why don’t you ask her then?”

  “I’ll just sound pathetic if I ask her again. And insecure. And desperate.”

  “You’re sounding like a girl,” she said. “Anyway, she knows you are all those things already.”

  “Thanks, Kaley,” I said wryly.

  “Talk to her.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Talk. To. Her.”

  “Maybe I could if she’d answer her phone.”

  “This is the groveling part. Keep trying.”

  Sophie

  “Hey, Soph. Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. Give me a call when you can.”

  I replayed the message and then saved it. He was thinking about me. I smiled. Again. He’d called every night this week. The messages were all similar, and so were the results, but he hadn’t given up.

  I knew I was testing him to see how serious he was about trying again. I also knew I was pacing myself so I didn’t jump in with both feet without thinking things through. I mean, you can only bang your head against the same brick wall so many times before you realize the results will always be the same. He’d had more than his fair share of chances. A psychologist would have a hayday with me. Codependency. Masochism. But I could feel myself getting closer to caving with every call. Who was I kidding? I was dying to talk to him.

  “Hello?” His warm voice caused a shiver to run down my arms. Why had I waited so long to return his calls?

  “Hi, James. It’s Sophie.”

  “Sophie who?” he teased.

  “What do you mean, ‘Sophie who’? How many Sophie’s do you know?”

  He chuckled low and deep. More shivers. “Only one,” he replied. “The only one.” I smiled and my heart bounced in my chest. “Thanks for calling me back. I was beginning to wonder if you’d changed your number.”

  “Not yet,” I teased.

  “Oh. I see how it is.”

  I laughed. “How’s the NICU?”

  “Great. Had a successful surgery yesterday.”

  “No surprise there,” I said with a smile. “Was it pretty routine?”

  “Same old, same old,” he replied as if infant heart surgeries were basic everyday things. “How goes the search for a new space?”

  I sighed in frustration. “Same old, same old. Every time I think I’ve found something, it’s either too expensive or too small. I don’t know…”

  “It will come,” he reassured. And it felt nice to have him in my corner again. I had missed his support. “I went running on one of our trails behind the hospital the other day.”

  “Yeah?” My heart tripped over itself when he referred to it as our trail.

  “Pretty nice. A little damp, but nice. Only one thing would have made it better.”

  My heart swelled even bigger at his insinuation. I took the bait. “What?” I clamped my lips together to keep the cheesy grin from my face.

  “A new pair of shoes.”

  Shoes? “Oh.” Just like that, my heart was a noisy balloon flying around the room as it deflated, looking for a place to land.

  “What did you think I was going to say?” He was making fun of me.

  “I thought you were going to say shoes,” I lied. “Why? Did I sound surprised?”

  “Nope.”

  “Good. 'Cause I wasn’t.”

  “Good.”

  “Right. Good. Hey, I’ve got to go. You know. Get ready for eight stress-filled hours on my feet, refilling enough coffee cups to fill the Gulf.”

  “Ah, yes. The dream job. Don’t let me keep you from that. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Sure.” If I answer. His soft chuckle led me to believe that he sensed my irritation or read my thoughts over the hundreds of miles of phone line.

  “Hey, Soph?”

  “Yeah?”

  A pause.

  “I wasn’t talking about new shoes.” His voice was low, smooth in my ear.

  I gulped. “I knew that.” He chuckled again. Soft and deep. My heart rate kicked up and I suddenly wished he was sitting right next to me whispering in my ear instead of the hundreds of miles and a phone call away.

  “Did you know that the first pair of right and left-footed shoes was made in Philly?” I sputtered. Again with the sexy chuckle.

  “Enlightening,” was all he said.

  “And did you know-”

  “Soph,” he interrupted.

  “Yeah?”

  “Have a good night at work.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’ll call when you get off.”

 
“You too. I mean…” I would bottle that chuckle if I could. “Bye.”

  I growled and threw my phone on the bed. ‘You too,’ I thought in an obnoxious girly voice. Good grief. It’s like I’m fifteen again and the hottest guy at school acknowledged my existence. Get a grip.

  James

  James: Hey, Sophie. You home from work?

  Sophie: Barely.

  James: Have something to tell you.

  James: As long as I live, whatever I do. As great as it is, you know what’s a bummer?

  Sophie: That sounds suspiciously like a country song by Brad Paisley.

  James: Don’t know what you’re talking about.

  James: Are you going to answer the question?

  Sophie: Okay. What’s a bummer, James?

  James: You answered my question with a question.

  Sophie: I ain’t never going to beat last summer with you?

  Sophie: Is that the answer you were looking for?

  James: Last summer, huh?

  Sophie: Yup. No matter the answer you were looking for, last summer was the best summer of my life.

  James: Good answer. I was thinking the same thing.

  James: How was work? Better yet, how are your feet?

  Sophie: Sigh. Work was bad. Feet are worse.

  James: Good thing you are a physical therapist.

  Sophie: Yeah, but not a masseuse.

  Sophie:That’s your girl in Chinatown.

  James: Ha, ha. Right.

  James: Speaking of massages, I could really use a haircut.

  Sophie: Again, that’s your girl in Chinatown.

  James: It doesn’t have to be.

  Sophie: Not following ya.

  James: I know another girl who rocks at giving haircuts.

  Sophie: Did you know that Egyptian tomb paintings showed people getting massages?

  James: I thought we were talking about haircuts. You’re quite the follower of the Egyptians.

  Sophie: …

  James: Why are you nervous? I’d let it slide the other night, but couldn’t let it go again.

  Sophie: Nervous? Who says I’m nervous?

  James: Trivia

  Sophie: Just thought you’d like to know that fun fact since you are such a fan of massages.

  James: Right.