The Designated +1

by Ellie Cahill

  “Wow,” my mom said when I met her by the door. “I’ve never seen that dress before.”

  “I’ve had it for a while,” I said casually. “I feel like I’ve worn everything I own with all these weddings lately.”

  She looked like maybe she wanted to say something more, but then a glance at the clock on the wall had her shooing me out the door. She drove us to the church in record time—my mom was something of a speed demon behind the wheel, and always had been. Being a passenger in my mom’s car was the perfect mode of transportation for yet another neighborhood wedding. Traveling back in time to my own childhood, just like at Maddie and Anna’s weddings. All the neighbors were there, and many of my playmates. It could have easily been a 4th of July barbecue when I was ten instead of a wedding when I was twenty-two.

  We were seated on the aisle, with my mom taking the first seat, but I still had a great view as the procession started. It was a big wedding, with five bridesmaids and groomsmen, plus a maid of honor and a best man, and ushers, and even a house party. I was surprised by how anxious I was to see Will. He was the last groomsman before the best man, and he was escorting a pretty brunette. She was tall, probably 5’10” and I bet she was thrilled to have the tallest groomsman walking her down the aisle.

  Will scanned the congregation as he walked and when he spotted me I smiled and gave him the tiniest wave. I got a quick wink in return. That was all we had time for before he was beyond me. I tried not to be obvious as I stole looks at him as he approached the front of the church.

  James was up there, of course, looking like a movie star at a red carpet premier in his black suit and burgundy tie. His dark hair and piercing blue eyes were purpose built for looking fantastic in a suit. Will shook his brother’s hand as he reached the front of the church, then stood to the side, waiting for the best man. The compare/contrast was irresistible with them so close together. One dark, one blond; one clean-shaven, one scruffy; both tall, but Will was so broad-shouldered compared to his brother. All those years I’d spent crushing on the one who looked like an ad for an expensive watch, and barely gave a second glance to the one who looked like an extra in a beer commercial. And what had that gotten me? A pat on the head, and a skeevy comment at a job interview.

  The music changed and I looked back in time to see Sara coming down the aisle on her father’s arm. She was lovely, and I couldn’t help but enjoy her walk. It was, after all, my favorite part. Such pure happiness. I hoped she’d be as happy with James as she was at this moment.

  Hopefully she wasn’t planning on a Swedish nanny.

  I spent the entire ceremony watching Will. Why not, right? No one knew where my eyes were directed, and it wasn’t very often that you could unabashedly stare at someone without coming off as a creep. Despite a total lack of amnesia, I still couldn’t figure out how exactly we’d gotten to this point. It was as if every moment we’d spent together was a plank in a very long bridge, and we’d built it as we walked. But suddenly we’d found ourselves on the other side of a gap in the middle.

  Yet I was happy to be on this side of the bridge. It was nice over here. I couldn’t see where it led yet, and I didn’t know if there were more gaps ahead, but I didn’t want to go back.

  Suddenly the ceremony was over, and we started the long, boring process of waiting our turn to walk down the receiving line. Surrounded as we were by neighbors, it was easy enough to pass the time. I talked to Maddie Roberts (formerly known as Weiss) and her husband about their honeymoon trip to Bali. I talked to her parents, and ended up agreeing to a daily home visit for their cats while they were out of town in a few weeks.

  “I don’t mean to be rude,” Maddie said, “but do you really support yourself with just pets?”

  “Yeah,” I said with a shrug.

  “She lives with me,” my mom added.

  “I pay all the utilities,” I reminded her.

  “Yes, dear.”

  I rolled my eyes, and Maddie laughed. I waited until my mom wasn’t paying attention again and told Maddie, “I’m saving up to buy a house. It’s actually a pretty decent business if you have enough clients.”

  “That’s awesome,” she said. “It sounds like a lot more fun than my job.” Maddie had one of those jobs with a title like Department Lead of Commercial Insurance, or something equally unintelligible.

  I had to admit, it did.

  The line inched forward until we finally reached Mr. and Mrs. Brady. There were hugs and kisses all around, and profuse thank you’s to me for stopping in to let Estelle and Getty out after the ceremony. We introduced ourselves to Sara’s parents, moved on to the best man and maid of honor, and then we were face-to-face with the bride and groom.

  My mom congratulated them both, and told Sara she looked beautiful, and James that he was as handsome as ever. I smiled at Sara and told her it was a lovely ceremony, as I always did.

  “It’s so nice to see you again,” she said. “And thank you so much for taking care of Mazzy on such short notice.” She shook her head with a tolerant smile. “I ask him to take care of one part of this wedding…”

  “No problem,” I said. “I’m glad I could help.”

  “And James tells me you’re going to be walking Mazzy a couple times a week after this!”

  Oh he did, did he? “I still have to check my schedule,” I said. “I’ll let you know after your honeymoon, how’s that?”

  “Sounds great.” She turned to the next person in line and I had to move on to James.

  “Congratulations,” I said.

  “Hey, Hadley Bradley, you look fantastic.” Then he was leaning in, putting his hand on my exposed back and pressing a kiss to my cheek. It could have been a sweet gesture from my older brother’s best friend from childhood. But he inhaled sharply in my ear and breathed out the words, “Damn, girl.”

  It was so fast I thought I might have hallucinated it, but then he grinned at me and I knew it was real. I wrinkled my nose and turned away.

  I guess the Eat Your Heart Out dress had done the trick.

  Gross.

  Freed from the line, I took the opportunity to slip away from my mother. The rest of the wedding party was scattered around the perimeter of the church, along with the guests who’d already finished the receiving line. I wandered a bit until I spotted Will and almost broke into a run, but I forced myself to stay casual as I made my way toward him.

  He was talking to another groomsman, and they were both angled away from me. I caught part of their conversation as I approached.

  “…anything about Deanna?”

  “No, not really.” That was Will.

  “At least these are all pretty good ones. I’d be fine with any of them. You got your eye on any of them?”

  Will shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  I couldn’t be sure what the conversation was about, but it didn’t sound great. I tapped Will on the shoulder, and he turned.

  “Hey.” His smile was relieved. He reached for me, but seemed to change his mind, pulling his hands back. They hovered, uncertain, before landing on my shoulders for an awkward squeeze.

  “Um, hey.”

  “Do you know Travis?” he asked, nodding to the other groomsman. “Travis, this is, uh…Hadley. She was our neighbor growing up.”

  Our neighbor? Was our neighbor? Jesus. Two nights ago we were wound around each other like a human sailor’s knot and now I was the neighbor girl?

  “Hi there,” I said, holding my hand out to Travis.

  “Nice to meet you, Hadley.” He gave me a deliberate look from head to toe. “Very nice to meet you.”

  I flicked my eyes to Will, who gave the slightest eye roll to indicate his feelings on this guy. Okay, fine. Then maybe don’t introduce me as the neighbor, I thought.

  “Will, could I borrow you for a second?” I asked.

  “Sure,” he said. “I’ll see you in a bit, Trav.”

  I led Will away from the creepster groomsman until I found a door on the side of the churc
h. We stepped inside, finding ourselves in the vestibule, and both blinking at the sudden dim. There was an alcove leading to the bathrooms on our right and he pulled me into it.

  “You look amazing,” he said. “Unbelievable.”

  “Travis is gross,” I said.

  “I know.” He slid his arms around my waist and leaned in. “Smudge-proof?”

  “Not so fast.” I turned my cheek, avoiding the kiss. “‘She was our neighbor?’”

  “You were.”

  “So you’re just throwing me to the wolves tonight?” I asked. “I don’t even get to be your +1?”

  “I’m not supposed to have a +1 tonight.”

  The stinging in my eyes surprised me. “You’re not supposed to?”

  “I’m sorry, HB. James and Sara didn’t want anyone in the party to have a date. No room in the limo and all that.”

  I nodded. Why did that bother me so much? I was being ridiculous. He was standing up in his own brother’s wedding. We weren’t even an actual thing. I had no title outside of being his date for a couple of weddings.

  Not that any of that rational thinking actually stopped me from feeling shitty.

  “I’ll be off the hook later tonight,” he said. “But for now, duty calls. You’ll have to fend off your hoards of admirers without me.”

  “Ha ha.”

  “I gotta go, okay?”

  I let him get the kiss from me, and watched him walk away. Sigh.

  27

  For Better or For Worse

  Estelle and Getty were happy to see me as always, standing up on their hind legs and waving their front paws at me. I’d changed out of the trouble-making dress to walk the bichons, and I was seriously considering going to the reception in something different.

  But walking the dogs gave me time to clear my head, just like it always did. I let the pounding of my feet for a bass line to my thoughts. And my thoughts were of the decidedly irritated variety. I was annoyed with Will for not being available. And for introducing me as his neighbor. And for not saying anything when stupid Travis looked me over for a piece of meat. I was annoyed at Travis for looking me over like a piece of meat. And I was annoyed at myself for not saying anything.

  Fuck politeness. He didn’t deserve it.

  I also decided I was annoyed at James for being a scumbag, especially on his wedding day, standing right next to his frigging bride, for god’s sake. And for not noticing me all those years ago when I would have killed for him to say “Damn, girl” in my ear the way he had today. And why the hell would I have killed for that anyway? What kind of pick-up line was that supposed to be? Who even used a pick-up line?

  By the time I dropped the bichons off in the Bradys’ house, I was officially het up. There were senior pictures of both brothers hanging in the living room and I made sure to give the portrait of James the finger on my way out.

  I hurried home to get dressed again and put on the Eat Your Heart Out dress without a moment’s hesitation. I looked good in it, damn it. And I was going to wear it in spite of James, not because of him. It certainly wasn’t my fault if Sara had married the kind of asshole who hit on another woman in his own god damn receiving line. Better she find out now.

  My mom was the passenger this time as we headed for the reception. She would get a ride home from one of the neighbors much earlier than I was likely to leave the wedding. Or at least, that was the original plan. Right now, I had my doubts about how long I’d be staying at this reception.

  The party was already underway when we arrived, with plenty of guests milling around with cocktails. This was a full-on ballroom style wedding. Nothing like Kendall’s shabby chic affair. This was crystal, and beautiful script on the ivory place cards, and a hand-lettered layout of the room in a frame on an easel where you could see where your table number could be found. There was an ice sculpture of their names on an ornate pedestal, and a string quartet playing soft music in the corner of the lobby.

  “This had to cost a fortune,” my mom said softly.

  “No kidding.”

  We found a wrought iron bird cage were we could drop our card and she signed the guest book while I surfed the place cards for our names. We were at the same table. So at least I wasn’t at a Singles’ Table. Although, technically my mom was single, also, so it could still be possible. That would just figure.

  I left my mom with a group of moms from the neighborhood and went in search of a cocktail. I was still standing with a small crowd trying to get close to the bar when a small cheer erupted near the door. I turned, and saw the wedding party filtering in.

  They spread out quickly, most of the groomsmen headed in my direction to get a drink. Will was among them and he caught my eye almost immediately. Instead of the smile that I expected, he gave me a dark look.

  What the hell?

  I tilted my head, trying to communicate my confusion, but he ignored me.

  What. The. Hell?

  One of the groomsmen pushed his way to the front of the line and got the bartender to pour six shots for him. He passed them back until every one of the guys had one.

  “James and Sara!” one of them toasted and the others made a general approving sound before they all downed their shots.

  I squeezed my way through the crowd and caught Will by the elbow. He looked at me with annoyance. “What?”

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I don’t have time for this,” he said.

  “Time for what?”

  “We’re doing some pictures, I gotta go.” He edged between two other guests and wove his way back toward the doors without a backward glance.

  What the hell had happened between the ceremony and now to piss him off? And was it about me? How could it be? I hadn’t even been with him. Unless he was angry about what I’d said earlier.

  I ran through our conversation in my mind. Had I been out of line? I mean, maybe it was a little extreme to say that he was throwing me to the wolves, but he was usually harder to rattle than that. That couldn’t be it.

  Maybe it didn’t have anything to do with me and I was just getting shrapnel. But that didn’t seem like Will either. I couldn’t imagine what would have him so irritated.

  I knew one thing, though; I didn’t like the way it felt to get that cold look from him. I put my hand against my stomach as nervous butterflies flapped.

  Now what was I supposed to do?

  28

  Until Jerk Do Us Part

  The only positive thing I could say about dinner was that I wasn’t put at a Singles’ Table after all. All the neighborhood kids staged a revolt. They’d originally seated us with our parents are a couple of tables near each other, but by the time I arrived at Table 12, all the seats were already taken. Maddie waved to me from the next table over.

  “We made a kids’ table!” she declared as I joined them.

  “Thank god!” I said.

  They were all there, Maddie and her husband, Anna and hers, Mike Radnor and his fiancée, and Mike’s younger sister Justine, who I sat next to.

  The chatter was easy and constant at the table while we waited for speeches and food. I was happy to let everyone else do most of the talking while I stole occasional glances at the head table. It was empty now. I assumed there was going to be a grand march, but it was driving me crazy not to see Will.

  Finally, the lights dimmed and the DJ began to announce the wedding party. I watched for Will, but he never looked my way. He might not know where I was sitting, I reasoned. It might not have anything to do with our interchange at the cocktail hour.

  But he never looked my way. I couldn’t realistically stare straight at him the whole time, but I checked for eye contact as often as I could. He was either engaged in conversation at the head table, or looking toward the complete opposite side of the room from where I was seated. Yeah, this was deliberate.

  My stomach felt like lead. I needed to talk to Will.

  The minutes ticked by with agonizing slowness. I felt like I
was going to be in my 30s by the time the speeches ended. My 40s by the time dinner plates were cleared. If Will hadn’t been at the head table, I would have asked him to talk to me in the hall. But there was no way I could walk up to him in front of the entire ballroom full of people. No way I was doing that in front of James. I simply had to wait.

  And wait.

  And wait.

  Through the cake cutting, and the first dance, and the father-daughter dance, and the mother-son dance, and the wedding party dance. I had to be in my 50s by now. I’d been waiting for decades.

  Finally the dance floor flooded with regular wedding guests and I couldn’t wait a second longer. I made an obvious beeline straight for Will.

  “I need to talk to you,” I said.

  He was talking to a guy about our age who I didn’t know, and at that moment, I didn’t care who he was.

  “Can it wait?” Will asked.

  “No.”

  He looked annoyed, but made an apology to the mystery guy and allowed me to herd him out of the ballroom. There were guests scattered all over lobby, and it took me a bit to find a semi-private spot.

  “What is going on?” I demanded as soon as we were acceptably alone.

  “You tell me.”

  “I have no idea!”

  “So you didn’t go to my brother’s house on Thursday?”

  Oh. So he’d heard about that. Could he really be this pissed I didn’t tell him? “I did.”

  “And?”

  “And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I said.

  “I just can’t believe you would do that. To him. And to Sara.”

  “Wait—what are you talking about? I went over to meet the dog. They asked me to come.”

  “That worked out nicely for you, didn’t it?”

  “Will, what the hell are you talking about? I don’t even understand you.”

  “He told me you were all over him. How you basically volunteered to be his side piece after he got married.” He glared at me.

  Hot, embarrassed rage shot through me like lightning. I actually got dizzy from the force of it. My eyes burned and my chest got so tight I wasn’t sure I could breathe.