25 Reasons to Hate Christmas and Cowboys

by Elle Thorpe

  No messages.

  No calls.

  Definitely not on silent.

  “Dammit.”

  Levi disappeared into the kitchen and came back with beers for both of us. I cracked the top on mine and took a swig, the cool liquid refreshing in the heat.

  “This is all going to be a hell of a mess to clean up if she doesn’t call. Just sayin’.”

  I glared. “She’s gonna call!”

  The blaring tune of my ringtone jangled around the room and my heart took off into overdrive. I snatched up the phone, noting the unknown number and frantically swiping the screen to answer it. “Hello? Hello?”

  “Johnny?” Isabel’s adorable accented voice rolled down the line like pure honey.

  I shot Levi a triumphant look and fist pumped the air before clearing my throat and answering her. “Yeah. It’s me. How are you?” My voice came out a lot calmer than I felt on the inside. Despite my bravado to Levi, I hadn’t been at all confident she’d call. I’d just really wanted her to.

  “Pretty much the same as this morning when I saw you. I started your book. Cute inscription.”

  A grin spread across my face. “Can I see you?”

  “When?” She sounded surprised.

  “Now.”

  “Now? It’s late.”

  I checked my watch with a frown. “It’s 7 p.m.”

  “That’s…late.”

  I chuckled. “Come on. Come out with me. I’ve got something I want to show you.”

  She hesitated.

  My breath stalled in my lungs. She had to say yes. She had to want to go out with me. I didn’t want to have to pull out my Mariah Carey breakup playlist before we’d even really started.

  “Look, you seem really nice, Johnny.”

  My shoulders slumped. “Oh man, not the ‘you seem really nice’ speech.”

  Levi snorted, and I shot him a murderous glare.

  She laughed. “Sorry. I’m only here until Christmas. So I’m not looking to date.”

  My breath whooshed out, and disappointment crashed in. I didn’t care if she was only here for another hour. There was no doubt in my mind, I wanted a date. But she sounded pretty certain. So I could go along with that too. “Look, I’m not looking to date either,” I lied. “But I’m a gentleman. And I’m betting you’ve been sitting in your room alone every night eating room service while you watch reruns of Friends. Am I right?”

  “Maybe.” I could hear the smile in her voice. I wished like anything that I could see her.

  I picked up a handful of sand and let it run through my fingers onto the tarp at my feet. “Aren’t you bored?”

  “You offering to entertain me?”

  Holy shit. The flirty tone practically floored me. I fumbled for words. “I’m the least boring guy you’ll ever meet, Isabel.”

  “That so? Cocky much?”

  “Get your boots on. I’ll be outside your door in twenty minutes.”

  I finished the call and shoved my phone in my pocket, giving Levi a triumphant whoop. He tossed me my keys and I jogged for the door.

  “Jacket!” he called. “It’s snowing out there!”

  “Right.” I surveyed the half-set-up room and turned pleading eyes on my best friend.

  “Go. I’ll finish this and let myself out. You owe me, lover boy.”

  “If this works at winning her over, I’ll buy you a beer.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I’m going to die of dehydration then, aren’t I?”

  I pulled up outside the Creekside Bed and Breakfast exactly eighteen minutes after I’d spoken with Isabel on the phone and bounded up the steps, letting myself in. I made a beeline for the desk, where Eric Holmes was checking paperwork against something on his laptop. He looked up and waved when he recognized me. “What are you doing here?”

  “You got a guest named Isabel?”

  “Might.”

  “I’m picking her up for a…” We’d said it wasn’t a date. “Just picking her up.”

  “Room 3. Be nice to my little Aussie tenant, Johnny. She’s a good girl.”

  “I’m always nice!”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  I didn’t bother defending myself further. I had the info I needed. I hurried down the hallway and tapped on Isabel’s door. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I forced my feet to stay still while I waited.

  The door swung open, and my heart stopped. She wore tight jeans and a formfitting top that clung to her curves. Her hair was brushed out, long and dark, falling to midway down her back. Her green eyes were ringed in black makeup. And bright yellow socks with smiley faces on them covered her feet. “Cute socks,” I said by way of hello.

  The tops of her cheeks went pink, and she left the door open while she crossed the room to sit on the neatly made bed. I stepped in, closing the door behind me. “I’ll just be a minute. How did you know where I was staying?” She grabbed a pair of tan-colored boots from the floor and tugged them on.

  I shrugged. “Small town.”

  “Grapevine is ripe, huh?”

  “That, and Creekside is really the only place near town to stay. We don’t exactly have a variety of hotels for guests to be picky.”

  She pushed to her feet and grabbed a purse from a small writing desk in the corner of the room. Then she paused. “Where are we going, and how many jackets do I need to put on?”

  I grinned. “No jacket required.”

  She raised a perfect eyebrow. “Is this one of those cheesy come-on lines? Where you say you’ll keep me warm?”

  I took a step closer to her, daring to inhale in the scent of the perfume floating around her. It was as intoxicating as her eyes. “I’ve got multiple ways of keeping you warm, Isabel.”

  She gazed up at me and bit her bottom lip, drawing my eye. “I’ll bet you do.”

  I took a deep, steadying breath and pushed my luck by grabbing her hand. “Come on, let’s go.” I tugged her out of the room, only dropping her hand when I realized she needed it to lock her door. I itched to pick it up again, instantly missing the warmth of her touch, but she made a little room between us, and so we walked past Eric at a respectable distance from each other.

  “See you later, Eric!” Isabel called, waving as we left.

  Eric waved back at her with a smile. “Have a great time.” Over her head, he steeled me with another warning look, and I frowned back at him, hoping Isabel hadn’t noticed.

  If she had, she didn’t say anything. We hurried to my truck, and I held the door open for her, trying not to stare at her perfectly rounded ass as she hoisted herself inside. Isabel rubbed her arms, huddling in on herself.

  “Shit, sorry, I should have left it running.” Stupid. I knew she hated the cold. It had been one of the first things on her list.

  I turned the key and the engine purred to life, then cranked the heat up as high as it would go. Pulling out onto the darkened street, I got us back on the main road out of town. Streetlights became nonexistent, darkness creeping in around us, but I noticed the moment Isabel glanced over at me. She was no longer shivering, and that made me happy.

  “So, I know I haven’t been here long, but even I know town is in the opposite direction.”

  “We’re not going to town.”

  “Where are we going then?”

  “My place.”

  Isabel laughed. “That’s rather presumptuous of you.”

  I grinned. “It’s not like that.” I paused, my smile turning devilish. “Unless you want it to be.”

  “You wish.”

  “Look how well you know me already!”

  She laughed. “How far out is your place? If I scream, will anyone hear me?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Now who’s being presumptuous? I just wanted to bring you out here for a drink and to hang out. I never said anything about making you scream my name.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Not what I meant, and you know it.”

  I laughed. “It’s just up here. We have a lot of land. But my mama live
s in the main house less than a mile away. She’ll have my head if I’m anything less than gentlemanly with you. And rest assured, no one messes with my mama. Definitely not me.”

  I took the turnoff to my cabin, pointing out the main house and the stables as we rolled by. Isabel let out a squeal when she saw my little shack. “It’s so cute! Like something out of a children’s book!”

  I didn’t need to cast an eye over the run-down cabin desperately in need of paint and several thousand dollars’ worth of repair. Not when I could look at her instead. “I can think of a few things cuter.”

  “Like what?” She turned back to me, her eyes sparkling in the moonlight.

  “You,” I said honestly.

  The corners of her mouth lifted.

  “Come on, I’ve got a surprise for you inside.” I led her to the front door and pushed it open, fumbling for the light switch as I did. Heat hit me in the face.

  “Woah,” Isabel muttered. “It’s like a furnace in there.”

  “Come in. You’ll see why.” I held the door for her and followed her inside, closing it behind us. She took in the room, then glanced over at me. “Uh. Why is there a sandpit in your living room?”

  I grinned, shrugging out of my jacket. Levi had done a good job. He’d even rustled up a beach ball from somewhere. “Number twelve on your list was that it was too cold here, and that Christmas was supposed to be warm. While that concept seems completely ridiculous to me—”

  She flicked me with the back of her hand. “Hey! Christmas in Australia means the beach, prawns, and backyard cricket. Not this white stuff you all seem so fond of.”

  “Well. I brought the beach to you.” I picked up a towel and handed it to her, while I unrolled the other on top of my makeshift shoreline.

  “Is this just your coy way of seeing me in my swimsuit?”

  I eyed her figure. “You got a swimsuit beneath all those layers?”

  She grinned. “Sorry to disappoint…” Her smile turned wicked. “Men don’t wear shirts at the beach in Australia, you know.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Is that just your way of seeing me without a shirt?”

  She didn’t even blink. “Yep.”

  Laughing, I pulled off my T-shirt, along with my boots and socks, tossing them all on the couch I’d pushed to the side of the room to make space for the tarp. Then I undid the top button of my jeans.

  “Woah, woah.” Isabel clapped a hand over her eyes. “I’ve no shame about wanting to see your abs. But nobody said anything about this being a nudist beach. There’s no warning signs posted. You’re about to cop a fine for indecent exposure.”

  But I caught her peeping out from between her fingers while I undid my fly and tugged down my jeans.

  She burst into laughter. “Nice board shorts.”

  I swung my jeans around my head like I was a stripper and tossed them at her.

  She caught them with ease. “Is this where I stick one-dollar notes in your waistband?”

  “Save your money for the lap dance portion of the evening. I need to work on my tan first,” I joked. I plonked myself down on my towel and lay back with my hands tucked beneath my head. “Pass me my sunglasses, will you?”

  A handful of sand landed on my chest. I cracked an eye open. “Weather is fine, Isabel. And so is the view.” I let my eyes linger on her. “You coming?”

  With a grin that lit up her entire face, she began shrugging out of clothes. First her beanie. Then her scarf and jacket. Her long-sleeved shirt landed on top of the pile I’d already made with my clothes and her boots and socks were pulled off and tossed to the corner of the room.

  “Seems I forgot my swimsuit.”

  “I’m good with skinny-dipping.”

  “I’ll bet you are. But I don’t skinny-dip on the first date, even if it is stinkin’ hot. How long have you had these heaters on for? I’m sweating.” She bent at the waist and rolled her jeans up her legs as far as they would go. She nudged at the edge of the sand with her toe and grinned when it squished beneath her feet. In only a tank top and makeshift denim shorts, she spread her own towel and flopped down beside me.

  I twisted my head, and she did the same so we were looking at each other. She was only inches away and I itched to reach out and link my fingers through hers again. But she shifted to her side and propped her head up with her hand, so I didn’t get the chance.

  “Oh! I nearly forgot!” I scrambled off the sand and ran to the kitchen, quickly grabbing what I needed and hustling back to the living room. I handed Isabel a cocktail glass full of fruity pink liquid, and she raised an eyebrow at me.

  “Cocktails? I could get used to this beach. The service is great.”

  “Wait!” I held up one finger and she paused, the drink halfway to her lips. I rummaged around the bag of beach props I’d grabbed and found two little paper umbrellas left over from a party Levi and I had thrown two summers earlier. I stuck one in the top of her drink, the other in mine.

  She took a sip and raised an eyebrow. “Gosh, that’s delicious. What is it?”

  I shrugged. “Found the recipe on the internet.”

  She eyed me over the rim of her glass. “You trying to get me drunk on a school night, Johnny?”

  I clinked my glass with hers. “The thought did cross my mind. But no. Tonight serves to right more than one of your Christmas wrongs.”

  She frowned. “Well, you’ve definitely made up for the lack of warm weather. I’ll be surprised if I don’t have heatstroke by the time you take me home.”

  “And that cocktail is also mostly juice. So no hangover tomorrow.”

  “Ah.” She nodded in understanding. “The infamous work Christmas party disaster. Where I spent the entire next day in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.” She shuddered. “I still can’t drink red wine without cringing.”

  “And then there was the year you had Christmas at the beach…”

  Her eyes widened. “Oh God. Don’t say it. Please. I don’t know why I put that on the list. I really didn’t think you’d read them all.”

  I snorted. “Okay, fine. I won’t say it. But it’s one of my personal favorites. I can just imagine, teenage Isabel, screaming in pain with a jellyfish sting—”

  “It was a bluebottle actually. And it really hurt!”

  I winked at her, just to infuriate her further. “Sure it did.”

  She threw her paper umbrella at me. “Oh, what would you know, country boy? Have you ever even been to the beach?”

  I chuckled. “Definitely not going if my dad has to pee on my bluebottle stings!”

  “Johnny! You swore not to say it out loud!” She shoved me in the shoulder, her cheeks bright red.

  I laughed so hard I was gasping for air. “Did that seriously happen?”

  She laughed despite herself. “Yes.”

  I choked and took a sip of my drink to try to calm down. “Did he just, like, whip it out in front of you? Or did he pee in a bottle and you had to pour it on?”

  She was laughing just as hard as I was now. “I’m not telling you that.”

  “I’m really just trying to understand. Was it like on Friends where they dug a hole and—”

  She tossed a couch cushion at me.

  “Okay, okay.” We both settled back on the sand and stared up at the ceiling. I suddenly wished I’d had the time to paint a sky. Maybe add some fluffy white clouds. Completely over the top, but I never did things by halves. Not when I really wanted something.

  And out of the blue, Isabel was something I really wanted.

  “You don’t have a boyfriend, do you?” I asked suddenly.

  There was a beat of silence where my heart stopped, and I lifted my head to look at her while I waited for her answer. A troubled expression crossed her face, but it passed so quickly I wondered if it had really ever been there. “No. No boyfriend. What about you? Girlfriend? Boyfriend?”

  “Nope. Single and free as a bird.”

  “I figured as much.”

  I frow
ned. “What do you mean?”

  She took another sip of her drink, and I sat back up, needing my own drink to fix the sudden case of dry throat I was having.

  “Just that thing that Macy said earlier. I got the impression you were a bit of a party boy.”

  I shook my head rapidly. “No. No. I’m not. Everyone just thinks I am…” I cringed as the words fell from my mouth, but she just laughed.

  “There’s usually a reason why everyone would think that.”

  I let out a sigh. “I have dated a bit. That’s fair. But I’m not some heartbreaker. I’m always honest about where I’m at, and I’ve left no broken hearts behind.”

  “So where are you at right now then?”

  She watched me carefully, and I gazed back at her, unable to take my eyes off her. “I want something more. I’ve done my playing around. It’s not enough anymore.”

  Our gazes locked for a moment, but then she put her empty glass down and brushed stray bits of sand from her hands. “Well, wouldn’t you make the perfect boyfriend?”

  “I really would.”

  “Shame I’m leaving in less than a month.”

  A little of the puff went out of my sails. Oh yeah.

  “I’d kind of thought about just having a bit of fun with someone…”

  Sails were back at full mast. “Fun with me?” I asked hopefully.

  Her eyes twinkled. “With someone.”

  Back to devastated.

  She drew a circle in the sand with her finger. “You might do. The board shorts do it for me.”

  I was like a freaking puppy who’d just been thrown a bone. I had to hold myself in check to keep from launching across the gap and slobbering on her.

  “But since you’re ready to settle down, we obviously want different things…”

  “No! I’m good with fun! I can do fun! I can be the funnest guy in the world. I swear.”

  She laughed. The sound rained over me, bringing every inch of me to life. I’d be whatever she wanted me to be, if she just gave me a chance. “Let me take you out somewhere. A proper date. Please? When is your day off?”

  “Saturday.”

  “I’ll plan something. Something fun.”

  “I’ll have to check my super busy social calendar. Because you know, I have so many friends in this town…”