25 Reasons to Hate Christmas and Cowboys

by Elle Thorpe

  “Nuh-uh. I kinda like it. And it doesn’t matter who looks at me, because I’ll only be looking at you.”

  I think my heart doubled in size. Having Isabel on my arm, knowing she was with me, knowing I’d be the one taking her home tonight, made me the luckiest asshole around.

  “Did you pack a bag?” I asked suddenly.

  She frowned. “For what?”

  “You’re staying at my place tonight.”

  Isabel’s eyes lit up. “Does that mean…”

  “Does that mean I can’t wait another night to be with you? Yeah, it does. I want this, Isabel.” I leaned in closer and tipped her chin up so her eyes met mine. “I want you.”

  A shiver passed through her body. “’Bout time. I thought I was going to have to wait forever.” She grabbed the door handle. “Give me two minutes, I’ll throw a few things together.”

  I shook my head. “Nope. No time. We’ll be late for the dance. And anyway, it doesn’t matter. You aren’t going to need clothes for what I have in mind.”

  Heat flashed in Isabel’s eyes, but we really did have to leave, or people would start wondering where we were. I drove us into town with Isabel’s hand massaging my thigh. She kept inching it closer and closer to the growing bulge in my jeans until I had to grit my teeth to concentrate on the road.

  She giggled, and I shot her a look.

  “What?”

  “You know what. If you don’t quit that I’m pulling over on the side of the road.”

  She put her hand to her heart with a dramatic flourish. “Johnny West! We’re already in town! You’ll cause a scandal!”

  “Exactly. You want to give everyone a show? ‘Cause you keep that up, that’s what’s gonna happen.”

  She laughed and I shook my head. Damn, she did things to me. She made my heart beat so hard I didn’t know how it hadn’t already exploded out of my chest. I could barely think of anything else, except for getting her back to my place and getting her naked. In that moment, I didn’t even care that the light competition was being judged later tonight. Light competition? What light competition?

  I pulled into the parking lot of the town hall, and Isabel actually waited in the cab for me while I trotted around to her door. I helped her down and tilted her head back, claiming her lips in a blistering kiss that promised so much more. She was a little breathless when I stepped away, and a smug sense of pride washed over me.

  Once I got her home, there’d be a whole lot more of that.

  Threading my fingers through hers, I led her to the door. Loud country music blasted out as we entered, shrugging off our jackets and hanging them on the hooks in the lobby. We wandered through to the main room and Isabel grinned up at me. “This is so awesome!”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “Really?” It was no different to any other town dance, and it was nothing fancy. Hay bales lined the room to make seats, and tables from the storeroom had been jazzed up with festive tablecloths. People from nine to ninety milled around, talking in small groups, laughing and wishing each other a merry Christmas.

  “Yes! I love it. I’ve never seen anything like it before. Oh! They’re line dancing! I wish I knew how to do that.”

  I glanced over at the handful of eager beavers already on the dance floor, spinning and stomping their way through what looked like a complicated routine. “There’ll be more simple ones later. You can join in then.”

  “And you too.”

  I blanched at the thought. “Oh no. I don’t dance.”

  “What? You have to!”

  A deep, smooth voice interrupted us. “Oh no. You definitely don’t want to see him dance.”

  I didn’t have to look to see it was Charlie. Irritation rolled through me. “Oh great. So glad you’re here.” Sarcasm dripped from my words, but he ignored me, focusing on Isabel instead.

  “Seriously. He’s terrible. There was this one time in junior high—”

  “Don’t you have anything better to do than tell old high school stories?” I interrupted.

  Charlie gave me a baffled look, like he had no idea why I might have been annoyed by his comments. “Well, who stole your Christmas spirit?”

  I didn’t know why I was letting him get to me. I already had Isabel. I knew Charlie’s stories weren’t going to scare her off. But fucking hell. Who wanted to relive their crap teenage years over and over again? I didn’t need Charlie bringing up every pathetic memory whenever I ran into him. It just put me a bad fucking mood. “My Christmas spirit is just fine and dandy, thank you very much.”

  Charlie smirked. “You see my lights yet? Your Christmas spirit might wither and die when you do.”

  I forced a smile, but my molars ground together. “You talk a lot of smack, but we’ll see if you have the skills to back it up. There’s a reason I’ve won the last five years in a row.”

  That got him. Charlie huffed and stalked off to talk to some other people I recognized from high school.

  Isabel raised an eyebrow. “Well. That was something I never thought I’d see. Two grown men, trash-talking over Christmas lights.”

  I took my hat off and ran my fingers through my hair. She was right. It was childish the way Charlie and I carried on this stupid rivalry. Childish and embarrassing.

  “I know. I’m sorry. That was terrible.”

  But she pressed up onto her toes, so her lips brushed my ear. “Actually, it was a bit hot. I was imagining the two of you sorting out your differences via jelly wrestling. Lit solely by Christmas lights.”

  I pulled back and squinted at her, laughter rumbling up my chest. “You’re a weird little thing, you know that?”

  She grinned. “Don’t pretend you don’t love it.”

  I bit my lip because it would have been all too easy to confess that I did. I loved how fun she was. I loved how she never took herself, or me, too seriously. The only thing I didn’t love was that we only had days left until she’d fly back to the other side of the world and I’d probably never see her again.

  The music changed to a slow song, and I grabbed her hand. “Come on, let’s dance.” Anything to distract myself from going down that line of thinking. I didn’t want to waste the time we had left, focusing on the fact that this time next week, I’d be putting her on a plane. The thought was too miserable to comprehend.

  I led her onto the dance floor and pulled her into my arms, my palms smoothing down her spine to her lower back and stopping just above her ass.

  But she stepped back, putting space between us. “Woah.”

  I frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  “Your mama and her friends are over there by the door watching us.”

  “So?”

  “So? Dance respectably! A foot of space between bodies at all times.”

  I laughed. “Like in middle-grade dances?”

  “Yes!”

  I tugged her closer ’til her body was flush with mine again. “Let ’em talk,” I whispered into her hair. “This is the only dance I’m ever going to get to take you to. I don’t want to hold you like we’re twelve.”

  She laid her head down on my chest as we began to sway back and forth in time to the music. “I’ve had the best few weeks with you, you know?” she said quietly, but I heard her even over the music. “I don’t want this to end.”

  I swirled her around, my grip on her waist tightening ever so slightly. “Me neither.”

  Neither of us said anything more. There was nothing more to say. We just danced and held each other and let the rest of the room float by, the two of us lost in our own thoughts.

  When the band started up again with a fast-paced, bootscootin’ tune, we broke apart and made our way to the edge of the room to get a drink. Big bowls of homemade punch sat on the tables, and I ladled a glass for Isabel before pouring my own. She took a sip, then coughed. She eyed her glass critically. “Did you spike this?”

  I sipped my own, and the unmistakable tang of alcohol hit the back of my throat. I shook my head. “No, but it doesn’t surprise
me. Someone always does. I’ll just tell the ladies manning the refreshments not to let the kids near that one.” Isabel nodded and I left her for a moment to fill in Mrs. Manning, who was putting out trays of sandwiches and hot pastries.

  When I returned, Isabel was chatting with Macy and Levi, and I sidled up beside them, noting Levi’s fingers tangled around Macy’s.

  “Ugh, nothing changes with that guy,” Macy complained. “He’s still the biggest douche canoe around.” I followed her gaze and saw Charlie chatting up two women Macy, Levi, and I had gone to high school with. Even from across the room, I could hear him telling stories about his all-time high score in a football game from seven years ago.

  I cringed, watching the scene. Once upon a time, those women had been football groupies who threw themselves at Charlie and his friends. But it seemed times had changed. Both women looked bored now. Not that Charlie noticed.

  Isabel put her hand on my arm. “Before you get in another ‘my Santa inflatable is bigger than yours’ fight with Charlie, what time do we need to leave for the judging?”

  I looked at my watch. “Someone will call when it’s time to leave. Should be any minute now.”

  And sure enough, at the end of the song, the band’s singer leaned into the microphone and said, “The annual Christmas light competition judging is commencing imminently. If you wish to follow along with the convoy, get to your cars.”

  I turned to Isabel and she squeezed my hand. “Moment of glory, huh?”

  I tugged her to the door. “Let’s go win this thing.”

  11

  Isabel

  Johnny held my hand and steered with the other, crawling through the suburban streets of Two Creek Plains, pausing at each house that had entered the light competition. He had the heater cranked, and he’d found me a blanket that I had draped over my knees. I was warm and comfortable and Christmas music played softly in the background. Resting my head back against the seat, I stared out at the beautiful lights that decorated almost every house we passed.

  “Careful there. You look like you might actually be enjoying this.” Johnny glanced over at me with a grin. “You keep staring out the window like that, and I’m going to declare myself the winner of our bet.”

  I sat up straighter. “What bet?”

  “Remember? The one where I right all your Christmas wrongs, and you owe me a prize? No wheedling out of it now, just ’cause the Christmas bug bit ya.”

  I screwed up my face and scoffed at him. “Not a chance. Once you’ve moved to Grinchtown, there’s no coming back. We have great Christmas bug repellent round here.”

  Johnny gave an overexaggerated nod. “Sure, sure. You keep telling yourself that.”

  I bit my lip to stifle my smile. He was right. I’d never been this into the holiday season. I’d never been one to bake cookies or decorate my house or listen to Christmas carols. But I’d done all those things in the past few weeks and Johnny had made each one fun. Christmas wasn’t like this in Sydney. It was all hustle and bustle and commercialism and drinking and parties. Two Creek Plains was all community and family and snuggling by the fire with a good book…it was just wholesome in a way that I’d never experienced before.

  I didn’t have to admit that I liked it though. I wasn’t about to let Johnny think he’d won, even if he’d been winning me over every day since he’d set foot in my store.

  Johnny tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “You mind if we ditch the convoy? I want to get back to my place and make sure everything is perfect before the judges get there.”

  “Sure. Don’t you want to see Charlie’s display though? The other houses we’ve seen so far are nice, but they got nothing on yours.”

  Johnny steered the truck around the parked cars and accelerated down the road. “His place is on the way. We’ll stop by first.”

  We were only a few minutes out of town when Johnny slowed the car again and I blinked up at the big house covered in the most lights I’d ever seen in my life. “Holy crap. Charlie’s house I assume?”

  Johnny nodded. “I know it’s cold out…”

  “But you want to sneak in and get a proper look?”

  He nodded, killing the headlights.

  I unclipped my seat belt and hopped out, my boots crunching in the built up snow at the edge of the road. We met in front of the hood, then wandered toward Charlie’s house. The gates were open, with a “Please come in, and look around” sign stuck to the metal bars, which made me feel better about snooping.

  I walked through his lawn display in awed silence, and for a moment, I really did feel like a kid again. There was no doubt in my mind, Charlie had created a winter wonderland, and it was a beautiful thing to see. Tall, brightly colored inflatables were interspersed with angels made purely of light. A Christmas train laden with fake little presents made its way slowly around a track, and a giant tree, taller than the single-story house, lit up the center of the yard.

  Johnny stopped, yanking my hand. I looked up at him questioningly, and he simply pointed, then put a finger to his lips. Charlie stood on the other side of an almost life-sized nativity scene. He was busily clearing snow from a shiny red vintage Mustang, running his hand lovingly down its body and muttering something I couldn’t make out with my earmuffs and woolen hat on. He had a sad expression on his face that seemed out of place among all the Christmas joy.

  He caught sight of us from the corner of his eye and spun around. He seemed startled at first, his cheeks turning pink, but then his eyes narrowed when he saw it was Johnny and me.

  “Seriously, West? Come to sabotage me?”

  Johnny blinked hard. “What? No, of course not. We were just on the way out to my place.”

  He raised an eyebrow like he didn’t believe our motives for being there were innocent. “And you wanted to check out the competition?”

  Johnny shrugged. “Well, yeah.”

  Charlie crossed his arms over his chest.

  Johnny sighed and shook his head sadly. “Look, we’ll go. But good luck.” He held out a hand for Charlie to shake.

  The other man took it, but his shake was limp. “Won’t need it. But thanks for stopping by.” Charlie’s words were flat and insincere.

  We went back to the car in silence, Johnny seemingly lost in his own thoughts. I rubbed my arms while we waited for the heater to kick in again. “That guy is such a jackass. You were really nice, and he pretty much threw it in your face.”

  Johnny nodded, but he looked distracted. I reached across and put my hand on the back of his neck and squeezed gently. “What’s going on? Why do you look so worried? You’ve got this in the bag, babe. He might have done a good job, but you’ve got something different. It’s a clear-cut home run.”

  He gave me a smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah, maybe.”

  Headlights illuminating the West’s Ranch sign was our first indication of the convoy arriving. I let out a squeal of excitement, hopping from foot to foot on the little cabin porch.

  Johnny glanced over at me and laughed, though frown lines still creased his forehead. “Oh yeah. You’re totally still the girl who hates Christmas. Did you just squeal?”

  I elbowed him, but he was right. I was overly excited. Oddly, much more so than Johnny was. He’d worn a frown since we’d left Charlie’s place, and he’d been quiet even when we’d reached his home and set about getting the lights all turned on and ready for the judges.

  We watched the headlights pause at the main house and then they slowly trundled in our direction.

  Johnny sucked in a deep breath.

  “You ready to put on a show?” I asked.

  He hit the lights.

  The cabin and the yard surrounding it lit up in a dazzling display. I found Johnny’s fingers with my own, squeezing his hand. “This is really something, you know?” I eyed the cars as they rolled in. “I bet the judges are busy giving you full marks right now.” People I recognized from the dance and from around town began climbing from their vehi
cles and wandering around the yard. My gaze flittered from light to light enjoying the scene, then coming to rest on a single dark spot at the edge of the perimeter of light.

  My heart sank.

  “Johnny! The light for the sign! It’s not working!” We’d spent two hours yesterday painting a sign that told visitors to tune their car radios to 87.5FM. Johnny had set it up right at the beginning of the display, so the lights and music would play in sync. Without the music synced up, it was a nice display…but not enough to win.

  I started for the sign, ready to check the light below it, which must have blown a fuse. Or perhaps a small animal had chewed through the power cord?

  But Johnny grabbed my wrist. “Don’t.”

  I spun around. “What? Why? The judges need to know there’s more to the display than just the lights.”

  Johnny shook his head. “It’s too late. Everyone is gathering for the announcement.”

  He was right. While the kids ran around the light displays and threw snow at each other, the adults congregated, moving in closer together, instructed by one of the judges. I spotted Charlie in the crowd and hated the smug smirk on his face.

  “Well, I’ll just go tell them! We can get a stereo or something out here.”

  Johnny pulled me back and locked his arms around my waist. He kissed me. “Stop.” His breath tickled my lips. “It’s all right.”

  “Can I have your attention, please?” A man with a booming voice and a thick winter coat strode through the crowd and stood on the bottom step of the porch, just in front of us. “The judges have made their decision.”

  Johnny nuzzled into my neck, and I batted him away. “Stop it. Don’t you want to hear who the winner is?”

  He shrugged. “It doesn’t seem important anymore.”

  I shook my head. “Who are you and what have you done with my Christmas-loving, light-obsessed boyfriend?”

  He raised an eyebrow. “I’m your boyfriend now, am I?”