The Ending I Want

by Samantha Towle

  I run my thumb over her brow, her eyes closing as I do.

  The song has long since come to an end. I pick my phone up, moving it to the nightstand by the bed.

  “You’re tired. You should get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

  “Sleep with me.” She moves over in the bed, pulling the blanket back.

  I don’t need a second invitation. I kick my shoes off and climb into bed beside her.

  She pulls the covers over us both and lays her head against my chest. I put my arm around her and start playing with her hair.

  “Hunter, do you think they’ll take my earrings out for surgery?” Her fingers touch the airplane earrings that I bought her.

  “I don’t know, babe. Maybe.”

  “I hope not. I don’t want the holes to heal over. It kinda hurt when I had them done. I don’t want to go through that pain again.”

  I chuckle. My girl is about to have major surgery, and she’s worried about having her ears pierced again. Now, that’s the Boston I’ve come to know and love.

  And at least she’s talking like she intends to come back. It’s a far cry from where we were this time last night.

  And her coming back…well, that’s all I need to hear from her right now.

  She goes quiet, her body relaxing into mine, and then, out of nowhere, she tenses up.

  “Hunter…I have to tell you something.”

  My heart pauses. “What?”

  She tilts her head back, staring up into my face, and she bites her lip so hard that I’m worried she’s drawn blood.

  “I can’t have children,” she blurts out. “Not in the proper way. The radiation therapy I had because of the first tumor made me infertile. I did have some eggs frozen back then, so I can have children but not in the regular way. Not that I think you and I are going to have kids, but I just thought you should know what you’re getting into.”

  “Babe”—I curl my hand around her cheek—“it doesn’t matter to me. All I want is you. Anything that comes after will be a bonus. But it’s not a bonus I need.”

  “You sure?” she whispers.

  “I’m sure. Now, sleep.”

  I’d guessed that she might be infertile, and I was telling the truth when I said it didn’t matter. Do I want kids someday? Yeah, I guess so. But I can live without having them.

  I can’t live without her.

  She shuts her eyes and lowers her head back down to my chest. I snuggle down in bed, putting my nose close to her hair. I breathe her scent in.

  “I’m going to lose my hair. They’ll shave a section off for the surgery, and the rest will fall out with the radiation therapy.”

  I figured that as well.

  “It doesn’t matter to me.”

  “But I like my pink hair.”

  “When it grows back, you can dye it pink again.”

  “Hmm. I guess.”

  Silence.

  “Hunter…are you sure it won’t bother you if I’m bald?”

  “If losing your hair means you get better and I get to have a lifetime with you, then, yeah, babe, I’m sure.”

  “But I have a weird-shaped head.”

  “So, I’ll buy you a head scarf.”

  She laughs softly, lightly slapping me on the stomach. “Ass.”

  “And you love me for it.” I chuckle.

  “True.”

  “Now, quit stalling, and get some sleep, Boston.”

  “So bossy, Hunter.”

  “You love that about me as well.”

  She’s silent for a long moment. I look down and see her eyes are closed.

  She looks so beautiful. She will always be beautiful to me, no matter what.

  Closing my own eyes, I rest my head back into the pillow.

  “Hunter?” she murmurs, her voice sounding sleepy.

  “Mmhmm?”

  “I love everything about you. Even your airplanes.”

  A smile pushes at my lips as tears prick my eyes at the same time. “And I love everything about you, Boston.”

  “If I should die and leave you

  Be not like the others, quick undone

  Who keep long vigils by the silent

  dust and weep.

  “For my sake turn to life and smile

  Nerving thy heart and trembling

  hand to comfort weaker souls than thee.

  Complete these unfinished tasks of mine

  And I perchance may therein comfort thee.”

  Reverend Gray gently closes the sermon book in his hand, looking out over the church.

  “Now, let us end the service with the Lord’s Prayer.” He bows his head and begins praying, “Our Father, who art in heaven…”

  I stare at the coffin on its stand behind where Reverend Gray is reciting the prayer.

  There’s heaviness in my heart. A sadness in my soul.

  It hurts.

  I let my eyes down, my head bowing, as I join in the prayer.

  Then, I feel a hand curl around mine, and it soothes the sadness away.

  My eyes lift, meeting with a set of beautiful blue eyes.

  The only eyes I ever want to look into.

  Taylor smiles softly at me. Her eyes mirror my sadness. Her precious head is covered with a black headscarf to hide the hair loss that bothers her so much. It doesn’t bother me because that gone hair means that she’s still here. Solid and breathing.

  She fought that brain tumor like a motherfucker. Sorry, God. But she did, and she won.

  We got the all-clear two weeks ago. We’re not out of the woods completely. She has another checkup in another six months, but for now, the tumor is gone, and my girl is on the mend.

  Months of radiation therapy, watching it wreck her body while healing her brain…was hard. But she did it, and she’s here.

  I just hate that we’re here now. That we’ve lost someone else whom we love.

  Archie suddenly passed away a week to the day after we had gotten the all-clear on Taylor. He’d had a stroke. It had come out of nowhere and taken him with it.

  “For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen,” Reverend Gray ends the prayer.

  I gently squeeze Taylor’s hand, and then I turn to my grandpa, who is standing beside me. He’s been affected by Archie’s passing the most.

  Archie might have been his employee for the better part of twenty-five years, but he was my grandpa’s friend more.

  I press my hand to his shoulder. “You doing okay, Grandpa?” I ask quietly.

  He meets my eyes and nods.

  The service over, we exit the church. Grandpa is the first to leave. We were the only family Archie had. He was married many years ago, but he lost his wife young, like Grandpa did with my grandma. Archie didn’t have any children. So, we were his family.

  As I hold Taylor’s hand, we follow behind my grandpa, walking down the aisle.

  “I’m just going to thank Reverend Gray for the service,” Grandpa tells me, stopping by the door.

  “We’ll wait in the car for you.”

  Taylor and I walk out into the warm sunshine.

  “Thanks for coming with me today,” I say to her as we leave the churchyard, heading for the car.

  She nudges my arm with her shoulder. “Don’t thank me. I loved Archie, too, you know.”

  I press a kiss to the top of her head. “I know, babe.”

  After Taylor’s surgery and recovery, once she was out of the hospital, we decided it would be best if we moved into Hunter Hall. I still had to work. Owning a company sadly doesn’t mean I get to have forever off. I didn’t want Taylor at the apartment, alone, during the day, and she needed care after the radiation therapy. We discussed hiring a nurse, but Grandpa said she needed to be with family. So, we moved into Hunter Hall, and Grandpa and Archie took care of her.

  Losing Archie has been a shock of the worst kind. I’d known him since I was a kid. His stroke and subsequent passing took us by surprise, and it’s been especially
hard for Grandpa.

  But I’m starting to realize that death is as much a part of life as living is.

  So long as I don’t lose Taylor or Grandpa anytime soon, I can handle it.

  We had planned to move back to my—our—apartment in London once Taylor’s radiation therapy had come to an end. But, now, with Archie gone, we’ve decided to stay at Hunter Hall for the foreseeable future. I don’t want Grandpa to be alone, and neither does Taylor. And, honestly, Hunter Hall is the only place that’s ever really felt like home for me.

  I’ll just keep commuting into London when I need to be there for business.

  And staying here works well, as Taylor is hoping to be accepted to Oxford for a master’s in English literature. She hopes to one day become a lecturer just like her dad was.

  She put her application in a few weeks ago, so now, we just have to wait.

  I’m confident she’ll get in because she’s smart.

  But, really, all I care about is that she’s looking to the future, a future with me.

  I open the passenger door for Taylor and wait until she’s in before I shut the door behind her. I get in the driver’s side, and we wait for my grandpa. He climbs in the backseat a few minutes later.

  I turn the engine on, and we head back to Hunter Hall for the wake where we’ll celebrate Archie’s life with good food and good friends.

  It’s late in the evening. The wake ended hours ago. Grandpa went up to bed early.

  Taylor and I decided to get an early night, too. It’s been an emotionally tiring day, and I don’t want her overdoing herself. She might have the all-clear, but I still want her to take things easy.

  I’ve just gotten out of the shower, and I’m walking back into the bedroom, a towel around my waist.

  I see Taylor sitting in the middle of our bed, legs crossed, a notepad in her lap, and she’s scribbling away. Her headscarf is still on. It bothers me that she feels the need to cover her head when it’s just her and me.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  She lifts her head, smiling at me. “I’m writing a new list.”

  “Oh, yeah?”

  Pulling the towel from my waist, I see her eyes come straight to my nakedness. Suppressing a grin, I rub the towel over my wet hair and toss it over the back of a chair. I grab some pajama pants and pull them on.

  I go and sit down on the bed next to her and look over her shoulder at her list. The title alone makes me smile.

  Things to Do with Liam (Even If He’s Already Done Them)

  “You’re cute.” I rest my chin on her shoulder.

  Smiling, she glances back at me. “You’re kinda cute yourself, Hunter.” She presses a kiss to the tip of my nose and then turns her eyes back to her list.

  I look down at the list. “Go to France,” I say, reading the first thing on there.

  “I’ve never been,” she tells me.

  “I’ll take you tomorrow.”

  Chuckling, she shakes her head.

  She thinks I’m kidding. Well, she’ll be surprised when she finds herself in Paris tomorrow night, eating dinner on the Champs-Élysées.

  Lifting my chin from her shoulder, I slide my hands around her waist, linking my fingers over her stomach. “Learn to drive, so Liam doesn’t have to drive me everywhere,” I say, reading the next thing on her list. “But I like driving you everywhere.”

  “I know…but I’d like to get my license, so I can drive you around sometimes.”

  “Okay, so I’ll teach you to drive.”

  She glances back at me again. “You think that’s a good idea? Don’t people who know each other intimately end up fighting when they’re teaching the other one how to drive?”

  “So we fight while I’m teaching you how to drive. Just think of the smoking-hot make-up sex we can have in the backseat afterward.”

  Her gaze slides back to mine. “You make a good point there, Hunter. Guess you’re teaching me how to drive.” She winks and starts chewing on the end of the pen.

  And, now, I can’t stop staring at her lips. I really want them on my cock right now.

  And, hello, there he is, hard and ready to play.

  I slip my hand upward, cupping one of her tits through her pajama top.

  She moans softly, tipping her head back on my shoulder.

  I brush my mouth over her ear, loving the way she shudders against me.

  Massaging her tit, rolling her nipple between my forefinger and thumb, I continue reading her list, enjoying the gentle moans escaping her, “Dye my hair pink again once it grows back. Um, Boston, I hope to fuck that you don’t expect me to dye my hair pink.”

  She giggles. “I think you’d look good with pink hair.”

  I press a kiss to her ear. “I love you, Boston, a fuck of a lot, but no fucking way am I dyeing my hair pink.” I read the next thing on the list, “Ears re-pierced, and get something else pierced.”

  Taylor had to have her earrings removed for the surgery, and the holes closed up, much to her disappointment.

  “Just so you know, babe, I’m not getting my ears pierced.” I give her nipple a pinch.

  She laughs and squirms against me. “Okay, so no ear-piercing for you.”

  “So, what else are you thinking of getting pierced?” I ask her.

  “I don’t know yet.” She shrugs.

  My hand leaving her tit, I slide it down her stomach and cup her pussy through her pajama bottoms. “Well, if I have a vote in this, I say a clit piercing.”

  She sits up, turning to me, forcing my hand to drop from my happy place.

  “You want me to have my clit pierced?” She’s frowning and not looking totally onboard with this suggestion.

  “I heard it makes orgasms more intense.” I lift a shoulder, smiling.

  “And where did you hear that?”

  “I do read, Boston.”

  “What? Porn magazines?”

  “Hey! There are some really good pieces of literature in porn magazines.”

  “Clearly,” she deadpans.

  I laugh.

  And then she just has to throw out, “Oh, and, Hunter, you do realize that if I have my clit pierced, that means no sex for a significant period of time while it heals. Also, if I’m having my clit pierced, I totally expect you to get your dick pierced.”

  A needle in my dick…

  “Okay, so no piercing of the genitalia.”

  She laughs loudly; it comes from deep within her. And I fucking love the sound. I’ll never tire of hearing her laughter.

  “Okay, so what’s next on the list?” I take the notepad from her hand, scanning down it. I look up at her, surprised. “Learn to fly a plane. You want to learn to fly?”

  “Well, you love it.” She shrugs, the tops of her cheeks turning pink. “And I figured it must be better to be in control of the plane than sitting there in the passenger seat, waiting to plunge to my death.”

  I chuckle. Gotta love her way of thinking.

  “You don’t want me to teach you, do you?” I ask her.

  “I didn’t, but I’m offended that I’m hearing a no in there.”

  “Boston, again, I love you, but no way am I teaching you how to fly. Teaching you to drive is one thing, but flying…no fucking way. I’ll get you a proper instructor.”

  “I’ll try not to be offended by that.” She snatches the notepad off me, but I can tell she’s not being serious. The smile forcing its way onto her lips is giving her away.

  “You shouldn’t be. I mean it in the nicest possible way.” I chuckle, leaning in to kiss her.

  She presses her hand against my chest, but there’s no real resistance from her. “You’re an ass,” she says when my lips are millimeters from hers.

  “Yeah, yeah, you love my ass. I already know that.” Then, I kiss her, hot and hard.

  I release her mouth as quickly as I took it, loving the dazed look in her eyes.

  While she’s distracted, I take the list back from her hand. There’s nothing else on the
list after Learn to fly a plane.

  “That’s all you’ve got?” I say.

  She blinks. “Um, yeah, that’s all I’ve got so far. Why? Is there something you’ve thought of?”

  There is. It’s something I’ve been thinking of for quite a while.

  Without saying anything, I take the pen from her hand, and I write my thing to do at the top of her list because that’s exactly where it belongs.

  I hand the notepad back to her, my heart stepping up tempo, as I watch her eyes scan the paper, finding what I’ve written. I love the way her lips curve up into a beautiful smile.

  “Ask Liam to marry me.” She laughs, throwing her head back. Her tone is teasing when she says, “Confident much?”

  I shrug and then take the notepad back from her. I write something else next to it.

  Okay, so this isn’t how I planned for this to go, but I’m kind of flying by the seat of my pants here. And fuck if it doesn’t feel right. Everything feels right with her.

  I turn the notepad back to her.

  She reads the words I’ve just written. “Or say yes when the very-awesome-in-bed and extraordinarily handsome Liam Hunter asks me to marry him.” She laughs again, because she thinks I’m winding her up.

  I want her to think I’m winding her up. Because I want to see the shock on her face when she realizes that I’m being serious.

  Putting the notepad and pen down on the bed, I shift back and open the drawer on my nightstand. Reaching to the back, I curl my fingers around the box that I’ve been hiding there for quite a while now. Closing the drawer, I take a deep breath, and then I turn back to her and hold the box out in my open palm.

  Her eyes widen, and my heart stutters.

  “Is…that…” Her wide eyes lift to mine. “Hunter…are earrings in that box?”

  I slowly shake my head. “Not this time, babe.”

  She reaches for it, her fingers trembling. She pops open the top and gasps.

  “It was my grandmother’s.”

  “It’s beautiful.” She’s staring down at it.

  I wet my dry lips with my tongue. “It’s yours, if you want it, but…if you take this ring, it means you’re saying yes to me.”