by Lexi Blake
Her gut clenched, but she’d known this would happen. She’d known eventually she would have to confront Armie. They were both first responders in a tiny town. It was inevitable they would work together at some point.
What was shocking was what she hadn’t been forced to face. She’d expected a flurry of gossip to surround them. Everyone in town knew she’d moved in with Armie and Noelle. A couple of people had already started gently prodding her about when the wedding was. Of course, those people were the town florist and Dixie, who was already planning to cater the reception.
No one had said a thing to her. It was like they didn’t know she was no longer the potential future Mrs. LaVigne.
“What’s the ETA?”
Mabel was already prepping paperwork. “He said he was five minutes out. It’s not an emergency. Armie doesn’t think he broke the ankle, but he wanted to be careful. He didn’t want to throw the kid in lockup until you have a look at him. I’ll go prep room one.”
She was gone before Lila could call her back to let her greet the sheriff.
She was not this woman. She was not the woman who lost her cool when an ex walked in the room. Hell, she was friendly with some of her exes. Not the one who’d hit on her sisters, but a couple of the men she’d dated in college were people she would stop and say hi to and ask after their families.
Of course she hadn’t cried over those men. She hadn’t woken up in the middle of the night, reaching out for them and praying it had all been a terrible dream. Those breakups had been logical. She’d moved on without this horrible ache in her gut that something was missing and couldn’t be replaced.
The doors swooshed open and there he was—big and manly and gorgeous. The fact that he was an asshole who couldn’t see past his own fears didn’t change the way her body responded to him. She wanted to do nothing more than walk into his arms.
Except his arms were full of whining drunk boy.
“Didn’t do anything wrong. It was the gator. That gator made me swerve.” Every word came out slurred.
Mabel rushed in, pushing a wheelchair. “Put him down here, Sheriff. I’ll take him back and get started on his vitals and the initial exam.”
“I’ll come back with you.” It would be a good excuse to not be alone with Armie. “He looks like he’ll be a lot to handle.”
The kid was in his early twenties, but he grinned up at Mabel like she was the hottest thing he’d ever seen. “Hey, pretty lady.”
Mabel frowned and looked back at the sheriff. “I’ll definitely run a blood test. I can handle this puppy. Lila, you stay here and find out what happened. I’ll call you back when he’s ready for the exam. Hush now, you infant. And don’t you try to flirt with me. I like my men elderly and somewhat infirm. Don’t you knock it ’til you’ve tried it.”
“Sorry I didn’t give you more warning.” Armie stood in her waiting room.
She picked up her notepad. Professional. That was how she got through this. It was the first time and it would almost certainly be the hardest. It would be easier in a couple of weeks. She would be able to smile at him and not feel sick inside. In a month or two, she wouldn’t feel sick. She would be wistful. In a year, maybe she would question what she ever saw in him. All she had to do was wait and time would work wonders. It always did. “How did he come to be injured, Sheriff?”
He hesitated as though he’d expected something different, but he quickly regained his footing. “I pulled him over on the highway. He was swerving, and it wasn’t all about Otis. He ran his car into a ditch. I think he was trying to get away from me. Didn’t do a good job.”
“So he was in a car accident?” Was it wrong that she was hoping for something complex? Maybe he had internal injuries. That would take her mind off things.
“Not exactly. He was going about twenty miles an hour. I’m pretty sure he thought he was in a high-speed chase. There might be more than alcohol in that kid’s system. He went off the road and slid into the mud. It’s been raining, so that land off the highway is incredibly soft. Herve is going to have to haul that car out.”
She knew the place. She avoided it. If Otis was on the road at that point in the highway, she waited him out. It was precisely why she’d loaded up her phone with audiobooks. It wasn’t because she’d read a couple of old-school bodice rippers she’d found in her now torched house and gotten addicted. “So how did he injure his ankle?”
It was the romances. She could blame them for all the heartfelt icky love stuff. She’d read too many romance books in the last couple of weeks, and they’d affected her brain.
“I tried to give him a field sobriety test,” Armie admitted. “I know. It’s obvious he’s plastered, but I have to follow protocol. He tripped and landed wrong. I knew I needed to bring him in here before I take him to lockup. I don’t think he’s dangerous or I promise I would have brought in Roxie or Major to stay in the room with him.”
“It’s okay.” It wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. “I’ve dealt with plenty worse. The hospital I worked at in Dallas served the county jail system, so it won’t be the first time I’ve treated a prisoner. Is there anything else? I’ll go take a look at him and then we’ll get an X-ray.”
“Are you all right?” Armie asked, his tone going low.
She gave him a smile she hoped didn’t look as fake as it was. “I’m fine. Thank you.”
There was an awkward pause where they stared at each other. She tried to come up with something witty to say, but that had never been her strong point. Perhaps she should turn and go.
“It’s going okay? The clinic, I mean.” His deep voice betrayed his awkwardness.
Only days ago, he’d been comfortable around her. He’d sat in those chairs waiting for her to be done with work so he could drive them both home. “It’s picking up. I’m happy with it. I’ve done a lot of well-baby checkups thanks to Hallie and Seraphina talking to their friends. I’m in good with the young moms club. And I got Gene to do some blood work.”
“Really? How did you manage that?”
It hadn’t been easy. “I talked podcasts with him and I took him on a tour of how the lab destroys samples so they can’t be taken and left at crime scenes so innocent people can be implicated in murders. I then signed a document stating that I would never frame him for a crime he didn’t commit. I then listened to three hours of how the police screwed up a murder in Lafayette. I’m going to admit, it was a lot, but I don’t have to do it again for a whole year.”
His face split in the most heart-stopping grin. “Oh, I wish I’d seen that. I’m glad it’s going well. I told you this town would settle down and accept you.” He sobered and the light left his eyes. “I’ve missed you.”
Damn him. She wasn’t going there. Wasn’t. “I miss you, too.”
Why had she said that? She knew better, but he was standing right in front of her.
“What should we do about that?” His face had softened, and it was almost possible to forget how cold he’d been to her that day.
Almost. “I don’t know that we do anything about it.”
His jaw tightened and she could see the stubborn will in his gaze. “Maybe we should sit down and talk. Maybe I heard things wrong. It has been pointed out to me that perception and point of view are important things and can be misconstrued. Did I not understand?”
“I said exactly what you heard, Armie. I didn’t mean that I thought Noelle’s life was easy. That was a manipulation to try to stir up some fire in her. I wanted her to want to prove me wrong.” She wasn’t sure why they were going over this again, but hope sparked through her. If he was willing to listen, maybe they could try again. They would go slower this time. It had been a mistake to move in. They should spend more time together, all three of them.
“But you meant well?”
She hated the fact that he felt like he had to ask her that. “I meant to
get her to try something she didn’t want to try, something that could end up being incredibly good for her. Sometimes in therapy you have to be tough, but it’s all about the patient’s best interest.”
He thought about that for a moment. “Okay. I’m sorry I spoke to you the way I did. I was upset. I think we both were and we let things get out of control.”
Was it really this easy? “I’m sorry we fought and I’m sorry I didn’t figure out something nicer to say to Noelle. I’ve been doing this for a long time and I can seem cold even when I’m not. I hope we can sit down and talk this out because I meant what I said. I do miss you.”
“I miss you like crazy.” He reached for her hand. “I want to see you again. Maybe I can come by and we can have dinner and talk.”
She would like that more than anything. They had a lot to talk about. “That might be nice. I just need you to promise me that you won’t toss me out the next time Noelle and I clash, because it’s normal and natural to do that. When it happens, we should all sit down and work it out. Or we could find a therapist. Actually, I think regular therapy sessions would help all of us. Especially Noelle.”
She couldn’t walk on eggshells.
He dropped her hand. “I wasn’t going to bring Noelle into it. I think that’s where we made the mistake the first time.”
“Not bring Noelle into it? Not bring her into what?”
“Our relationship. I think we should keep the two things separate. It’s obvious you have a problem with the way I’m raising my daughter. I’ve thought a lot about it, and the solution is to keep the two parts separate.”
A numbness started to creep over her. She needed to be numb or she would crack open again. “So I don’t ever come over to your place? You show up at mine and we fuck and then you leave and go back to your real family?”
His jaw tightened. “That’s not the way I was looking at it.”
If he didn’t want her around Noelle, he didn’t really want her at all. His life revolved around his daughter. He was asking her to accept an ancillary role. She wouldn’t even be his girlfriend. She would be his booty call. She didn’t miss the irony. In the beginning that was exactly what she’d wanted. When they’d met, she’d wanted to put him in a box and keep him there. It was brutal karma that he wanted that type of relationship now. Because she’d found so much more, come to want more. It was like she’d been the Grinch and her heart had done that growth thing, but the Whos suddenly didn’t want to sing. “I happen to love Noelle.”
“You did a damn fine job proving to her that you don’t.” The ice was back in his tone.
“If she truly believes that then I’m sorry because I do love her, but love isn’t always cuddly and sweet. Sometimes it’s hard. Cuddly and sweet can be very fragile. Love shouldn’t be fragile, but yours certainly was, Armie.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way. It didn’t feel fragile. I still feel more for you than any woman I’ve ever known, but she’s my daughter and I have to put her first.”
“I’m not trying to take her away from you, but you won’t listen to sound medical advice.”
His hands fisted at his sides. “I don’t want to push her.”
“Sometimes we need a push,” she insisted. “You are treating her like she’s made of glass, and she’s not. She’s strong, and she’ll be even stronger if she can push her way through this.”
He took a step back. “I can’t believe I thought this would work. I don’t understand why this is an argument. Do you always have to be right?”
“I am right about this. I don’t understand why you’re not in there coaching her. She’s got a shot at walking again. I know you feel guilty about the accident, but . . .”
His whole body went rigid. “Stop. I took a shot that you would want to at least salvage some of the relationship, but I can see this isn’t going to work.”
A bit of anger started to thrum through her system. “Salvage the part of the relationship where you get sex and I’m not any part at all of your real life? Thanks a lot. That’s a hard pass from me, but go find the Mirandas of the world. I’m sure they’ll play the part you want.”
“Part?”
Anger felt so much better than desolation. “Yes, the part where your significant other is sweet and agrees with you and makes your life comfortable and you never have to fight and life never changes.”
He squared his shoulders, standing right in front of her like a boxer facing his opponent. “Is that how it is? I’ve got to wonder why you stayed. If I took everything and gave nothing back, why were you with me?”
A million tart, nasty responses shot to the tip of her tongue. Because you give great orgasms. Because I’m obviously a masochist. She dropped all of them because anger hadn’t worked, either. A deep sense of sadness flowed over her. “Because when you loved me, really loved me, I was a better person for it. Because I could open up to you and finally figure out who I am. I don’t know. Maybe it’s not only you. Maybe it was what happened in that ER. If you’d met me before that day I would have taken what you offered and not thought much more about it. I certainly wouldn’t have lost the best relationship of my life over a sixteen-year-old girl, but this is Waterloo. This is where I stand and plant my flag, and you don’t understand it, but I do it because I love you and I love her and I can’t watch the two of you let one moment wreck the rest of your lives. Because I want more now. You made me want more. In the end, I’m going to walk away because I love me now in a way I didn’t before, in a way you taught me I could. I can’t accept a half life and you shouldn’t, either.”
He stood there, staring at her. “I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Because you’re not ready. Maybe if we’d met at another time things would be different. I wish you luck.” She felt the tears on her cheeks. Stupid tears, but they were there for a reason. They were there because she’d loved him. They were there because she loved herself, too. That was the crazy thing. She’d discovered she couldn’t love anyone until she was okay with herself. “I’m going to work now.”
“I won’t say anything,” he said as she started to walk away. His words made her stop and turn. “About us breaking up. If anyone asks, I’ll tell them it’s none of their business.”
“I’ll do the same.”
“And I wouldn’t ever say anything bad about you. I know you’re good at your job. I’m grateful you’re here. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Damn, Lila, I don’t want to do this.”
But he had to because he wasn’t ready to move on. That was the saddest part of all. He’d helped her. She was ready to step out of that terrible moment and move on with her life and he wasn’t. She hadn’t done the same for him. In the end, she wasn’t the woman who could bring him out of himself.
Her sister’s words came back. She’d loved him. He hadn’t loved her the same way. That wasn’t his fault. “It’s going to be okay. If we try, we’ll get through this and we’ll be able to look at each other and not feel bad.”
“I’ll always regret losing you.”
She turned because there was nothing left to say.
* * *
• • •
“Hey, Armie. You going to play or sit there and look at your cards?”
Armie came out of his misery long enough to stare down at the cards in his hand. King, queen, suited. He glanced at the three cards on the table. A queen and an ace and a two of clubs. Nice hand, but the ace made him nervous.
It didn’t fucking matter. He mucked his cards and sat back. “I’m out.”
It had been four days since he’d spoken to Lila. He saw her regularly. She’d taken to walking Peanut around the town square during her lunch break. He found reasons to be outside the station house during the noon hour so he could nod as she passed by. Her walks were getting longer and longer as people around town stopped and asked her questions. He was certain that was what t
hey were doing because they inevitably pointed to some body part and then Lila would get that look on her face that let him know she was being patient.
When would he stop thinking about her every second of the day?
Rene stared at him across the table. It had come down to the two of them in the hand. Major and Remy had already dropped out. “Either you are getting very good at reading me or your head is not in this game.”
Rene flipped over his hand and showed him the ace and queen that would have cost him three dollars.
They never played for much. This monthly poker game was more about friendship and having a night out than making money. He’d played once a month since he’d come home and Rene had decided they all needed a boys’ night out. Of course, it wasn’t a night out for Rene, since they almost always played at his place, but the Darois mansion had ten bedrooms, a large room devoted entirely to wine, a movie theater, two different kitchens, and a wing for servants’ quarters. Armie supposed that getting to the pool house could be considered a vacation for Rene.
They sat around the custom-made poker table, but Armie’s head was miles away.
Remy sat back, shaking his head. “Damn, I’m glad I got out of the way.”
He’d expected some anger from Remy. The fact that Lila’s brother-in-law would be sitting at the table had made him think twice about coming. He’d called Rene and tried to beg off, but Rene had insisted, playing the guilt card since he’d been stuck in the house alone after he’d been released from the hospital. He’d needed his friends.
Remy had simply shaken his hand when he’d walked in, and things were oddly normal.
Major stood up and stretched. “I’m getting a beer.”
Quaid Havery nodded his way. “Get me one, too, if you don’t mind.”
Rene simply picked up the crystal decanter in front of him and poured a couple of fingers into his glass. “I’m sticking with this absolutely perfect Scotch.”
