Serenity

by Jesse J. Thoma

“I know that look,” Josh said. “Get out of your head and don’t filter. You don’t have to be two people with me. I love all of you, so don’t censor whatever it is you’re embarrassed about, or wrestling with, or trying to hide; knock it off and tell me.”

  “Fine.” Kit put her knife down and grabbed a soda from the fridge before returning to lean against the counter. She turned the can around and around between her hands. “The Zookeeper said I was under her protection when I was using. She’d dump me somewhere for a day or a few hours and get me out of the target range of some of the very bad people that prey on the vulnerable. I didn’t know that at the time.”

  “And you what? Don’t like that someone was looking out for you?”

  “I don’t know, Joshy. I guess I view that time as me, this little island, doing this thing, and now it’s done. But now, someone else was involved.”

  Josh stopped his prep, leaned across the kitchen island, and looked at Kit. He’d done this up in her face eye contact thing when he had something important to say since they were kids. As always, she wanted to back away, but he’d just keep coming until she backed herself into a corner. She held her ground.

  “Did you use by yourself back in the day?”

  “Not usually.” Kit shifted her weight and scratched the back of her neck. “Too risky if one of us overdosed.”

  Josh nodded like he expected that answer.

  “One more question. Why did you, no matter what shape you were in and how many times your number changed, always make sure I had a way to get in touch with you?”

  “Because if something happened, or if you needed to get in touch, I wanted you to know where I was. And I always wanted to be able to reach you.” She had an idea where Josh was going with this.

  “I know you feel like you were all alone, Kit. And maybe you were for the most part. I can’t begin to understand what it was like for you. But maybe it’s okay you weren’t an island? If someone kept you safe, then I’m eternally grateful. What is the Zookeeper anyway? A person? A vending machine? A radio shock jock? A monster truck?”

  “She’s a person.” Kit laughed, picturing the Zookeeper driving a monster truck through the park. “And for some reason, it feels harder to leave that part of myself dead and buried if I know she was involved in watching out for me.”

  “I know I’ve asked you this before, by why does that part of you have to be buried? It’s part of who you are. Doesn’t have to be the biggest part, or the only part, but it’s not the worst part either. Despite what you might think.”

  “Oh really? What’s my worst part?”

  “The fact that you never clean the toilet and since you were five you’ve hogged the best slice of pumpkin pie whenever it’s available.” Josh didn’t even hesitate.

  Kit couldn’t argue. Although she probably should clean the toilet now and again. Maybe they could trade and he could vacuum.

  “The part I can’t get over,” Kit continued, “is if I felt that alone and vulnerable and I had someone looking out for me, what’s it like for those that don’t?”

  “Do you know the answer to that?”

  Kit nodded. She didn’t need to explain to Josh some of the things she’d seen.

  “I guess the question then is, are you going to try to bury those feelings along with everything else, or are you going to use them to do something good?”

  Josh turned back to dinner prep and left Kit to her thoughts. He always seemed to know when to push her and when to back off and let her think. She let it be for now. She’d chew on it a while, but there were more pressing matters at hand. Like dinner. Josh put her back to work. They easily slipped into their familiar banter and soon the mood of the kitchen was light again. Kit couldn’t wait for Thea’s arrival, but she was glad she’d talked to Josh. He was right, he was a good listener.

  * * *

  Thea didn’t care that Kit kept insisting Josh was actually responsible for the meal she’d just eaten. The food was delicious, and she was giving all the hot chef points to Kit. As promised, Josh had scooted as soon as Thea got there, but not before giving Kit a kiss on the head and telling her to behave. Kit had said something to him that Thea couldn’t hear, but she could guess at the content based on Josh’s reaction. Kit had shoved him out the door before he could respond.

  Thea didn’t have siblings so she had no idea what a sibling relationship was like. She liked to think it was very much like the one between Josh and Kit. It was obvious how much they cared for each other even when Josh was giving Kit a hard time.

  “Can I get you anything?” Kit interrupted Thea’s musings. “We don’t have alcohol in the house, but coffee’s always available.”

  “I wondered about that.” Thea trailed her fingers over Kit’s stomach lightly as she walked past. She thrilled at the feel of Kit’s muscles tightening beneath her touch. “Alcohol, I mean. I’m not much of a drinker and certainly don’t miss it tonight. Coffee is always welcome.”

  Kit stammered a little. “Some people think alcohol’s okay since that wasn’t my drug of choice, others don’t agree. I prefer to abstain. Anything that alters my state of mind is a risk I don’t need. At least, that’s how I see it.”

  Thea liked when Kit told her a little about her recovery. It helped her understand and let her in on that part of Kit’s life. She wanted to know all of her and that was something that, at least for now, was a large part of Kit’s day to day existence.

  Kit and Thea took their coffee to the couch. Kit sat in the corner and opened her arms. Thea was happy to be back against Kit’s strong, solid body. She leaned her head against Kit’s chest. Even on a day without work, Kit smelled vaguely of sawdust.

  Likes: sawdust, tool belts, lumberjacks, hot construction workers…Kit. She forced herself to focus. “Did you always want to work for Josh?”

  Thea couldn’t see much of Kit’s face, but she could feel her tense. She didn’t mean to hit a nerve.

  “You don’t have to answer if what I just asked upsets you. That’s the last thing I want to do.”

  “It’s okay,” Kit said. “Things tend to work out and I love working with Josh. Now I can’t imagine doing anything else. But I wanted to be a pediatrician. I got in my own way though.”

  There were deeper things to say on the subject, but somehow that didn’t feel right. “It begs the question.” Thea leaned against Kit’s shoulder and looked up at her. “Did you want to be a pediatrician because you were born fluent in teenager, or did you study teenager in preparation?”

  Kit’s laughter shook Thea’s whole body. It felt good to be so physically connected.

  “Born fluent. If you’d known some of the interesting characters in my family, you’d know it was important to be able to speak multiple languages. Teenager was one of them.”

  “Do you still keep in touch with your family?”

  It was less noticeable this time, but Kit tensed again. Thea kept stepping in it, apparently. A family you weren’t all that keen on looking back on was something Thea could relate to. Her grandmother had died years ago, so there was no one left who warranted a Christmas card, let alone a relationship.

  “Josh is the only one. We’re both the black sheep of the family. I think he keeps in touch with some of them. Certainly, his parents. But we have each other and that’s all I need.”

  “Black sheep, fish out of water, ugly duckling. There’s been some great stories written about the ones who don’t quite fit in,” Thea said. “They’re usually the heroes in the greatest tales.”

  “Are you saying I’m destined to be a superhero?” Kit winked.

  “Funny, I don’t think that was quite what I said.”

  “Yep, totally what I heard.” Kit flexed her bicep. “I wonder what my superpower’s going to be. You said I’m not Batman, so I’m definitely getting a superpower. He was just a rich guy who dressed up and played with toys.”

  Thea shot out of Kit’s arms and turned to face her. She managed to set her coffee down without spilli
ng it, which was its own superpower. She couldn’t let such an offense stand. She was kneeling on the couch in front of Kit with fire in her belly. Kit looked surprised at Thea’s sudden departure from their cozy seating.

  “Batman is so much more than a ‘guy who played dress up.’ He’s a symbol of right and wrong and an example of living life with guiding principles and a strong moral compass.” She was just getting started.

  Kit got up from her seat and mirrored Thea’s position.

  “Given how passionate you are about him, maybe I’m regretting not being a Batman.”

  “Don’t.” Thea held up her hand. “He’s also brooding and dark. Not to mention, unwilling or uninterested in settling down and committing to someone.”

  Kit moved closer. “And that’s a deal breaker for you.”

  “I have the divorce to prove it.”

  “Good thing I’m a one-woman kinda woman.” Kit moved even closer. They were only inches apart.

  There’s that sawdust scent again. Why is that such a turn-on?

  Thea wanted to grab Kit and pull her down on the couch. She’d wanted to get her hands on her since the second or third time they met. She felt confident Kit was leading up to kissing her. What she didn’t understand was why each second felt like a week of Sundays.

  “The question is—”

  Thea got tired of waiting. She reached up with both hands, tangled her fingers in Kit’s hair, and pulled her close. In the moment their lips met, Thea wondered why they had waited until now. Kit wrapped her arms around Thea’s waist and with gentle pressure closed the small distance remaining between them. She pulled away from the kiss briefly and looked at Thea with a question in her eyes.

  “You were taking too damned long,” Thea said.

  That seemed to be all Kit needed. She returned to her half seated, half reclined position and pulled Thea with her so that she ended up seated in Kit’s lap.

  She leaned in to resume the kiss that felt like it redefined the entire experience, but Kit stopped her.

  “You are so beautiful,” Kit murmured against Thea’s lips. “I wanted you to hear that before I kissed you again.”

  Kit’s lips were soft and welcoming. Thea felt Kit’s tongue sliding along her top lip, gently seeking entry. Thea didn’t allow it right away, making Kit wait. Kit turned the tables on her, letting her hands wander. She moved one hand up Thea’s back and slowly ran the other up Thea’s leg, working her way to her thigh. Thea deepened their kiss before Kit got close to the apex of her thigh. She felt like she might combust if Kit had moved higher.

  Although Thea wasn’t ready to move beyond kissing this evening, she was more than willing to get a sense of what she was missing. If Kit could tease her, she was happy to return the favor. Kit softly bit Thea’s lower lip, then ran her tongue along the bite. Thea pulled Kit’s shirt up enough to slide her hand under and then groaned into their kiss. Kit’s body was even more than she had pictured and she’d done plenty of picturing.

  She ran her nails up and down Kit’s abs, enjoying the feel of Kit’s muscles quivering under her touch. Kit broke their kiss and threw her head back against the couch cushions. Thea shifted so she was straddling Kit’s lap. She kissed her way down Kit’s jaw to her neck to the strong curve of her collarbone. Kit’s breath was hitched, and Thea felt drunk on the power of making Kit shiver under her touch.

  Thea slid her hands to Kit’s sides and inched closer and closer to the underside of Kit’s breasts. She wasn’t trying to torture Kit, but having her so responsive under her hands was intoxicating. Kit’s body was indescribable, and she wanted more.

  Before she got to Kit’s breasts, Kit put her hands over Thea’s, stopping her progress.

  “If you don’t want this to go further than kissing tonight, please have mercy on me.”

  “I blame you,” Thea said.

  “Me?” Kit raised her eyebrow. “Why blame the victim? I’m just sitting here.”

  “Yes.” Thea kissed her again, then again. “Completely innocent in this scenario.”

  “And if I’m not? What are you going to do about it?”

  Thea knew exactly what she wanted to do about it. She couldn’t believe she and Kit were in this situation together. They were the definition of opposites attracting, but she was so thankful they had. Their chemistry was undeniable. Even if she couldn’t explore all of Kit’s enticing landscape, she fully intended to kiss her quite a bit longer.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “So,” Carrie said. “How’s operation tool belt going?”

  Thea was in her office working on the staff schedule for the upcoming month. Carrie had a habit of popping in to chat when she was in the middle of an aversive task. Thea had always joked that Carrie had bugged her office.

  “What exactly is operation tool belt? Do I want to know?”

  “Of course you do.” Carrie looked incredulous. “Operation tool belt is getting your sexy woman out of her clothes and into only her tool belt. Obviously. What’s your progress?”

  Thea ran her hands across her face. This wasn’t what she needed to be thinking about in the middle of her workday. Not when she was supposed to be working on staff scheduling.

  “I know that look.” Carrie wagged her finger at Thea. “Loosen up. It’s not like you weren’t already thinking about her. Probably thinking about her in her knickers, too. I know there’s a dirty mind buried in there somewhere. Bring it out to play and let it chat with me.”

  “Don’t you have work to do?” Thea crossed her legs tightly under her desk and looked back to her computer. She wasn’t willing to concede the facts to Carrie just yet.

  “It’s the end of the day, which you know as well as I do. It’s okay though, you can keep your secrets. I’ll make up my own story.”

  Carrie cleared her throat and began reciting what sounded like an erotica story. Thea wasn’t interested in hearing Carrie’s erotica at any time, and certainly not in her office, or about herself and Kit. She didn’t want Carrie even thinking of her, Kit, and erotica together, ever.

  Thea flew from behind her desk and clapped her hand over Carrie’s mouth to get her to stop, but Carrie just kept up her narration with the volume up. She licked Thea’s hand, which was gross, but Thea should have seen it coming. Since Carrie upped the stakes and hadn’t stopped her shout-talking, Thea poked her in all the spots she knew Carrie was ticklish, trying to find the mute button. Carrie retaliated and they both ended up in a twist of arms and headlocks an MMA fighter would have been proud of.

  Thea was happy the workday was over. It was behavior unlike her, but she and Carrie were laughing and it was oddly freeing to act like a complete child with your best friend in your office at work.

  They were trying to untangle when Thea heard laughter at her office door.

  “Do you think they require our assistance?”

  Walter. And he’s not alone. Please don’t be—

  “It looks like they have it under control…ish.”

  Kit.

  Carrie extracted herself from Thea’s grasp. She never lost the crazy grin she’d had on her face since she walked into Thea’s office. She propped herself on the edge of Thea’s desk and started chatting with Walter and Kit like playing human pretzel in Thea’s office was the most natural thing in the world.

  When Thea finally turned around Kit was looking at her as if she’d been waiting all day, just to look at her in this moment. She looked amused, but Thea didn’t get the feeling she was laughing at her. The feeling of embarrassment she’d been feeling was gone as soon as she and Kit locked eyes.

  “Well, shoot, there goes my dinner date.” Carrie threw up her hands. “Walter old man, you free tonight? Or do you have to run home to a hot toddy and a saucy romance novel?”

  “I’m not ditching you for dinner.” Thea moved closer to Kit so she could touch her but looked to Carrie. “You promised me we’re going to…that place. What’s it called again?”

  “Tool Belts.” Carrie examined
her nails and refused to look at her as she said it.

  Thea glared at Carrie. All she got in return was a not at all innocent smile.

  “It is new?” It was cute how much of the unspoken Kit was missing. “I haven’t heard of it. Josh loves food. If it’s good, let me know. I’ll take him and listen to him drone on and on about some tiny detail I didn’t even notice.”

  “Don’t encourage her to give you any more details,” Thea said. “Were you stopping by to say hi, or was there something else?”

  “Yes, was there something else?” Carrie was suddenly right over Thea’s shoulder batting her eyelashes at Kit dramatically.

  “Go away.” Thea shooed Carrie away and out the door. She was a handful at times, but she did love her.

  “I’ll meet you upstairs for our dinner date. Always wonderful to see you, Kit.” Carrie blew Kit a kiss on the way out. Walter went with her.

  “Hi.” Kit reached out and took Thea’s hand.

  Thea was happy for the connection. She’d missed Kit’s touch even though it hadn’t been long since they’d last seen each other. “Hi. Sorry about Carrie. She thinks we’re living a romance novel and she’s written herself in.”

  “That’s okay with me,” Kit said. “The romance novel part. I’m okay with Carrie too as long as she’s not a villain or interested in a thruple.”

  Thea rolled her eyes dramatically. “I’d say the most you’ll get with her is some light voyeurism.”

  “You have good friends. I like them.”

  “They like you too. Well, Carrie does.” Thea’s shoulders sagged and she examined a scuff mark she’d never noticed on her shoe.

  “I’m working on Walter. He’ll like me too in the end, you wait and see.” Kit lifted Thea’s chin. “Sorry for coming by without letting you know. I clearly caught you at a bad time. I just wanted to say hi. And do this.”

  Kit leaned in and kissed Thea. It felt as electrifying as the first time. If Thea had known kissing could feel like this, she would have ditched Sylvia a long time ago and kissed everyone she could find until she came across this feeling. Although, maybe it was only if she kissed Kit, in which case, timing was everything.