Serenity

by Jesse J. Thoma

  That got Kit’s attention. “What would you like to know?”

  “What was he right about?” Thea slipped her hand under Kit’s shirt and rested it on her stomach. Thankfully, she didn’t increase the torture by stroking her or digging in her nails.

  “He’s been telling me I don’t have to run away from my past. It can be a part of my future. He’s very Yoda Zen master.”

  “He’s also not wrong. Look at the impact you’ve had on Frankie’s life. I’m not sure she would trust you as much as she does if she didn’t know you understood where she comes from.”

  Kit thought about what Josh had told her. How he’d loved her, all of her, even the ugly bits, her whole life. Ethel was always trying to get her in touch with her addict side and the Zookeeper wouldn’t let Kilo die. Even Walter seemed to think Kit needed to figure this out.

  At the moment, the only person who mattered to her was sprawled on top of her looking windswept and more beautiful than Kit thought her heart could handle.

  Is this what falling in love feels like?

  “And what do you think?” Kit was sure Thea could probably feel the butterflies doing an Irish step dance in her belly. “What happens when we walk into a fancy library jamboree and everyone knows you’re on the arm of an addict?”

  “Two things,” Thea said. “First, who cares? Second, are you imagining you’ll be wearing a custom sign or announcing yourself every time you enter a room? If you get a sign, I’m designing it. Something green will really set off your eyes.”

  Kit couldn’t help it. She laughed. Thea had a knack for cutting right through her anxiety and her bullshit.

  “Thank you for very nicely pointing out I’m full of crap,” Kit said.

  “You’re not full of crap. I know this is hard for you. But you’re more worried about people knowing about your past than I am. Why wouldn’t I be proud to be on your arm? You’re sexy as hell, you make me laugh, you make me think about the world differently than I’m used to, and I’m happy when I’m with you. Everyone should be so lucky.”

  Kit marveled, as she had many times before, at the difference in how she was perceived by those around her and how she expected to be perceived. At least by those who knew her and cared about her. “That part of my life was so awful and consumed everything in its path. I think there’s part of me that’s afraid if I let any of it out, even if there’s something decent that could come from it, it will engulf me, you, everything, again.”

  Thea looked thoughtful. “Will you tell me about it?” Thea brushed some hair off Kit’s forehead and kissed her. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide that part of yourself from me.”

  “I try to hide it from everyone, but for some reason, it’s not that easy with you.” Kit pulled Thea closer but remained on her back. It was easier to talk if she was staring up at the tree.

  “When did you start using?” Thea stroked Kit’s stomach lightly.

  “My story isn’t that different from millions of others around the country. I was in college. I was playing soccer and studying pre-med.” Kit’s chest felt tight. She could do this; she could get through this story.

  “You wanted to be a pediatrician, right?”

  “I did, but knowing what I know now, my being around a prescription pad would have been a very dangerous combo.” She shifted. The ground felt uncomfortable under her. She felt uncomfortable in her skin.

  “Or maybe you’d have been the best pediatrician in the state.”

  “I guess we’ll never know.” There was no point focusing on maybes. “Anyway, I was playing soccer and I got injured. When the pain stopped, my desire for the pain meds didn’t. It happens to people every day.”

  “When did you switch to heroin? I know it’s not uncommon to go from one to the other. But it feels like that must have been, I don’t know, a big moment?”

  If only Thea knew how little she cared the day she switched from pills to heroin. All that mattered was the rush. Today there was no craving stalking her while she talked. What a welcome relief. Maybe she had Thea to thank for that.

  “I switched as soon as I ran out of an easy supply of pills and I started to run out of money. Heroin’s cheaper and a dealer hit me up in my dorm room, promising it was way better than the pills he knew I’d been on. I dove deeper and deeper into my drug habit, and eventually school just wasn’t on my daily priority list. I never finished my junior year.”

  “And eventually you found your way out. You are amazing, Kit Marsden.”

  Kit felt Thea’s grip tighten on her side. She felt grounded again. Her chest loosened and she took a deep breath.

  “I had a lot of help. Buprenorphine helps physically. But Ethel and Josh are the ones I owe the most. Especially Josh. I was never so deep that I let go of Josh. He tried everything early on to get me to stop. He yelled, rationalized, pleaded, bargained, anything and everything. Finally, he just stayed close and waited. No matter how many times I changed my phone number or drifted from place to place, I always made sure he could reach me. He was my anchor to another world.”

  “How many people know that story?” Thea propped herself so she and Kit were eye to eye.

  “Not too many.” Kit usually retreated long before this point, but there was nowhere to go and she didn’t want to run from Thea. She needed to know why Thea wasn’t running from her. “Why aren’t you worried my past won’t flare up and engulf both of us?”

  “Who says I’m not worried?” Thea moved so she was draped across Kit’s chest and they were face-to-face. The weight of her felt good.

  “Worried isn’t the right word. Aware is probably better. I’m aware of what could happen. I can only empathize with your experience, but I grew up in and amongst the chaos of active drug use. I have no desire to stumble upon someone overdosing again. But I refuse to run away from you because of something that could possibly one day happen. You make me too happy to be scared away by nightmare scenario eventualities.”

  “Were you the one who found your dad?”

  Thea nodded, her eyes glassy. It was Kit’s turn to offer comfort.

  “Why do you carry naloxone after what you’ve dealt with?” Kit held Thea tight.

  “When my father OD’d I had no way of helping. I don’t think it would have mattered, but I’ll never know. Now, there is something I can do to help. And if I let my personal stuff get in the way of saving someone in my library, I don’t think I could live with that.” A few tears ran down Thea’s cheek.

  “You really are Captain Naloxone the Super Librarian. And I think I…like you very much.”

  “Excuse me? Captain what?” Thea sat up and Kit could see she was full of questions.

  “It’s a compliment.” Kit held up her hand defensively. “My sponsor and I called you that before I knew your name. I wanted to go with Captain Sexy Pants. Or Beautiful Book Lady.”

  “I would like to hear more about how sexy you find my pants and how beautiful you think my books are. Quick question though. What is that?”

  Thea pointed at the branch above them. A decaying slab of wood was mounted on the tree limb. It wasn’t recognizable as the two foot by two-foot-piece of plywood Kit knew it once was. Just visible were three metal poles coming together in a point. Near the plywood and poles was the remains of a chair seat and back sitting on the branch as if perched there by a giant. The chair didn’t look fit for sitting any longer, but the elements hadn’t done so much harm that it wasn’t recognizable.

  “That was one of my viewing stations.” Kit looked away from them. “There are three more up there in higher branches.”

  Thea got up to get a better look. She walked around the tree and Kit assumed she was looking for the other stations.

  Why did she have to look up? She sighed and played with a blade of grass.

  “What was a viewing station? And how did you get up there?”

  “I climbed. Then I sat in the chair and, it’s hard to see from down here, but those metal poles are a tripod b
ase I made. I’d bring my telescope, or binoculars, or a gun scope I stole from my dad, and just look at things. There’s so much to see from up in a tree.”

  “I’ll have to take your word for it.” Thea looked melancholy. “I’ve never climbed a tree.”

  Kit was shocked. She couldn’t imagine any kid not climbing trees. For as long as she could remember, if it had bark, she climbed. It felt like her way of escape.

  “Do you trust me?”

  “Yes.” Thea drew out the word and looked less than fully trusting.

  “Fantastic. We’re going up.”

  “Up where?” Thea looked around as if the answer was written on the grass nearby.

  “The tree.” Kit pointed up. “The most important rule about tree climbing is the rule of three. You have four limbs and three of them should be in contact with the tree at all times. Two feet and a hand, two hands and a foot. You get the idea. Stay close to the trunk and move slowly. We go down the same way we go up. Sound good?”

  “Not at all.” Thea shook her head and took a step back. “Remember me, planful, not at all spontaneous? I don’t climb trees. And I’m wearing a dress.”

  “If dresses were problems, girls would never have learned how to climb trees. If you don’t go up, you’ll miss the view.” Kit held out her hand and waited for Thea to take it. “I won’t let you fall.”

  They looked at each other for a long moment. The air felt like it crackled between them with something unspoken.

  “I know you won’t,” Thea said softly, taking Kit’s hand.

  Jesus. I won’t let her fall, but it might be too late for me. She took a deep breath and turned toward the tree, breaking the connection. Kit had climbed this tree hundreds of times as a kid. Even after all these years she felt like she could do it in her sleep. The branches, footholds, and grips were exactly where she expected. Thea asked that she go first so she could watch. Kit explained her hand and foot choices as she went. Luckily, this oak had a low branch on the opposite side of their blanket, so it was easy to hoist into the tree. Once up, it was a matter of climbing from limb to limb.

  Thea was cautious, as Kit expected, but once she was up she didn’t cling to the tree or refuse to stand and look around. Thea was careful and methodical, but Kit knew she wasn’t afraid of new experiences. That being said, she knew what a big deal it was that Thea was spontaneously climbing a tree. And that she trusted Kit enough to let her lead.

  “Okay, fearless leader, I’m up. Now what?” Thea’s cheeks were flushed and she looked like a conquering hero.

  “What do you want to do?” She felt a rush just being up here again and with Thea.

  “You promised me a tour of your viewing station.”

  “So I did. Follow me, please.”

  A leaf stuck in Thea’s hair and Kit thought about not saying anything. It made Thea look wild and like someone who should be traversing branches in a great oak. But she didn’t think Thea would want leaves in her hair all afternoon.

  They moved around the tree until they were on the branch with the viewing station. The picnic was laid out on the ground below them. Although Kit was tempted to take her seat in the chair she’d dragged up here and screwed to the branch years ago, she wasn’t sure it was solid enough to hold her. The last thing she wanted was to end the date by needing rescue from her parents. She moved to an adjacent branch so Thea could move closer.

  “I see why you set up in this direction.” Thea stood tall and stared at the horizon. “And you were right about the view. It’s incredible. It feels like you can see to the edge of the world.”

  “That’s exactly how I used to feel. Like what I wanted was out there somewhere if I just looked hard enough, or far enough.”

  “And how do you feel now?” Thea looked back at Kit, her eyes ablaze with something Kit couldn’t identify.

  Right there, standing in a tree with Thea, Kit’s world felt like it flipped on its head. Her whole life it felt like she’d been running away from or toward some unseen…something. Suddenly, it felt like she just stopped. It felt wonderful and a little scary.

  “I feel like maybe I don’t need to look as far away as I used to in order to find what I want.” Kit heard the words as they came out of her mouth, but wasn’t sure when she grew the balls to voice them.

  “I was hoping you’d say that.” Thea smiled shyly and looked back over the picturesque expanse in front of them.

  Kit wanted to hop over to Thea’s branch and take her in her arms, but she’d be breaking every tree climbing rule she’d just told Thea. And she really did want Thea to enjoy the view. Maybe it was the overwhelming beauty that had them speaking with a bit more openness and honesty than they both had been willing to up to this point.

  They stayed in the tree a while longer and Kit pointed out the landmarks she remembered. It was harder without binoculars, but it also allowed them to narrate a story where they both contributed. Thea had a much better sense of direction than Kit, so she oriented them to places that were meaningful to both of them. They found the ballpark where they had their first date, were reasonably sure they found Thea’s neighborhood, and Kit pointed out a few construction sites she’d worked on recently. Although they couldn’t see it with the naked eye, they stared in the direction of the library and pretended it was right there, just within sight on the horizon.

  The descent clearly made Thea nervous. Kit moved quickly down and stood on the ground to help Thea find her footing. As Thea was placing her foot for the last step to solid ground, her foot slipped and she tumbled into Kit’s arms.

  Kit was worried the small stumble might negatively impact Thea’s rating of the climb. However, when Thea regained her footing and looked at Kit, fear, disappointment, or regret weren’t the emotions Kit saw dancing in her eyes.

  Thea pulled Kit close, wrapped her arms around Kit’s neck, and her touch was purposeful and passionate.

  “Thank you for helping me climb a tree.” Thea looked jubilant.

  Kit’s answer was muted by Thea covering her lips with her own. As with her touch, her kiss was fierce and hot. She nipped Kit’s lower lip then soothed it with her tongue. Kit’s mind hadn’t caught up with the attention when Thea’s tongue teased her again, seeking entry.

  Thea’s tongue was in Kit’s mouth, her hands were on Kit’s ass, and all the blood in Kit’s body felt like it was rushing south or following Thea’s touch. It meant she felt like a teenage boy already revved and ready, but her brain had short-circuited with no blood supply to reboot.

  “If you’re okay being done with the tree, get on the blanket.” Thea tugged at the hem of her shirt.

  “Fuck me,” Kit said, out of breath and a little dizzy.

  “That is exactly what I had in mind,” Thea said. “And hopefully you’ll return the favor.”

  They stumbled to the blanket, not breaking the kiss or their frantic caresses. They landed in a tangled mess, Thea on top. Kit sat up and Thea straddled her.

  Kit broke their kiss and began exploring Thea’s neck and shoulders. Her skin was smooth and pebbled with every touch of Kit’s lips. She dipped lower and followed the line of the V-neck of Thea’s dress. Kit felt Thea shudder and dig her fingers into the back of Kit’s hair.

  She pulled the fabric lower and trailed her tongue along the top of Thea’s breast. Thea moaned. She tried to direct the fabric of her dress lower to give Kit better access. Kit gently moved Thea’s hand away. For this part, she wanted to take her time.

  Thea wasn’t satisfied and yanked Kit’s shirt free from her jeans.

  “Is this okay? I want to see at least some of you,” Thea said.

  Kit stopped her own explorations and let Thea remove her button-down and undershirt. Her skin felt like it danced everywhere Thea looked. She’d give anything to keep her looking at her that way.

  Thea kissed her again, hard. Her hands were all over her newly exposed skin. She caressed her back, her abs, her sides, and across her nipples which were puckered beneath her sport
s bra. Thea’s exploration fueled Kit’s fire. She was wet and ready, but she wasn’t done building up Thea.

  Kit pulled Thea’s dress down farther, exposing her breast. She traced her teeth along the soft skin. She teased the area around Thea’s nipple, enjoying the gasps and whimpers from Thea the closer she came. Finally, Kit sucked her nipple into her mouth, caressing Thea’s other breast with her hand.

  Thea was holding Kit close, encouraging her to suck harder. She was rocking her hips on Kit’s lap, clearly looking for some relief. Kit understood, since she was wet and throbbing too.

  Kit eased back to a semi-reclined position with her back against the tree trunk. Thea followed her as she reclined, rekindling their fiery kissing. While they kissed, Kit moved Thea farther up her lap. She danced circles up Thea’s legs until she dipped under her dress and reached the apex of her thighs.

  Thea stopped kissing her and rested her head on Kit’s shoulder as Kit started teasing Thea’s center. Thea was soaked and knowing Kit had caused it was a heady experience. She applied more pressure to Thea’s clit.

  “Fuck, Kit, you feel so good.” Thea gasped softly against Kit’s shoulder.

  Kit liked that Thea was a sex curser.

  “Is this how you want to come?” She knew Thea was close.

  “Inside,” Thea said.

  Kit teased Thea’s opening with two fingers. Thea rose slightly allowing Kit better access. Kit slipped in and then back out. She let Thea set the pace and rhythm. Once she knew Thea was comfortable, she slipped all the way in. Thea threw her head back and held Kit’s shoulders. Kit thrust gently as Thea rode her hand.

  Thea’s orgasm built quickly and crashed intensely. She kissed Kit with a fiery passion while she rode out the last aftershocks. Kit slowly pulled out and lowered Thea onto the blanket, covering Thea’s body with her own.

  “Okay, hot stuff. Climbing trees and fucking in fields. This has been quite a date. I can’t wait to see what you have planned for the next one.” Thea lay with her eyes closed and her face turned toward the sun, a small smile on her swollen lips.