1979

by Michael Healey

  clark: I agreed to pursue a set of policies that I believe are in the country’s interest.

  trudeau: Which you will be unable to do from your chesterfield in Calgary when you lose!

  clark: High River.

  trudeau: What?

  clark: I’m from—God. You know nothing about me. I know everything about you and you know nothing about me.

  trudeau: Well whose fault is that!

  clark: Listen: Can I ask you a favour?

  trudeau: Oh, yes, by all means.

  clark: I’ve given you regular briefings on the very delicate situation we find ourselves in in Iran.

  trudeau: You have.

  clark: Confidential briefings.

  trudeau: Indeed.

  clark: Fair to say I’ve kept you abreast of what we’re facing in Iran, what the dangers are, what the stakes are?

  trudeau: More than fair.

  clark: Well, given that’s the case, would you mind not repeatedly bringing up the Iran situation in Parliament and accusing me of inaction? Especially since you know the opposite is true?

  trudeau: But, Joe—you are conducting this operation, this extraction of the Americans, in secret. And I have been made party to that secret. You can’t reveal the secret. So I cudgel you in the House with the secret you can’t reveal. What am I missing?

  clark: Nothing. You’re not missing anything. I’m saying, please stop doing that. Do me the courtesy. The way I’ve done you the courtesy of keeping you in the loop.

  trudeau: I will not. I will not subvert our democracy in the interest of courtesy. I will not abuse the sanctity of the House of Commons so I can offer you the same courtesy you chose to show me. It would be wrong.

  clark: You stand there and lie every time you ask me a question you already know the answer to.

  trudeau: The leader of Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition lies in the House? Can it be so? But how have things come to this?

  clark: You abuse the institution when you accuse me of things you know are untrue. You diminish Parliament when you do that, Pierre; don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m saying. It’s meant to be an honest exchange of points of view in there, on the public record. It’s rough-and-tumble, and I—

  trudeau: Shush. Shush.

  clark: —I understand that; I know that we are suppo—

  trudeau: shush, joe. Please.

  clark is silent. trudeau is thinking. A substantial pause.

  Oh God. Oh no.

  clark: What.

  trudeau: Ooooooh no.

  clark: Pierre?

  trudeau: Everyone around me mocks you. You know that.

  clark: I, yes, I assumed as much.

  trudeau: I never did.

  clark: I appreciate that.

  trudeau: But now I realize something: by resisting the urge to mock you, by shutting down those that did, I made the mistake of overestimating you.

  clark: Um.

  trudeau: There’s actually less to you than meets the eye.

  clark: Um.

  trudeau: Remember when I lost the election?

  clark: When, yes, I won it.

  trudeau: Remember when Lévesque said that now Quebec could have a referendum on sovereignty, because I was no longer in power?

  clark: Yes. He’s moving forward rather quickly. We’re monitoring the—

  trudeau: I thought he just meant he knew he could never make the case for Quebec’s exclusion from Canada while a Quebecker was prime minister. But that’s not what he meant.

  clark: It’s not?

  trudeau: No, not just that. He also meant he wants you. He needs you.

  clark: You mean he—

  trudeau: This is horrible. Now I’m gonna have to . . . Aw Christ on a Popsicle stick.

  clark: Um.

  trudeau: He wants you leading the No side. He knows he can win a referendum if he’s fighting you. He knows he can’t win if he’s fighting me.

  clark: That seems—

  trudeau: He knows you’ll take a decent, reasoned approach to the fight. He knows he can beat you because your ethics are two-dimensional. What’s your whole approach to Quebec? A community of communities?

  clark: The country, yes, is a community of communities, and Quebec is def—

  trudeau: Meaningless. What you just said is absolutely devoid of meaning. But you know what? It’s enough for Lévesque to flay you with. You’ll start there, with your meaningless platitude, then when that doesn’t work you’ll make, what, economic arguments? Quebec will suffer financially if it secedes?

  clark: But it’s true—

  trudeau: Then when you become desperate, you’ll appeal to sentiment. And finally, at the end, with the destruction of the country mere days away, you’ll resort to begging.

  clark: It won’t come to that.

  trudeau: Yes it fucking will! And then, a week before the referendum, with Lévesque in the lead, you’ll stand in front of your cabinet and weep because you’ll realize you’ll be held responsible for Quebec’s departure. He’ll destroy you, and then destroy the country. With Quebec gone, how long before Alberta secedes? Then that’ll be it! The whole experiment, Canada, started by a Conservative drunk and finished off by a Conservative nobody!

  clark: I’m a Progressive Conservative nobody.

  trudeau: You can’t stop him. Nobody can. Except me. Oh God. For the love of Mary, I can’t frigging quit!

  trudeau goes quiet. His mood darkens.

  clark: Listen, Pierre. I can handle the Quebec thing. I can handle Lévesque. I’m going to call a first ministers’ conference in the new year, head him off. A bit of arm twisting, a bit of persuasion, a bit of bribery and he’ll—

  trudeau: This is disgusting. I curse my conscience. I curse it. I have to come back.

  clark: No, no you don’t; now, Pierre—

  trudeau: I do. I have to return to politics; I have to win the next election; I have to lead the No side. I have to defeat Lévesque; I have to save the country. I have to do it all.

  Projection:

  Trudeau announced he was returning to lead the Liberal Party in a press conference on December 18th.

  My poor boys.

  trudeau turns to go.

  clark: Pierre.

  trudeau stops.

  Your chainsaw.

  trudeau: You keep it, Joe. You’ll get to use it sooner than I.

  trudeau trudges away, despondent.

  A beat. He returns.

  On second thought, you’d better let me have it, Joe. You’ll only hurt yourself.

  clark hands trudeau the chainsaw. As he does:

  clark: I just beat you, a few months ago. What makes you so certain I won’t do it again?

  trudeau: Is that the way you see it? That you beat me in this last election?

  Projection:

  Results of the last election:

  PC 136.

  Liberal 114.

  NDP 26.

  Social Credit 6.

  clark: Of course.

  trudeau: Joe. They didn’t elect you. They rejected me. They wanted to teach me a lesson.

  clark: Well, but, if that’s true, what makes you think they won’t want to teach you the same lesson this time around?

  trudeau: I might as well tell you. It hardly makes a difference. This time I just won’t say anything. Not a thing. I’ll do it on charm.

  trudeau, immensely sad, goes.

  clark: Who will rid me of this turbulent priest? As they say.

  Projection:

  In the 1980 campaign, Trudeau kept appearances and speeches brief. When he spoke, he spoke only of Clark’s weaknesses. He scheduled no press conferences. Zero. When the press petitioned him to hold one, he responded in Latin.

  Trudeau refus
ed to participate in a leaders’ debate.

  The single most significant act of Trudeau’s campaign: going to Harry Rosen and buying several new suits in the latest style.

  1980 election results:

  Liberal 147.

  PC 103.

  NDP 32.

  Social Credit 0.

  But what the hell. You didn’t come to the theatre to read stuff.

  clark is seated. A woman appears at the door. She’s vibrating with some kind of energy.

  Projection:

  Maureen McTeer. Clark’s wife.

  clark: Maureen.

  mcteer: Joe.

  clark: How’d it go? How’d you do?

  mcteer: I did well.

  clark: Which one was it?

  mcteer: Real estate.

  Projection:

  Maureen McTeer that day wrote the 8th of 14 bar exams. She was 27 years old.

  clark: Uh huh. And how are you, you know, feeling?

  She kicks the door closed without taking her eyes off him.

  mcteer: I think you know how I’m feeling.

  A beat between them. She advances slowly. He looks for the remote, pushes a button. “Love TKO” by Teddy Pendergrass plays. mcteer stops, makes a face. She goes to the sound system, pushes stop, then pushes another button. “Heavy Chevy” by Alabama Shakes comes on. She turns up the volume, turns to clark. She advances on him, and, as the lights fade, clark shoves everything off his desk.

  Blackout.

  Scene Two

  The lights rise and the music fades. clark is tugging his brown clothes back on. mcteer tucks a single strand of hair behind her ear.

  mcteer: You know who else was there writing the exam? The young NDP guy. Bob Rae.

  clark: Really? He’s been busy.

  clark finds the subamendment on the floor, hands it to mcteer.

  Here’s a motion he’s about to present in the House.

  mcteer: A non-confidence motion? Over what, the budget? He wouldn’t dare.

  clark: I suspect he would.

  mcteer: The Liberals won’t play along. They have no leader.

  clark: It’s possible I may have just accidentally convinced Pierre to stay on as their leader.

  mcteer: What?

  clark: Yeah. Not on purpose. Basically just by standing here.

  mcteer: Oh God. oh god!

  clark: Darling?

  mcteer: There are six more exams I have to write. I can’t do that during an election campaign.

  clark: If it comes to it, I’ll call the head of the Ontario Bar and ask him to give you an extension.

  mcteer: Like fuck you will.

  clark giggles.

  clark: I really, really like it a lot when you curse.

  mcteer: The NDP propped up the Liberals for two years. They won’t do the same for you?

  clark: Nope. Broadbent wants an election.

  mcteer: They should like mortgage deductibility.

  clark: They should. They hate the gas tax more. Everybody hates the gas tax.

  mcteer: There’s a refund for low-income families, right?

  clark: A rebate, yes. It doesn’t kick in for a year, though.

  mcteer: Move it up. Say you’ll implement the rebate immediately.

  clark: We need the year of revenue. The debt is huge—

  mcteer: Tell the NDP you’re willing to implement the rebate immediately, and if they don’t support you, you’ll leak to the press that they could have done the right thing for working-class families but refused.

  clark: No.

  mcteer: No? What do you mean n—

  clark: I won’t! I won’t, Maureen.

  mcteer: Joe—

  clark: I haven’t done anything. I haven’t done a single thing in this job, Maureen. It’s been months, and all I’ve done is lose fights in public and stall things I promised and back down over things I said I believed in! And meanwhile, meanwhile, my own people can’t disguise how little they respect me.

  mcteer: Who cares if they respect you? They have to do what you say.

  clark: This budget was all I cared about. Getting this budget right was the only thing I wanted. We took our time. The only reason to put ourselves through the hell of getting elected is so we can put the finances of the country in order. People will suffer for generations if we don’t fix what Trudeau did. People are suffering now!

  mcteer: You don’t have to sell me—

  clark: So this is it. This is the hill to die on. This budget, right now. Get this through, start down this path, and then all the bullshit, all the Joe Clark, who’s he? Some asshole from out West. Sure he’s got a hot wife, but really he’s a nobody with no ideas that nobody has to listen to because, I mean, look at the guy, friggin’ brown suit, not a fancy little Quebec dude with a convertible. He’s just some guy, nobody likes him; he just backed into the job, did nothing to earn the leadership, did nothing to convince the country his ideas are worthy; he’s just a shit guy from nowhere who has no business anywhere near the public trust. You know? Like: frig that guy. Frig him. Frig him and all his hard work and his devotion to the country; I mean, that part’s just pathetic—oh, he wants to help people; he wants to reform the country’s finances, isn’t he so special—just: frig that guy.

  A beat. Now he’s dizzy. He bends over, puts his hands on his knees.

  Oh boy.

  mcteer: (going through her purse) I’ve got a sandwich in here somewhere.

  clark: Thanks.

  He eats the sandwich.

  mcteer: Joe. I’ve never seen you like this. Listen to me: I want you to know that it is just a moment, what’s happening now. You’re tired and frustrated and feeling trapped. You see no options, and this thing is looming, and you’re stuck. But this is just a moment. There’s a moment after this one, and one after that, and after that. And because of who you are, Joe, this thing will turn around. Because you’re right, because you’re smart, and because you’ve earned the right to be here, this will all work out for you. Do you hear me, Joe?

  clark: Is this turkey?

  mcteer: No, it’s— It’s tuna, Joe.

  clark: Oh yeah.

  mcteer: Who can’t tell tuna when they taste tuna?

  clark: Sorry. I’m feeling a bit whoop-y. Thanks for the sandwich.

  mcteer: Joe, do you even want this job?

  clark: Sure I do.

  mcteer: Why?

  clark: At the moment, I couldn’t actually tell you.

  mcteer: Let me remind you then. Because the psyche of the country is pretty delicate right now. Your countrymen are not patriots. Self-interest rules. And too many people are suffering as a consequence of the selfishness that infects us. And you have an idea about how the country might cohere. You want to give people who have no reason to hope a reason to hope. You want to give people a vision of the country they can believe in, get behind, and prosper as a result of. And listen, Joe: you’re not temperamentally suited for this job. You’re not a politician. We both know that. But here’s the thing: people see you, they become attached to something about you. It’s your decency. Your decency, Joe, has a charisma. Charisma is the only thing a politician requires, and you have a sort nobody’s ever seen before. You’re a decent person, and people, when they are at their best, insist on being led by decency. It’s that simple. So you’re here, and it’s no accident. And you’re doing something hard, and that’s your job. You can be responsible for enormous change, Joe. You can affect the lives of so many people for the better.

  clark: Do you have any water? This turkey’s a little dry.

  There’s a pitcher of water on the credenza; she pours him a glass.

  mcteer: Remember when you won the leadership of the party, my darling? We thought it was a miracle at the time. We thought winning this last
election was a miracle. But they weren’t miracles, Joe. You made them happen. You did. And you belong here. Now: it’s tough here because it has to be; the development of consensus is the only way to pursue the public good, and so—

  clark: (hands the water glass back) Thank you.

  mcteer: —and so that’s why you’re here. And that’s why you’ll figure something out. If not having this vote is the thing that serves your goals, Joe, you’ll figure it out. I know you will. There’s a way to avoid this vote and its consequences, Joe, and I know in my heart that you’ll come up with some way, some method of not having this vote.

  clark: I mean, the way to not have the vote is to just not have it.

  mcteer: What do you mean?

  clark: Well, the government controls the parliamentary agenda, so if we want to not have the vote, we can . . . Just not.

  mcteer: You can . . . change the agenda?

  clark: Yeah. Just do that.

  mcteer: Okay. That . . . um, that seems simple.

  clark: Sure.

  mcteer: Okay! Way to go! I knew you could do it!

  clark: Sure. Except it’s the wrong thing to do.

  mcteer: It’s the— I’m sorry?

  She looks at him carefully. A beat. He shrugs.

  That’s . . . um. Joe? There’s something wrong with you.

  clark: Sweetie?

  mcteer: I was given to understand there was a crisis.

  clark: Well, I guess depending on how you look at it, this is as crisis-y as it gets.

  mcteer: But— Hmm. I actually think there’s something wrong with you, Joe. I think Ottawa has made you, um, stupid. I’m sorry. I love you.

  clark: Love you too.

  mcteer: It’s wrong? To do something utterly within the rules that gets you what you want?

  clark: But I mean, we’re still in the same boat. The numbers don’t change; we just delay the vote.

  mcteer: Giving the geniuses, the incredible brains trust you’ve surrounded yourself with, time to come up with a solution. Time to get people on board, Joe, develop consensus, you know? The basis of democracy? Consensus?

  clark: I’ve heard of consensus, yes.

  mcteer: Or twist arms, call in favours, or blackmail people.

  clark: The other levers of democracy.