Scottlander

by Samantha Liddell

  “Yes, so they are. They are real cuties when they are asleep and quiet,” I said. And with that, we drove off in the direction of Edinburgh: a place that had started to feel like home, but one the girls and I would be leaving soon.

  We arrived home at lunch time. Our drive home had been unexciting, as most return trips are. The journey to an adventure is somewhat more thrilling than the journey home. There was no stealing of cardboard cut-outs of Jamie, or car hide and seek, instead, it was an hour of listening to James snoring in the back and Sophie groaning in her sleep as she switched positions, trying to find a comfortable spot.

  I, on the other hand, could have quite easily fallen into a deep sleep to the hum of the van’s engine, which was now on cruise control heading home, but I decided to stay awake and keep Scott company, and to make sure he didn’t fall asleep at the wheel.

  ‘I have come too far in the last five months for it all to end here. I know there is more to come in my life and I am not going to miss out on it,’ I thought.

  As we approached Old Bark Cottage, the sound of the slowing engine must have woken the two adult kids in the back, as James announced, “Oh gee, we are here already. That was fast.”

  “Yes, time does go fast while you sleep James, and when you get driven around,” I said as I laughed.

  “Aye. Yes, thanks for the ride Scott, we appreciate it.”

  “No worries,” Scott replied. “I will send you an invoice.” James gave a little awkward laugh, not sure if Scott was being serious or not. Of course, he was only joking, but James didn’t know him well enough to know that yet.

  We came to a stop and as I jumped out, the icy wind hit my bare face like sharp pins and needles. I ran down my overthinking path with only one thing on my overthinking mind: to see my two beautiful children and give them a big, huge hug.

  I opened the door to find Mrs. Wilson, Polly and Leah playing Go Fish next to the fire, drinking hot chocolate and eating freshly baked cookies. What a welcoming sight to come home to, and a welcoming smell for a tired mummy.

  “Mummy!” the girls said as they jumped up.

  “Hello my darlings!” I said to them, as I hugged them close.

  No sooner had the hug started that it had finished though, because when they saw Scott walking through the door, they broke their embrace and went in for a hug with him instead. He scooped them both up in his huge, well-toned arms and hugged them like they were his own. How had I missed these three relationships developing over the last few months? I am only now seeing how truly close they have become.

  I stood back and let the moment proceed naturally. Seeing all three faces in that moment, I could see they were truly in a moment of friendship. Back in the van when Scott had talked to my girls on the phone, I had not thought it was completely genuine; that maybe it was all a show for me, but now, seeing them embracing and talking to one another, I could see it really was the real deal.

  The girls dragged Scott off to their room to show him the Lego set that they had started to build with his help a few days before. They had finished it last night and were now on to another set. Scott was genuinely interested and he gave my girls every inch of his attention. I could feel myself falling in love with this guy. I had to stop these feelings right away.

  I reminded myself of the words in a song Bernard Jack had sung last night, “You seem to need me, but do I need you?” And as much as I just needed me in this stage of my life, and that I needed to find me again, somehow Scott was making me doubt myself. Maybe I do need him. Maybe he will complete me. After all, I have never met anybody in my life who seems to fully understand me as much as I fully understand him. We could both be ourselves around one another without fear or judgement, and in a strange way, we thrive on each other’s need for adventure; we were both up for the crazy antics we often found ourselves in.

  I turned my attention to Mrs. Wilson, who was still sitting in front of the fire holding her hand of Go Fish, she looked exhausted. I put out my hand in offer to pull her up and she accepted. I helped her to her feet, “Thank you so much for looking after my two, I hope they were not too much trouble.”

  “Aye, not at all Letticia. Any time. Nothing like the fresh breath of air you receive while being around two young lasses, they were a delight. They had a Skype with their father last night, he asked where you were. Polly told him you were at Bernard Jack’s concert with Scott. He asked who Scott was and Leah said he is Mummy’s new best friend. It got a bit awkward after that. Just thought I would give you the heads up so you know what to expect when you Skype next with him.”

  “Thanks for the warning,” I replied. I was not worried what he would say to me, if he was to bring it up I was fully prepared to tell him the whole truth.

  I gave Mrs. Wilson a hug and waved her goodbye as she made her way up the creaky old stairs, for an afternoon of peace and quiet no doubt.

  Sophie had decided to go back to James’s house for the night and planned to return in the morning for work, as Scott and I were due to pick up the catering from the ‘Scottlander’ kitchen before heading out to set.

  Once Sophie and James left I half expected Scott to go next, but he stuck around playing Lego with the girls while I showered and freshened up from our night away. Half of him had wanted to play Lego with the girls and the other half did it to give me time to wash and clean myself up. He was so thoughtful and respectful. I was still finding it hard to believe that this was real, I was so used to Paul only thinking about himself and having zero respect for my needs and wants.

  ‘I deserve this,’ I thought, while I squirted shampoo in my hair. I deserve to be treated with respect and genuine love, but I also deserved to learn to apply these qualities to myself. I needed to fully love myself again before I could let anyone else in to fully love me, otherwise it was just not fair on either of us. As I washed the conditioner out of my hair, I decided, ‘No more. Friends were all we could be. No more leading him on to something that could never be.’

  I turned the shower off and wrapped a green fluffy towel around my body, which was sore and tired after all our dancing last night. Damn, I left my clothes in my bedroom. I opened the bathroom door and could see my bedroom door that was just past the girls’ bedroom; whose door was wide open. Scott had been sitting up against the bed facing the open door as I had headed to the shower, I could only hope that he has changed positions while playing Lego, and is now facing the other way. If I was going to play the friend card, to walk past in just my towel was not going to be a good look.

  I planned the route to my room; there only was one route was my conclusion – I would just have to run past as fast as possible in the hopes he might not even see me. I would be like Flash the superhero.

  Right. Here I go. I took a deep breath, got onto my starting block and away I went. As I passed the door though, I somehow managed to stand right on a Lego person, and it pierced right into my foot. The pain was excruciating.

  “Jesus H. Christ!” I yelled, and grabbed my foot and tried to comfort it as I hopped around on my other foot. By this stage Scott was standing in the doorway watching my hopping routine, the girls just played on.

  I lost my balance and could feel myself about to fall backwards, to land with both feet in the air, towel and all, until I felt a strong arm come around my waist and pull me straight back up before I lost all my dignity. I was now face to face with Scott, embraced in his arms. I could feel his breath upon my nose.

  “Aye, you alright there?”

  “Yes, thanks to you,” I replied.

  The next thing that happened was not what I would call a friend thing to do. With the girls totally engrossed in their Lego, Scott picked me up – my legs were now around his waist – and he carried me into my bedroom and lay me down on my bed. He unwrapped my towel and started softly kissing my skin. Now, if I had kept my promise to myself that Scott and I would only be friends from now on, after I had made that very tough decision in the shower, I would have stopped our embrace at
this very point.

  My mind was saying, ‘Stop Letticia, friends don’t do this,’ but my heart was saying, ‘You go girl. Fall in love with this man, he is everything you have ever wanted. Marry him. Buy a house with him, maybe even have a baby with him.’ My mind interrupted again, saying, ‘You don’t need him Letticia, you need you. How can you forget this? You only said this to yourself a few minutes ago and now you find yourself naked on your bed, about to make deep, passionate love to the man of your dreams?’

  My heart took over and said, ‘Hell yeah! I am.’ And from that moment I was taken.

  Scott looked at me with such truth in his eyes as he spoke the words, “I want you, more than I have ever wanted anything in my life.”

  Well, what was a girl to do when found in this situation with the guy she too wanted more than anything in her life? Well, she made passionate love to him, is what she did, as he held her with such love, trust and safety. There was no turning back, I had had my last chance to play the friend card, but I crossed the line and we were now beyond just the friend stage. Only a few minutes had passed between both stages, but we were now in a serious stage.

  After our passionate embrace, I got up and got dressed, as did Scott. I went and checked on the girls who were still in Lego world. I offered Scott a coffee before he left as the girls were now too busy to go out for hot chocolate.

  We drank our coffee in silence at first, until Scott broke it by saying, “Letticia, you mean a lot to me and I’m falling for you.”

  Now was the time, no better time would present itself. I said, “As am I too, Scott, but I don’t see how it’s going to work. The girls and I are moving back to Australia in under a month. You have your life and business here in Scotland.”

  “We will sort all that out when the time comes. For now, let’s enjoy it,” he replied and kissed me before finishing his last sip of coffee.

  He called out to the kids, “See you girls!”

  The girls replied, “See ya Scott!”

  He pulled his jacket on, pulled me in for one last kiss and said, “And I will see you, my Sassenach, in the morning.”

  “Yes, you shall,” I replied.

  Finally, it was just the girls and I. We walked down to Princes Street for dinner in our gumboots and jackets, and holding an umbrella each. It wasn’t raining hard; it was rather pleasant and refreshing to say the least. I took the kids to Yo Sushi, it was their new favourite food since arriving in Scotland, although they wouldn’t go near it in Australia. Just like I said, travel broadens the mind.

  As we sat at the table eating our sushi, I asked the girls if they had enjoyed their time in Scotland and if they were looking forward to returning home. As I said home I realised ‘home’ might be a totally different place to the one we had left, depending on what happens with the relationship between Paul and I.

  Polly replied with a sort of yes and no answer. “I miss Daddy,” she said. “But I love Scotland and Scott and Mrs. Wilson and Sophie and James and Archie and Bella. Can they all come back to Australia with us?”

  “Yes, can they please Mummy?” Leah added.

  “Oh my darlings. No, they can’t, their homes are here and our home is in Australia, but we have all made life-long friends and we will never forget any of them. Plus, we can keep in touch all the time by writing letters and we can Skype also.”

  Just then my phone beeped, it was a text from Scott. It said, Where love is, speaking is unnecessary.

  Night Scott, see you in the morning. I replied.

  I was too tired and hungry, and spending time with my daughters, to start this game.

  We walked back to Old Bark Cottage just as dark was falling. It was still raining, which was now starting to feel icy as it fell onto us. When we got home the girls had a hot shower, put on their warm pyjamas and jumped into bed. After cuddles and saying ‘I love you,’ I lay with them for a while as they drifted off to sleep.

  I looked at them with such appreciation, and thought ‘How did I get so lucky to have them?’ I was proud of myself for giving them the Scotland experience and knew that they had made some life-long memories and friendships. Much more than what they would have got by staying in Australia for the last six months.

  I heard the old wooden cuckoo clock strike, so knew it must be on the hour of 9pm. Scott was picking me up at 6am the next morning for work, so thought I’d better get some beauty sleep. It would be good to see Alistair, Tammy, my idol and all the rest of the cast at work in the morning. So many life-long friends I had made along this journey called life.

  I awoke the next morning to the sound of a key opening the front door. I sat up, startled, and was getting into a panic state. There could be a variety of people who might have a key to this place for all I knew. ‘At a time like this,’ I thought to myself, ‘is when I actually do need Scott, and maybe I wasn’t up for this ‘all I need is me’ nonsense.’

  I grabbed the closest thing I could find that I could use as a weapon – the bedside lamp it is, and made my way towards the front door. As I got in to position I lifted the lamp up high, ready to swing as I turned on the light.

  “What do you want?” I yelled in my deepest, scariest voice.

  As the light came on and Sophie appeared in the doorway, my defence mechanism declined and I breathed out a sigh of relief.

  “I want to come to my job and look after your kids,” she replied.

  “Jesus H. Christ! Sophie, you startled me. I forgot you were coming back early. Well that was a great wake-up call!”

  “What were you going to do with that lamp anyway?” Sophie asked. “It wouldn’t have made much of an impact on the intruder if you attacked them with it.”

  “Well I don’t know. I couldn’t very well approach them empty handed could I now? It’s the best thing I had on hand at the time. Anyway, stop mocking my attack methods and get inside and shut that door, it’s freezing out there!”

  I put a pot of coffee on, I had time for a quick cup before Scott would arrive to pick me up.

  “Ahhhh, just what I needed,” I said.

  “Yes, I think I will miss this Scottish coffee once I return to London,” Sophie announced.

  “Oh, so you are returning to London once we leave you? What about James?” I asked, surprised. Those two were joined at the hip and madly in love with each other.

  “Well, you never know what’s around the corner Letticia. We might try long distance for a while or I might come back to Scotland. Or maybe I won’t leave at all. I do love him you know. I think he’s the one.”

  “Well, you know what they say, ‘Time will tell.’”

  “Who says that?” Sophie asked in a naïve, young tone.

  I thought about it and replied, “I say that, that’s who.”

  Just as I finished my last sip of coffee, I heard a knock at the door.

  “Your prince awaits,” Sophie said.

  “Oh shut up you!” I said as I zipped my jacket up. “Tell the girls I will see them for dinner tonight and that Mummy loves them.” And with that, Scott and I were off to set for a day’s work.

  We were heading to East Kilbride’s Calderglen Country Park, as that was where filming was due to take place. We had dropped by to the kitchen to load up the van with the food that the team had prepared the day before. Scott and I talked the whole way with no awkwardness. We were totally comfortable being around one another now. The only subject that was not welcome was the one with the kids and I moving back home – Scott would brush it off quickly and move on to a new subject.

  We were now back on set. I was back in my uniform and wearing my trusty knee-high boots and setting up the catering hot plates and lights when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

  “Aye, if it isn’t the Fudge Champion herself!” said Tammy. Tammy was getting her morning coffee.

  “Yes, it is I,” I said, and gave her a warm friendly hug.

  As I turned around, I saw ‘Jamie’ standing there. Well, the actor dressed as Jamie, as he was in full cos
tume. He gave me a wave, I blushed as usual. Next Alistair came in to grab a coffee.

  “Good to have you back on set Letticia, we have all missed your craziness!”

  “Why thank you. It’s good to be back at work too, and thanks for those tickets to see Bernard Jack and embarrassing Sophie and I up on stage. He told the whole crowd I was the best fudge maker in the world.”

  “Gee, how would he have known that?” Alistair asked, using his best acting skills to pretend he had no idea.

  “Yes, I wonder,” I stated, giving him a nudge with my elbow. Alistair laughed and said, “Aye, it was all in good fun, something you’ll never forget I bet.”

  “That I won’t! I will be telling that story to my grandkids. In fact, I will be telling this whole story to my grandkids, and anyone else that will listen, for that matter. This trip to Scotland has been out of this world. Adventures only start when you have the confidence to

  start them, nobody else will start one for you.”

  “Aye, you are not wrong there Letticia, bet you never thought you would meet me on this adventure!”

  I laughed as I thought back and remembered how Jamie was the whole reason I started this journey in the first place. But in the mean time I have made friends with two other Scottish men, Alistair and Scott, neither of whom have red hair. Maybe, just maybe, there is a Jamie in all of us, and now I’m returning home with so many more life-long friends. Life has a funny way of working things out. You just need to give life an opportunity to do so.

  “Well, I’m due for a meeting now. I will be up for some food a bit later.” And with that, he walked off as my dear friend who just happens to be a Scottish actor and friends with the actor who portrays my idol.

  It was safe to say I was totally in love with my idol, the fictional character I mean, I am starting to work out the difference with Scott’s help. Jamie was my future husband in my fictional world, along with a million other women I imagined. How could a fictional character have such a profound effect on women from every corner of the globe? You never know, you may just meet your very own Jamie around the next corner.