Rebecca's Rules

by Anna Carey

‘Aha!’ said Mrs Limond. ‘Come with me, Eleanor. Let’s get to work. I hope you’ve got lots of measurements for me.’ And with a click of her fingers, she swept out of the room. Ellie scurried after her. I bet she won’t dare tell Mrs Limond her name isn’t actually Eleanor; it’s Galadriel. I don’t think Mrs Limond is really the sort of person you can contradict.

  Anyway, we were wondering where they’d actually gone, but it turned out later that they went to the social and scientific room where all the sewing machines and big tables are. Mrs Limond had already put lots of old costumes there and they’re going to turn some of them into new ones. But they’re making some of them from scratch too and Ellie had to start pinning out patterns and cutting out fabrics straight away. It sounds pretty awful to me, like being in some sort of sweatshop, but Ellie seemed to love it for some strange reason. I suppose for her it’s like as if I had to be someone’s drumming assistant. Which would be lots of fun, really.

  Cass and I kindly sneaked away when rehearsal was over, so Alice and her new love could be alone together. We are going to go into town to split a hot chocolate tomorrow. I didn’t talk to anyone else on my way out.

  SATURDAY

  My mother is a tyrant! I told her that I was going to meet Cass in town and she said, ‘Oh no, you’re not.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ I said. ‘Have you grounded me without telling me? I haven’t done anything! Anything grounding-worthy, I mean.’

  My mother sighed like she was some sort of long-suffering saint, instead of an evil dictator.

  ‘I haven’t grounded you,’ she said. ‘We’re going to see Daisy’s new baby today. I told you about this ages ago.’

  Daisy is my godmother. She is also one of my mum’s oldest friends and she had a baby a few weeks ago. I do remember that, but I have no memory of mum telling me about this visit.

  ‘But what about Cass?’ I said.

  ‘You can just tell Cass you forgot you were meant to be visiting someone who has always been lovely to you,’ said Mum. ‘Don’t you want to see Daisy’s baby?’

  It’s true, Daisy is lovely. She’s a few years younger than my mum − they grew up on the same street − and she’s like an honorary aunt. In fact, she’s nicer than some of my actual aunts (like Auntie Celine, dad’s sister, who says things like ‘Aren’t you very scrawny, Rebecca? You’d barely know you were a girl!’ while pointing at my lack of chest). I was not so sure I wanted to see Daisy’s baby, though. Apart from the fact that she’s got two older kids already who are quite annoying, in my experience babies are very cute until you actually pick them up and then they go into fits of rage until you give them back to their parents.

  Anyway, obviously I had no choice about going to see this baby because my mother was probably going to force me into the car if I refused, so I had to ring Cass and then we all went off to Daisy’s house. It actually was nice to see her, though the baby started shrieking as soon as it saw me. And later it got sick on me. I don’t think babies like me very much. Maybe it is because of my asymmetrical face? And the baby’s older siblings were being bratty and having tantrums so what with the screaming baby and the shouting kids it was all a bit stressful.

  But on a more positive note, Daisy reviews plays for work and she said she will come and see the musical! Not for work, obviously. But it is exciting that someone who knows a lot about the theatre will be there. My parents don’t count. They clearly still think their insane production of The Pirates of Penzance was the greatest show ever staged.

  Actually, I should have asked Daisy about that today. I bet Mum made her go and see it. I could have found out the truth about the show. I am sure Dad’s solo ‘pirate jazz ballet dance’ did not go down as well with the audience as he and Mum say it did.

  LATER

  I think I am getting quite good at making up poems. Here is a haiku I wrote about Vanessa. Haikus are special Japanese poems with just seventeen syllables. They are great because they are very short and of course they don’t have to rhyme.

  Why does Vanessa

  Act like such an idiot?

  It’s a mystery.

  SUNDAY

  Alice truly is a noble friend! She has made a big effort to show that she is not going to abandon her old chums even though she is in a blissful loved-up state now. She was getting a lift to meet Richard in town today, but she got her dad to call in to my house on the way so she could drop in my snare drum to me as a lovely surprise! How thoughtful of her. I have been missing my drums quite a bit and had wondered about getting my snare here so I could play it on its own, but I didn’t want to mention it to Alice what with her being (literally) the injured party. It felt a bit mean to go ‘So, I know you can’t play your own instrument, but could you lug a bit of mine over to my house?’ But she thought of it all by herself! Truly she is a better person than me. I hope she had a nice afternoon with Richard (I am not so bad really).

  I had a great time bashing away on my snare this afternoon. Obviously it’s not the same as having the whole kit, but it’s still pretty cool. Of course, my parents gave out to me for making lots of noise. I don’t give out to them when they’re hooting and hollering with laughter going on about that musical of theirs, do I?

  Well, I suppose I do, sometimes. But still.

  MONDAY

  Sort of bad, sort of good news at rehearsal today. I am no longer Karen’s understudy. This is because Cathy and Ms Byrne are totally panicking because the show is on in a couple of weeks and we’re already quite behind schedule. So they said they don’t have time to rehearse the understudies properly.

  ‘You’ll just all have to make sure you don’t get sick,’ said Cathy sternly to the principal actors. She was doing her powerful stare. ‘In fact, unless you’re actually in hospital or dead, I want you on that stage and ready to go on the opening night.’

  I think that even if Vanessa was in hospital she’d escape with a drip in her arm rather than miss her moment of glory. To hear the way she talks you’d think she was starring in a big play in the west end of London not a school musical.

  In a way, I am very disappointed because, of course, there was always a tiny chance that Karen would be struck with a hideous illness and I would get a chance to shine. (I would also get to witness Karen’s hideous illness, which I have to admit wouldn’t bother me much). But in another, I am quite relieved that I don’t have to bother ‘observing her performance’. In fact, I can just ignore her from now on, which is fine by me. I couldn’t take more of her ‘helpful advice’ or her going on about the latest stupid thing Bernard the Fairytale Prince (and Oscar-winning actor, practically, if you believe the way she talks about him) has said about how great she is. I am seriously starting to wonder if she really is going out with him. I’m starting to think she’s made it all up. No one could be that devoted to Karen, surely?

  Anyway, I don’t think there’s a chance the lead actors will miss the show. They’re all terrified of Cathy now. She looks so small and pretty, but even the boys don’t dare disobey her. She is very charismatic. Jessie told me that whenever any of the main cast mess about or don’t listen to her, she just stares silently at them in a terrible, disapproving way until they’re intimidated into behaving. Jessie says Sam, the boy who’s playing Uncle whatsisname, looked like he was going to burst into tears the last time Cathy did it to him.

  TUESDAY

  I needn’t have worried about Alice raving on about Bike Boy. She is very restrained and sensible. She only mentions him like, once every five minutes (I have a horrible feeling that when I was going out with Paperboy properly I mentioned him every second). You can just tell she’s happy. No, what we should have worried about was Ellie and Mrs Limond. Ellie won’t shut up about how wonderful Mrs Limond is and how she is her new idol.

  ‘She makes clothes by hand!’ she says. ‘And they’re amazing! She showed me loads of the old costumes and they’re like something out of a film! And she made them all! With just a bit of help from girls like me. She’s go
ing to teach me how to do it and then I can be a fashion designer! It’s like a dream come true!’

  ‘But Ellie,’ said Cass, ‘doesn’t Mrs Limond wear a giant fur coat in the manner of Cruella De Vil? I thought you were a vegetarian!’

  Ellie looked a bit uncomfortable but then she said, ‘I know, but that coat is, like, vintage now. She got it new back in the ’60s. Those minks would have died of old age by now anyway.’

  I am not sure this is a very vegetarian spirit.

  WEDNESDAY

  I replied to Paperboy’s mail today. It was actually harder than I thought it would be. I told him I was really busy with the musical and told him about all the madness there, and about Alice and Bike Boy. And I told him about Vanessa’s party, even though that seems like years ago now. But anyway, that was all quite easy and fun to write about it. But after that I didn’t really know what to say. I was going to say that I missed him because I do, but not the same awful aching way I used to. I think I have got used to being without him. But you can’t say that to someone, can you?

  Anyway, he mightn’t care one way or another. If he really missed me, he wouldn’t have left it so long to mail me.

  Boy so far away

  I think you have forgotten

  Poor old Rebecca.

  I think I am getting quite good at writing poems. But I should probably branch out from the haikus; they feel like cheating because they are so short (they are quite fun, though). I might try writing a story again. I wish my friends were into writing stuff so I could talk about it properly to them. But the only person I know who likes writing is John Kowalski, and I barely know him. I haven’t really talked to him all week. But he did wave at me across the rehearsal room this evening.

  THURSDAY

  I don’t believe my parents. I was just watching telly in the sitting room with Rachel when my mother came in and just sort of hovered in the doorway. Finally she said, ‘Rebecca, have you done your homework yet?’

  Now, it wasn’t exactly a lie when I said ‘yeah’ because I had read part of a poem for Mrs Harrington earlier.

  But Mum said, ‘Don’t lie to me, Rebecca, you’ve been in here since you got home. You haven’t had time to do anything. Off you go and do some work! You can watch TV later.’

  I have never heard anything so unfair.

  ‘How come I have to go and work while Rachel can sit there watching telly?’ I cried.

  ‘Because Rachel is not spending every evening at musical rehearsals instead of doing her homework. Now off you go! Upstairs!’

  So I had no choice but to leave. I am not doing any homework though, I am writing this diary. So there, Mother! You can force me into this prison but you can’t force me to read poems for Mrs Harrington!

  Though I suppose I should read them, we’re going to have to do something about them in class tomorrow.

  LATER

  I have done all my stupid homework now. And what thanks did I get from my mother when I went down to tell her it was all done? None!

  ‘You shouldn’t expect thanks and praise for just doing your homework,’ she said. ‘You’re meant to be doing it! It’s not a favour to me!’

  Parents are never satisfied, no matter what you do. You’d think Emma’s parents would be pleased about her doing that computer class because that’s all very educational but no! They’re now giving out to her for spending too much time on the computer at home, even though she’s using it to write some sort of complicated computer code to create a computer that can think for itself.

  Apparently, this is what the most advanced scientists in the world are trying to do, so if they haven’t managed it I am not sure a fourteen-year-old is going to figure it out, even if she did go to a computer summer camp last year. But she says she might spot something they haven’t.

  I can’t believe anyone’s parents would be annoyed because their daughter is a scientific genius. But maybe they are worried that computers really will become more powerful than humans and take over the world? If so, then I suppose their annoyance is fair enough.

  SATURDAY

  Very boring day. My parents are keeping up their new reign of terror and said I couldn’t go down to Cass’s house because I had to study. I pointed out that I didn’t go out last weekend because they forced me to go and see a baby who got sick on me, but they said they didn’t care. Mum said I was out practically every evening during the week, so I’d got to do some studying at the weekend. I told her and Dad that I am not out socialising during the week but working hard at a great theatrical project (we worked so hard at the rehearsal last night that poor Alice barely got to say a word to her new love Bike Boy and I didn’t get a chance to speak to anyone apart from Alice), but they didn’t care.

  Well, they can make me stay at home, but they can’t force me to do boring Irish homework. I am going to play the drums for a while instead.

  LATER

  Oh my God, my mum just came in and TOOK MY DRUMSTICKS! She says she is going to hide them unless I work for at least an hour. This is an outrage!

  I suppose I might as well go and start the essay due in to Mrs Harrington on Wednesday. But just because I feel like doing it. Not because my mother wants me to.

  MONDAY

  Strange things are happening in our class. Usually Ellie’s hair is all wild and flowing free because of her hippie upbringing, but today she came into school with the front of her hair all puffed up like Mrs Limond’s. She is truly obsessed. And it’s not even like Mrs Limond is particularly nice to her; she’s practically made Ellie her slave! She seems to just bark orders at her all the time and Ellie does whatever she says. And she still calls Ellie ‘Eleanor’.

  We have started having fittings for costumes – Mrs Limond is re-using some of the ‘men’s’ suits and things from previous years and she stuck a pin in poor Alice today. And she didn’t even apologise. She just bellowed, ‘Stop wriggling, child!’ in her usual mad and posh fashion.

  Luckily, Cathy and Ms Byrne aren’t as psychotic as she is. Now the pressure of training understudies is off them they are quite cheerful. In fact, Ms Byrne said that us chorus people are ‘coming along nicely’. We’ve been running through quite a few things with the main cast and it has all gone pretty well.

  Also, today at the break I went out for a breath of fresh air and there was John Kowalski, moodily smoking a cigarette by the bikes. I was going to tell him you’re not allowed to smoke on school grounds but when he saw me he smiled and said, ‘Ah, hello, Miss Rafferty’, and I forgot what I was going to say. So I said, ‘Oh hello, I was just getting fresh air. It’s quite stuffy in there.’

  ‘I agree,’ said John, taking a drag of his evil cancer-stick.

  It’s a bit ridiculous that he thought it was too stuffy so he decided he’d go and breathe in some noxious poison instead. I knew I should despise him for it, but somehow I couldn’t. I could have done without the smell, though.

  ‘I needed to get away,’ he said. ‘There’s only so much of Vanessa I can stand.’

  I knew I liked him for a reason.

  ‘How’s your writing going?’ I asked.

  ‘Not bad,’ he said. ‘I entered a student playwright competition so I’m waiting to see if I got on the shortlist.’

  I asked if the play was a musical, inspired by our current amazing project. He looked a bit put out.

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s about a soldier about to go into battle who wonders whether he should kill himself rather than take an enemy’s life.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said. Really I should have known it’d be something serious like that.

  ‘So,’ said John, looking more cheerful. ‘How about you? Have you been writing any great works of art?’

  ‘Well, not really,’ I said. ‘Just a few poems.’

  ‘There’s no such thing as JUST a few poems,’ he said. ‘You’re making art. That’s very impressive.’

  Then we had to go back to the hall. I would have liked to stay there longer. Although I am not sure what I
would have said about my poems. Most of them so far are about Paperboy or how annoying Vanessa is. He might have thought I was a bit mad.

  WEDNESDAY

  Rehearsal was great today! We were doing ‘A Spoonful of Sugar’, and at first Ms Byrne was getting a bit crotchety because we couldn’t get the harmonies right and people kept coming in doing the whistling bits at the wrong time. But then it was like something clicked and it all came together and it sounded really good. It was like the band when we finally figured out how to play a song from beginning to end. It was brilliant, even though we have to sing it behind Vanessa and Karen (and Wiktoria Nowak from 2:4 who’s playing Jane, the other kid, but she seems pretty nice so I don’t have anything against her) while they parade about in front of us.

  John Kowalski came up to me afterwards.

  ‘Well, Miss Rafferty,’ he said. ‘You’re nailing those chorus songs.’

  ‘Ooh, thanks,’ I said.

  ‘Keep up the good work,’ he said, and walked off. There’s something so dashing about him. I wish he didn’t smoke. Not that really it makes any difference to me whether he does or doesn’t, of course. I’m just concerned for his health.

  LATER

  Oh. I just got a mail from Paperboy and I don’t know how I feel about it.

  He didn’t break up with me. And I know he still likes me. But I think he thinks we both need to move on. Actually, I don’t just think that, I know it because he basically said it. He said, and I quote, ‘I really miss you, but I want to know you’re having a great life in Dublin while I’m having a great life over here. I don’t want you to be sad just because I’m not coming back to Ireland. And I hope we both keep moving on and doing cool new stuff.’