Love Me Still

by E. L. Todd

  ***

  After I changed and freshened up my make up, Cayson arrived. He knocked on the door like he was supposed to.

  “Hi…” I pulled my purse over my shoulder and didn’t make eye contact with him.

  “Hey. Ready to go?”

  “Yeah.” I wore jeans and a loose top so my tummy had room.

  “You look nice.” His gaze didn’t linger on me for too long. He shut the door behind us and locked it before we were off.

  We didn’t talk in the truck, and the radio filled the compartment. Cayson kept one hand on the wheel and the other on the center console. Normally, he held my hand as we drove. His thumb would brush across my knuckles. After I became pregnant, he would rest his hand on my stomach. But he didn’t do any of those things now.

  We arrived at the store then walked inside.

  “Where should we start?” he asked as he pushed the cart.

  “Well, we agreed on rocket ships so let’s look for that.”

  “Okay.” Cayson pushed the cart down the aisles as we searched for things we needed.

  I found a glow-in-the-dark lamp that had rocket ships shooting across the shade. “This is so cute.”

  Cayson stood beside me, his shoulder touching mine. “I like it. It can act as a night light if he’s afraid of the dark.”

  “But we don’t want him to be dependent on it either.”

  “Hmm…” Cayson continued to examine the lamp. “I think it’ll be fine. Even if he prefers a nightlight he’ll grow out of it eventually. Let’s get two, one for each night stand.”

  “But he won’t need that right away.”

  “Kids grow fast. Look at Ward Jr.”

  “True…”

  He set the boxes in the cart. “Now let’s look at the cribs.” He pushed the cart until he reached the different selections on the showroom floor.

  I watched him peer inside each crib and feel the integrity of the wood. His back muscles were prominent through his t-shirt, and his body was just as fit as it was when he came home. His forearms were covered in muscles and veins. He stopped at one made of deep cherry mahogany. “I like this one. It’s sturdy and we can use it again even if we have a girl later on.”

  His words made my heart skip a beat.

  Cayson didn’t seem to notice what he said. He felt the bars of the crib then examined the listed features.

  Did he really think we were going to get back together? He thought I would have another child with him? Was he so confident that I would forgive him for what he’d done? He better think again because it wasn’t going to happen. But I didn’t tell him that because now wasn’t the time. We were here for our son, and judging the concentrated look in his eyes he hadn’t even realized what he blurted out. “I like it too.”

  “Then let’s get it.” He took a picture of the tag with the item number on it. “It won’t fit in the cart so we’ll have to have someone pick it up on the way out.”

  “Yeah. Good idea.”

  Cayson and I continued our shopping. “Should we get some wall decorations?” he asked. “Like stars and moons?”

  “I think that would look cool.”

  “Me too. They have wall stickers that don’t mess up the paint. They just peel right off once you’re done with them.”

  “That sounds perfect.”

  We found an aisle dedicated just to that, and we examined the different options. Cayson threw a few in the cart then checked out a few other things. Whenever I saw something I liked I imagined looking down into the crib and seeing my son kick his feet and giggle. The image brought so much emotion to my heart that my eyes watered.

  Cayson caught the look. “Everything alright?”

  I quickly blinked the tears away. “I’m just so excited for him to get here.”

  It was the first time Cayson smiled in a month. His lips naturally fell into a smirk and his eyes lightened. “I am too.” His arms moved around my waist and he hugged me, pulling me to his chest and resting his chin on my head.

  I hadn’t realized what happened until the damage was gone. Cayson was holding me, touching me. And the worst part was…I liked it. I missed it. I craved his scent and loved feeling the warmth of his skin. I was too weak to pull away and I let the couch linger.

  Cayson didn’t let me go. He continued to hold me for as long as he could.

  I broke the embrace and pulled away from him. His touch hurt because I knew he touched someone else with those hands. But they also made me feel safe and happy.

  It was disconcerting.

  “How about these?” I wanted to change the course of our thoughts. We were both thinking the same thing. I could feel it. I held up the stickers. One was a man on the moon. And another was a space station.

  Cayson examined them. “They’re great.”

  “Then let’s get them.” I tossed them in the cart and kept moving.

  Cayson kept his distance and didn’t pressure for more affection. He kept his word, that he wouldn’t press our relationship when we were doing things for our unborn son. How different would things be when our son arrived? Would we be able to act this rational and mature when he was around? Would we be able to retain this distant friendship that was full of respect? Or would that slip away and we would fight over our failed relationship? I didn’t want to yell in front of our child. My parents hardly ever fought when I grew up, and I wanted it to be the same way when I started my own family.

  By the time we reached the last aisle, the cart was packed.

  Cayson gripped the side of the cart and looked at the contents. “That’s a lot of stuff for me to put together…”

  “I hope you have your tools,” I teased.

  “They’re in the garage.” He looked at the backside of everything to make sure he didn’t need anything else to assemble everything. “This is going to take me a while.”

  “I didn’t expect it to happen overnight.” I patted my stomach. “And we have a few more months to get everything together.”

  He eyed my stomach with a slight smile on his lips. “It’ll pass within a blink of an eye.”

  We checked out then got everything in the back of the truck. While we drove home, the radio played over the speakers. Cayson didn’t grab my hand or make a move.

  “How’s work?” I asked.

  “Fine.” He didn’t elaborate.

  “That’s all you’re going to give me?”

  He shrugged. “My job is pretty boring from an outside perspective.”

  “I’ve never thought it was boring.”

  “Well, things have been good. It’s been a tough transition because…of everything that’s going on. But I’ve managed to handle it. There was another breakout of SARS in California. My people are doing their best to eradicate it.”

  “And what about your water devices?” I didn’t like talking about it because it reminded me of that horrible trip he went on.

  “I’ve implanted a caravan. Every three months, a new one is launched along the same path. It consists mostly of volunteers.”

  “I’m glad your invention lives on.”

  “It’s nice running the place,” he said. “I make the final decision about most things.” He kept one hand on the wheel while the other rested on the center console.

  “Is it boring now that you know you can never move up?”

  “No. I really like my job. Instead of just helping one person at a time, I help thousands even if I don’t directly interact with them.”

  I nodded. “You do wonderful things, Cayson.” My anger toward him couldn’t diminish all his other great qualities. He may have broken his vows to me, but he was still a good person in every other respect. I still admired him.

  “Our son has a lot to live up to. We’re a power couple.”

  I shot him a glare.

  “You know what I mean,” he said quickly. “The CEO of a software company and the Director of the CDC…our son is going to end up on drugs from the pressure.” He chuckled at his own joke.


  “Our son will be remarkable no matter what he decides to do with his life.”

  He smiled. “Spoken like a true mother.”

  When we arrived at the house, Cayson unloaded everything then carried it into the baby’s room. There was a cradle, a dresser, and a few other pieces of furniture along with the decorations.

  “You’re going to need to feed me if you want me to keep working.” Cayson set his tools on the ground.

  “I can do that. What would you like?”

  “I don’t care, baby. I like anything you make.”

  I narrowed my eyes in fury.

  Cayson realized his mistake. “Sorry…it’s a habit.” He didn’t make eye contact with me and opened the nearest box.

  I went into the kitchen and made baked rigatoni. It was easy to do and didn’t require much prep time. When it was finished cooking in the oven, I served two dishes and set them at the table. “Dinner is ready,” I called. I realized I’d fallen right back in line to our previous relationship. But the mistake was already done and I had to live with it.

  “Good.” Cayson came down the stairs. “I was about to eat that cradle.” When he rounded the corner, he was shirtless. His chiseled physique was right in my face, and he was a little sweaty from working.

  Don’t look at him.

  Cayson sat down and immediately began eating.

  I sat across from him and kept my eyes glued to my food.

  “This is really good,” he said as he kept eating. “Thank you.”

  Kissing my ass wouldn’t change anything. “You’re welcome.”

  He eyed me from across the table and didn’t look away.

  I felt uncomfortable by his stare but I didn’t voice my unease. He would only stare at me harder if I said something.

  “I was thinking…”

  “What?”

  “I’m going to get an alarm installed at the house.”

  “You really think that is necessary?”

  “For as long as I’m not here, it is.” He moved his gaze to his plate. “Slade said being in this big house was creepy sometimes. I know your parents are right next-door, but you are out in the country. People can approached the house from the coast if they really wanted to.”

  “You’re being paranoid like my father.”

  “Well, now that I have a wife and son I understand him a lot more. I’m going to call tomorrow and get it installed.”

  “Cayson, I’m going to have a baby running around soon. He’s going to set that thing off all the time.”

  He shrugged. “Better safe than sorry, right?”

  I think the idea was excessive.

  “Or let me come home.” He turned his gaze back on me. “I’ll keep you two safe, I’ll be around if you need anything, I can take care of the yard work…I can do everything.”

  When he sat across from me being so sweet and sexy it was hard to say no. Now I had to keep reminding myself what he did, how he was with Laura while I stayed home, pregnant and alone. “Call the alarm people tomorrow.”

  Disappointment filled his eyes.

  I averted my gaze so I wouldn’t have to see his reaction.

  After dinner, Cayson went upstairs and returned to work. I remained in the living room so I wouldn’t have to see him shirtless. It was distracting and even arousing. I was getting horny because I hadn’t had sex in a while, and my hormones weren’t helping matters. Staying clear of him was the best idea.

  Around ten in the evening, Cayson came downstairs. Thankfully, his shirt was back on. “I got a lot done but it still needs a lot of work.”

  “It’s okay, Cayson. I don’t expect you to create a masterpiece in a single day.”

  “Actually, I already did.” He approached the couch then looked down at my stomach.

  My hand automatically moved to the bump.

  He kneeled down but didn’t touch me. “May I?”

  I knew what he was asking. I wanted to say no but that wouldn’t be right. I lifted my shirt and exposed my stomach to him.

  He placed his hand across the bump, spanning across it entirely. He stared at it like he was trying to decipher something only he could see. His hand gently moved across the skin like he was trying to feel something. Then he pressed his ear to the skin like he was listening. “I think I can hear his heartbeat…it’s really faint.”

  “You probably can.” I stared at him and felt the emotion rise up my throat. This was how we were supposed to be every night, but Cayson decided to ruin everything instead.

  He pressed a kiss to my stomach then cupped it with both hands. “I can’t believe we made this together…” He shook his head in disbelief. “His conception defied everything but he was still made.”

  “Yeah…”

  “I can’t wait for him to get here. I’m going to teach him everything I know and play catch with him…take him to the movies.”

  “It’ll be nice.” While I was excited for my son to arrive, I was also depressed. Would we raise him separately? Would he go back and forth every weekend? I’d never been close to anyone who had divorced parents. What was that like?

  Cayson pulled my shirt down when he was finished. Then he released a deep sigh like he was in pain. “I guess I should go.”

  “Yeah…”

  “Will you be okay here alone? I don’t mind sleeping on the couch or taking a spare room.”

  I couldn’t let Cayson stay here. I didn’t trust myself or my natural desires. It would make things more difficult later on. Cayson still wore his wedding band and I still wore mine. But those bands didn’t represent our relationship anymore. I wasn’t even sure what we were. “I’ll be fine, Cayson.”

  “I’m sure Slade and Trinity wouldn’t mind coming back if I asked them to.”

  “No.” I wouldn’t subject their marriage to our drama. They were moving into a new apartment and trying to have a baby. Just because I was miserable didn’t mean they needed to baby me. “When have I ever given you the impression that I was a weak damsel in distress that couldn’t take care of herself?”

  “Never.” His voice came out as a whisper.

  “Then stop treating me like one.” I rose from the couch then headed to the front door.

  Cayson sighed from behind me then followed me to the door.

  “I’ll see you later.” I got the door open and waited for him to walk through.

  Cayson stared at me like he wanted to say something.

  “Good night.” I wanted him to leave the house because I stared at him too long and too hard.

  It was clear Cayson wanted to say something, something he’s already said before. He wanted to bring up our relationship and ask to work it out. But he kept his word and didn’t say anything. He let the words die on his tongue before he spoke them. “Call me if you need anything.”

  “I will.”

  “Good night.” He didn’t look at me again as he walked out. His shoulders slumped and looked heavy. They carried the weight of his mistake and his grief. He didn’t turn around once, not even to wave as he pulled out of the driveway.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lexie

  The intercom went off, and my secretary’s voice came through the speaker. “A very hunky man is here to see you.”

  I smiled involuntarily. “Does he answer to the name Conrad?”

  Conrad’s voice came through the speaker next. “He answers to being your man.”

  I rolled my eyes even though he didn’t annoy me. “Come in.”

  The door opened and Conrad stepped inside, looking like a powerhouse in his designer suit and flashy watch. With his tall height and built physique he was every girl’s fantasy. My thighs automatically clenched together at the sight of him. No man ever made me feel so sexy and sex-crazed like he did. “What brings you here?”

  “My lady.” He leaned over the desk and gave me a slow and tantalizing kiss. His tongue slowly moved into my mouth and met mine. Just when it got hot, he pulled away. “You should relax your thighs. You�
�re going to get a muscle cramp.”

  I gave him a playful glare. “You want more nasty pictures when you’re in a meeting?”

  “I learned my lesson and won’t check my phone ever again.”

  “You say that now…” I batted my eyelashes.

  He continued to lean over the desk. “Have plans for lunch?”

  “Maybe…maybe not.”

  “Well, I made plans for you. Come on.”

  “Where are we going?” I rose from the chair and grabbed my purse.

  “You’ll see, baby.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Are we screwing at a hotel?”

  A guilty look came over his face. “Maybe…maybe not.”

  “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

  “You’re the one practically drooling at the prospect of getting pounded into a mattress.”

  Redness came into my cheeks.

  “Now shut up and let’s go.”

  ***

  Like I suspected, Conrad got a room at The Plaza. When I walked inside, room service was sitting on a cart near the dining table. A chilled bottle of wine was ready to go with two glasses.

  “Wow…fancy.”

  Conrad came behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Make love now or later?” He kissed my neck then pulled down the sleeve of my shirt to expose my skin. His lips trailed across my bare shoulder.

  I loved his warm mouth on me. “I can tell what your vote is.”

  “But what’s yours?” His hand snaked down the front of my slacks and inside my panties. He rubbed the nub between my legs in the perfect way. My thoughts started to fade as the carnal side of me emerged.

  “Mmm…”

  “Not really an answer but I know what you mean.” Conrad undid my slacks then pulled my blouse off. He guided me to the bed then bent me over the foot of the mattress. He stripped his clothes off quickly before he pulled my underwear off. He didn’t remove my heels because he liked them. Then he thrust himself inside me, grabbing me by the back of the neck.

  He always felt so amazing.

  Conrad gave me his entire length and he made me feel so full. He pressed his lips to my ear and breathed hard, allowing me to hear just how much he enjoyed me. He kept his grip on me while he thrust into me, stretching me to my limit.